Erectile Dysfunction: The Wisdom of the Body

[Caoimhin]

***Before you comment, give irrelevant advice, or make assumptions about my lifestyle:

I work out twice a day, eat a very clean keto diet(maximized for high T, circulation, libido, and optimal brain function), haven't watched porn or masturbated in 2 years, and had sex earlier that day with no issues (and can typically have sex multiple times a day)... this is not physiological at all... The point of this post is to address subconscious and energetic blocks to sex and to remove stigma and social expectations placed on guys when it comes to ED and sex. I've entered a new paradigm and understanding of conscious sex and relationships, I don't care about "not getting the lay". Please read the post before commenting, I expect more from this community. This not about fixing ED but about understanding the wisdom behind ED(when there are no physiological reasons), hence the name of the post.***

Soooo, the worst thing a man can experience happened to me last night... That's right... A smoking hot woman, butt naked on my bed, wet and ready, and the little guy doesn't want to work...ED.. I haven't had this problem in a long time and I thought that I was over this issue, but of course, insecurities come rushing back. To be fair to myself and give myself credit, I handled it well and immediately gave myself grace and forgiveness, and I assured her that it wasn't her fault. We talked and messed around a bit more but the little guy wouldn't move so I just decided it wouldn't happen, tossed her her underwear, and accepted defeat. The rest of the night, although slightly off, wasn't completely awkward and I rolled with the punches.

I probably won't see this girl again and I'm fine with it. There isn't really coming back from that. And I've learned not to force things that aren't working.

As I reflected on what happened, I realized that there are a few reasons why this happened and I'm coming to terms with it.

Reasons ED happened:

1. I wasn't ready:

That same day I broke things off with a girl I've been seeing for 4 months. I know it sounds short, but those 4 months we had been through a lot and grew a lot together. I'm also the type of guy who does get very sentimental and attached. It was a difficult break. The reason the break up happened was because we weren't exclusive (more like friends with benefits or a pseudo-relationship) and she saw me with another girl and it broke her heart... I respect her for confronting me about it and respecting herself enough to leave... This was a good girl. I felt like an asshole... I was selfish when she was so good to me(bought me things, ran errands for me, cooked for me, did my dishes, gave me massages, drove me around)... It was a hard break up and hard truth to face.

2. I'm out of integrity:

Recently, I've been considering celibacy. After the break up I knew that this next phase was going to be celibacy or committed monogamy(leaning more towards celibacy). Unfortunately, I already had plans with this other girl for that night, I thought it might be a good distraction and I didn't see it going anywhere... Surprisingly, the date went really well(it's funny how when you don't want a girl to like you and you don't want to have sex, you become very charming and she likes you more). When she asked to come back to my place, I should have said no. But again, I didn't think much of it. Once we got in the uber, I started to feel bad. I was afraid that my ex would see us somehow and that, that would hurt her again. I knew I was not being honest. I should have said no... but old habits die hard. When it got to sex, I was reluctant but went through the motions. It all went down hill when I went to grab a condom and I realized that I had limp dick; 100% flaccid. My body was telling me, " bro, we decided to go celibate, wtf?" and "what about the girl you just broke up with, she did so much for you, she cried over you, you're really going to do this to her the same day?" Damn. I felt like a piece of shit... I was a piece of shit...

