My father hanged himself

[Javfly33]

My father died 4-5 years ago but today i found out my family didn´t tell me the truth about how he died... (when it happened i was living abroad).

This has shocked me a bit. He had quite a consistent habit of smoking dope so I assumed he had just simply overdosed. But to hang yourself? thats some next level of determination.

im not sure if to feel sad for all the times i treated like he didn´t meant anything for me, he did, but There was always a inmense barrier that blocked a real honest emotional communication. I could never open up to him because i did not feel safe around him.

Im so confused, is not good to quit the responsability to people for their acts but its like i want to extract something of value of this event so his pain that led him there was not in vain 😤

Edited September 28 by Javfly33

[Jannes]

I cant relate to that but I imagine it must feel intensely overwhelming. Give yourself time to process. 

[Atb210201]

No pain is ever in vain brother.

Remember what Rumi said:

Your pain will become your cure one day.

 

[Leo Gura]

Jeez, that's rough. Sorry man.

[Princess Arabia]

@Javfly33Sorry to hear you're going through this. Stay strong.

[Hardkill]

Damn, that’s a real tragedy. 

I can’t begin to imagine how painful it must feel after just finding out about something like that.

I am guessing that your family wanted to protect you from the truth for a while until they felt ready to tell you what really happened.

But that’s still so screwed up.

My condolences. 

Edited September 29 by Hardkill

[Emerald]

I'm sorry to hear that. 

[Vercingetorix]

I imagine if it happened to my dad, that's hard bro.

If you feel there is unfinished things between you and him it may be helpful to process it. you can complete these questions:

Please forgive me for...(treating you like you didn't mean anything to me)
I forgive you for...
Thank you for...
I love you for...

Stay on each line and complete it as many times as you wish until nothing more comes to mind. The goal is to let emotions come up and process them until you feel lighter and free.

[Buck Edwards]

Sorry to hear about it. It's tremendous trauma. Hope you find your healing. 

[Sincerity]

Holy shit, sorry dude. Please, let yourself be "weak" and process this fully. 

10 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

There was always a inmense barrier that blocked a real honest emotional communication.

Definitely can relate.

[manuel bon]

I am really sorry that this happened to you.. if you ever need to talk about it you can pm me! stay strong❤

[Javfly33]

thanks all of the messages 💙 

@manuel bon thanks bro

@Sincerity yeah im pretty confused right now to be honest lol

 

@Hardkill the issue is they didn´t felt ready, i had to ask them again yesterday and then they told the truth. If i never asked maybe i could not have know it, is crazy.

I think they also lied because they had guilt about it. 

His own father used to abuse it (physical abuse) when he was young, and the family acted like nothing never happened. 

And when my dad sometimes would bring it in a family conversation, he would get gaslighted by the rest of the family.

@Atb210201 Yeah thats what i suspect. Is like i feel the need to make something out of this

Edited September 29 by Javfly33

[Atb210201]

7 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

 

@Atb210201 Yeah thats what i suspect. Is like i feel the need to make something out of this

You don't need to make something out of it; it already is the case.

Don't you overthink it or worry or doubt about it; if there is pain there is also cure for sure the pain becomes the cure in the infinite love and intelligence of the universe.

Stay strong brother you know in your heart he's now in a good place and you can feel him in your heart and talk with him too if you want.

He is there after all, he is here, he hasn't gone anywhere.

Edited September 29 by Atb210201

[Salvijus]

Damn... 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Atb210201 said:

 

He is there after all, he is here, he hasn't gone anywhere.

 

Edited September 29 by Javfly33

[Letho]

@Javfly33 really sorry to hear that.