Are your social comfort-levels your responsibility?

[mr_engineer]

Also, another option, if you can't outrun them right away, is to kick them in the nuts. That should do it. 

[mr_engineer]

@Marcel Kicking them in the nuts is another very simple option, if you're cornered. 

[Buck Edwards]

Yea lol. When a woman is full of fear she will pay careful attention to his nuts. What an idea? Why no woman in history thought of that and protected herself from rape? 

 

Edited October 11 by Buck Edwards

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Yea lol. When a woman is full of fear she will pay careful attention to his nuts. What an idea? Why no woman in history thought of that and protected herself from rape? 

 

Because, once upon a time, rape was not a crime. So, there would be nowhere to run to from a rapist, it was 'normal'. 

[Emerald]

If you're making this post again because women are frequently calling you creepy, you may want to genuinely consider why that is.

Women usually don't call guys creepy for no reason. It's usually because we intuitively pick up on strange behavior that could indicate either a lack of social awareness (and potential boundary breeches that come with that lack of awareness) or a more direct threat.

Like, when I was in college, there was a guy who was approaching every single girl (including me) that he'd come across during the first week of school. And he quickly earned himself a reputation as a creepy guy among guys and girls alike. And we were weirded out by him because he wasn't aware that he was stepping over all sorts of social boundaries.

And I ended up running into him at another place later on that week, and he was looking very troubled. And he told me that a bunch of people sternly confronted him about his behavior, and that he didn't realize that was going to be an issue. He just thought that's what he was supposed to do in order to get a girlfriend. And I befriended him and explained to him how that kind of behavior can come across.

And he generally had a hard time reading social cues. Like one time, he and I and a few other people were hanging out on campus. And these random people that he didn't know very well were sharing a pizza. And he asked them for a piece of their pizza, and they reluctantly gave him a piece. But he didn't sense that it wasn't appropriate behavior to ask random acquaintances for a piece of their pizza.

He is an example of someone who is mostly harmless (though not entirely harmless because misreading social cues and being unaware of making someone feel uncomfortable that way can cause harm, even if not intentional). But people telling him that his behavior was creepy (though painful) was a real teaching moment for him. He didn't do that again.

And later on that year, he found himself a girlfriend. And that may not have happened had he not learned that it's not the right way to go about things to approach every random girl on campus... one after the other.

So, if women are frequently calling you creepy, you may want to assess your behavior to see if you're not traversing social boundaries or unintentionally coming across in a threatening way

Edited October 12 by Emerald

[mr_engineer]

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If you're making this post again because women are frequently calling you creepy, you may want to genuinely consider why that is.

Do not make this personal. This is a big-picture conversation we're having here. 

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Women usually don't call guys creepy for no reason. It's usually because we intuitively pick up on strange behavior that could indicate either a lack of social awareness (and potential boundary breeches that come with that lack of awareness) or a more direct threat.

Or a third possibility - the guy disregards petty social-norms because they hold him back from going for what he wants. 

14 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Like, when I was in college, there was a guy who was approaching every single girl (including me) that he'd come across during the first week of school. And he quickly earned himself a reputation as a creepy guy among guys and girls alike. And we were weirded out by him because he wasn't aware that he was stepping over all sorts of social boundaries.

And I ended up running into him at another place later on that week, and he was looking very troubled. And he told me that a bunch of people sternly confronted him about his behavior, and that he didn't realize that was going to be an issue. He just thought that's what he was supposed to do in order to get a girlfriend. And I befriended him and explained to him how that kind of behavior can come across.

If you didn't tell him what he could do instead to get what he wanted, what you did was kinda pointless. 

15 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And he generally had a hard time reading social cues. Like one time, he and I and a few other people were hanging out on campus. And these random people that he didn't know very well were sharing a pizza. And he asked them for a piece of their pizza, and they reluctantly gave him a piece. But he didn't sense that it wasn't appropriate behavior to ask random acquaintances for a piece of their pizza.

He is an example of someone who is mostly harmless (though not entirely harmless because misreading social cues and being unaware of making someone feel uncomfortable that way can cause harm, even if not intentional). But people telling him that his behavior was creepy (though painful) was a real teaching moment for him. He didn't do that again.

Fine, 'don't be a narcissist'. The word you're looking for is 'narcissist', not 'creepy'. 'Narcissist' means selfish, 'creepy' doesn't mean anything. 

17 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And later on that year, he found himself a girlfriend. And that may not have happened had he not learned that it's not the right way to go about things to approach every random girl on campus... one after the other.

He did it despite you trying to hold him back. I really don't think you deserve credit in his success-story. 

17 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, if women are frequently calling you creepy, you may want to assess your behavior to see if you're not traversing social boundaries or unintentionally coming across in a threatening way

Why should I give a damn? Is it illegal to not give a damn about how I come across? 

