Leo’s advise about dating and sex are mostly aimed towards man

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

@Emerald Thanks for your detailed, patient responses to me, you have been very helpful.

You're welcome!

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, CARDOZZO said:

@Emerald

If one day you could make a post, do it about how a woman show intent in a way that men can't understand/perceive.

Sometimes, women are giving signals but we just don't get it. It is not explicit enough. 

Usually if a woman you know personally and are interacting with a lot has a crush on you, she'll do a few predictable things...

She'll probably try to be in your proximity quite a lot. She'll laugh a lot. She may start focusing more on her physical appearance. She may tease you. She may even act a bit awkward or strange in your presence. She could even potentially avoid being around you if she's really nervous or insecure.

But many women (especially less confident women) will be somewhat tight-lipped about her feelings because having feelings for a guy is pretty high stakes.

If you only get a crush every once in a while when the feelings are super strong, and the guy you're invested in isn't interested in you, the rejection rips all the potential away forever with that specific person. And keeping those feelings under wraps is a way of maintaining that potential, even if nothing comes to fruition due to non-action. 

And there's already so much investment into that one person that could be lost, which would cause some degree of grief.

So, women can often avoid being direct about their feelings to avoid the pain of potential rejection.

Plus, women can also worry about creeping the guy out and feeling like an obsessive stalker. So, she may underplay her feelings if she has this concern that the depth of her feelings are inappropriate and that he's going to feel icky and violated by the depth of her feelings for him.

Like, I've hidden my feelings SOO many times from guys because of these concerns.

Now, in more casual interactions where general attraction is more relevant (like clubs), the woman will probably make more eye contact if she finds you attractive. 

But you'd have to feel it out more in these contexts through making a slight advance and seeing how she responds. And if she responds affirmatively, then continuing to advance.

Like if you get closer to her or touch her platonically, does she pull away or seem to move closer? And if you notice she's okay with these mild advances, you can get a somewhat bolder with your proximity and touch.

But the main thing is to advance things slowly and gauge her response. Think of it like a wordless conversation. 

Like if you're sitting next to her and you let your legs relax and it happen to press slightly against hers, does she pull away or keep her leg in the same spot? These communicate two different things.

So, you don't have to go from 0 to 100 from a single look or anything like that. 

Instead, make gradual advances when you intuitively sense that it's the right time.

And if she's laughing and having a good time with you, you can probably make the first advance like closer proximity or platonic touch.

Or you invite her to sit next to you to look at pictures on your phone that are attached to a personal story (like a vacation or memories with friends) and keep the phone towards her but still in front of you, and see how much liberty she takes to get close to you to see the pictures.

If she gets quite close or wants to stay sitting next to you, that's typically a good sign that you can advance things somewhat further. But taking it slow until the kiss is important.

[Letho]

On 24/9/2024 at 6:34 PM, Dana1 said:

I feel like Leo either chooses to overlook or is unaware of the woman's perspective on dating and relationships. As women, even those who are successful and attractive, we struggle to find the right partner. You only need to look at mainstream music written by female artists to see that we suffer a lot. We are cheated on, and our feelings are often played with. Especially when we want both sex and intimacy, we end up with men who see us as objects. 

I want to make sense of this dynamic, and I would really appreciate it if Leo could make a video addressing this topic, specifically aimed towards women. 
 

Think of it like this Leo, if you had a daughter what would be your advise for her?

@Dana1 and then women would complain that 'He can't speak for women as he's NOT a woman!' or perhaps a transexual will come and say 'Well what about US!' 

But just to add my 2 cents to the whole attraction thing, if a woman likes you she'll just suck your dick right then and there with you barely having to say a thing.

I'm being purposefully direct but it's true. Usually I go on about theory but seriously, if any man reading this reverse engineers how that's even possible beyond a man's physical appearance you'll (1) understand how female attraction works (2) understand why your dick isn't being sucked just off on a whim.

Your goal should never be to get your dick sucked off the cuff and mine never is, that's utterly absurd and honestly disgraceful intentionality. However I'm at the same time a super open minded guy exploring every consciousness possibility in the moment as much as my hearts content so if it feels right then these things unfold by themselves, I am just interested in ascending my consciousness.

I'm not at all a player and would never become one however I (1) love genuinely talking to, connecting with and understanding people when things feel right and it feels like there's good vibration there and (2) love as I said exploring energy, energetic possibilities and explorations and that would just come off on me I'm guessing. This isn't all the time though, right now I'm pretty introverted as I like to spend my time integrating my past experiences, however if you subtract either 1 or 2, now all of a sudden I need to learn 'game' in an artificial way simply because I have a sex drive and I'm looking to get a high off of it rather than it just being a natural part of genuinely wanting to learn, understand and grow from human interactions.