3.   Energetic and sexual mismatch:

Some of us think that we need to be studs all the time and fuck every hot girl if we can... But some of these girls are just bad for us and the body knows this... Initially, I thought this girl was going to be the committed relationship I was looking for, she seemed like a relationship type... But as we were talking, lots of red flags were coming up(and ofc I have my own shit too). She had a shy, timid front but was a trouble maker deep down... She talked a lot about how she had trust issues, but she mentioned how loyal she was... She mentioned her dysfunctional family; mom was a cheater and, father was a cheater. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW A GIRL LOOK AT HER FAMILY LIFE...She mentioned on the first date that her last relationship was a 2 year relationship and that they lived together. I assumed the break up was a while ago because she said she was ready to date, but when I asked her how long ago it was since the break up, she said it was a month ago and that she slept with her ex less than a week ago(around the time we had our first date)... Energetically, I could tell something was off with her, and my body knew as well. ALWAYS READ BODY LANGUAGE. The eyes tell the whole story. I noticed that her eyes were very shifty and shaky when holding eye contact... This means she is not being honest or that something is off. This girl was hot but totally a mismatch... We try to overlook these things because the girl is hot, but it's important to not overlook these things, especially when they are super hot... Her communication was also very blunt and very forward. At first, it was refreshing, but it quickly became off putting. We got along well, but there was very little sexual chemistry. She was cold physically most of the night, until she expressed interest in hooking up. At first I put her in the relationship bucket, but she wanted to be in the one night stand bucket and that was disappointing for me... Right now I'm done with serial, casual sex and "situationships", I wanted something more stable, healthy, and long term... This girl just got out of a relationship and wanted to have causal hook ups.. I just ended my FWB relationships and wanted something stable... we met exactly at the wrong time LOL. Two weeks ago, I would have been on the same page... When it came to sex, my penis said, "we aren't going in there, this girl is bad for you, celibacy is good for you, and we don't want part of this".

Your body knows best. If the little guys isn't working. It's probably because you're out of integrity, out of alignment, and/or the girl is not good for you...

Before writing this, I was still in my head feeling bad... now as I review what I wrote, I'm grateful that my dick tapped out... my body was protecting me. This is not a good girl for me right now. I'm glad that I learned all these lessons and that I totally dodged a train with this one. Erectile dysfunction was a blessing.

Woman have defense against unwanted sex, they don't open up if they don't trust or feel comfortable with a guy, they avoid guys that are sketchy. We assume that only woman have a defense against having unwanted sex... But men have that same response too; they don't get hard.... I ultimately didn't trust her and didn't feel comfortable having sex. My body protected me, even if I wasn't directly conscious of it. She never viewed me as a serious option. I was revenge sex to get back at her ex. I was a distraction and male attention while she figured out how to get back at her ex... I was a place holder and a desperate rebound... I'm probably thinking too much into it. but now I know how woman feel when guys just want to use them for sex and an ego boost. Funny how karma works...

 

Lessons learned:

Be clear with yourself what you are looking for and what you want. Stand firm on that.

**vet her immediately and don't let anything slide**

Ask about family relationships, if there are toxic patterns, ask them what they are doing to heal.

Ask how long ago their last relationship was, if it was healthy, if they feel ready to move on, and what they are looking for.(do not take their word, but observe their body language)

Ask if they are still talking to their ex(if yes, it's a red flag and should not be taken lightly).

Study and observe their body language, especially the eyes, they can lie but their body can't.

If they mention trust issues this is a direct red flag (their subconscious will warn you to stay away, trust the warning!).

Trust your intuition and trust your body**

Ultimately, take red flags seriously... trust intuition, and if you experience ED, consider that your body is tell you that something is off... Don't take it personally, and don't be hard on yourself(pun intended). Examine the situation and thank your body for its wisdom!!

When it happened, I told her, "my body is saying to take it slow and that I can't force these things..." Self acceptance is critical in these potentially sexually scaring moments. I'm proud of how I handled the situation and I demonstrated to myself a level of growth, maturity and self-love I didn't know I possessed. 

I learned a lot and I developed a deep trust with my body and intuition.

ED is a brutal teacher.

 

Bonus reframe: When men experience ED, and most if not all men experience it at least once, we immediately think, "I'm not a man/I'm not man enough". The funny thing is that only men can experience ED, making it a very "manly" condition, literally. If you never experience ED, chances are you are a woman and don't have a penis to begin with... HAHA

Edited October 14 by Caoimhin
clarifying purpose of post

[Leo Gura]

Just carry some Cialis in your pocket. Problem solved.

[NoSelfSelf]

You can make her orgasam without touching her, let alone with just using your hands your sexual imagination is lacking that's the problem.

