Letting go of an ex has been really challenging for me

[Lyubov]

There’s this one girl. Well, she’s not just a random girl to me but my ex gf and we were together from summer 2021 to spring 2024. I’ve done a ton of growth in terms of accepting things have ended between us but damn this still is the one thing in my life I need to really keep myself accountable with and support myself through.

We were in a sort of situation-ship after breaking up and up until this week. This relationship has meant so much to me and she’s been family. We lived together over two years.

Letting her go and moving on has single handedly been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Can anyone relate? I hope one day this will be just another chapter in my life and my mind will be at peace about it. 

 

[Princess Arabia]

Yes, that one female can def hit that soft spot. Most men will have that one female that has that impact. Consider yourself safe from that experience from now on. All others to come will only remind you of her...or not. It will take a few years to loosen it's effects where you're not comparing.

[LoseYourvelf]

I relate very heavily i have been sickly and toxicly obsessed with girls and ex's. forget em fully dont go there/interact

Very sorry and hopefully there's a destiny where u meet sm1 cool

Do forgt them tho and feel ok gettin them out ur mind. ur better than that
 

Sorry for ur circumstance (and mine i guess)

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes, that one female can def hit that soft spot. Most men will have that one female that has that impact. Consider yourself safe from that experience from now on. All others to come will only remind you of her...or not. It will take a few years to loosen it's effects where you're not comparing.

Does it have to take years though? Seems like the only thing keeping it that way is myself if I choose so. I’m already open minded some to new experiences. The thing is I do know what I want in a woman to some extent. Some of it is what she was like, some of it is different, I’m also open to being surprised. I know there won’t be another like her cause every person is unique but also I know I can find someone who fulfills everything like she did, perhaps even more. 

[NoSelfSelf]

This is why game is so important because you are occupied by other person not occupied with yourself,occupied by the impact she had vs you having impact on yourself then impact her,loving her more than you love yourself.Shes best experience you had in life ,she was filling the void you should have filled with yourself so now its tough.So it takes time to get her drug out of your system, but drug shouldnt even been this huge to begin with, she should have been filled with yours so she cant get rid of you.

Edited October 11 by NoSelfSelf

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

This is why game is so important because you are occupied by other person not occupied with yourself,occupied by the impact she had vs you having impact on yourself then impact her,loving her more than you love yourself.Shes best experience you had in life ,she was filling the void you should have filled with yourself so now its tough.So it takes time to get her drug out of your system, but drug shouldnt even been this huge to begin with, she should have been filled with yours so she cant get rid of you.

All this is just you explaining away what it takes to not feel this way. Should do this, should do that. All your way does is create another set of challenges. Different ones. No such thing in life as do it this way and then they're no problems. What he went through and is going through is an experience. He had a wonderful experience with a wonderful partner for a few wonderful years. Why are you trying to mechanize that. Occupied by this occupied by that, this is why game is important and fill that void with yourself buddy or you'll.......you'll turn into a loveless, narcissist who only thinks about themself like me who thinks that game is not caring about anybody but yourself and who thinks they are going some place other than every body else when they die. 

Nothing special about your approach except it leads to a loveless, lonely, and fearful way of being where we think our way is the only way and where we lose sight of what actually matters - the ability to share the love that we are with others.

Edited October 11 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Does it have to take years though? Seems like the only thing keeping it that way is myself if I choose so. I’m already open minded some to new experiences. The thing is I do know what I want in a woman to some extent. Some of it is what she was like, some of it is different, I’m also open to being surprised. I know there won’t be another like her cause every person is unique but also I know I can find someone who fulfills everything like she did, perhaps even more. 

