Bargain with the Devil

[LambdaDelta]

I've recently committed to making some important changes in my life, mostly related to more basic personal development, but also holistically intertwined with the larger picture of how I approach spirituality. Will soon put those to writing for better accountability and progress tracking. 

The shifts are already noticeable after a short amount of time, largely in that the level of satisfaction and purpose is on a steady rise. Gratitude and emotions too. But that's the good stuff, not quite what this topic is about. Par for the course, these last two days I've been having rather intense ego backlashes. These mainly manifested physically as unbearable itchiness all over the body, both in public and at home, red rashes appearing on the skin, I believe that's called hives. From past experiences I know that's a telltale sign of shame, embarrassment, and just general discomfort with the present situation. The ego doesn't like this new direction, and is trying to get its way though force. Today, during a particularly agonizing episode, I'm talking writhing on the floor for minutes on end, I've turned inwards and started a conversation with myself. 
I said to the ego "Look, as much as you try to separate yourself from me and the rest of reality, that's ultimately futile, we're all in the same boat here. So if you want to make me suffer, so be it, but you'll suffer right with me. We'll do this as long as required. Also, reflect on the past. All the doomscrolling, jerking off, rewatching the same crap, sleeping 12 hours a day, doing drugs, being lazy, unmotivated, and undisciplined doesn't really work. A lot of the time we're bored out of our mind, jumping from one thing to the next. Instead, from now on, you take the backseat, and I'll get us to where we need to go, a place of subtle, but consistent fulfillment. I'll allow some room for your devilry and bias, but in a healthy way, such that it contributes to the higher purpose in the grand scheme. What say you?"

And what do you know, the attack quickly subsided. Surrender strikes again. 

Basically the "Dormammu, I've come to bargain!" scene from Dr. Strange:

Now, that surely doesn't mean it's over, the Devil will play ball for now, but in the background devise new, ever more elaborate schemes to fall back into old habits, and make me believe that's what I actually want. With this new technique in the arsenal, it'll be a bit easier to counteract that though. 

Well, that does it, perhaps will be of help to someone. 

[hyruga]

You can read these books which talk about the ego:

Ego Is the Enemy Ryan Holiday.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose Eckhart Tolle.

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment Eckhart Tolle.