[mr_engineer]

Women, in case you're hoping we'll 'improve our social behavior' when you name-call like this, understand something - we do not give a damn about how we come across. It's your job to see the reality of what we're doing and why, it's your job to be in reality about men. We do not feel the need to tiptoe and walk on eggshells around women, because we do not need your approval. 

All this name-calling does, is make you come across as a man-hater. So, if you do not want to come across as a man-hater, be genuinely loving to men instead of giving us this crap. 

[Emerald]

35 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Do not make this personal. This is a big-picture conversation we're having here. 

Or a third possibility - the guy disregards petty social-norms because they hold him back from going for what he wants. 

If you didn't tell him what he could do instead to get what he wanted, what you did was kinda pointless. 

Fine, 'don't be a narcissist'. The word you're looking for is 'narcissist', not 'creepy'. 'Narcissist' means selfish, 'creepy' doesn't mean anything. 

He did it despite you trying to hold him back. I really don't think you deserve credit in his success-story. 

Why should I give a damn? Is it illegal to not give a damn about how I come across? 

If it wasn't personal, then why are you so hung up on these topics?

And I did tell my friend what to do instead and how approaching consecutively all over campus the way he was would be interpreted. And he was very thankful for my social advice.

Though I don't directly take credit for his success story. It was mostly him learning the hard way through lots of social disapproval that his actions were going over an understood social boundary and that he was being perceived as creepy.

So, it was being perceived as creepy by lots of male and female peers that really made him realize he had go back to the drawing board with his tactics for meeting women. And he was eventually successful. And he probably wouldn't have been had people beat around the bush and been too politically correct to confront him and call out the behavior he was doing as creepy.

He really does struggle with social cues, and he can get misunderstood as genuinely creepy/dangerous, when in reality he's really just very awkward and unaware of how social interactions are meant to work. (And he's definitely not a narcissist)

Like one time, a few years after we'd all graduated from college, I had invited him and a few of our friends (who were in town visiting) over to my house to play board games.

And he was driving in from a few towns over. And we were waiting for him for a while.

He had just come up to the porch and stood there for a few minutes, but didn't think to knock or text, so we didn't know he was there.

And after a few minutes, he got back in his car and drove away. And after waiting a while for him to show up, I called him up about 15 minutes later, and he said that he was afraid that he'd remained on the porch too long and that the neighbors would think he was 'casing' my house.

Also, it's wise to care about how you come across, if you don't want people to think you're creepy.

Edited October 12 by Emerald

[mr_engineer]

Just now, Marcel said:

Social etiquette absolutely has its place and disregarding it will lead to being called creep etc. 

Rightfully so. 

To hell with social etiquette (as long as you're not overstepping boundaries).

You know what the most 'socially appropriate' thing to do is?! To be an NPC who follows a normal routine and to enable others to 'live' (exist, really) like that. If you try to connect with people, that's not 'socially acceptable'. If you touch-escalate with people, it's not 'socially acceptable'. It's not 'socially acceptable' to open up about your feelings and emotions, because 'others don't want to be burdened by it, they're not your therapist'. 

There comes a point, where you say 'to hell with this crap, I'm going to do what I want, as long as it's legal and not overstepping boundaries'. 

[mr_engineer]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If it wasn't personal, then why are you so hung up on these topics?

Whether it's personal or not is none of your business. I'm not going to tell you about my personal life, end of story. 

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Also, it's wise to care about how you come across, if you don't want people to think you're creepy.

I don't care what people think. You can be as deluded as you want, you can blame others for how you feel as much as you want, as long as you're not acting that out. As long as you're not trying to control their behavior. You can work on yourself and control your feelings, you cannot control other people. 

What I'm saying is that I find the usage of this term inappropriate, I find the name-calling inappropriate. 

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Whether it's personal or not is none of your business. I'm not going to tell you about my personal life, end of story. 

I don't care what people think. You can be as deluded as you want, you can blame others for how you feel as much as you want, as long as you're not acting that out. As long as you're not trying to control their behavior. You can work on yourself and control your feelings, you cannot control other people. 

What I'm saying is that I find the usage of this term inappropriate, I find the name-calling inappropriate. 

Don't worry. I'm not trying to pry into your personal life. You just seem to take the existence of the word 'creepy' as a personal insult to the point where you want to abolish the word altogether.

But good luck trying to censor and change other people's expressions that you believe are inappropriate.

I just don't think the word creepy is going away anytime soon.

There are PLENTY of behaviors (regardless of the gender of who's doing the behavior) that fit that label. And that word is the most accurate label to describe those specific types of behaviors.