[Someone here]

-Eat foods that are known for boosting your libido.  I recommend eggs.. Goat testicle..hot pepper..seafood  

-work out at least three days a week. Even if you don't have a gym membership. Just use any heavy shit to lift .

-expose your body to sunlight daily. 

-stop watching porno and cumming for a while . Because it makes you numb .you need to be sensitive both in your brain and your dick .

-take Royal Jelly supplements. 

-use Viagra or Cialis. 

 

This should make your cock like a stiff wall of steel.

If this doesn't work seek professional help. 

 

Edited October 13 by Someone here

[Lyubov]

Embrace simplicity for issues like this. I’ve experienced ED when with my ex, when some issue would not resolve it would be hard to get aroused because this stress and pain in the relationship would get in the way. I was out of integrity and it was hard having sex. We would sometimes do cocaine to have sex, it was not healthy dynamic.. It’s as simple as that. It’s not hard getting aroused if your belief system is clear and you are in flow. I also would only sleep with beautiful women that are my type. There was a woman I slept with who had an amazing body but she wasn’t my type so I was super unaroused. You said it yourself, out of integrity, have sex when you know it’s right and you won’t have ED, unless it’s purely a physiological issue. 

[Princess Arabia]

Maca Root on a more holistic level builds libido for both men and women. It also helps with ED in the long run. WARNING: Do not take if you don't want to be constantly horny.

[Lyubov]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You can make her orgasam without touching her

Bro I’m reading your posts and am starting to wonder if you’re playing a gimmick here at this point or if you’ve actually been with a woman for any meaningful period of time 

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Bro I’m reading your posts and am starting to wonder if you’re playing a gimmick here at this point or if you’ve actually been with a woman for any meaningful period of time 

He's right, though; not for all women but some can only orgasm using fingers. For some, penetration while using the fingers on the clitorus is the only way because penetration alone won't do. Not the "without touching her" part, but the using hands or fingers part.

Edited October 13 by Princess Arabia

[NoSelfSelf]

9 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Bro I’m reading your posts and am starting to wonder if you’re playing a gimmick here at this point or if you’ve actually been with a woman for any meaningful period of time 

You never made woman cum over the phone with your words? Or just with you talking to her in the ear thats your lacking ,women get off by mental stimulation combined with just a hand.You could be dickless and woman would want sex with you 😂

So you dont even touch her, you touch her with your words and rest she does it.

Edited October 13 by NoSelfSelf

[Caoimhin]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

Embrace simplicity for issues like this. I’ve experienced ED when with my ex, when some issue would not resolve it would be hard to get aroused because this stress and pain in the relationship would get in the way. I was out of integrity and it was hard having sex. We would sometimes do cocaine to have sex, it was not healthy dynamic.. It’s as simple as that. It’s not hard getting aroused if your belief system is clear and you are in flow. I also would only sleep with beautiful women that are my type. There was a woman I slept with who had an amazing body but she wasn’t my type so I was super unaroused. You said it yourself, out of integrity, have sex when you know it’s right and you won’t have ED, unless it’s purely a physiological issue. 

It's very clear that only @Lyubov actually read my post... I appreciate the vulnerability and relevant comment. Yeah, it's not a physiological issue for me, she was really just not my type in many ways and I just pressured myself to have sex with her because I felt like I needed to. I'm shifting out of the compulsive sex paradigm and am vetting girls more now. Ofc one-off sex will still happen, I think knowing my type and sticking to my type is a good rule of thumb moving forward. In this case, there was too much of a mismatch for it to happen and my body refused... gotta listen to the body.

[Emerald]

That makes a lot of sense. The body has many ways of redirecting us from what is wrong for us.

And there's probably some feelings of dissonance there because of there being lots of societal expectations that a guy will always be open and ready for sex with a physically attractive woman.

And there's some pretty brutal shamey pop cultural messaging that gets projected onto situations where a guy doesn't get hard, that most women don't even subscribe to.

