Leo’s advise about dating and sex are mostly aimed towards man

[Rishabh R]

@Emerald I remember that it's been since 2015 when all the bullying , romantic rejection , heartbreak started. In 2015 I felt in a one sided love with a girl , then she started dating other guy. In 2016, I proposed her she said no. Few of other girls were also there in my school who used to treat me badly. In 2017, I left that school and joined another school. I had this girl whom I talked regularly but another guy stole that girl. Then in 2018 I had a really awful experience, that a girl whom I liked and was talking to told me to stop doing dating and all and study as these things are useless , she then at the same time was flirting with another guy in my class . I remember that evening in my study coaching institute. Then next few days was my exam , I felt really bad. Leo's video - What is actuality helped me from drowning in more misery. Then I again met another girl and had a good interaction only to discover that she had a boyfriend. Then I took an year drop for preparation of college, then I talked to another girl and all of a sudden she disappeared from muly life. At that time I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed me antidepressants, antipsychotics (2019). When I entered college , I again proposed a girl online by saying- I love you. She bullied me , hurted me, her friend gave me a threat over call. When I transitioned to offline classes, she started dating another guy and her attitude towards me was very bad , still is. Up until now I am still on antidepressants and other medications. I began self help around 2017 of January.

Sorry for the long post. I usually don't write this long.

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Someone's got a strong mother wound. And behaves as if Emerald was the infamous hunter responsible for it. 

I was thinking it might be something like that.

I'm very close with someone that can get triggered into some patterns like this where he feels responsible for keeping women from losing their minds, because his mom and sister had/have alcoholism and Schizophrenia which caused episodes where they'd be hallucinating and thinking delusionally.

And as a very young child, the adults around him were like "take care of your mother" because his dad wasn't around and his older sister wasn't capable of helping because she was also a child and had her own mental health issues.

So, he's got all this feeling of responsibility at the age of 6 for his mother's well-being, and he also feels responsible for his sister now.

And even now, if I get too excited... or if I get a little angry... or sad... or show strong emotion at all, he can start getting freaked out and over-functioning... though he's much better about it now if I tell him to cool his jets.

But it used to cause a real strain on our relationship back when we were romantic partners.

And he would constantly be criticizing me and trying to control me and teach me how everything I'm doing is wrong. And our relationship became like a controlling dad who was constantly reprimanding their recalcitrant rebellious teenage daughter who just won't listen to 'reason'. And the 12 year age gap didn't help matters on this front.

And when I finally ended the romantic part of our relationship, he admitted to me that he saw himself as my teacher that needed to train me and fix me so that I could start operating normally. And it was only then that it occurred to him that that wasn't the right way to operate and he apologized and has made a lot of progress on this front.

But that's what the poster who keeps talking about me reminds me a little of. And it makes me wonder if he's got some similar trauma patterns in his background to where he was made to be responsible for his mom or other female family members' mental health issues at a young age.

He seems to be over-functioning and trying to get me to listen to him and to 'dispossess me of my delusions'. So, it's very familiar. 

[bambi]

Emerald you are the type of person to sniff their own farts and lie about it, and I cant respect that type of behaviour

Is it not clear that all the 'Im trying to help you' condecencsion to you and Princess is my purposeful mirroring of you two  How can you think this is my natural personality, its absurd 

Edited October 3 by bambi

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Letho said:

@Emerald God I'm so sorry you went through that.

Thank you. I appreciate the support.

[Emerald]

6 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

That's not only what I see, but it’s literally what I was thinking about writing to you a bit earlier. They remind me of a bunch of spicy cats who aren’t realizing how safe, nurturing, and caring the person in front of them is while they furiously attack the well-meaning Samaritan.

And oh God, these cats are really spicy. Their spiciness prevents the nice petting and great play moments that could arise, which would feel much better for everyone. 

Also, Emerald, reading your backstory—albeit very insightful and somewhat fascinating—makes me very appreciative and glad that things turned out so well for you despite those sordid experiences.  You have all my compassion.

And while I wish none of that had happened to you, I suppose that 'Emeralds' are created under a lot of cosmic pressure... 

Spicy cats is a good way to put it.

If you go on a Red Pill or Incel forum or read any post from anywhere by a guy who is resistant to the Feminine, the main things that sticks out to me is that it feels very catty... like Mean Girls vibes.

And I know that that's like the opposite of the image that these guys are wanting to portray. 

Also, thank you for the support. <3 

I'm glad those times are over. But these experiences have made me who I am.

[Keryo Koffa]

47 minutes ago, bambi said:

my purposeful mirroring of you two  How can you think this is my natural personality, its absurd 

Your mirroring is not subtle and dense enough to sting, you should work on that.

[bambi]

5 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Your mirroring is not subtle and dense enough to sting, you should work on that.

Would you be shocked to know mirroring ego maniacs isnt a full time pursuit of mine  Im pretty good consiering this forum is my only practise

[Keryo Koffa]

3 minutes ago, bambi said:

Would you be shocked to know mirroring ego maniacs isnt a full time pursuit of mine  Im pretty good consiering this forum is my only practise

Your post history suggests otherwise, you seem educated enough, except you've missed your courses on aesthetics.
If you keep missing your mark, I might have to do your work for you 😁

I'm here mostly to study human behavioral dynamics, the whole idea thread topic subforum paradigm is alienating.

