How to console a rape victim?

[Pro24]

I am so depressed whenever I imagine horrible rape incidents. 

 

Can rape victims ever get closure? 

 

How to deal with this dark side of the world? I am quite disturbed seeing these things. 

Edited October 13 by Pro24

[Emerald]

22 hours ago, Pro24 said:

I am so depressed whenever I imagine horrible rape incidents. 

Can rape victims ever get closure? 

How to deal with this dark side of the world? I am quite disturbed seeing these things. 

I used to have a really strong reaction when I'd think about rape. And the big thing that struck me is the disregard of the person's humanity, and just using them like an empty vessel for pleasure. And the pleasure for the rapist is momentary, while it sticks with the victim for their whole life. It just struck me as the biggest disregard for human life. It still does now, but I don't have as strong of a reaction or get intrusive thoughts about it.

Looking back, I realize the strong reaction I had was because my sexual boundaries were constantly being breeched in other more subtle ways that didn't seem serious to me at the time because it was totally normalized behavior that was happening to almost every girl I knew.

So, I wonder if some version of that is happening to you... even if it isn't sexual boundaries that are being breeched. 

When I was a teenager and in my early 20s, it was very common that I was treated in objectifying ways with lots of inappropriate and unwanted touching and language directed towards me. And there was just lots of slut shaming combined with being pressured by male peers and older adults to engage with them sexually.

It was a very confusing time with many mixed messages because there was peer pressure to be sexual but then social punishment for being sexual at the same time. And I didn't see any of it as particularly traumatic because it was just "normal".

And I didn't really think it was impacting me because that was just the way things were.

But I used to smoke weed, and this impacted my ability to swallow all of this down.

And often when I would smoke, I'd experience triggers and get all this really strong anger and disturbed panicky feelings coming up. And I would often get paranoid.

Like once I was at a party in college when I was 19, and I was smoking weed. And one of the guys who lived at the house was a hyper-conservative type of guy. And he was already coming across in a way that I found abrasive because he was pretty overtly racist and sexist.

Then when I was high, he made a joke with his roommate (who I did know) that he got in trouble for sodomy. And this created this huge trigger for me as I couldn't tell he was joking because of the weed. And I already didn't trust the guy.

And I locked myself in the bathroom to hide myself away from everyone at the party, and I had a mini panic attack because I was having all these intrusive thoughts about the guy forcing himself on someone and starting to see him as a soul less vampire of the person.

There was also a situation when I was 17 when I was high. And I had gone to a 3 day, 2 night rock festival. And there was a lot of open sexual expression there. And I consciously had no issue with it.

Then, there was this woman (who was probably in her mid-20s) who had a bullhorn. And as women would walk by, she'd shout at them and try to get them to flash.

And I was at the concert with my boyfriend and two of my guy friends. And we walked past this woman, and she starts shouting at me through the bullhorn to try to convince me to flash my breasts.

And I got so upset and all these thoughts started racing. And I can't remember if I spoke this stream of consciousness out loud or if it was just in my mind.

But this trigger hit me because I had just smoked some weed, and I went into this panic and anger mode. And even though I was against Feminism at the time because I thought it was out-dated and it was uncool to be a Feminist, I'd go into this really intensely angry Feminist-ish screed speaking in very academic terms about how fucked up what she's doing is. 

But I don't remember if that was in my head or if I actually started blessing her out. 

But in retrospect, I think in these moments, it was a part of me that already felt unsafe, objectified, and used in subtler way on a consistent base to where it was like a death of 1000 paper cuts. 

So, it lead me to wonder if your strong feelings that come up have to do with some sense of being used or objectified and having your boundaries breeched... either sexually or non-sexually.

[Pro24]

Just now, Emerald said:

I used to have a really strong reaction when I'd think about rape. And the big thing that struck me is the disregard of the person's humanity, and just using them like an empty vessel for pleasure. And the pleasure for the rapist is momentary, while it sticks with the victim for their whole life. It just struck me as the biggest disregard for human life. It still does now, but I don't have as strong of a reaction or get intrusive thoughts about it.

Looking back, I realize the strong reaction I had was because my sexual boundaries were constantly being breeched in other more subtle ways that didn't seem serious to me at the time because it was totally normalized behavior that was happening to almost every girl I knew.