No, nothing is set in stone, especially in this department. The fact that you're making a post about it, to me, says it impacted you quite heavily and has left a mark. It's hard to erase a mark that deep whether it's negative or positive. The brain has already taken certain snapshots and certain emotions were at play to keep those snapshots filed and tucked away in memory bank just to be rehashed and relive and revisit every time those emotions arise. Not saying she'll be remembered every time but it will take some overriding of that system for her to be completely wiped out. The length of time will depend on the intensity of the emotions felt and how many incidences to come that you will encounter that will affect you negatively as negative emotions are more intense than their positive counterparts and why they're considered negative to begin with as there really are no negative emotions but only what the mind characterize as such.

[NoSelfSelf]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

All this is just you explaining away what it takes to not feel this way. Should do this, should do that. All your way does is create another set of challenges. Different ones. No such thing in life as do it this way and then they're no problems. What he went through and is going through is an experience. He had a wonderful experience with a wonderful partner for a few wonderful years. Why are you trying to mechanize that. Occupied by this occupied by that, this is why game is important and fill that void with yourself buddy or you'll.......you'll turn into a loveless, narcissist who only thinks about themself like me who thinks that game is not caring about anybody but yourself and who thinks they are going some place other than every body else when they die. 

Nothing special about your approach except it leads to a loveless, lonely, and fearful way of being where we think our way is the only way and where we lose sight of what actually matters - the ability to share the love that we are with others.

Interesting is that you think that you understand where im coming from, so it easily to put what im saying in a box to feel your blank slate of not understanding.You cant contrast what im speaking with nothing since you never experienced it.

There are no problems when one is a man and has game there are only solutions. Have you ever heared me bitching about something on here? Guess not because i turn to myself because im the solution and the source of it.Challenge is never the outside world its me vs me,never a woman but lack or not lack of my leadership.Im not denying his experiences ,im saying that in the future it could be different scenario you live,learn and evolve.

Loveless i dont think so there is so much love for oneself that one has to share just a little bit and that little bit is so much more impactful than anything.Number one key for women wanting a man is his undying passion and love to oneself.

For the first time there is no fear one doesnt take fear when he moves because he moves off of himself ,that's masculine fear,worry,doubt is for women.

What im speaking gives more love you could take that's why if thread stater had game she will be one filled with love and make post about him which is my original purpose of a post.

[Princess Arabia]

48 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

What im speaking gives more love you could take that's why if thread stater had game she will be one filled with love and make post about him which is my original purpose of a post.

Not necessarily. You're mostly referring to people who play games, these love games. He went through an experience which he will never forget and that's it. No need to spurt what he should have done and who would have been filled with love and making posts. He did it and you're giving him flack about it, now you're saying she should have been the one getting the flack. Either way, both are human and don't deserve to be in situations that doesn't serve them. 

You're making it seem like you're ok with her being in the position he's in. Neither one is close to you and it's not personal for you, either way. You showed in your comment here how you're just against women and see them as beneath you because it shouldn't matter which one had to go through what he's going through. IOW, you said if he had done so and so, it would have been her going through what he's going through, so "you let women go through all that bullshit, while us men transcend all that, stay strong so we don't have to". Why wish it on anyone. If you were for people in general, it shouldn't matter which one goes through hurt, but seems you don't mind if women do.

 

Edited October 11 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

39 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

For the first time there is no fear one doesnt take fear when he moves because he moves off of himself ,that's masculine fear,worry,doubt is for women.

That fear is the engine that drives this behavior to begin with. Why one feels the need to strategize in this manner. Why one is motivated to be what you've described. If there was no fear, one would just be and let in and allow for Universal flow to permeate their being without using manipulative tactics to protect themselves. IT'S ALL FEAR BASED. Love doesn't need to strategize.

Edited October 11 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

44 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Number one key for women wanting a man is his undying passion and love to oneself.

It's for him to have the capacity to provide and care for her in ways she feels safe in order for her to allow him to lead her so she can rest in her feminine and allow for his masculine to shine through and allow for them both to shine from within and create a more powerful dynamic for both. 