Edited October 3 by Keryo Koffa

[bambi]

15 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Your post history suggests otherwise, you seem educated enough, except you've missed your courses on aesthetics.
If you keep missing your mark, I might have to do your work for you 😁

I'm here mostly to study human behavioral dynamics, the whole idea thread topic subforum paradigm is alienating.

All my work is aesthetic, you just dont appreciate brutalism

How is the study going, what did you learn so far?

[Keryo Koffa]

1 hour ago, bambi said:

All my work is aesthetic, you just dont appreciate brutalism

How is the study going, what did you learn so far?

I do appreciate brutalism, I just think it's an ineffective strategy in this particular case.
It's like using an RPG against infantry, they're too mobile and it yields diminishing returns.
It leads to your opposition dissociating from your criticism and not taking you seriously.
Because they simply dismiss it as ad hominems, due to your grade of exaggeration.

What I learned is:
Gender is essentially a ridiculous society-scaled ego-identity polarization mechanism, driven through caricatured aesthetic appeals towards psychological self-compartmentalization. Even the "specialization is for insects" argument is too cherishable here, you gain nothing by arbitrarily rejecting parts of yourself, of which all maintain balance and grow autonomy. Universally healthy skills and characteristics keep being steered up by old paradigms, isolating, generalizing, and assigning them by gender, separating them into masculine and feminine. A rigid and dogmatic identification prescription leads to overcompensation, alienation, polarization, and aping where none is necessary or of use. It feels like specialized cultural survival remnants running amok, permeating the collective unconsicous.

Edited October 3 by Keryo Koffa

[bambi]

1 hour ago, Keryo Koffa said:

I do appreciate brutalism, I just think it's an ineffective strategy in this particular case.
It's like using an RPG against infantry, they're too mobile and it yields diminishing returns.
It leads to your opposition dissociating from your criticism and not taking you seriously.
Because they simply dismiss it as ad hominems, due to your grade of exaggeration.

What I learned is:
Gender is essentially a ridiculous society-scaled ego-identity polarization mechanism, driven through caricatured aesthetic appeals towards psychological self-compartmentalization. Even the "specialization is for insects" argument is too cherishable here, you gain nothing by arbitrarily rejecting parts of yourself, of which all maintain balance and grow autonomy. Universally healthy skills and characteristics keep being steered up by old paradigms, isolating, generalizing, and assigning them by gender, separating them into masculine and feminine. A rigid and dogmatic identification prescription leads to overcompensation, alienation, polarization, and aping where none is necessary or of use. It feels like specialized cultural survival remnants running amok, permeating the collective unconsicous.

Oh I meant the architectural style lol I was using a metaphor not an adjective

I agree. I think there tends to be two camps  of people, those who see gender as having a core substrate or essence that has a certain set of immutable characteristics or qualities, and those that see it as a perennial behavioural description or stereotype. Neither realise the entire thing is a construct

[Keryo Koffa]

39 minutes ago, bambi said:

Oh I meant the architectural style lol I was using a metaphor not an adjective

I agree. I think there tends to be two camps  of people, those who see gender as having a core substrate or essence that has a certain set of immutable characteristics or qualities, and those that see it as a perennial behavioural description or stereotype. Neither realise the entire thing is a construct

I also appreciate that brutalism.
The geometry, scale, and symbolism
through monumentality evokes
a deep sense of anemoia within me.

Everybody evolves at their own pace, I guess.
Including one's proclivity to ego-games.

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

I do appreciate brutalism, I just think it's an ineffective strategy in this particular case.
It's like using an RPG against infantry, they're too mobile and it yields diminishing returns.
It leads to your opposition dissociating from your criticism and not taking you seriously.
Because they simply dismiss it as ad hominems, due to your grade of exaggeration.

Yes, I would be fine with engaging with the content of his argument if he were treating me with respect. I'm happy to have a debate.

But I have a non-negotiable boundary that I will not read or respond to arguments that are peppered with insults and personal attacks.

So, I haven't dismissed his perspective as pure ad hominem, as I don't know what his perspective is beyond what I can take in at a cursory glance.

But I refuse to read/engage with his perspective because of the screed of ad hominem attacks and the lack of a basic level of respect.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, bambi said:

Oh I meant the architectural style lol I was using a metaphor not an adjective

I agree. I think there tends to be two camps  of people, those who see gender as having a core substrate or essence that has a certain set of immutable characteristics or qualities, and those that see it as a perennial behavioural description or stereotype. Neither realise the entire thing is a construct

When baby chimpanzees are given toys to play with, the male chimps go for the male toys and the female chimps go for the female toys.

So this idea that masculine/feminine are social constructs is bunk.

There are extremely clear psychological differences between male and female chimps. This is obvious to anyone who isn't blinded by leftist politics. Ironically, it is leftist equality politics which is the social construct. Sex is not.

