I want multiple girlfriends

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, Ampresus said:

@Leo Gura I feel like if you try to establish it from day one, she will just get up and leave. Whereas if you try to tell a girl you've been seeing for a while, she's more inclined to hear you out. Would definitely help if the girl is bisexual herself. The only reason this idea came up to my my mind is because my current gf mentioned how she'd be willing to have a threesome with another girl if it made me happier.

No, you need to be upfront about that from the get-go or it's completely dishonest.

And bear in mind, that I'm saying this as a monogamously oriented bi-sexual woman. If a guy sprung that on me, I definitely wouldn't be sticking around.

But there are plenty of women who are polyamorous themselves. And if you're interested in that kind of a relationship, you have to advertise yourself as such from the get-go and go for those polyamorous women.

And yes... most women aren't interested in that. So, of course, most women will reject you.

But there are bisexual women out there who are polyamourous and want a boyfriend and a girlfriend and would prefer that dynamic. But You have to find them.

It just isn't right to establish a monogamous relationship under the pretense of monogamy and spring it on your partner.

Also, if she'd just have a threesome to make you happy, that also isn't healthy. She should only be agreeing to a threesome if she's excited about it for her own gratification.

[Xonas Pitfall]

45 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Basic holofractology, takes much more than that to live up to Leo's Meta though 😜

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𓁿⟶𓂁𓂄⟶👁️‍🗨️⟶𓁹‿𓁹⟶👁️⃤

[ricachica]

8 hours ago, Ampresus said:

@Leo Gura I feel like if you try to establish it from day one, she will just get up and leave. Whereas if you try to tell a girl you've been seeing for a while, she's more inclined to hear you out. Would definitely help if the girl is bisexual herself. The only reason this idea came up to my my mind is because my current gf mentioned how she'd be willing to have a threesome with another girl if it made me happier.

Go on the r/aita reddit and every week there’s a major post on there about their partner asking to open up the relationship. See how well that goes for them.

The ethical rule in the polyamory/open relationship community is that you have to be honest from the beginning. Not waste people’s time and hurt them in the middle of a relationship.

A brief threesome is entirely different from having a permanent third woman.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Butters said:

Yes I literally posted this, you deleted it?

I didn't delete anything here.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Xonas Pitfall ๛⦿𓏳⇡○ 
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ヽ(•‿•)ノ → ¯\_(⊙︿⊙)_/¯ → ✌乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ✌

[nerdspeak]

You cannot convince anyone to try this — okay, maybe if they’re still under 22 or so. If you want it you need to date poly people. 
 

Or you can try playing games and bait and switching, but the resulting drama can ruin months of your life.

[LordFall]

On 9/23/2024 at 7:41 AM, Basman said:

I don't think its inherently a bad idea but I feel like its going to be a lot more feasible to pull off and maintain if you can provide for everyone involved.

I think that's half the recipe here. Provide for multiple women and have the emotional intelligence and compassion to not lie to them and love them equally in the way they want to be loved and I don't see why it wouldn't work.

Plenty of bisexual women would kill for this arrangement. No need to bring other men into it if you don't want to. It's not an open fest for everyone, just multiple women and one man. 

[Elisabeth]

5 hours ago, LordFall said:

I think that's half the recipe here. Provide for multiple women and have the emotional intelligence and compassion to not lie to them and love them equally in the way they want to be loved and I don't see why it wouldn't work.

Plenty of bisexual women would kill for this arrangement. No need to bring other men into it if you don't want to. It's not an open fest for everyone, just multiple women and one man. 

If he has the freedom to date whomever, she will sooner or later want it too. She'll get curious about guys and fed up with the double standard. It's only a matter of time.

You could do something like "let's only date women we both like", but that, in general, doesn't work well (because there's always the unspoken "...and who like both of us", and because "veto" arrangements in general don't work).

I've been a member of a polyamory forum for years and years by now. I've read about all the failures and fuck ups. Hundreds of stories.
Polyamory only works if

1) all people involved actively want it,

2) they are free to choose their own partners (with few reasonable limits like "please don't date my sister/ my boss"),

3) all people are ethical in their choices and considerate of their partners,

4) generally, all people can stand on their own feet if necessary, ie do not dependent on their partners for finance or care  (I've seen some exceptions to this one, there's been a woman with ME/CFS whose partner was happy to provide for her and grant her the freedom to date at the same time, but the cases where power dynamics are reversed - includingthe man is a jerk who starts dating while his wife cares for a newborn - tend to be fucked up).

Edited September 26 by Elisabeth

[nerdspeak]

8 hours ago, LordFall said:

I think that's half the recipe here. Provide for multiple women and have the emotional intelligence and compassion to not lie to them and love them equally in the way they want to be loved and I don't see why it wouldn't work.

Plenty of bisexual women would kill for this arrangement. No need to bring other men into it if you don't want to. It's not an open fest for everyone, just multiple women and one man. 

This is some rap video fantasy. No, the women will resent the man using their economic leverage to “buy” an asymmetric relationship, and end up dating others anyway. 
 

Some financially insecure women would agree to it initially, but it will not last. 
 

Edited September 26 by nerdspeak

[LordFall]

@nerdspeak What asymmetric relationship? Plenty of bi women would want to date a man and a woman at the same time. I think mainstream conditioning is so powerful that it causes people to defend it even if it doesn't make sense. 

@Elisabeth I don't think people in the poly community have any idea about game. They're usually quite strong on trust and communication which is great but if you combined that with good game and some money game I think you could do it on a way grander scale than they can. But also he never said he wanted to date whoever; he said he wanted 2 girlfriends. 

[Elisabeth]

5 hours ago, LordFall said:

I don't think people in the poly community have any idea about game. They're usually quite strong on trust and communication which is great but if you combined that with good game and some money game I think you could do it on a way grander scale than they can. But also he never said he wanted to date whoever; he said he wanted 2 girlfriends. 

But why would you do it on a grander scale? What's a grander scale here? More sex?

If we're talking about relationships - and "girlfriend" describes a relationship in my vocabulary, but maybe it's just a keyword for something else in yours - most people will be able to handle one, two, max tree serious ones. There's not a hard on limit fwb's, people you see once in a while, short-term summer romances or people you just hook up with, if you've got the time, energy (and yes - money). Some poly people do that.

If a lot of sex is all you're after and "game" is just a word for deception, we need not speak.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Elisabeth said:

most people will be able to handle one, two, max tree serious ones.

Gigachad Bin Laden had 5 wives 

[Elisabeth]

31 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Gigachad Bin Laden had 5 wives 

I won't argue with that!

[RendHeaven]

All masculine men, given infinite power and freedom, would seek an arrangement where he is having sex with multiple attractive women, and they are all loyal to him. The harem. This is your "default ideal" and the only reason that it is never acknowledged (or actualized) is because of a titanic social matrix effort to frame control you NONSTOP FROM BIRTH which constricts you into the limited box of pre-made (unideal) relationship systems (namely; "fucking around" or "serious monogamy").

Of course, you also lack "infinite" power and freedom. If you lived with reckless abandon of true desire, you would die very quickly (socially and literally), because your desires would be in diametric opposition to other men and women, causing conflict and even war.

Given your tiny realm of influence and sovereignty, the most you can seem to pull off is to sleep around with no commitment, or to choose commitment and to castrate yourself and hand your balls over to one woman and pretend you don't feel anything for other girls (all these husbands pretending that they suddenly don't want to have sex with the plethora of hotties around the world... what a herculean effort to lie to yourself just to stay in line and not rock the boat!)

Building a modern harem is perfectly doable (the most attractive men around the world all have this arrangement) but it will require a lot of research, trial and error, failure, emotional damage, compromise, and personal growth before it starts to work.

In 2024 you will NEVER achieve a lasting arrangement where you have multiple partners and they are all loyal to you. This is too selfish and hurtful, and they will all cheat or leave. If you want multiple girls, then each girl MUST have the option of multiple men. This doesn't mean you encourage or pressure her to go fuck someone else; nor does it even mean that she will (a lot of the times she won't!). You simply must honor her free will.

You can also never get overly attached to one woman in a modern harem. You must reach a point where you both organically share energy and time together, perhaps even with strong feelings of genuine love - but if she walks away and suddenly gets monogamously married to another man, you barely even notice or care (yes she can leave you at any time, that's the whole point. this is also true of monogamy, but with typical monogamy you socially pressure her into artificially extending her stay with you)

Do you have that level of outcome independence and sexual abundance? Probably not. Your default instinct is to "hoard" her and mate guard her and to place restrictive boundaries around her (scarcity; fear; selfishness) and therefore you settle for monogamy because you realize it's not fair to chain her up without you yourself being similarly bound and restrained.

 

Tl;dr a harem is not only doable; but highly authentic. Many men are already doing it. But it takes a lot of effort, you have to kick all of your social programming and biological instincts, and completely identity-shift into next-level sexual abundance.

Also, as everyone else is saying, you can't have a monogamous girlfriend and then suddenly assault her reality with "hey babe let me have sex with other women who are NOT you"

If you want a harem, dump your current GF and start from scratch. If you're too weak for that, then give up on your true desires and don't think about any of this (like 99.99% of men)

[LordFall]

@Elisabeth It's definitely about relationships for me; not just sex. I'm a fan of BDSM so personally I would incorporate some elements of that into it. People have 4-5 children and love them so I don't know why you couldn't do that with romantic partners about it. 

[eos_nyxia]

I like how it's supposed to be implicit that this one dude is capable of sexually satisfying one woman, and also multiple women, let alone being emotionally satisfying, because it's not even mentioned or alluded to at all. Or it just doesn't matter because it's not part of the dude fantasy.

Edited September 28 by eos_nyxia
No one cared about female satisfaction in paid-for harems either

[eos_nyxia]

Like is it the same quality of dick you'd be getting in a monogamous relationship but divided into equal parts, like sharing a chopped-up candy bar? Is it supposed to be MORE because him sharing his dick with more women opens his heart soooooo much more? Am I supposed to get off from competing with other women (I know this is an actual thing, and I'm not actually shaming it, I really don't get it personally), because I need other women to demonstrate to me that this one dick is more important than every other dick?

What is the actual benefit of abiding by the One Penis Policy (previously mentioned in this thread) as a woman unless you either have specific fetishes or you're in something like a bi triad?

[Leo Gura]

40 minutes ago, eos_nyxia said:

What is the actual benefit of abiding by the One Penis Policy as a woman

That's very simple. The benefit is that a high status powerful man offers so much survival advantage to a woman that even if you divide his power by 5, it will still be more power than 95% of men. Because power is so unevenly distributed in society.

Being 1 out of 5 of Bin Laden's wives gives a woman more survival advantage than being 1 wife of 1 homeless Arab man.

20% of a rich man is worth more than 100% of a poor man. For course in western democracies this isn't so important, which is why women in the West don't tend to like such arraignments.

When your survival is taken care of by the state, you don't need a man for survival. But this is a very recent invention and still around the world many women aren't so well positioned.

A child can throw a baseball without knowing anything about math. But still that ball flies in a mathematical way. When we say that thrown balls are mathematical we don't mean that if you throw a ball you're doing math in your head.

Edited September 28 by Leo Gura

[aurum]

Harems almost never end up being good arrangements for women. And guys will rationalize endlessly about why they are, just like they are doing in this thread. 

[Buck Edwards]

There's no emotional value in a harem.