[mr_engineer]

14 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Don't worry. I'm not trying to pry into your personal life. You just seem to take the existence of the word 'creepy' as a personal insult to the point where you want to abolish the word altogether.

You got your boundaries, I got mine. 

14 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But good luck trying to censor and change other people's expressions that you believe are inappropriate.

I just don't think the word creepy is going away anytime soon.

There are PLENTY of behaviors (regardless of the gender of who's doing the behavior) that fit that label. And that word is the most accurate label to describe those specific types of behaviors.

Why do you get to have a monopoly on deciding what's 'appropriate social behavior'?! This is my rule for the people I associate with - do not use this term. For me, or for anyone. I prefer to deal with people who take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions, who do not blame others for them. 

[Buck Edwards]

You can only write all this behind a keyboard. If you justified your creepiness in public, you already know what the consequences will be. So you satisfy your creepy impulses by writing on anonymous forums. No idea what you're trying to achieve but you will never have the balls to do in public what you write here anonymously. You already are aware of inappropriate social behavior, it's just that you're unable to accept it, your ego is too strong, but the public is not going to succumb to your ego, so let's see who in real life will support your creepy ideas about what you want to do with women or how you want to approach them. Instead of a woman calling you creepy, it will most likely be a man, then let's see how you convince the entire public lol. Your ideas will never fly in real life, you don't need any feminist to debate you, your ideas are so dismantled that most people in real life will be repulsed by it, so how are you going to convince people in real life. You come every couple of weeks and make the same thread, the same concept written in a different fashion.

I think in your mind you're imagining that you have successfully convinced people that creepy behavior should be tolerated by women. This is only your mind playing tricks on you that you don't see. You are convincing nobody. You are in the prison of your mind. And whatever fantasies you have of doing weird things to women, they will stay that way. You have a need you want to fulfill like a child-like ego. You don't see outside that bubble. If you worked on your impulses by approaching women in a creepy way, the end result is just more disappointment. 

[mr_engineer]

1 hour ago, Marcel said:

That’s not what I was talking about lmao 

At least we agree on only doing things that are legal and not overstepping boundaries.

Also. Have you ever heard of the term “social calibration”?

If not, learning about it could do you a lot of good  😊 

Touch escalation can be tricky and if you’re not skilful it could absolutely come of as creepy.

To me, the ones who use the word 'creepy' are not socially calibrated. They're not calibrated to the fact that the world does not revolve around their feelings, which is why they expect others to take responsibility for their feelings. 

[mr_engineer]

@Buck Edwards All of this is fancy-talk for someone who can't hold actual abusers accountable. 

Don't come to me with your anger, go fix your own relationship-life first. 

[Buck Edwards]

31 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

@Buck Edwards All of this is fancy-talk for someone who can't hold actual abusers accountable. 

Don't come to me with your anger, go fix your own relationship-life first. 

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

You can only write all this behind a keyboard. If you justified your creepiness in public, you already know what the consequences will be. So you satisfy your creepy impulses by writing on anonymous forums. No idea what you're trying to achieve but you will never have the balls to do in public what you write here anonymously. You already are aware of inappropriate social behavior, it's just that you're unable to accept it, your ego is too strong, but the public is not going to succumb to your ego, so let's see who in real life will support your creepy ideas about what you want to do with women or how you want to approach them. Instead of a woman calling you creepy, it will most likely be a man, then let's see how you convince the entire public lol. Your ideas will never fly in real life, you don't need any feminist to debate you, your ideas are so dismantled that most people in real life will be repulsed by it, so how are you going to convince people in real life. You come every couple of weeks and make the same thread, the same concept written in a different fashion.

I think in your mind you're imagining that you have successfully convinced people that creepy behavior should be tolerated by women. This is only your mind playing tricks on you that you don't see. You are convincing nobody. You are in the prison of your mind. And whatever fantasies you have of doing weird things to women, they will stay that way. You have a need you want to fulfill like a child-like ego. You don't see outside that bubble. If you worked on your impulses by approaching women in a creepy way, the end result is just more disappointment. 

This is why I stayed out of this thread and only made the couple of comments I made. I knew it wouldn't turn out well. Rest your head, my dear. 

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

This is why I stayed out of this thread and only made the couple of comments I made. I knew it wouldn't turn out well. Rest your head, my dear. 

Thank you. 

[Princess Arabia]

5 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Lol. Where did you find this shit. I swear, the internet has a meme for everything or is it AI generated. Either way.....lol.

[mr_engineer]

4 hours ago, Marcel said:

That makes no sense. 

There definitely is behaviour that can considered to be creepy and if you’re only slightly calibrated you know exactly when that’s the case.

How are you going to convince me to give a damn?! 

4 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Is this behavior socially calibrated?! If you think it is, I know your level of social-calibration.