Leo’s advise about dating and sex are mostly aimed towards man

[Princess Arabia]

8 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

Doesn't confidence need to be based on something? So I should stop wanting to date and ignore sexual desires?

Go do the work to build confidence. Complaining doesn't build confidence; it builds a victimhood mindset and is disempowering. 

[Tenebroso]

@Princess Arabia Well I guess I have a lot of work to do emotionally and mentally. If there is no finishing line to developing self development, when do you become good enough?

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

@Princess Arabia Well I guess I have a lot of work to do emotionally and mentally. If there is no finishing line to developing self development, when do you become good enough?

You are already good enough. You just have to believe it and do the work that will show you the results. It's already inside of you, it's your beliefs that are stopping you. Change that and new thoughts and actions will follow. 

Edited September 28 by Princess Arabia

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

I find the people who say these things don't matter are the ones who have had all the sex and relationships they want and can honestly detach without resentment. It's like a person born into wealth telling you to not worry about money. 

Yup, that's how it is.

35 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

How do you not be desperate when you only know rejection?

Guys who are not desperate obviously have had romantic success and sexual experiences so they know they are attractive to somebody, so a rejection is not the end of the world for them. 

It's called bootstrapping. You gotta create yourself. Same as when you launch a business, you are creating money from scratch. Of course it's hard, but doable.

What you do is you take massive action and you set your vision for 1-3 years down the road. You're not doing game to get laid this month, you're doing it get laid many times 3 years from now. And every small success counts. For example, you got a girl to text you back or agree to a date, that's a big success which builds your confidence. You don't need to sleep with her to see that she likes you.

In fact, since hookpoint is reached within 5 minutes of any interaction, you can basically build a lot of confidence just by reaching hookpoint with girls. Even if they never call you back, at least you know that she liked you enough to have slept with you if only circumstances were better.

There are so many hot girls who I knew would have slept with me if only my skill was a little better or logistics were just a little better. You can use this to build a lot of confidence. Most of game is just struggling against unfavorable logistics, which has nothing to do with your self-worth.

Also, if you lose girls due to lack of skill, that's great news because that means all you need to do is invest more time building skill. So you get motivation from seeing your skills grow.

It doesn't really matter whether you are desperate or not. You just go out and socialize like clockwork. Your desperation may drive a few girls away but not so many that you can't have success. Desperation is not a concrete roadblock, it's just a lack of optimization. If you are so desperate to eat that you burn some food it's okay because you can cook again.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

16 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

Doesn't confidence need to be based on something? So I should stop wanting to date and ignore sexual desires?

Ignoring sexual desires is almost impossible. Yet desires can ruin your life if you let them. The middle ground here is moderation. 

Also dating is basically Survival with a capital S. It's brutal. In fact it's the most brutal thing in reality. So you'll have to be a bit hardcore about it. 

Dating is brutal for both men and women. It's not easy to attract someone or be attracted.

Now the hardcore part. You have to ask yourself some painful hardcore questions, like—

What have you done so far to improve yourself in the dating arena?

How have you worked on your body and confidence levels? 

Whats your experience with approaching and what lessons did you learn? 

Do you have any female friends? Have you tried building connections with women? 

What work have you put in improving yourself mentally and physically and emotionally to attract the kind of person you want? 

These are hardcore questions which needs real work rather than just sitting and desiring an ideal partner and relationship. 

But people want perfect things in life especially in dating yet they avoid the work part. 

I hope you get my drift. 

 

[Lyubov]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The notion that America is not overflowing with feminine women is insane.

That is unless your definition of feminine is: go make me sanwiches.

I've rarely had a problem with a girlfriend not being feminine enough. If anything the problem is that they are so feminine they're wacko. My most stable relationship was with the least feminine girl because she was sane and low BS.

Feminine to me is a woman who is just like very girly and pretty and does her make up before going out and is proud to be a woman with a man who pays for most things (70/30 split or more if the guy can afford it) while she is interested in starting a family. I lived in NYC and Philly which were more alternative places and studied at a liberal arts uni so I was always in a climate that I saw was constantly demonizing masculinity. I’ve been a controlling “my way or a highway” type guy before too and it doesn’t even work like that even on feminine women cause any self respecting woman wouldn’t take controlling abuse from a guy even if the roles are very traditional. I’m not looking for someone to control but I do want to be the leader and the head, but every head needs a neck to move it. There’s a lot of women that do want to dictate all the decision making, all the forward energy to the man and they want to bring beauty and charm and playful energy, too much feminine can be hard to be around though due to all the mood swings and inconsistency. It dances and changes so much so spontaneously but that’s what’s so attractive about it to masculine energy. This can be hard to resolve conflicts with, I can def relate to that for sure. 

Edited September 28 by Lyubov

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

But I feel that most guys who do this are just looking for girls to exploit and then rationalizing it to themselves.

I think that's mostly my issue.

In theory, there's nothing wrong with it. Some people might be more conservative and be more comfortable with a traditional relationship. In that case overseas could be a better option.