'Game' is just a business model that takes advantage of the memetic stupidity that's surfaced in the last few decades (sometimes to good end, and sometimes its purposefully used to rope in the brainwashed so you can feed them wholesome stuff), you've gotta escape the matrix and just be an f'ing human and remember the other person is an f'ing human as well and not be so f'ing self-absorbed so you can empathise and if the other person doesn't get that either well the vibe shouldn't be there and from that point on you should be asking your intelligence why the f you haven't moved on yet to continue growing from life as you're wasting your time now. And I totally know what that's like by the way, I'm not some supreme super intelligence here, its taken me time to see through all the noise and establish that signal as a life path to move continuously forward with as a foundation for developing and being grounded by the maturity that comes from that ongoing feedback loop of experiencing, integrating, growing and doing the whole thing all over again until I'm ready to say my last words on my tombstone, "We did it, so did trillions of others. Do it better."

 

 

[Emerald]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's not a bug, that's a feature. That's how women screen out the weak men. They don't want to give weak men explicit signals or help in mating them.

What you gotta understand is that women are not here to serve you. They are always doing what is best for them, not what you need. Don't try to change women, change how you see them.

It is not a woman's job to help you have sex with her. Her job is to put up obstacles.

I don't necessarily think that's the function of women hiding their attraction cues from men, as there are other more obvious survival advantages that female sexual opacity provides.

There are other functions for weeding out the wrong men that are more efficient than that.

Truthfully, if she's genuinely attracted, she's already done the instinctual selection and has already gotten past the smell test around qualities that give her the ick.

And at that point, if she has sensed that she's not attracted, she doesn't really have an attraction to hide.

My experience has been that my tendency towards opacity about my attractions has been in relation to the following...

• Starting off platonically without me indicating attraction directly allows for a more organic basic human-to-human intimacy to form. And this sets up a better foundation to build upon romantically. And if I create more ambiguity, it will keep an interested guy engaging in the interaction over a long enough period of time for platonic intimacy to happen... which sets a better stage for pair bonding.
• I've also hidden my feelings because I'm nervous to show them before I know they're reciprocated for fear of rejection.
• Also, I like deliberately slowing things down and allowing mystery, sexual tension, and anticipation to build over time... because it's 10x more interesting and exciting to me that way.
• I have deliberately cultivated a self-image and reputation as being someone who is a bit more sexually reserved despite also being a naturally sensual person. And I tend to find more sexually reserved men and women more sexually attractive because I find them more mysterious, as hidden sexuality makes it more intriguing to me. So, being more socially opaque about this facet of myself makes me feel more attractive and feel like I'm being perceived as more attractive.
• Being more opaque with my sexuality and my attractions as my general MO sets up a solid platonic status quo. And when that platonic status quo shifts to something more amorous with regard to a specific person, it means something more to me (and them too if they're a good person to match with). And the contrast between platonic and romantic creates a tension of opposites that intensifies the depth of my erotic heart-centered feelings and sets a better stage for me to open up to deeper levels of merging and pair bonding.
• Many negative experiences from age 13-15 where I wore my flirtatiousness and sensuality on my sleeve and was treated really badly by both male and female classmates. It made me a target for quite a bit of hate and disrespect. This caused me to make strategic changes when I was 15-16 to become a lot more reserved and opaque about my sexuality. And from that point onward, I got a lot more power and respect... and higher quality people who were interested in me. So, I'm more opaque because of those negative experiences... but as a consolation prize, it helped me find a more empowering feeling sexual frame and identity to inhabit.
• If I like him and we're interacting regularly and things are progressing... why rush it and ruin the unfolding process with tons of unnecessary directness? I find it simultaneously adorable, exhilarating, and meaningful to be alone with the guy I'm interested in and witnessing him doing his best to work up the courage to overturn the platonic status quo, as I can see he's putting in some emotional labor to be intimate with me.

So, I can't really imagine getting to the point where I'm already attracted to a guy and being instinctually opaque with my signals to screen further. I've never had a situation happen like that where I was already attracted to a guy and he misread a signal and I lost that attraction. 

Yet again, I have pretty high standards for what I consider an attraction to be. So, it depends on how you define attraction.

Perhaps if it's a shallow generic attraction like "Hey, that guy's kind of cute." but then he misreads my level of interest to the point where he tries to kiss me right away, that's going to kill any real attraction that could have ever grown there.

But my perception, from looking at my conscious decisions to be more opaque, is that my opacity around my sexual feelings isn't really about the vetting men's weaknesses. 

