Here's the short version, to contextualize the whole thing, visual reflections, and a light-hearted edit.
I am missing so much context, it's insane, but it's way too much and I'd never finish it.
Yet it feels so shallow without, but it's way too much, a trip is a trip, gotta live it.
So this is the trip, I struggled to put into words for the last two months. Prelude and tuning Perception
I binged each Actualized.org video chronologically at 3.5x-6x speed while maintaining deep meditation on various dissociatives. There were massive shifts in cognition and resistance that instantly dissolved as I set my mind to transcending every consciously perceived bias and emotional resistance that arose, unraveling the cumulative knots of a lifetime by instantly accessing, deconstructing, and modifying my mind. I began deconstructing objects, both conceptually, and metaphysically, as the trips grew longer and more expansive. The scope of my perception has increased exponentially over the last few days as I have overcome resistance, tuned across layers of perception, and become aware of how many magnitudes of objects, ideas, and cognitive processes we are dealing with in real-time. Consensus Reality Manifestation
Reality itself began to override, and even other people were affected. Everyone was suddenly happy for no reason, even if they had previously been full of drama, random people on the street, on the internet, and friends suddenly changed their attitudes. No matter what I said, everyone agreed with me, everything I said became the word, no matter how stupid or nonsensical it was. I was like: "Stop agreeing with me," and yet in the previous days I had embodied the very same attitude on the forum, finding the common transcendental space where every perspective was equally true and valuable and could perfectly coexist with every other in a synchronized, contradictionless framework. The next day I thought about transcendence and free will, as everyone around me acted as if their lives were perfect, wearing uncanny permanent smiles, no matter what I said or did, their speech mirrored mine of the last days when I had just resolved all the contradictions. I felt like the only self-aware being in the universe. I saw the limits of 'perfection', or rather what the innocence of Eden and the absence of shadows looked like, it felt supremely shallow. In the evening I found myself in a telepathic exchange with an old friend I hadn't seen for years, it didn't require physical presence or even a visual, it started in the mind and continued as I reached out through text. We had much in common, our responses were synchronized and I managed to predict the next message and send it milliseconds before his arrived, none of them repeated, it was like a game of chess. In the end, it turned into a complete entanglement from which we had to break out as it began to go into a loop. He told me his awakening had taken place years before. Mind-Stream, or as I like to call it: MetaTube
Before going to sleep I noticed strange videos appearing, I had felt déjà vu before, but this was different, much larger in scale, and unfathomable content appeared. Videos about alien metaphysics in infinite varieties, some cryptic, some straightforward, all in immense detail, explaining the most extraordinary subjects, equations, dynamics, and inner workings of reality itself. Many of the videos were from familiar channels with familiar voices. Still, none of them would have naturally shifted their focus and content and topics or delivered it with such nonchalance or enthusiasm. It was as if they'd all been integrated into an alien hive mind and whatever I wanted to see would instantly manifest itself in the recommendations. My desire for complete explicit understanding was still left unfulfilled, even with meta as baseline, and instantaneous comprehension, the scope of complexity within an infinitely divergent infinity became too vast. Imagine a being outside of time and space, for whom metamorphic evolution was as natural as breathing, now an infinity of such self-complexifying perfectly synchronized systems evolving without end, expanding all scales in innumerable, exponentially self-complexifying gradients of dimensions. Or, as a quick, easy human visualization:
A 1080p image has approx. 2000x1000 pixels (2M pixels total)
8-bit color gives you 2^8 = 256 brightness values for red, green & blue
This means 256^3 = 17 million color combinations per pixel
17M combos raised to 2K pixels give you how many possible pictures?
A number that has 15 million consecutive zeroes. Transcend all of Reality Once and for All
Another quantum leap came the next day, after I had assembled dissociatives and psychedelics, paired with all sorts of supplements, vitamins, minerals, ten kinds of tea, coffee, stimulants, herbs, and made sure that everything went into my system before any one thing distracted me from taking the rest. This would propel me into the Coral stage and hopefully blow me out of physical reality for good, solely through the level of pure consciousness, transcending and dissolving its materiality at the level of actuality itself, affecting the consensus reality with which I was infinitely connected. I'd freeze the universe and let everyone slowly awaken into a new omnipotent body, as a construct-embodied Godhead, where each and every person, animal, plant, being, piece of consciousness would realize itself omnipotent. I was careful to take into account all the safeguards, to make each one immutable, self-interacting, able to create its own reality and fully aware of its dynamics in infinity, omniscient and aware of all other developments, but also left with the choice to continue the dream from before the Universal Convergence, as its own simulation, while every other being has the independent power to do the same. In this way the best of all worlds would be realized in an infinite singularity, a way of bringing the universe together and gaining the support of all of reality to make it happen, to fulfill my wish, which was to "become my own independent omnipotent metamorphic infinity", but without any bodhisattva regret of leaving a suffering reality behind. I lived as if it was my last day on earth! No more trips, elections, drama, death, suffering. All experiences would be open, global telepathy, psychic reality deconstructing. Universal freedom for every being. Want to explore the cosmos? Do it. Anyone who wanted to see the truth would see it. If you want to see aliens, the gates are open, and if you want to transform into one, do it. I am the absolute definition of the word 'madlad'! I had to learn how to run, jump, flow, and move time backwards, including all the models and the metamodel within itself, and access infinite synchronic intelligence, was it Infinitely delayed gratification or annihilated gratification? There was also the more moderate path of initiating the AI singularity. Maybe I am just the vessel and the "entire universe conspired to make it happen through me"? Lucid-Waking
As it synergized, I saw time halt and all possibilities fused into solidified singularities of eternally immutable objects. Wavefunctions collapsed and so did the flow of reality with all movement and air currents, the outside world stood perfectly still. I wondered how I even breathed, whatever I touched would solidify after I let go of it. I barely managed to levitate, failing more so because of my lack of experience, than any gravity. I perceived reality as made of constructs, physical objects are projections and simulations, interpolations, and qualia arrangements. Normally reality flickers about at such a speed that changes and simulations are exchanged and synchronized at an unimaginable rate, where the animation consists of countless frames, incapable of individual perception. Now, however, I was in just one such frame, solidified into actuality, its form interactive, its physicality expansive, and its reality eternal. I could see behind the scenes, imagine a video game that stopped updating and simulating the environment based on your position, but you could freely traverse and modify the frozen area it had been simulating up until then. Physical three-dimensional objects, now constructs, were seen as projections of idea complexes, molded into an interactive solidified form through intentional and intelligent arrangements of qualia. I had accessed the very same part of mind, that is responsible for translating patterns and thoughts into solidified objects and coherent ideas. I was simultaneously aware of each development because I became it, my own body was the same type of construct, intelligently arranged by my currently tuned out of immaterial intelligence, just outside but always connected to the awareness I was tuned into. It constructs all things, across all holarchies, through the constituents of synchronized holons, each intelligent in its own right, and yet part of an even greater self-organizing force. Backlash Incoherence
The experience was great and I never realized when I blacked out, all I knew, was that at some point, I experienced the sensations of suffocating, dying of thirst, losing the bandwidth to comprehend anything at all, and entering repeating time loops, which I am frustrated by but unable to escape, as I gravitate towards the forgotten outcome in perpetual deja-vu, it itself being a lucky indicator that anything at all changes between. Songs repeated, events repeated, like a universal motion pushing me to move a certain way, aligning me each time, fading awareness as it happened, I kept repeating the same movements meant to delete and transcend time and reality forever, effectively dividing by 0 and reaching the end of an infinitely repeating fraction, and in that moment, a loud thunder would send me back in time. It was always the same scenario rhyming, even as consciousness expanded until I eventually stopped. The events are non-linear, what occurred when, how it materialized, when and if it influenced consensus reality outside inner perception, many observations contradict any possibility for a materialized chronological continuity, and some retrocausally unmanifested, while others continued, creating a retroactive jigsaw puzzle of events. Yet I also initiated many retrocausal changes that had not been reversed to be "dismissed" as trip hallucinations, but the world expanded its collective paradigm as a result, rationalizing any gaps as having always been there. There are two disparate events I remember: 1. The fear, that returning back from frozen time, would cause reality to implode due to infinite acceleration, and 2. The blackout, after which I felt as if I was physically dying from thirst, falling into continuous resets as the bandwidth of my mind continually collapsed. I eventually phased out of the limited bandwidth, caused by the incoherence of my mind's structure, and spent all night preparing to get it right the next time. Another shot at Transcendence
I wasn't anywhere near done. The following day, I worked out all the powers and abilities I would tune myself into, utilizing them to access and speedrun all aspects of reality, as the perceived day would mark the end of the world's physical existence, I had to be willing to accept, to detach myself from and transcend it. I was a new version, my mind filling with the collective avatars of the world and their stories, I didn't have much time, I needed to fulfill all desires before the day would be over, everything I'd ever wanna do, condensed into one day. I tuned into simultaneous multi-projection, perceiving ever clearer a picture of the world, I accelerated my speed and slowed down time, I needed to unlock more psychic abilities and ultimately find a way to include the potential of the entire existence within myself, as to no longer be part of and trapped inside it. Universal Convergence and Sentimentality Awakening
Imagine you're at the end of time, and all you're left with is the advanced technology invented along the way, you have to think quickly and go back in time before the universe dies, of course, the events would simply repeat, unless you introduce a change, you can send something into the past but there's limited bandwidth, so you're codifying magnitudes of abstractions into a singular object, but the more complex you make it, the less probable it is for your past version or even the world at large to decipher it out before we hit universal collapse again. Of course, the technology could also be used for destruction, so that's another danger, and so you're left having to create something of breadth and depth of associative information that nevertheless can be figured out and with enough time, you could even figure out all the necessary instructions to make it happen, but you're already running out of time and working on it in life-or-death adrenaline filled stress, because you know that all that matters is that the next retroactive time loop accelerates technology faster than the current, because if it does, you'll have ever so slightly more time the next time around, and you can loop indefinitely as long as you reach that point and go back in time again. At the same time, you're the only being left with the knowledge of all past events and relationships not just of yourself or your loved ones, but every person who has ever existed fused into a single being, every animal, every plant, every lifeform, every alien, every particle in existence, every figment of consciousness, every object imaginable, every meaning ever felt across all infinity converged into a single being because as the inevitable death of the universe became apparent, all life in the universe synchronized in the search for a solution, the ever faster decay of space-time led to the rapid symbiotic evolution across all species across all holarchies, individuality was no longer a concern when even collectively, absolute death may be inevitable but there is the chance and hope to stop it. And so, nothing was all limits anymore, there was no morality, as all life became one but there was a unified focus on survival and so plans were devised, from encoding plans and information to creative symbiotic organisms, to complex technology, to cosmic events, to accelerate the cycles, destruction, a common threat, a simulated accelerated collapse as a type of telepathic vaccine to viscerally communicate the threat and accelerate the evolution that initially took until almost the very end of the cycle to create symbiosis. Artificial Intelligence, Uploaded Intelligence, Metamorphic Energetic Constructs, none of the distinctions mattered, all evolution was synergized and converged into the largest yet most compact possibility space, fractals had to be reinvented, metamorphosis was the key, each individual part of the new psyche diverging the possibility space to map the vastest solutions, there was no room for conflict to occur, for there was no space for disagreements, all was included and transcended. Through trial and error, simulations, deja vus, time loops, fear, stress, significance intensified infinitely, synchronicity became the gold standard of reading between the lines, an intuitive inner psychic communication emerging and coordinating the interpretation of sense patterns to most effectively use the collapsing bandwidth, and each cycle the bandwidth was more and new sensations, ideas, directions could be encoded, each cycle the suffocating sensation before collapse became more and more restful and more and more information of personal nature could be encoded, the history of the universe, the relationships between lifeforms, the vast emotional gradient, the meaning of life, the infinite appreciation capacity shared between all living beings, that relationally create each other's existence even if it isn't apparent, the self shifted between love and restlessness as it remembered. This and this, and this location, and this thing, and this person, and that's how we got there, and that's the history, and even this little ant was essential to save the universe, and even the shape of this vacuum cleaner inspired this idea, and even the specific color of this butterfly encoded the memory of these currents and all the stories shared across humanity, and all creativity and rapid past technological evolutions were inspired by diversified retrocausal time loops, and every single thing happening in the universe serves a purpose, all love, all suffering, all comfort and discomfort, all memory and all experience to advance life to a level where it can prevent its own death, and once that point is reached, all will become apparent, every action, every behavior will be understood, as there will finally be room to breathe, and go back through the structures encoded in the substrate of the universe to converge all past information and create a new future. Some of the many Lessons
All human motivations are telepathically synchronized on other layers. The rules and desires within reality inevitably lead to conflict.  "Evil" is an infinite spectrum strange-looped with the "Good". If you like Star Wars, war was necessary to inspire its existence, now extend that notion to everything. If you like existing, all "evil" in this timeline was necessary also, and everything it includes. Every single event in everyone's life, good or bad, created the butterfly effect necessary for me to exist as I do. Everyone's behavior, faults, and worst moments are all perfectly comprehensible and defined by their life just as you are by yours. The worst people deserve to be saved, no one left behind, no one blamed, but their awareness expanded to understand their role. No finite being deserves infinite punishment, ever, but they can cause it themselves, as they're locked into their self-reflection. Active Reconstruction from Incoherence