Edited October 11 by Princess Arabia

[NoSelfSelf]

25 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Not necessarily. You're mostly referring to people who play games, these love games. He went through an experience which he will never forget and that's it. No need to spurt what he should have done and who would have been filled with love and making posts. He did it and you're giving him flack about it, now you're saying she should have been the one getting the flack. Either way, both are human and don't deserve to be in situations that doesn't serve them. 

You're making it seem like you're ok with her being in the position he's in. Neither one is close to you and it's not personal for you, either way. You showed in your comment here how you're just against women and see them as beneath you because it shouldn't matter which one had to go through what he's going through. IOW, you said if he had done so and so, it would have been her going through what he's going through, so "you let women go through all that bullshit, while us men transcend all that, stay strong so we don't have to". Why wish it on anyone. If you were for people in general, it shouldn't matter which one goes through hurt, but seems you don't mind if women do.

 

Only game(s) im playing is on a chessboard other than that there are no "games" everything is transparent.

Ofcourse because one in order to grow has to be broken out of his reality,but dont worry im already canceled about it this is just a small nudge.

Well it seems like he loves her and she doesnt love him ,that's why if  roles were reversed she would think about him and he would move things foward.

Im not for or againts people im standing behind truth and growth.Sometimes those 2 hurt alot.

Edited October 11 by NoSelfSelf

[Princess Arabia]

50 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

fear,worry,doubt is for women.

This right here shows a sign of weakness. Wishing on a particular sex to relinquish their power and transmute it to fear worry and doubt, so you can easily use your manipulative tactics on them. You say fear doubt and worry is for women, but what's really happening is your fears, worries and doubts about women is the reason why you say this. You have plastered these traits upon women because you can only transcend these through women and when you see these traits being demonstrated by them, it makes you feel powerful and having something over them when in fact, these are the emotions you feel when in the presence of women and are trying to get rid of by projecting them unto women. In other words, keep them over there women, I don't want them here. You have done a good job making me feel these emotions so now I'm cursing you with them by saying fear, worry and doubt are for women because you can't stand to feel them and have felt enormous pain in the past by them. 

You're not realizing how you're revealing yourself in your statements. Anyone who knows how to, can see the person revealed in your statements. We know about people from their dislikes, and what their fears are. We can tell what people are really saying about themselves by what they say about others.

[Princess Arabia]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Well it seems like he loves her and she doesnt love him

Sometimes things aren't what they seem. Since we don't know the exact circumstances we don't know, but consider that sometimes people love another soooo much, they are willing to part with them because it's in the best interest of that person. A ton of reasons why she could have loved him even way more than he did love her. Just because he made this post and seems like he's having a hard time getting over it, doesn't prove she never loved him. People may or may not stay with another just out of love; they might have other unselfish reasons why they've decided to end the relationship precisely because their love was so strong and didn't want for the relationship to continue on a path that wasn't in both their interest. 

We can't make assumptions in cases like this. Too many factors at play and things we're unaware of in this case. You said what you said here because you see it as, the one hurting is the one that loved, while the other did the hurt.  

[Pro24]

13 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Letting her go and moving on has single handedly been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Can anyone relate? I hope one day this will be just another chapter in my life and my mind will be at peace about it. 

 

@Lyubov I can relate to this despite the fact that I had never been in any relationship. But I was infatuated by a female too much. 

And when I and she moved to different places, I was in mild shock/grief for about one year...I mean... Waves of sadness came from time to time in that period. But time healed everything. (For big traumas, time may not be able to heal completely...)

For breakup is not as big of a trauma as losing a loved one or getting raped...

I am telling you....when you'll meet other sweet girls... you'll definitely realise that she wasn't the only one. You won't give a damn about your ex. I am telling you this from my personal experience. 

Becz even I was attracted to many other things/people after that. And time teaches you everything. 

Life creates problems but also teaches you how to overcome them and grows you...

