Sensemaking Crisis (actually, everything crisis)

[Leo Gura]

@Ayham Remember that you are laying a much deeper foundation than everyone else around you. This means it will take more time to bear fruit, but the fruit will be sweeter.

You are investing in yourself and you are still far too young to have the payoff.

[El Zapato]

52 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Ayham It's okay man. You are doing very good for your age. You just need to slow down and enjoy the process more. You have decades ahead of you to sort all that out. Evetything will make sense two decades from now.

I was going to suggest that it takes time to integrate information.  The more dense it is, the more likely there will be confusion and then clarity.  Not knowing what to believe is not unhealthy.  Things can be close while at the same time poles apart.  In fact, that seems to be kind of the way it works.

[Ayham]

@Leo Gura decades is too long, I already feel late, I know people my age who are, more well read, or making good money, or muscular and physically healthy (I know this one is shallow but I will count it)
I don't feel like I am investing in myself, I feel like I am giving myself the illusion of doing stuff.

 

@Carl-Richard funny you say that, I think I am still orange, I integrated blue very well by studying fundamentalist Islam theoretically, and by seeking to understand people like that in real life and engaging in talks with them, and even choosing to follow fundamentalist Islam for a few months as an experiment to integrate blue.
right now, I am studying the materialist paradigm, rationality, and that sort of stuff, also focusing on physical achievements, but it basically broke my world view.

@Thought Art I mean sure it is  normal, but I feel like I made zero progress in years following this work! 
If I had been 100% consistent and decisive since I have started (4 years ago), I would have:

1. read 150+ serious books with notes on them all
2. mastered kriya yoga, and began mastering another path
3. built a great body
4. done a lot of serious independent contemplation
5. built my social skills
6. started making money maybe
7. got a scholarship out of Iraq

I know it seems like a lot, but it is realistic if I was just consistent, I already feel behind, I know people my age doing much better.
I slacked off from  this work last year, during 12th grade (traumatic life event in Iraq, literally), in order to do well academically, but I procrastinated a lot, I fucked up in my country and school standards, parents disappointed at me, I am not doing well in anything lmao.
My habits that I built one by one very slowly also have fallen off and I am unable to get back on track.

I suspect I have ADHD tbh, i match all symptoms I believe.

 

@The Renaissance Man yes this is good, you got it right, I will do this as well. 

 

Edited October 9 by Ayham

[Ayham]

I am not hating on myself or being harsh, I just have no idea what to do.

I am happy but I just can't stick to stuff, I feel like I have ADHD, I am just self diagnosing, and no I am not going to an expert in Iraq lol, we do have psychologists or psychiatrists, but from what I heard they suck and usually just give religious advice lmao.

I am too driven by my interests, if I am into something, I will neglect everything else and just hyper focus on it, until I lose interest, then switch to something else.
I am unable to force myself to do the necessary drudgery to achieve certain things I like and want.

As a result, I feel like I am just mentally masturbating, not going anywhere, time management isn't working, being spontaneous isn't working.

There is so much stuff to do, and I am unable to stick to it.

This is a fundamental issue I need to solve in order to do other things like sensemaking.

@Leo Gura you say I am laying a deeper foundation, how do I know I am actually doing anything useful and not just tricking myself that I am?
I don't feel any improvement whatsoever, just much more theory.

[Ayham]

I feel like most people here just don't take the work seriously 

Or i am just being too hard nosed about it lol

it is probably both

[Leo Gura]

@Ayham You need to sort out your values and priorities and work on the top few ones.

[Ayham]

@Leo Gura how do I do that?
 

I took the life purpose course, still confused 

[Davino]

Try a wide buffet of experiences and discern what you like, what calls you. From experience distill the values sourcing the meaning in these activities. Pursue your new found values. Find lucrative ways to benefit other people with the skills you've developed.

 

[Leo Gura]

17 minutes ago, Ayham said:

still confused

Dude, you are young! You're supposed to be confused. Embrace the confusion.

