Leaving my original Life Purpose (LP) feels like cutting off a limb.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Leaving my original Life Purpose (LP) feels like cutting off a limb, or killing my former self, and I don't know how to cope.

Read the above post for context.

I can't seem to accept that hard academia and mathematics are not for me. I had so many fantasies about where I was going to go with this career. What new exciting places were going to employ me, how much smarter I was going to be compared to my peers, and so on and so forth. 

But now my mind is refusing to accept what just happened. I've stopped going to class, and in the three non-STEM classes I do have, I'm failing because I have not cracked open the textbook, turned in a single assignment, or read the syllabus. I feel as if my whole academic career and all of my efforts have collapsed, and I don't know what to do.

I have a vague idea of a life purpose now, but its not the same.

The reason for why I was attracted to physics was because I had a concern for truth, and I wanted to make my life about understanding reality. I thought of a life that was concerned with profit, and money was vague and shallow. 

If I choose another life purpose, is that vague and shallowness pursuit for profit and survival going to be my life? Even if I choose something more grounded and realistic that I could do, like sociology, is that going to be my life? Have you not seen Earth from space?

All of human affairs, all of Sociology, is just a tiny spect within the infinite cosmos, and I'm going to dedicate my life to studying that?

How do I accept the failure of a previous life purpose?

 

Edited September 22 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Keryo Koffa]

Each experience propels you, regonizing and dodging traps to refine your life is part of it.
If you are outgrowing yourself and shedding your skin, you're making massive progress.
Of course, it's frustrating to "abandon" old pursuits and all the effort you put into them.
But the only thing that matters is what you discover and learn about yourself on the way.
You know the decisions, reasons, and your own intentions, so grow from the experiences.

It seems you old motivation was a coping mechanism of "I need the entire world to know how smart I am"
Maybe you can move past that and embrace your individual strengths, even if it takes a toll on your ego.

[EdgeGod900]

Idk, but you can always go back to academia... if you want.

Most math profs and tutors are horrible( and then you see how ugly their wives are and that makes me even disgusted of them). Except for this guy,

https://m.youtube.com/@ProfessorLeonard/playlists

He has Calc 1,2, 3, and also differntials. Many engineering students skip their own lectures and just learns from this guys videos instead. He explains the concepts well and is funny at times.

 

Before you now properly learn Calc 1 from his videos(which i know is the bottle neck of ur academic pursuits) watch this video by Leo, because he himself wasn't a good student in the past: 

 

I also noticed that you still have a lot of middle eastern influences in your subconscious, so I'd recommend you watch his older videos(2014-2016) and try to avoid his videos after that -- atleast for now.

Last thing, I made a post on the "High Quality sources" section of this forum. It was about good resources for learning proof based math, if you want to check that out.

 

[Rigel]

Physics is also just a spec in the infinite. But every part is also infinite. Sociology is infinite. You could study anything. There’s no end to any of it.

[Sabth]

Then don't leave. 

[EdgeGod900]

4 hours ago, Sabth said:

Then don't leave. 

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

 

[fabger]

Being good at math and science was part of your identity. And it has died. You will not feel whole for a while it's supposed to be normal.