Edited October 4 by Leo Gura

[aurum]

21 hours ago, Emerald said:

Yes, that's exactly how it is. You become fixated on that one particular guy, and every other guy is whatever... even guys who are kinder, better, more attractive, etc. etc. etc.

And to your point from the previous message, this can also repel a guy because guys tend to fall in love through trying to earn a woman's appreciation and affection. And feeling these feelings too openly or intensely can 'spoil the game' for a guy, and he won't really appreciate the affection without the sense that he earned it through this that or the other action or quality.

So, it's a delicate needle to thread... as this Feminine way of becoming attracted to a man without boundaries and temperance can backfire and can cause a woman to step into the lover role, which is a Masculine archetype that's all about giving love.

And she can start over-functioning and treating him like the beloved, and trying to woo the guy and give and give and give, which he may enjoy but doesn't fall in love with. And it creates an imbalance of investment that is repellant.

She may try to woo him by giving him sex, a pretty face/body, affection, love, cooking, cleaning, low-maintenance girlfriend treatment with low commitment, etc. in hopes of winning his affection. And this is her projecting her own sexuality onto him, because she would like him to invest in her and give and believes that he responds to the same thing.

But men usually don't respond with love to receiving. 

He's more likely to respond with love to giving and being appreciated for what he gives.

So, it requires the ability to temper those feelings and to maintain quite a bit of restraint and opacity... and to create more space when every fiber of your being says "Get closer!!!!"

And thank you for the compliment! Before I became a mom at 22, my life was a lot more chaotic. But I learned a lot about people during that time. And it's all very helpful to me now because it gives me some different points of perspective.

Oh yes, the princess flip. That definitely does not work and often just feels awkward or even emasculating.

Another misconception I've seen is women thinking that because a man shows a lot of investment in one area of his life, that it will translate over to her. Like if he's super passionate about a hobby, then he will be passionate about investing in our relationship, right?  

Well...maybe.

It's usually not that straightforward. You can potentially compartmentalize investment, such that you are passionate in one area but slack in another. In fact, he might be so heavily invested in whatever else he is doing that the relationship just feels like a distraction.

Women are better off just screening for more compatible guys than trying to win investment.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Women are better off just screening for more compatible guys than trying to win investment.

That's definitely true. You can't really win a guy over.

He's just into it or he isn't.

But you could even repel a guy who is into it by over-functioning.

[bambi]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When baby chimpanzees are given toys to play with, the male chimps go for the male toys and the female chimps go for the female toys.

So this idea that masculine/feminine are social constructs is bunk.

There are extremely clear psychological differences between male and female chimps. This is obvious to anyone who isn't blinded by leftist politics. Ironically, it is leftist equality politics which is the social construct. Sex is not.

LOL I dont know if the chimpanzee studies are proof of essential gender traits in humans. Nor does it debunk that gender is socially contstructed or influence.

Reality is gender is informed from biology and society. But its correlative not causative. Putting gender as a causal truth in relation to biology is just inaccurate.

The more accuracy you want the less you can actually say about gender, and inverse the more you want to make generalisations about gender, you lose accuracy.

Thats why gender heuristics are limited and have a time and a place, but when you have a hammer all you see is nails.

Edited October 4 by bambi

[Nemra]

@bambi, didn't Leo explain how he generalizes?

The following is a quote from one of his posts.

"What's unhealthy for society is denying the obvious psychological differences between men and women.

When I say man, what I really mean is masculine. If a man is not masculine then what I say doesn't apply. Just because there are feminine men doesn't touch my point."

Do you think we can talk about this stuff without generalizing?

[Keryo Koffa]

10 hours ago, Emerald said:

I refuse to engage with his perspective because of the screed of ad hominem attacks and the lack of a basic level of respect.

Bambi is very apt at starting arguments and beating people over the head with a stick.
He sees himself justified, thinking his criticisms are obvious and the other side ridiculous.
Not leaving enough room to start a conversation, he quickly gets dismissed.
In the back of his mind, he is the one being hammered by others' passive-aggression.

To give you an insight into his interpretations, this is what you look like to bambi:

Here's a low-fat version of the Bambi Criticism Smoothie:
Emerald's "favoritism" conflates each woman with the peak ideal of the feminine polarity, ignoring individuality, and hoarding all the best traits while refusing men the same courtesy. Additionally, the very dichotomy is a self-perpetuating schema, that prescribes behavior and ignores the universal humanity within each individual, because of the stereotypes left over from cultural evolution. There's a reductionist narrative, that separates, imposes, and backwards-rationalizes itself by assigning traits by genders, and is nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy, that's been spun throughout the ages, then justified and projected onto evolution. Emerald's feminine sexuality is holistic, unlike the "toxic masculine", and all women are bailed out from toxic materialist behavior, because "the only source of evil is men". Emerald is lost in the role of a spiritual ego saint, a lofty high ground of narcissistic morality posturing.

So that's the demon bambi sees himself arguing with, getting ever more riled up.

Edited October 4 by Keryo Koffa

[RendHeaven]

15 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

you gain nothing by arbitrarily rejecting parts of yourself

Nope, sexual polarity is a blessing. Best thing anyone could've ever possibly invented. Thank you God.