So, I wonder if some version of that is happening to you... even if it isn't sexual boundaries that are being breeched. 

When I was a teenager and in my early 20s, it was very common that I was treated in objectifying ways with lots of inappropriate and unwanted touching and language directed towards me. And there was just lots of slut shaming combined with being pressured by male peers and older adults to engage with them sexually.

It was a very confusing time with many mixed messages because there was peer pressure to be sexual but then social punishment for being sexual at the same time. And I didn't see any of it as particularly traumatic because it was just "normal".

And I didn't really think it was impacting me because that was just the way things were.

But I used to smoke weed, and this impacted my ability to swallow all of this down.

And often when I would smoke, I'd experience triggers and get all this really strong anger and disturbed panicky feelings coming up. And I would often get paranoid.

Like once I was at a party in college when I was 19, and I was smoking weed. And one of the guys who lived at the house was a hyper-conservative type of guy. And he was already coming across in a way that I found abrasive because he was pretty overtly racist and sexist.

Then when I was high, he made a joke with his roommate (who I did know) that he got in trouble for sodomy. And this created this huge trigger for me as I couldn't tell he was joking because of the weed. And I already didn't trust the guy.

And I locked myself in the bathroom to hide myself away from everyone at the party, and I had a mini panic attack because I was having all these intrusive thoughts about the guy forcing himself on someone and starting to see him as a soul less vampire of the person.

There was also a situation when I was 17 when I was high. And I had gone to a 3 day, 2 night rock festival. And there was a lot of open sexual expression there. And I consciously had no issue with it.

Then, there was this woman (who was probably in her mid-20s) who had a bullhorn. And as women would walk by, she'd shout at them and try to get them to flash.

And I was at the concert with my boyfriend and two of my guy friends. And we walked past this woman, and she starts shouting at me through the bullhorn to try to convince me to flash my breasts.

And I got so upset and all these thoughts started racing. And I can't remember if I spoke this stream of consciousness out loud or if it was just in my mind.

But this trigger hit me because I had just smoked some weed, and I went into this panic and anger mode. And even though I was against Feminism at the time because I thought it was out-dated and it was uncool to be a Feminist, I'd go into this really intensely angry Feminist-ish screed speaking in very academic terms about how fucked up what she's doing is. 

But I don't remember if that was in my head or if I actually started blessing her out. 

But in retrospect, I think in these moments, it was a part of me that already felt unsafe, objectified, and used in subtler way on a consistent base to where it was like a death of 1000 paper cuts. 

So, it lead me to wonder if your strong feelings that come up have to do with some sense of being used or objectified and having your boundaries breeched... either sexually or non-sexually.

So sorry sister. I am very sorry for your grief. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Pro24 said:

So sorry sister. I am very sorry for your grief. 

No worries. That's been a long time ago that this kind of treatment was normalized.

Right now, if someone tried any of the inappropriate stuff that used to be normalized, I'd be aware that there was a problem.

And people have gotten more conscious over the past 15 years.

So, other people would probably be more primed to call out the inappropriate behavior as opposed to going into slut shaming mode where the onus of responsibility is put on the recipient of the behavior.

[Pro24]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

No worries. That's been a long time ago that this kind of treatment was normalized.

Right now, if someone tried any of the inappropriate stuff that used to be normalized, I'd be aware that there was a problem.

And people have gotten more conscious over the past 15 years.

So, other people would probably be more primed to call out the inappropriate behavior as opposed to going into slut shaming mode where the onus of responsibility is put on the recipient of the behavior.

I wanna talk to you about these things via email because PM is disabled here. Can I ? 

I m very traumatized from time to time by remembering and imagining such cases. 

 

Edited October 13 by Pro24

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Pro24 said:

I wanna talk to you about these things via email because PM IS disabled here. Can I ? 

I m very traumatized from time to time by remembering and imagining such cases. 

Sure, you can email me. My email is thediamondnetchannel@gmail.com

I'll get back to you sometime in the coming days.

[Pro24]

Just now, Emerald said:

Sure, you can email me. My email is thediamondnetchannel@gmail.com

I'll get back to you sometime in the coming days.

Thank you .. take care....I am leaving this forum because I am unhappy with its policies....

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJoFH5mJbhQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azg0BrD9jGU