[Buck Edwards]

3 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Feminine to me is a woman who is just like very girly and pretty and does her make up before going out and is proud to be a woman with a man who pays for most things (70/30 split or more if the guy can afford it) while she is interested in starting a family. I lived in NYC and Philly which were more alternative places and studied at a liberal arts uni so I was always in a climate that I saw was constantly demonizing masculinity. I’ve been a controlling “my way or a highway” type guy before too and it doesn’t even work like that even on feminine women cause any self respecting woman wouldn’t take controlling abuse from a guy even if the roles are very traditional. I’m not looking for someone to control but I do want to be the leader and the head, but every head needs a neck to move it. There’s a lot of women that do want to dictate all the decision making, all the forward energy to the man and they want to bring beauty and charm and playful energy, too much feminine can be hard to be around though due to all the mood swings and inconsistency. It dances and changes so much so spontaneously but that’s what’s so attractive about it to masculine energy. This can be hard to resolve conflicts with, I can def relate to that for sure. 

Your definition of feminine is so shallow (Lmao), I laughed a loud laugh. 

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I do want to be the leader

I have never dated a girl who isn't into that. I don't understand why you say American girls aren't into that. They super are.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

Your definition of feminine is so shallow (Lmao), I laughed a loud laugh. 

Seems that way because of how men sees women. They want different things from us than how we see ourselves. It's more of a physical thing to them, for us it's more how we are mentally. A woman can dress feminine but have masculine ways and vice versa. Femininity to men, I think is mostly how she looks until they get to know her and her mindset.

[Buck Edwards]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It doesn't really matter whether you are desperate or not. You just go out and socialize like clockwork. Your desperation may drive a few girls away but not so many that you can't have success. Desperation is not a concrete roadblock, it's just a lack of optimization. If you are so desperate to eat that you burn some food it's okay because you can cook again.

Desperation in drive versus desperation in vibe. Desperation in drive can make a person want more or aim higher. Desperation in vibe can be a big turn off as it communicates lack of authenticity and confidence. 

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, aurum said:

I think that's mostly my issue.

In theory, there's nothing wrong with it. Some people might be more conservative and be more comfortable with a traditional relationship. In that case overseas could be a better option.

If you wanna blow a gasket, I have just the video for you:

This is overseas exploitation taken to 11.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

Why are most men so overly focused on the outcome of dating? Why can't they just enjoy the process? Why can't they control this tension? Is it lack of self control/immaturity ? 

Dating is fun if you had a fun attitude to approaching itself instead of being so aggressively selfish about it. 

Relax and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the process. Results are not always possible and that's okay too. 

If you are too result oriented, you will end up with a lot of frustration. 

Everything has its own place and time. Go approach as much as possible but don't be attached to the outcome. Rejection is fine too, although it hurts. 

Edited September 28 by Buck Edwards

[aurum]

3 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Why are most men so overly focused on the outcome of dating? Why can't they just enjoy the process? Why can't they control this tension? Is it lack of self control/immaturity ? 

It's simpler than that.

It's because if you don't heavily focus on the outcome, nothing happens. You mostly cannot rely on women to initiate things.

Edited September 28 by aurum

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, aurum said:

It's simpler than that.

It's because if you don't heavily focus on the outcome, nothing happens. You cannot rely on women to initiate things.

Bingo.

Ain't no rabbit coming to feed the wolf in his den

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, aurum said:

It's simpler than that.

It's because if you don't heavily focus on the outcome, nothing happens. You mostly cannot rely on women to initiate things.

But there's so much pressure, aggression and frustration with the "I want a girl" mindset. Instead know that approaching is always good, there is always something to learn one way or another. What's healthy for a guy? The best is to be carefree. 

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, aurum said:

It's simpler than that.

It's because if you don't heavily focus on the outcome, nothing happens. You cannot rely on women to initiate things.

You're making her point even more. What outcome?. Initiate what? Aren't you already on a date. I guess that's not enough.

Edited September 28 by Princess Arabia

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You're making her point even more. What outcome?. What initiation? Aren't you already on a date. I guess that's not enough.

Most women can't understand it because they have lower sex drive.

It's all about sex drive. If you don't have it then you cannot understand why someone would care about sex.

Imagine this: If you had no sex drive you would think that dating is insanity. That's because it is. Sex is a totally insane. It make zero metaphysical sense, but one cares.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

Don't have the "guys are wolves, girls are rabbits" mindset. It will build up a lot of aggression. That's not healthy for men mentally and emotionally. Men want to be cared for. That's why they are attracted to women. They want a caring woman. 

So just relax. Build yourself as a man first. Be proud of who you are. Don't rely heavily on validation of women. Self esteem lesson number 1. Be the man first. Attract the woman next. You will attract her eventually with your effort. But you have to be a healthy partner first. What you will give is what you will get. 

 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Don't have the "guys are wolves, girls are rabbits" mindset. It will build up a lot of aggression. That's not healthy for men mentally and emotionally. Men want to be cared for. That's why they are attracted to women. They want a caring woman. 

So just relax. Build yourself as a man first. Be proud of who you are. Don't rely heavily on validation of women. Self esteem lesson number 1. Be the man first. Attract the woman next. You will attract her eventually with your effort. But you have to be a healthy partner first. What you will give is what you will get.

That's easy to say when you are a rabbit and not a hungry wolf.

"Come on guys! Let's all just enjoy peacefully eating grass. Right guys? Guys? Why are you looking at me like that..."

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura