Leo’s advise about dating and sex are mostly aimed towards man

[Nemra]

@Davino, actually, I wasn't taught that it's bad. Men do impose their will, where I'm from. Often it's ugly.

But still, I don't have the desire to impose my will on others. It arises for defending myself or out of necessity mostly. And it's generally not fulfilling to me. Also, I'm not part of western society.

But I do appreciate those people who use that will to help others. Also, I have found that I don't have that burning desire to lead people, at least for now.

Edited September 28 by Nemra

[Leo Gura]

It's not imposing will on others per se, it's about imposing will on the universe.

[Chadders]

@Dana1 In my experience with women who struggle to meet a mate I would say this is because they don’t actually know what they want. Relationships are a compromise. Fundamentally you are looking for connection and intimacy with someone you have a synergy with - this is what we all want deep down.

There are women (mostly younger women) who are on the one hand wanting that connection but because of insecurity end up chasing approval and validation from emotional unavailable men. This means you never get what you really want.

Dating apps exaggerate this whole process 

[Nemra]

59 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not imposing will on others per se, it's about imposing will on the universe.

Well, then I do impose, but in a different way (not typical to a man), I guess.

Edited September 28 by Nemra

[Alexop]

@Leo Gura  I had deep conversations with around 8-9 swedish women since I moved here, and 4 of them said they have enough of swedish men, they said they are booring, unmotivated and behaving like boys.  My ex swedish girlfriend told me that so many women here gaslight temselves to like the nice guys they are together with. Honestly, I never met such boring and uninteresting men in my whole life, and it is not about them being feminine, don't get me wrong! My best friend from my home country is a very feminine guy. It is about lack of openness and autenticity in interraction, so sterile idk. No emotions, only words.

And only by opening this masculinity vs femininity subject can get you ghosted like you are nobody. Sticking your head into the sand is a national sport here.

That would be the biggest complain I would have about Sweden, otherwise, great country. This subject is the weakest point of the leftists at this moment in time IMO. Not even the SD Red gangs doing their Red crap around here bother me more.

Can't wait your part 2 of post-modernism, for sure it has to be a criticism of this aperspectival madness.

Edited September 28 by Alexop

[Leo Gura]

@Alexop Western society has lost the mechanisms to train men how to be men.

A real man is not born, he must be forged like a sword. But all the forges are shuttered. Instead we got boys jerking off to anime and trading crypto.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Davino]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not imposing will on others per se, it's about imposing will on the universe.

So focused on the trees I never saw the forest.

[Leo Gura]

@Davino Read David Deida.

[Alexop]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Alexop Western society has lost the mechanisms to train men how to be men.

A real man is not born, he must be forged like a sword. But all the forges are shuttered.

Now I can hear the post-modernists scream: “But who is to say what it means to behave like a man? Everything is relative!” Here is where you meet the limit of post-modernism, you get stuck in the “aperspectival madness”. Tell a newbie runner that running technique is relative and she should run as she feels. Just use your intuition my dear! And then she injures her knees. There is a more “right” running tehnique relative to not being an idiot, running efficiently and not injuring your knees. Not everything is equally relative to everything else. Relative to having a healthy romantic relationship with a feminine woman, there is a more “right” way to be a man. Relative to your genetics, personality, hormone dynamics and the like, there is a more “right” way to be a man. If you did not have any orgasms in years, that means something. If your man is always bored, boring, has low energy and does not attract you anymore, that means something.

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Alexop said:

Here is where you meet the limit of post-modernism

Yes, PM can be very dumb in the real world.

[lostingenosmaze]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I have an ex-girlfriend right now who keeps inviting me to fly over and have sex with her. And I say NO, because it isn't truthful.

What do you mean? Having sex isn't true to your passions and purpose at the time? Or is it the principle of being against having sex with your ex?

[Davino]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Davino Read David Deida.

I read one from him at a crucial point in my life, it was really eye opening. 

In fact, I have to say I recommended his book to a friend going through a tough break up and it changed his life forever.

I really like him very much I don't know why I haven't read his other books. Probably because I'm satisfied with my current understanding and I'm researching other areas of human knowledge. Limited time is a pain in the ass sometimes.

[Leo Gura]

40 minutes ago, lostingenosmaze said:

What do you mean? Having sex isn't true to your passions and purpose at the time? Or is it the principle of being against having sex with your ex?

She isn't right for me.

[Nemra]

6 hours ago, Nemra said:

@Leo Gura, what could I do to understand about the western masculinity crisis?

I have heard people online saying that, but they are always those misogynistic hyper-masculine guys.

@Leo Gura @Alexop

[Kid A]

1 hour ago, Alexop said:

@Leo Gura  I had deep conversations with around 8-9 swedish women since I moved here, and 4 of them said they have enough of swedish men, they said they are booring, unmotivated and behaving like boys.  My ex swedish girlfriend told me that so many women here gaslight temselves to like the nice guys they are together with. Honestly, I never met such boring and uninteresting men in my whole life, and it is not about them being feminine, don't get me wrong! My best friend from my home country is a very feminine guy. It is about lack of openness and autenticity in interraction, so sterile idk. No emotions, only words.

And only by opening this masculinity vs femininity subject can get you ghosted like you are nobody. Sticking your head into the sand is a national sport here.

That would be the biggest complain I would have about Sweden, otherwise, great country. This subject is the weakest point of the leftists at this moment in time IMO. Not even the SD Red gangs doing their Red crap around here bother me more.

Can't wait your part 2 of post-modernism, for sure it has to be a criticism of this aperspectival madness.

I’ve watched one season of both the American and Swedish versions of Love is blind. I found it interesting how much less mature the Swedish guys seemed.

[Leo Gura]

I don't know a concise way to understand it.

[eliasvelez]

11 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Why are men so fixated on looks? 

If you are interested in understanding that, I recommend you the book  "The Evolution of Desire" from David M. Buss. In very short, because it gives cues to reproductive value.

[Alexop]

@Nemra Most guys are some brainwashed robots. They either get introduced into the pre-modernist/modernist toxic masculinity or into the post-modernist relative madness. It is heartbreaking, poor women. 

No matter if conservative or progressive, they push you directly or indirectly to behave in a certain way, or at least have a certain vibe. The conservative vibe is that macho stupid crap, the progressive vibe is that boyish, unattractive, feminine nice guy who does not stick out and bother too much with his personality. It feels that men need a push, something serious to motivate them to develop and find themselves. It is only YOU who can find yourself, dig deep and find that. If my semi-iliterate grandfather managed to almost do it (besides his toxic masculinity) we can do it.

 

Edited September 28 by Alexop

[Etherial Cat]

From my observations, there are noticeable discrepancies in how men and women perceive each other's dating preferences. Many men hold preconceived notions about what defines a desirable man and often attempt to conform to these ideals.

This often includes a somewhat idolizing view of certain men, adopting their traits under the assumption that women also find these qualities attractive... When it is truly before anything some form of homoeroticism. They are the one besotted with that particular model of masculinity, and then assume women should be also attracted to that.

And when women express disinterest in this type of man, many men insist that they actually do find him attractive, reflecting a desire to preserve that specific worldview. This tendency is particularly pronounced when there is a sense of identification at play, along with significant emotional investment in becoming "lovable" to women through this particular way of being.

I am not very much attracted to hyper-masculine oriented, conventionally necessarily successful type of men. My impression is that these men are either too in love with the masculine, or with just small chunks of the feminine.

I tend to like men who are masculine and can resonate with the feminine aspect of reality in its wholeness. Only there, can you be really fulfilled as a woman and fulfill a monogamous relationship where all the maid, mother and crown phase of your life can be appreciated.

Ideally, he'd be in his king, doing with what he loves and more important, be compatible with my personality so we can be intimate on an intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual level.

Physically, he doesn't need to be that attractive as I anyway would find him 3-4x more attractive just because of his way of being. A 6 can easily become a 9 in my eyes. And the contrary can also happen. A 9 can become a 5 if he open his mouth and reveal a lack of wisdom or general compatibility and capacity of the intimacy I am looking for.

 

[Nemra]

@Alexop, so you're saying that they are acting from what they have been taught and not what they realized about themselves. They do not embody femininity or masculinity based on their own understanding of themselves, but rather what they have been told.