Suspended from college for a year | My life is a catastrophy

[LoseYourvelf]

Were the crisis line any good?

[Husseinisdoingfine]

5 hours ago, LoseYourvelf said:

Were the crisis line any good?

Actually no. 

I called a suicide hotline, and I was left on hold. The lady who picked up the phone transferred me to a number in my area that wasn't available. I was bounced back to the lady who said I had to call a number for my area, which was down for service. So i was bounced back form line to line before I was able to get ahold of someone who offered mediocre help.

This forum was my crisis line.

[Letho]

@Husseinisdoingfine Pain without awareness is the signal towards change without the space to articulate it into true grounded invention. Awareness without discernment is is magical thinking that feels good in the creative process not so much in hindsight of looking back on what you haven't created. Discernment without action is generating the most beautiful of designs without bringing them into reality.

If we fail at step one, then it gets even worse, where pain then just goes straight to the ego's most primitive survival based identities its created for self-preservation as what is a rational response when it is struggling to bring rationality via awareness, it then shifts not even to the happy go lucky magical thinking of its opposite I mentioned but instead the magical thinking of what becomes self-justifying demonism. Insert Iran's backlashes which serve as the iconic example of what many memetic trends in Western civilisation emulate in their microcosm, for example a woman who's struggling with BPD will mirror that same behaviour in pseudo-psychic realities of relationships and a man struggling with NPD will mirror it in completely overreacting to an innocuous comment made to him by someone that was just trying to be nice and didn't know about his other sensitivities that he was triggered by but due to the NPD's magical thinking he will twist it in his mind where now that so called 'friendly guy' is instead the demon that he must possess through his delusional myopia.

Further, when we either combine action or inaction by this point we now either get the outcome of psychosis and subsequent mental health hospitalisation via non-action, eventually, even if its just in analogous form, or through action the outcome of criminal charges and subsequent imprisonment.

It's a harsh world we live in due to our misunderstandings of human nature, for any dissonances you have regarding you must always prioritise inner light understanding that darkness is only ever compensatory for not seeing the light, aka hence misunderstanding can be equated with darkness as per the word 'ignorance' and how its often included when attempting to mock other demographics, which is one sense healthy for the system of the demographic to either self-identify itself this way or to identify where there is ignorance if it leads to genuinely deeper knowledge or sometimes which is more often the case just a compensatory identity protecting mechanism similar to how disgust sensitivity works, and in another way, it can blind us to the self damage or damage we're doing to others in such categorisations to the level they're not done with context and nuance that pairs with the truth of the reality. Such is the case with your scenario, mockery, belittlement, 'negational categorisation' can lead to ego fulfilment when we haven't solved enough dissonance that would have otherwise led to ego fulfilment that corresponded to having identity structures that better aligned us with a more grounded and more imaginative and expanded via of consciousness and the greater universe that simultaneously humbled us while fulfilling our pride towards our individual march forward in how we uniquely positively impacted the collective via our actions.

Genuine strength to you, stay strong. Have compassion for yourself and everyone involved, it will genuinely, if paired with increasingly greater awareness, understanding and personal boundaries, bring you not only far more contentment, but empowerment towards your highest resolves. 

And yes, the forum hasn't yet upgraded to this level of understanding yet, and I would too put myself in that category given I don't own it in the whole yet, however its where we invariably need to go while also remembering our sense of humour, but just with more sensitivity and intelligence on where to place it.

Best wishes.