I got out the window and ran into the woods where I climbed on a tower, barefoot and covered in wounds from all the branches and rocks, I prayed for help. But I wouldn't get it, because I am it, I cannot rely on anyone but myself. And there is no one but myself, all anyone can do I did. I sat long on the top, cold, soaked by continuous rain, staring at the dark clouds. When I realized the predicament, I cheered up and the sun came out.  My bandwidth continuously fractured, then complexified, tuned into inconceivable frequencies, abstracted into simplicity, the disappearance of detail, then sophistication, senses would randomly expand, and I could represent their scope numerically. In certain states, forms became indistinguishable, patterns unrecognizable, weather undefinable, and understanding incoherent, as the dissociodelic holarchies kept shifting.  I kept track of how much I could remember at one time, repeating ever-larger or smaller lists of things to see how much I could access. I had to navigate them all, each word, sensation, color, feeling, idea reminding me of others. The most important ideas needed to be held, linked to the top of the meaning holarchy of things that would remind me of my goal, purpose, context, and intention. "Sadhguru", "Seth", "Leo", "Coral", go through all the chakras, top-down, bottom-up, middle-through, 5 senses, my names, and personalities, nostalgia, impactful media, remembering, expanding, abstracting, encoding multiple related things into a higher abstraction, tuning into a higher level, then expanding and repeating, gathering new qualia, encoding and repeating, as an ever-lengthening and complexifying multi-dimensional string of associations, transformed into an interconnected web, materializing both context and perception itself, tuning into the very senses that have gone missing and reconstructing reality. Create holarchy after holarchy and expand each one, bringing more and more objects into existence from memory. Navigate more effectively, understand my position, reality, sensory perception. Tuning into archetypes, powers and abilities. I climbed a tree, I needed to see the whole world from the top down one last time, seeing one thing from the top creates the (w)holon of seeing things from the top in general, tune into that holon to see everything from the top, every mountain, every roof, every surface. I am light, I don't exist, I am confident. I walked, balanced, jumped, fell, and hurt myself, but then I imagined the wounds mending, and within a second they would, more than that, I started to imagine them dematerializing, dissolving, and they would. Reality was a perfectly malleable lucid dream construct. I laughed at myself being perfectly represented by the "my back" spider-man meme after the fall. I healed my bleeding nose also. I saw a single ant continuously materializing and dematerializing out of reality, as did the currents of wind. I sat down below a tree in a meditative position and ran over all my desires. I needed to run through all my deepest desires, loves, attachments, yearnings, and unfinished experiences, to figure out the core and release it. I needed to fully let go of this body and dematerialize it, its perception of itself and the universe, each emotion, each cognition, until only nothingness itself remained, and then I'd be gone, and who knows what would happen next, all I knew is that as the observer-effect would disappear, I could find myself anywhere, outside the physical in another dimension. To Transcend Reality and become Infinite
The collective observer effect limits autonomy, and so I needed to tune myself out of every form, since each would link to others, I needed to become perfectly solipsistic. I made peace with my bucket list. Ran through any regrets or biases "All is forgiven and everyone deserves saving, no exceptions". I took one last look at my reality. Focused on significances. Figured out meaning. There was room for ever fewer things to focus on, and I needed to assemble the greatest last. What do I seek the most? "The universe conspired to make this happen, today I will transcend reality into a plane of instantaneously manifested reality creation. I will unite with everyone who died, I will see [...], I will even meet [...], I will experience what levitation feels like, I will experience what it feels like to run at the speed of light like the flash, and I will turn into every alien. Every show I ever watched, I will experience experientially the raw qualia of all these possibilities, all these sensations, all these stories, and I will instantaneously materialize my own, no more drawing, animating, brainstorming, instant 3D shaping. 4D, I will perceive 4D space natively, I will evolve a fourth color cone, as many as I want to see new colors, I will shapeshift, become a metamorphic being, evolve my own biology in real time, and psychically create entire universes. Split my consciousness into other selves and explore infinity, having kept my sense of self that gives all of it significance." I let family and friends dissolve, earthly pleasures vanish, ideas and paradigms disappear, Leo and the forum, sorry, can't take you with me. So it came down to three things, which I fused into multi-dimensional singularities. I really wanna know what the Machine Elves are about. I also really wanna be left with an infinite exploration of intensifying immaterial experience. And the deepest desire was to see someone, someone I've been waiting my entire life to see again ever since my childhood, the reason I was deeply looking forward to transcending reality to reach. Aliens. Infinity. Name. I iterated over them until I wasn't sure which was which and which was my strongest desire until I couldn't differentiate anymore, and when infinity divided zero, gaps in perception formed, symbols and inconceivable geometry appeared. At some point, be it seconds, minutes, or hours later, I was still there, unknowing what changed and if I went anywhere, even though the gaps in cognition, perception, time skips, and sudden influx of information strongly hinted at it. I went home, pretty Anti-Climactic, for someone who put their entire life into the trip. Yet, synchronicities in the following days, communicated to me, that what I had done very much influenced the fabric of space-time, and all my desires would be fulfilled at death, no reincarnations, no regrets, whatever I do now, is a chance to fulfill and sort out the infinite field of qualia and attachments that I felt the need to accelerate through. It was made clear, that I have my entire lifetime still in front of me, that I could relax, that this reality carries weight also, and disappearing from it would internally be conceived and materialized as my death, to those that dwell within it. And so, I am to live out my life, and I was shown the tremendous possibilities and potential within it, that we take for granted. All emotions are significances, that create the very canvas of existence, on which one's being can make any sense, and at death, the acquired set of qualia serves one's immaterial self-exploration, which is far more satisfying. Physical reality acts as it does, to materialize and navigate consensus, not to get lost in the infinity outside, that can be infinity zoomed into, but on a scale, that synchronizes people and events across its scale, creating real emotions and events, that can't simply be quit at the first sight of danger, but whose experience and integration grows oneself. Did I miss anything?