[Davino]

@Caoimhin You handled it like a champ and reflected deeply about it. Congrats, you turned a bad situation into an opportunity

[Hojo]

Its probably because someone else is in your mind. I was in love with a woman and when I engaged with other women I could not cum. I have sex with 4 or 5 women and did not come then eventually I could. Just takes time. Its probably a mental thing 

Edited October 13 by Hojo

[Caoimhin]

14 hours ago, Emerald said:

That makes a lot of sense. The body has many ways of redirecting us from what is wrong for us.

And there's probably some feelings of dissonance there because of there being lots of societal expectations that a guy will always be open and ready for sex with a physically attractive woman.

And there's some pretty brutal shamey pop cultural messaging that gets projected onto situations where a guy doesn't get hard, that most women don't even subscribe to.

Exactly, yes, there is a lot of social conditioning and expectations that men are always supposed to be ready to have sex with attractive woman... or that ED is a purely physiological condition that needs to be corrected(for most people, ED is totally psychological and even spiritual when we consider blocks in sexual energy, even for fat people, it's really just insecurities and not a lack of blood flow). As we can see there was even a bit of shaming from the comments. A lots of assumptions about my lifestyle(I work out twice a day, eat a very clean keto diet, and haven't watched porn or masturbated in 2 years lol). And advice about how I should have been more sexually creative to make her orgasm even when I wasn't into it and how I should take supplements or take boner pills to ignore my body's signals... essentially raping myself just for the sake of "masculine" pride instead of honoring my divine masculine's boundaries and deep inner wisdom.

Thank you for your added perspective. It really is something that most woman don't shame men for and are totally understanding of, and in most cases they blame themselves and take it personally (which is something I'm aware of and made sure to comfort her as much as myself)... It's similar to the penis size shaming that is feed to most men. Woman don't care much about size and that's something men obsess and mutilate themselves over. It's very upsetting how much we reject ourselves and our bodies, and shame others for ego...

Even if she is judging me or talking badly about me, I rest easy knowing that I respected myself and listened to my body... something most people don't know how to do. 

Edited October 14 by Caoimhin

[Caoimhin]

13 hours ago, Davino said:

@Caoimhin You handled it like a champ and reflected deeply about it. Congrats, you turned a bad situation into an opportunity

Thanks brother! I appreciate that

[Caoimhin]

5 hours ago, Hojo said:

Its probably because someone else is in your mind. I was in love with a woman and when I engaged with other women I could not cum. I have sex with 4 or 5 women and did not come then eventually I could. Just takes time. Its probably a mental thing 

absolutely, I had my ex on my mind and how much this would hurt her if she knew... eventually I'll be back to normal function but I do need time to heal and process the break up in a healthy way and not just jump to the next warm body. Thank you for your vulnerability and perspective, totally a mental thing.

[MarkKol]

I was in this situation before, girl in the bed, nothing. But at the time I was a chronic masturbator and I worked night shift which screws up erections to a large extent. I was never waking up with morning wood.

If you have morning wood and night erections, It’s 100% a mental problem, if you don’t

1. you improve your sleep
2. you eat beats, pomegranates, nuts which have been shown to improve erections
3. You stop masturbating 

If that doesn’t work you go to the doctor.

[Schizophonia]

8 hours ago, MarkKol said:

you improve your sleep

I confirm !

[Caoimhin]

10 hours ago, MarkKol said:

I was in this situation before, girl in the bed, nothing. But at the time I was a chronic masturbator and I worked night shift which screws up erections to a large extent. I was never waking up with morning wood.

If you have morning wood and night erections, It’s 100% a mental problem, if you don’t

1. you improve your sleep
2. you eat beats, pomegranates, nuts which have been shown to improve erections
3. You stop masturbating 

If that doesn’t work you go to the doctor.

ED from what I've noticed is 9/10 mental.... i haven't masturbated or watched porn in 2 years, i could definitely improve my sleep schedule though. 

Edited October 14 by Caoimhin