By abrakamowse
in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
This was weird, I had an Epiphany some time ago. I think it was all done by my mind, not a really "true" epiphany because at that moment I was beginning to became aware, but I felt that meditation wasn't working as I expected and I quit everything and I began to look for enlightenment (unconsciously) on traditional religion, in a non-denominational Christian church. I know it sounds crazy but at that moment I needed that, and believe or not, it was through this that I accepted we have no free will and I understood things about the Bible that I didn't know well at that moment.
But the thing was that I was very confused, a big crisis in my life. I felt like nothing made sense, I felt like lost and I was going through life really in a chaos. So I was like looking to have some kind of sign that I was "saved" etc... I was under so much pressure at work, I was living my life accelerated and in disorder, very chaotic.
And when I was at the subway, going to my work. I began to feel something not natural, I felt like a great love in my heart in a way I never felt before. It was like I loved everyone there on the train, i really never felt something like that before.
Then I got off the train, I have to take another train to go to work, so I went into the second train. I was still shocked about what I felt. And when I was arriving to my train station, I began to see everything like different. I looked at the people and I saw something that I can't explain with words. I saw that everyone are connected, and that everything I do affects everyone.
There was like a kind of light that went through everyone connecting everyone, that's not the proper description of what I saw but it was something like that. I knew that everyone was connected. Then I looked at my hands and I saw my skin like a bit transparent and I saw like light running inside, but it was like water really.
It made me remember at that moment what Jesus said, that we will see rivers of living water. That's what it came to my mind at that moment.
"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:38
And everything looked more alive to me, I remember thinking "I was dead, now I'm alive".
It was a difference between how I saw the world before and at that moment, I saw everything more clearly, like if what I was seeing was foggy or blurry and now I saw everything more clearly defined.
Then I went out of the train, and the station is a bit high, the train goes on top of everything on that part. So I saw the city, and when I saw the sky it was like the sky was alive. Like if God was there and I felt the earth like breathing.
I remember me thinking, "oh my god, the whole earth is a living thing". I felt like to fall on my knees and adoring everything, god, nature, earth, life. I didn't do it because everybody would think I was crazy. But I was really close to do that hehehehe...
Then I told some of my closes friend about it, that made me believe more in Jesus but in a dogmatic way. So, I began to go to church after that, not a good idea but that was what happened.
I had to pass to all that experience (going to church, etc) to understand what Jesus was really saying, and that's not taught on churches, pitifully.
But I will write about that on a different post someday.
Let me know what you think, I'm not sure if it was delusional or if there's some truth on that Epiphany I had.