How My Terrifying 5-meo-dmt Experience Changed My Life

[Pure Imagination]

Back in November of 2016, I had my breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT experience. Now that I have had a few months to contemplate and integrate what I experienced, I think I am finally ready to share what I saw. All I can say is that I still have no idea what to make of that experience. I do know that it was the most profound experience of my life. I also know that I was certainly not ready to see what I saw. Having said that, I’ll go ahead and describe my spiritual background prior to this trip.

 

I started meditating on and off since the summer of 2015. Looking back on that first year of spiritual exploration, I can now see I had no idea what I was even supposed to be looking for (beginning a DAILY practice probably would have helped). I had a pretty solid intellectual understanding of what enlightenment is back then (thanks Leo), but I even knew back then that I was missing the point of my meditation practice. I wasn’t experiencing what meditation was “supposed” to be showing me. Enter my psychedelic exploration. Over this past year I began experimenting with psilocybin mushrooms and LSD. I have had many insightful and meaningful experiences on these substances. They have radically changed my life and how I see that world. I could also tell that I had stared to experience the beginning stages of what I “should” be experiencing with meditation. I guess I could say that before my psychedelic exploration I wasn’t even on the correct path toward enlightenment, but now I’m at least facing in the correct direction I then learned about 5-MeO-DMT from Leo’s video and I was instantly fascinated. A substance that would create an instant ego death…..sign me up!

 

I finally acquired some 5-meo and I had two initial trips on it before my breakthrough experience. These experiences were profound for sure, but they both were not nearly as deep as I thought they would be (I probably wasn’t sniffing it correctly).

 

One Thursday night around 11:30 PM, I decided to go for it again on a dime (this was a bad idea). I weighed out 30mg, put it in a straw, and snorted that beautiful gold powder up my nose. I could instantly tell that more of it was being absorbed than my previous experiences; my nose was stinging substantially more. I sat back in my bed and waited for the effects to kick in. And boy did they – I was completely blindsided. The come up was incredibly fast as I started to lose my ego at an exponential rate. This is also when the intense feelings of anxiety began to set in. Normally while sober, I have a few different methods of settling back into the present moment and gaining mindfulness over my emotions. These techniques went out the window. I couldn’t even remember how to think at this point; there was no “me” that could manipulate thought. “I” was totally at the mercy of the experience. (From here through the rest of the trip, if I use the words “I” or “me,” it is specifically for ease of language purposes. There was no “me” at this point). There was then a disconnect in time; I don’t remember even arriving at the peak but I do remember parts of what the peak itself was like. I experienced little to no visuals, everything looked “normal”. But the content of my visual field all became one. I could no longer tell the difference between the wall, the blanket, the clock, or the door. It was all one singular point of infinite possibilities the visual field could exist as. It was as if someone had pulled the rug out from under the “me” who experiences reality and there was just pure reality. I couldn’t even remember what I had done a few hours earlier in the evening. Nor did it even occur to me that there was an evening that happened.

 

Despite my ego completely disappearing, the intense feelings of anxiety were still present. It was my thought at the time that if I didn’t do something about the anxiety, this experience was going to cause long term damage to my psyche. At that point, all I could do was open up my body and try my best to surrender. That was difficult because I couldn’t even perceive the me that needed to surrender! I began reciting the word “surrender” over and over as some sort of a mantra. Maybe at the very least my subconscious could pick up on what that word meant. “Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.” That’s the only word I could perceive for what I assume was several minutes. It was as if my ego was stuck in this perceived Hell for an eternity, and it was trying to get me to identify with it so I would suffer as well.