Just act on solid timeless principles like education, reading books, developing technical skills, gym, good nutrition, meditation/yoga, hard work, truth seeking, contemplation, pursuing your passions, etc.

Don't doubt these principles. Doubt other stuff.

Edited October 9 by Leo Gura

[AtmanIsBrahman]

@Ayham we're in the same boat. Its the dark night of the soul, I guess. There's no easy solution

[Ayham]

@Davino I have seen that video actually, it is a good one, i am trying to do that

 

@Leo Gura oh! 

 

@AtmanIsBrahman yes it is a dilemma, how is it in your case?

 

It is hard when you don't know what to believe or make sense of reality, and you can't even play the reality game well in the first place.
 

 

[AtmanIsBrahman]

Like I said, I don't think there's a solution (aside from possibly enlightenment). My best advice is to fall in love with the mystery of reality.

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, Ayham said:

It is hard when you don't know what to believe or make sense of reality, and you can't even play the reality game well in the first place.

You should priorize building useful technical skills and developing some kind of career. This will ground you. You need to master basic survival. You can do philosophy in your spare time.

Here's the basics you need to build:

• Education
• Career/Job
• Technical skills
• Dating & social skills
• Fitness
• Nice place to live

Work on those. Those aren't confusing.

Edited October 9 by Leo Gura

[Salvijus]

It's impossible to be confused if you listen to your heart. Heart simply knows. It's because you're stuck in the mind that you're confused. And you're stuck in mind because you believe your thoughts are important. 

[Davino]

@Salvijus Women listen to their heart and are still quite confused

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, Ayham said:

I am saying that most of us have accumulated a lot of dogmas here, even though we think we are beyond it.
How do you know enlightenment exists? I would argue most of us here have taken this for granted, without even experiencing it
is reality illusory?
Is solipsism the truth? is reality out there or a construction of your mind?
maybe science or some religion holds the absolute truth?
is what you see on psychedelics bullshit or real? most of us would assume it is real without second guessing (I have no direct experience yet)
how do you know spiral dynamics is valid? did you just accept it because some authority figure like Ken Wilber or Leo or whoever presented it?

Not to be offensive but these are the most useless questions ever. The only question you should worry about is "what do I truly want?" lock yourself in a closet and sit with this question until you know. 

[Salvijus]

1 minute ago, Davino said:

@Salvijus Women listen to their heart and are still quite confused

Not as much maybe as men. Especially intellectuals. There are many levels to listening to your heart tho. It's rare to see somebody do it at a very deep level including women. 

[Ayham]

@Leo Gura
got it, I will join Iraqi axis of resistance fighters 

 

jk jk

I am actually going for cybersecurity engineering in college, I could also go for AI and robotics engineering, both of which seem interesting.
Currently taking Harvard's CS50 and will continue from there self educating and learning, but yeah I am slacking kind of.

the stuff you mentioned seem like the stuff a young person should focus on, and the other philosophical and spiritual stuff could come later in life.

I am kind of perfectionist about it, so I end up trying to do it all and doing nothing instead.

hmm.
You know I kind of overcomplicated this.
Just focus on the basic life stuff I am supposed to focus on in my age, and I will work on installing the good habits I have fallen off again.
I already have some voice telling me I am too late and I should have focused on basic life stuff earlier, but I will dismiss it.
Yes I am very confused metaphysically, but it will solve itself with time.... probably.

 

@Salvijus my heart is a coward, it refuses to talk, been trying to listen to it, no use.
Regarding the questions, fine, you have a point, they are useless, but they do bug me a lot lol.
 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Ayham said:

and the other philosophical and spiritual stuff could come later in life.

You can do it in your spare time. I was doing philosophy throughout schooling and in the evenings after work on my business.

An hour or two per day adds up over 5-10 years.

Philosophy is not the kind of activity that you do 8 hrs a day, so nothing is lost. Philosophy is something you do in bits in the background of daily life. Yoga practice takes 1-2hrs max.

Edited October 9 by Leo Gura

[Ayham]

I love how I go quiet in this forum and just watch without posting, then come up with a big rant every few months hoping no one remembers my previous big rant lol.