Edited October 11 by Pro24

[NoSelfSelf]

16 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

This right here shows a sign of weakness. Wishing on a particular sex to relinquish their power and transmute it to fear worry and doubt, so you can easily use your manipulative tactics on them. You say fear doubt and worry is for women, but what's really happening is your fears, worries and doubts about women is the reason why you say this. You have plastered these traits upon women because you can only transcend these through women and when you see these traits being demonstrated by them, it makes you feel powerful and having something over them when in fact, these are the emotions you feel when in the presence of women and are trying to get rid of by projecting them unto women. In other words, keep them over there women, I don't want them here. You have done a good job making me feel these emotions so now I'm cursing you with them by saying fear, worry and doubt are for women because you can't stand to feel them and have felt enormous pain in the past by them. 

You're not realizing how you're revealing yourself in your statements. Anyone who knows how to, can see the person revealed in your statements. We know about people from their dislikes, and what their fears are. We can tell what people are really saying about themselves by what they say about others.

What are you talking about,what manipulative tactics,what power?

I can agree i was feminine in the past and i was acting like a woman ,other than that this whole thing you wrote doesnt make sense.Im for uplifting women if they are showing respect to me.There is nothing wrong with women being in fear,doubt,worry but its wrong if you are a man fearing and doubting yourself.

 

Edited October 11 by NoSelfSelf

[Princess Arabia]

9 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

.There is nothing wrong with women being in fear,doubt,worry but its wrong if you are a man

Look into why you feel this way. This statement looks at women as victims. It says, women are weak and men are strong. Only thing is that only applies to the physical. Nothing wrong or right with either sexes having these emotions emerge but if they do, they need to be looked at as to the reasons. Men are human too and these emotions doesn't care what sex you are. It's like trying not to be a certain way only magnifies it. Trying to not cry only makes you cry harder, ever notice that. How are emotions that doesn't care if you're a man or woman be wrong only for that reason. Idk what you've been smoking😅but I want some when I want to unplug from my conscious mind and get into trance mood and start hallucinating, frfr.

 

Edited October 11 by Princess Arabia

[NoSelfSelf]

44 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

It's for him to have the capacity to provide and care for her in ways she feels safe in order for her to allow him to lead her so she can rest in her feminine and allow for his masculine to shine through and allow for them both to shine from within and create a more powerful dynamic for both. 

Yeah and how do you think one does this? Leading based on how he leads himself,makes her feel safe based on how he moves within himself(his relationship with himself),provide love,emotions,experiences,impact,elevation based on how one has capacity which one grew in himself.It has nothing to do with her.

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

Yeah and how do you think one does this? Leading based on how he leads himself,makes her feel safe based on how he moves within himself(his relationship with himself),provide love,emotions,experiences,impact,elevation based on how one has capacity which one grew in himself.It has nothing to do with her.

Of course, I see what you're saying here. What you describe alot though, is how to only be for yourself while never focusing on the other's needs. That's where I see the error. We have to first nurture ourselves before we can nurture others in an effective way but while still taking into consideration their wants, needs and desires.

[NoSelfSelf]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

Look into why you feel this way. This statement looks at women as victims. It says, women are weak and men are strong. Only thing is that only applies to the physical. Nothing wrong or right with either sexes having these emotions emerge but if they do, they need to be looked at as to the reasons. Men are human too and these emotions doesn't care what sex you are. It's like trying not to be a certain way only magnifies it. Trying to not cry only makes you cry harder, ever notice that. How are emotions that doesn't care if you're a man or woman be wrong only for that reason. Idk what you've been smoking😅but I want some when I want to unplug from my conscious mind and get into trance mood and start hallucinating, frfr.

 

No it does not ,i dont look it as a victim i see it how it is and its on me how im going to navigate those emotions.Shes having mood swings,crisis,times when she hates how she looks etc. If thats my woman im not looking at her poorly but as my job to ease her mind.

If i have mood swings and act like a woman then shes the one that is look to take care of me.Man doesnt move off of emotions you are putting what im saying in a box of your average experiences.

Well im smoking weed,crack,cigares of myself im drugged of off me if you want some you need to be around me if i choose to.