 

The stress built up so much to the point where I ended up vomiting up the Taco Bell I had for dinner (award winning diet, I know). I was not prepared for this in the slightest, so it all ended up on my hard wood floor. Thank goodness I don’t have carpet in my room I lay back in my bed feeling like I had just purged much of the negative energy from my body. I could then feel my ego settling back into my body slowly as everything was turning back to “normal.” It was in that moment I realized that I truly experienced God and what it was like to be God. I was it. I was (and still am) the one who creates all of reality. My life story was total bullshit. I actually believed that I was a human being going through some life destined to die…..ha! I realized how foolish I was for falling for the same delusion most human beings on this planet are brainwashed into believing. It’s totally ridiculous that more people cannot see through this illusion! Through this experience, I learned to never underestimate God ever again. It was without question the most terrifying, yet humbling experience of my life.

 

The next day I woke and my perspective on reality was completely different, for better or for worse. My short-term memory since this experience has been noticeably reduced. I’ll often think of things, get distracted for a few seconds, then completely forget what I was thinking about. I was already a pretty spacey person, but now it takes even more work if I need to remember something for a short period of time. Occasionally, I also get some feelings of anxiety towards the present moment as well. I like to think that this is my ego reacting to the truth of no self that I experienced. If I am mindful enough I can usually see this anxiety for what it is causing it to dissipate reasonably fast. My perspective towards anxiety is completely different now as well. Many of the things that used to make me nervous don’t so much anymore. Instead my anxiety is now much more sporadic, appearing at seemingly random times for no apparent reason. It can be unpleasant to deal with at times, but it has become a very useful spiritual practice for me.

 

Overall I am happy that I had this experience. I disposed of the rest of the 5-MeO-DMT I had afterwards. I may revisit it sometime in the distant future, but I can already tell I need to integrate this experience for many more months or even years. It was like going through years of contemplative meditation all in just a one hour sitting. I now know that I am at least headed in the correct direction with enlightenment now and I am excited to see what new realizations are to be had!

 

Thank you for reading and let me know what you think!

[nightrider1435]

Your story hits home for me. I thought I could be ready for a 5 meo break through but now I'm starting to become aware of how strong my ego is and now I know... I probably wouldn't be able to surrender. I've only tripped once and rolled pretty damn hard two seperate times and each experience changed my world view dramatically, its insane. I have some acid right now and I just know it would be a bad idea to take it because I am still taking in what I saw on my previous experiences. I couldn't imagine trying to take 5 meo right now... hell no. I probably need to wait a lot longer than I realize, I'd say atleast a year or probably more. 

I'd say it's a good idea that you disposed of the rest of it, sounds like you weren't ready to see what you saw. I wouldn't even take any psychedelics for a while personally, take the time to contemplate what happened. The self will know when its ready to trip again, but if its saying its a bad idea, then I wouldn't do it.

[Pure Imagination]

@nightrider1435 Like you said, only you can know when you're ready. My main problem was that I severely underestimated how intense the 5-meo experience could be. Once I finally got the hang of how to snort it correctly, I saw how powerful a 30mg trip is. Despite the fact that I was totally blindsided, I am still glad that I had the experience. I just had it much sooner than I probably should have. It's kind of like figuring out what sex is when you're 6 years old; you should probably wait until you're older 

I have had a few more LSD trips since then, but I am much more careful about when I choose to do it. Before my 5-meo breakthrough, I admittedly used psychedelics more as toys rather than giving them the respect they deserve. I have also gotten a lot better at knowing if I feel up to tripping and if it is really something I should do. 

I think it's good that you are being cautious when thinking about when to trip. Having said that, I think it is also a bad idea to get worked up about having a bad trip because it ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you know you have the correct set and setting, you can go into the trip knowing you prepared and you are ready to gain some new insight into reality. Typically bad trips don't happen to me when I go in wanting to learn something rather than just being paranoid  

[nightrider1435]

@Pure Imagination I'm not concerned about having a bad trip, I'm more concerned about the fact when I come out of the trip I'm aware on a whole new level and the self is excited and scared at the same time haha. I've never used psychedelics for recreational use, I'm just now getting into them for spiritual use only. They boost spiritual progress like crazy, I have much respect for them.