Rather, being sexually reserved creates the necessary conditions that deeper levels of intimacy, meaning, and pair-boding can be built upon. And this would be more difficult if I was super open with my sexual expressiveness. And it is also helpful to me socially in general because it communicates that I have more selectiveness about my mate choice and higher standards. And this in turn, creates a perception of higher value and abundance in many social contexts.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

So, I can't really imagine getting to the point where I'm already attracted to a guy and being instinctually opaque with my signals to screen further.

1) Of course by that point the issue is moot. You have assumed attraction, which is the whole issue for men.

For women, the pre-attraction phase barely exists. But for men, that is where all the effort goes.

2) Women still play games and withhold sex after obvious attraction.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

1) Of course by that point the issue is moot. You have assumed attraction, which is the whole issue for men.

2) Women still play games and withhold sex after obvious attraction.

Ever think she's just not that horny enough. Maybe a little foreplay to get that kitty kitty wet will make that withholding more "with holding". 

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

1) Of course by that point the issue is moot. You have assumed attraction, which is the whole issue for men.

2) Women still play games and withhold sex after obvious attraction.

Also, women may stop withholding when they're not labelled as easy or giving it up. You don't realize how women are being molded. That kitty kitty is very emotional and a bit touchy. It doesn't like to be used and abused and discarded so it withholds to protect itself; it's not intended games. It's how we nurture ourselves. Here kitty kitty, lol

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Ever think she's just not that horny enough. Maybe a little foreplay to get that kitty kitty wet will make that withholding more "with holding". 

That's cute, but that's not how women work.

The higher value they preceive a man the more they will delay and withhold sex in order to get him invested.

And she's not gonna get horny for a guy she's not attracted to. So again all this assumes attraction.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

it's not intended games. It's how we nurture ourselves.

Your games are your survival. Games are life and death.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

That's cute, but that's not women work.

The higher value they preceive a man the more they will delay and withhold sex in order to get him invested.

Sure, because she feels he will play the game of "next". Still not games. It's how she protects herself. Give it up quick... she's easy, delay.,.she's playing games.....yeah games men invented.

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

Your games are your survival. Games are life and death.

Yes, but why say she's playing games. If it's survival it's not games to her. It's games to you when her survival hurts you.

[Davino]

@Princess Arabia have you ever played with a cat? 

It's the same push and pull. Yet it's no joke you can get hurt and in the end it's hunting

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes, but why say she's playing games. If it's survival it's not games to her. It's games to you when her survival hurts you.

Because it is deceptive.

It's called game for a reason.

From a man's POV, a woman's deceptions require deciphering. Of course the woman cares about none of that. This has no import to women.

I'm not saying this to women. I'm explaining this to men, so they can have some success. The women don't care about this.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

Because it is deceptive.

It's called game for a reason.

You called it her playing games. She didn't. It's only deceptive to you, its real for her. You don't understand a woman receives and that shit can get closed up if she's not in receptive mode, Howls she being deceptive when it's the mind that's dictating the stories she believes.

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

It's only deceptive to you,

It's deceptive to any honest rational actor.

If an animal behaved that way, you would call it deceptive. Like when a possum plays dead. It takes skill and training to see the possum's trickery.

It's hard to get a possum to admit its own tricks.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Davino said:

@Princess Arabia have you ever played with a cat? 

It's the same push and pull. Yet it's no joke you can get hurt and in the end it's hunting

Had cats all my life, As we speak, she's currently sleeping. I know them very well. 

Women only play these games because they are trying to protect themselves,. Themselves from the games men themselves play. 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Women only play these games because they are trying to protect themselves,.

All that is obvious.

But not just to protect herself. To screen out low value men.

Or to put it starkly: to protect herself from low value men.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's deceptive to any honest rational actor.

If an animal behaved that way, you would call it deceptive. Like when a possum plays dead. It takes skill and training to see the possum's trickery.

OK. This is what happenes

Don't have sex too quickly or he won't respect you, don't give it up too easily make him wait awhile, 

Men: She's easy and gave it up quickly, I didn't even have to work for it. Ilm bored with this pussy, gotta go hunt for a hot one. Women: Hi. Screens for status incase he leaves her impregnated. Men: She's playing games and won't give it up, she's being deceptive by protecting herself. Dunno, seems a bit chaotic. Why bother.

Edited October 2 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

All that is obvious.

But not just to protect herself. To screen out low value men.

Or to put it starkly: to protect herself from low value men.

I dunno, plenty of low-value men are getting laid.

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Don't have sex too quickly or he won't respect you,

That's the trick!

Because in reality women sleep around easily and frequently with dishonest players. But the nice honest guys get the short end of the stick.

Thus game is born.

Edited October 2 by Leo Gura