Conclusions after a 2-month solo-retreat

[integration journey]

You guys are so wise. Thank you❤️

beautiful read

[Spiral Wizard]

On 9/26/2024 at 7:16 PM, CoolDreamThanks said:

Letting go of idols happens only through wisdom. We must see the pain our idols bring us in the end. It's literally this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaxt347IrFw&ab_channel=iano 

That is helarious

On 9/26/2024 at 7:16 PM, CoolDreamThanks said:

• I'm stuck in a catch 22 - if I stop meditating and dedicating myself to God, there looms a meaninglessness behind every thing I do - I know what I am doing - being mesmerized by the illusion of death. If I do meditate - I get miserable as the unconscious trauma surfaces and I have to work through it. There's a shitload of it. The good thing is that once in a while there's an experience of bliss and the work itself is the only meaningful thing one can do, so it feels like genuine improvement, not just mental masturbation with concepts. 

One relief I've found is a guide or mentor if you will who has walked the path of pain processing. To me, he is a benevolent loving presence who automatically relieves so much of my resistance toward the pain that is surfacing. 

We can burn the candle from both ends. 

Drop resistance and drop into the emotions.

Drop resistance and drop into awareness of awareness. 

Both offer relief. The former will transform our entire being, especially the human. The latter will awaken us more deeply, at the potential cost of leaving the body behind and spiritual bypassing. 

[Spiral Wizard]

On 9/27/2024 at 11:32 AM, integration journey said:

For self enquiry, what reference helped you learn this technique the most?

I found one of the trickiest parts about self-inquiry is falling back into the seemingly 'important' content of thoughts rather than recognizing that it's just mind activity happening - in awareness. 

A friend referred me to a teacher who gives such reflections and it's been extremely effective for me. He works free of charge, if you'd like, I may be able to connect you as well. The prerequisite is an established meditation practice, however. I think he works with experienced meditators, so the seeds he sows have fertile ground to grow.

 

Edited December 13, 2024 by Spiral Wizard

[CoolDreamThanks]

4 minutes ago, Spiral Wizard said:

I found one of the trickiest parts about self-inquiry is falling back into the seemingly 'important' content of thoughts rather than recognizing that it's just mind activity happening - in awareness. 

A friend referred me to a teacher who gives such reflections and it's been extremely effective for me. He works free of charge, if you'd like, I can connect you. 

 

Yes, definitely; until there's a lot of space between You and the mind, the mind has such a strong magnetic pull toward its seemingly true thoughts. If you engage with only one of them, entertain a single strand of thought - it can unravel into a story lasting minutes, making you forget yourself for that period. I found that that's why long solo retreats work so well, and just living a regular life and trying to awaken on the side doesn't work as well. Remembrance Presence for 30-60 minutes daily is so ineffective at awakening. If you are at home living a regular life and your level of presence is increasing by 1-2% every few months, then it's such an annoying, slow process. But on a solo retreat, you can quickly level up your Silence. You can probably do what someone would do in a lifetime of practice in a 2-3 month retreat. On the other hand, awakening quickly also has drawbacks - it can be very turbulent if unconscious pain surfaces and keeps surfacing for multiple days or weeks in a row. Could you let me know who the teacher is? PM is fine as well.  Thank you. 

[Spiral Wizard]

On 9/27/2024 at 5:17 PM, CoolDreamThanks said:

It is my present understanding that God doesn't require any sacrifice and you can get enlightened whilst living a normal life

That's it. 

Consider reading 'The Surrender Experiment' by Michael A. Singer. Super interesting read & 'case study'! 

He spent 1.5 years in the woods in a little hut, meditating for most of the day, fasting, and completely committing his life to hardcore spiritual practice. 

After a few life events, it became clear to him that that wasn't going to get him all the way. It got him somewhere remarkable, but not where he aspired to go.

So then, he decided to dare and started a surrender experiment. He understood that his efforts could only get him so far. Humbeled, he realized that he didn't know and that guidance or grace was required. Since he didn't have a teacher or guru to surrender to, he chose life. Whenever life presented him with a decision or crossroad, small or huge, he would let go of his preferences, and go with what was asked of him. Almost like saying 'yes' to everything, no matter how many resistances and tantrums his mind would throw up. 

Surprisingly, this did not end up in disaster, but in incredible synchronicities and grace. Life had more to offer than he could ever take from it. It did not only transform his worldly life (he became a billionaire), but according to him, it also did more for his spiritual progress than all of the hours spent in meditation. 

Pretty impressive testimony. 

I will add that: In my experience and understanding, both ego resistance and ascension are an escape from being in pain. The sweet spot is in between the two. Where there is enough spacious awareness to not resist pain anymore, but not too much space, which can make pain disappear. It is in the middle where the pain process has the chance to fully annihilate us and we can be reborn into greater consciousness. 

This is the essence of liberation & integration. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

@Spiral Wizard Hmm, what I missed in Michaels’ testimony is the idea that we are always choosing between being identified with awareness or with ego. Ego is all about judgement, thinking, resisting, hating. And awareness is incapable of judgement - it merely looks and judges not. Awareness accepts everything and doesn’t try to figure out what’s good or bad or even what life ultimately is. I believe this choice to be identified with awareness is how you get enlightened.  
 

edit: actually, maybe he just doesnt call it awareness but surrender? You said he didnt care about how his mind threw tantrums and I think you can only do that when you are outside of the mind in awareness.  
 

Anyway, it’s a beautiful testimony. Jesus in ACIM says: What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? (ACIM, W-135.18:1)

Edited December 15, 2024 by CoolDreamThanks