 

[Loreena]

we need a 5meo dmt forum

[pluto]

The most amazing experiences almost always start off as the most challenging especially when the ego is not disciplined

For me personally if i ever plan on doing something as powerful i fast or eat only fruits/vegetables for a week or so to cleanse the system and partake in activities to re-center myself several days beforehand well so the experience is as pure and clean as possible. You'd be amazed how much 1 little processed substance or un-natural substance can effect the whole experience thus why when you go for Ayahuasca retreats they suggest very clean and strict diet/lifestyle for at least 2 weeks prior to the experience.

I remember experimenting with changa (herbal infused DMT) and one day i added one different herb to the mix and the experience was greatly influenced by the consciousness of that plant and took a much different route, ultimately the same but in its own unique way.

Thank you for sharing this with us, takes courage to go through.

Edited April 30, 2017 by pluto

[Barna]

18 hours ago, Pure Imagination said:

It was as if my ego was stuck in this perceived Hell for an eternity, and it was trying to get me to identify with it so I would suffer as well.

It requires a lot of courage to become God, to become One.  

You tried to surrender, but surrender in itself is a pretty vague word. What do you surrender and what do you surrender to? My feeling is that you tried to surrender only to escape hell. It is not really surrendering, it is fleeing.  

Surrender is not really the ideal mindset when you want to experience Oneness. Who do you surrender to when you are the only thing that exists? In your mind there was "little me" and the "huge evil Hell". Even if you are able to surrender to hell, you don't become one with it, you just become the accepting victim of it.

So we see that surrender is a dead end. Let's try a different approach. Instead of the method of surrender let's use the method of courage. You don't want surrender to hell, you want to have the courage to become one with it. So your mantra should not be "Surrender", your mantra should be "Bring it on! " and pull Hell inside your hearth. 

Now your question could be "How do I muster this kind of courage?" And my answer is that you don't muster it. Infinite amount of courage is already available for you, you just have to let go of fear and resistance. Do you feel like if you don't resist hell you might die? Oh, yes, you will. You will definitely die. See, 5meo is not for the ego that fights for its life. If you take 5meo you have to be the God that is looking forward to death, because death is only a part of God's infinite being.

As you see, you have to be crazy. You have to be willing to die, if you want to experience Infinity in all its glory. And if you want to develop this high level of craziness, you have to let go of fear and resistance.  

[Nahm]

@Pure Imagination This would be easier to disregard, but the anxiety is coming from food. It's all energy vibrating and the anxiety is the experience of the relativity between your current vibration and the mixing / digesting of the other vibration (the food). Eat high vibration food, and you can lift your vibration instead of lower it.

[Be Yourself]

13 hours ago, Loreena said:

we need a 5meo dmt forum

We need a full psychedelic forum!!! Leo please create one

Edited April 30, 2017 by Be Yourself

[Pure Imagination]

On 4/30/2017 at 7:23 AM, Barna said:

So we see that surrender is a dead end. Let's try a different approach. Instead of the method of surrender let's use the method of courage. You don't want surrender to hell, you want to have the courage to become one with it. So your mantra should not be "Surrender", your mantra should be "Bring it on! " and pull Hell inside your hearth. 

Thank you for this advice. It makes me realize that in order to accept the present moment we have to drop the whole surrender paradigm. Because if there is a need to surrender that implies that there is something that needs to be surrendered from. Which isn't the case - the present moment just is

Not to mention, the word "courage" is much more positive than "surrender"

[LeoIsMe69]

How is 5-MEO dmt different from a heroic dose of mushrooms (without visuals)? Thanks

[OBEler]

On 29.4.2017 at 7:11 PM, Pure Imagination said:

The next day I woke and my perspective on reality was completely different, for better or for worse. My short-term memory since this experience has been noticeably reduced. I’ll often think of things, get distracted for a few seconds, then completely forget what I was thinking about. I was already a pretty spacey person, but now it takes even more work if I need to remember something for a short period of time.

Do you still have reduced short term memory up to this day? Are you really sure this comes from 5 Meo DMT?

If it is so, do you recognize an improvement of short term memory over the years back to normal again?

[XYZ]

Maybe should've made a suppository instead.