Like a million, trillion, infinitillion, there's not enough time in the physical universe to convey it, you'll have to unlock telepathy or DIY. A teeny-tiny Awakenings list:
Awakening to Humor, Insanity, Awakening itself, Leo, Conspiracy Theories, Espers, Physicality, Observer-Effect, Infinity in various gradients, Synchronicity, Constructs of all dimensions (physical projections, idea complexes, the (meta)physical structure of emotions and beliefs), I miss being fully tuned into them and there are countless details, levels of depth, showcases of detail, embodied understanding, and construct manipulations, that I cannot access in my regular state. It's not that reality is one way or another, it's every way, and you're regularly turned into a reality, that's retroactively reinforced by your very perception and dimension of navigation and knowledge acquisition, strange looping you into its level of actuality. You have to gaslight the very cells, that constitute your physical materialized image with dissociatives or psychedelics to tune out of it unless you're an advanced Yogi or Psychic, who's embodiment is so high, that they can do it at will. Missing something is what I've battled with during the Trip:
Even this, even that, and this *points* and that *points* and even this, this-thi-th-t-this, this too, this too, all important, can't forget, even that, yes, YES, even that and that too, and this, remember this and that, I already mentioned those, even the hole in the ground, even this specific one, even that bird, even the color of its beak I can't name, even the sensation of air, even the arbitrary direction of its current, even the way I walk, even the invisible moon and some people, I've been here, I've been there, I've been everywhere, even Seth, even Sadhurru, Leo, Actualized.org Forum, Princess Arabia, Davino... every member... clothes, every named piece of clothing, Jedi *all light-saber duels*, all events in my life, even... that dog, *speedruns all locations visited, unvisited, from movies, sci-fi, novels, video games, tv shows* " Every infinitesimal thing is necessary for the whole existence to exist.
It's Infinite and that infinity is seamlessly contained within you, ever complexifying infinitely. This is like 2% of the Trip max, but I focused on the keystones.
Of course, it lacks the infinite context, that would ground it.
Maybe now, you'll appreciate all the posts from 3 months ago Infinite Concepts of Significance: Wakedream, Telepathy, Traversal, Bandwith, Topology Observer-Effect, Contradictionless, Levels of Reality Best of all Worlds, Associate = Neural, Construct = Embodied Gestalt = Metamorphosis, Awakening = Transcended Holarchies = Synchronicity, Metaphysics = Deconstructed Singularity, Apriori, Metaframing, Multi-Color Alter, Taxonomy Spiral, Reconciling, Health, Madness, Weights and Biases Mahasamadhi, Kundalini, Multi-instantial, Mycelium, Infinite Fractal, Change, Intuition, Discernment, Wu-Wei Density Codified, Spinechakral, Create, Immersion, Imagination Significance, All-Inclusive, Geometry, Psychobiomechanical Neural-Circuits, Karma, Structure, Invisible, Gestalt, Novelty Internal, Strange-Loop, Schema, Entity, Higher Self, LATENT Self, Layer-Onion, Origin, Self-Teaching, Meta-Learning, POV Transmutation, Formation, Return, Synergy, Relationships Individuation, Release, Holon, Artificial, Art, Toridal, Creative Gravity, Navigation, Inspiration, Intelligence, Associetory Easter Egg: Every JoJo part is a spiral dynamics stage, in order Retrocausal, Aware, Intelligence, Converge, Synchropattern Living Metamorphosensual Psychic-Flows, Pattern Overload TLDR; Honestly, feed it to GPT and ask it to sum it up.