Afraid to engage on this forum and in life. Practical steps to change?

[I_Am_Flow]

Hello.
Following Leo's content for around a year or so. Helped me to get out of pit of depression, conspiracy theories, religious trauma, isolation from my family, get in touch with my emotions, understand myself and world a little better etc. So after some back and forth I created an account on this forum. 

And here we go. Fear. Crippling fear to engage stops me from being a participant. But if I project this feeling on my whole life I receive the same picture. Fear to engage with life. All I have is a lot of knowledge and slightly better mindset, but almost no real juice.

So my questions are:
- Do I push through this fear, accept + release it, transmute it into excitement or maybe something else?
- What are your experiences dealing with a similar issue?

I wouldn't even write this post a week ago, but I got this inspiration after some work on healing CPTSD and working on my Self-Image. So here we go. 

[KoryKat]

sorry buddy I didnt have time to really respond, but sharing my notes on Fear


Actionable Steps

 

Acknowledge Fear: Accept your fear instead of resisting it. Understand that it’s natural and doesn’t need to stop you.

Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Identify the specific thoughts behind "not being good enough" and reframe them.

Reframe the Unknown: See the unknown as a field of possibility, not danger. Focus on what you can control.

Take Small Steps: Break down actions into manageable tasks, and celebrate small wins.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and embrace mistakes as part of growth.

Visualize Courage: Picture yourself taking action, even with fear. Focus on success.

Reframe Failure: View failure as feedback and a necessary step toward mastery.

Seek Support: Engage with mentors or communities to help you move forward.

Embrace Uncertainty: Accept that growth happens when you step into the unknown and trust yourself to handle it.




 

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Fear

Acceptance: The first step is acknowledging that fear is a natural part of the human experience. It’s not something to push away or avoid, but to understand and accept.

Exercise: Sit with the fear. Ask yourself, "What exactly am I afraid of?" Get specific about the fears (e.g., failure, rejection, uncertainty).

Mindset Shift: Fear is not a signal that you should stop. Instead, it’s a sign that something important is at stake. Accept that discomfort comes with growth.

2. Break Down the Fear of Not Being Good Enough

Perfectionism vs. Progress: Often, the fear of not being good enough stems from perfectionism, the idea that you must be flawless before you start. This can be paralyzing.

Shift Focus: Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on progress. Accept that learning and improvement come from taking small, imperfect actions.

Affirmations: Reinforce the belief that you are enough, even when you're not perfect. Everyone is constantly growing and evolving.

Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Identify the internal narratives that fuel the fear of not being good enough.

Exercise: Write down thoughts like “I’m not good enough because…” and challenge each one. Ask, "Is this really true?" or "Who says I’m not good enough?"

3. Reframe the Fear of the Unknown

See the Unknown as Possibility: The unknown can be frightening because it lacks control, but it’s also where new opportunities and growth happen.

Mindset Shift: Rather than seeing the unknown as a source of danger, view it as a space of endless potential. Most personal growth comes from stepping into the unfamiliar.

Focus on What You Can Control: While you can’t control the unknown, you can control your actions and your mindset.

Exercise: List out what you can control—your preparation, your effort, and your reactions. By focusing on these, you can reduce anxiety about what you can’t control.

4. Take Small, Measurable Actions

Action Dissolves Fear: Fear often grows when you remain inactive. Taking small steps will start to shrink the fear and build momentum.

Break It Down: If you’re overwhelmed by taking a big leap, break it down into manageable, small actions. These steps are less daunting and easier to take.

Celebrate Small Wins: Each small action builds confidence. Celebrate even the smallest victory to create a positive feedback loop.

5. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Be Kind to Yourself: Often, fear of not being good enough comes from harsh self-judgment. Practice being kind to yourself.

Exercise: Imagine how you would speak to a friend in your situation. Extend the same compassion to yourself.

Mindset Shift: Understand that growth is a journey, not a destination. Everyone faces setbacks, and it’s okay to move at your own pace.

6. Visualize Success Despite Fear

Embrace Fear as Part of the Journey: Fear doesn’t disappear when you take action, but you can carry it with you.

Visualization: Picture yourself taking action despite fear. Imagine how it would feel to act with courage and succeed, even if you’re scared.

Anticipate Obstacles: Imagine possible challenges and how you will overcome them. Preparation will ease fear of the unknown.

7. Reframe Failure

Failure is Feedback: The fear of failure often paralyzes action, but failure is simply a part of learning.

Reframe: Instead of seeing failure as a sign you’re not good enough, see it as feedback on what didn’t work. Each failure moves you closer to success.

Exercise: Write about past “failures” and what you learned from them. Reframe them as valuable learning experiences.

8. Find Support and Accountability

Seek External Support: Fear often grows in isolation. Surround yourself with people who can offer support, encouragement, and accountability.

Mentorship: A mentor or coach can offer guidance and help you push through fears.

Community: Engage with communities of like-minded individuals who are also working through their fears.

9. Embrace Uncertainty as Growth

The Unknown is Where Growth Happens: Accept that not knowing everything is part of the adventure. The greatest breakthroughs come from navigating uncharted territory.

Mindset Shift: Remind yourself that being uncomfortable is where change happens. Staying in comfort keeps you where you are, while stepping into the unknown opens doors.

Practice Trust: Trust that you have the resilience and resourcefulness to handle whatever comes from the unknown.

Edited October 15 by KoryKat

[UnbornTao]

Feel free to engage here, it's just an internet forum.

About life, not sure, I'd say engage (intelligently) anyway despite your fear. You can also look into what that activity is about and stop generating so much of it. For example, if you are willing to experience what the fear is about--the future, unwanted experience you are imagining--then fear can't occur. If what you are afraid of is, say, making a fool of yourself, then being willing to go through that embarrassment would eliminate fear for you.

Leo has some videos on fear, too.

Edited October 15 by UnbornTao

[Leo Gura]

Just do it.

Less thinking, more action.

You can't live life worrying about such little crap.

Edited October 15 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

I was afraid to engage here too because of CPTSD. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzgZfFbkUYo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNDvf0q2Xds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNtt5Zqja-c

[I_Am_Flow]

Appreciate the replies. I felt like having a small breakthrough moment after some reading, meditating and contemplating so wanted to keep momentum going with this topic.  

@KoryKat Couldn't ask for more! Will make sure to learn, understand and apply this information at least to some extent.

@UnbornTao "stop generating so much of it" part is making something click. With certain level of understanding and self-mastery I can vastly reduce amounts of fear i generate.
 
@Leo Gura Action is exactly what I need. Will make it one of my top priorities. Living inside reality of concepts and feelings without actual meat and juice makes me feel like life lacks something important. Thank you
 
@Buck Edwards Hope at this point of your life CPTSD is afraid to mess with you instead. Thanks for making my experience relatable.

@Raze Thank you for sharing!
 

Edited October 15 by I_Am_Flow

[Buck Edwards]

@I_Am_Flow thank you for your kind words. 

[Ayham]

Hey!

Good that you acknowledge this, yes face your fears and it will get easier.

I have been here for like 3 years or 4, and I only have like 500 posts lol, I don't know how some people here have thousands, I see much newer accounts with thousands of posts.

[I_Am_Flow]

5 hours ago, Ayham said:

Hey!

Good that you acknowledge this, yes face your fears and it will get easier.

I have been here for like 3 years or 4, and I only have like 500 posts lol, I don't know how some people here have thousands, I see much newer accounts with thousands of posts.

Without facing fears the end reward wouldn't be so sweet. I somewhat figured that to get a full joy out of something you have to pay the price. And sometimes it's emotional labor.

As for amount of posts.. Maybe you're doing the actual work while others are happily chatting?