Sexual transmutation and dating

[AION]

So I had a 3 month streak of no fap and a lousy attempt at sexual transmutation. To be honest I failed at transmuting my libido and it was becoming unhealthy. I felt very pent up and almost felt like a wolf.
 

Sexual transmutation is amazing for sports. It gives you insane amount of energy. Almost God like. So I definitely support it if you are into sports. The thing is that I have a busy schedule so I couldn’t box 4 times a week. I need that amount of sessions a week to discharge my energy. And I fell back day before yesterday. 
 

Yesterday (after my relapse which happened day before yesterday) I went out and I noticed women’s behavior is much different. I had women check me out multiple times. And the women I interacted with felt drawn to me and got couple of double glances.  I relate this to me being relaxed.  Girls like chill guys and who are not horny dogs. Previously girls were avoiding eye contact with me. After my relapse girls were trying to make eye contact and were drawn to me. I always thought semen retention would make me more attractive but this is not true if you are pent up and have wolf eyes. 
 

The whole thing with sexual transmutation is that it puts tension of the string of your bow so to say. But you also need to find ways to relax without ejaculation. The easy way to relax is the bust couple of nuts. If you are able to stay away from your dick and find ways to relax through meditation and breath work you will become a beast. It is insane. 
 

Mind you that the human development is mostly thanks to guys who were thirsty trying to get pussy. This is the biggest driver of mankind and you are crazy if you don’t use this force. The thing is that it s very hard to yield this raw force of nature called libido aka kundalini up. 

As a guy one of the biggest challenges you have is to master and cultivate your raw human potential aka your libido. It can make you or break you. Another thing I noticed that all men who are fuck ups or perverted sense of reality also have perverted sense of sexuality. 

Edited September 22 by AION

[manuel bon]

Too many guys take "no fap" too seriously.

[Hojo]

@AION You want to feel like a wolf you want to gain control of your body so you can be a pleasant predator. I have heard sadhguru say many times you want to feel inwardly like you are  a lion about to attack everything while outwardly not doing anything. This will do something with reality. Inside you want to be ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGG while outside showing nothing your body will start to send crazy waves inside of you and you will be orgaziming inside of yourself. Its not easy you have to mentally disassociate from everything and realize that its not something outside that you want to release this energy it just take time to learn how to hold properly. Pangs in the body to want to come have nothing to do with women its just an associations with woman but its your own energy and your own feelings.

I know the feel tho 4 days after not masturbating I am rolling on the floor moaning because I want to get rid of it its too much energy and I feel uncomfortable. It feels good but too good.

Edited September 22 by Hojo

[AION]

@Hojo  Sadh ghuru’s description of inner state is exactly how I felt yesterday. I still felt that potential of lashing out but I obviously felt satiated. 

[Adrian colby]

@AION I’m sorry if this feels long-winded, but your post struck a deep chord within me. I’ve nearly destroyed my marriage multiple times due to misunderstandings about sexual energy. I created expectations for my wife, and when things didn’t go as I hoped, I projected frustration onto her, blaming her for a lack of affection or love. In reality, I was sabotaging my marriage by blaming instead of loving.

I caught myself doing this twice, but it kept happening, which meant something was missing. Eventually, I realized the issue stemmed from a lack of mastery over sexual energy. I was externalizing it instead of transmuting it into self-love, which would allow me to become more giving rather than seeking satisfaction outside myself.

In May, I had an astral experience involving a friend during a plant medicine ceremony. It was extremely sexual but I brushed it off. Soon after, I had a vivid dream where she was drowning in an endless ocean. The next day, I found out she had suffered a stroke and needed heart surgery due to a hole in her heart. This shook me, and I realized I had feelings for her—despite never considering her that way before.

At the time, my heart was opening as I worked on unconditional love. This revelation confused me, as I was happily married. But the deep, palpable love we were all experiencing in our ‘soul’ group became more intense towards each other ( we bonded at a ayahuasca ceremony and have been close group of friend ever since but the live got so strong we feel closer than friends) the girl ignited a dormant sexual energy in me. I realized I had suppressed this energy, thinking I was beyond sex or intimacy.

To support her, I needed to love her unconditionally, but my mind began creating fantasies, projecting future scenarios of intimacy. She didn’t need this, and it served no purpose except to feed my own urges. I felt despair when these fantasies didn’t materialize, experiencing an emotional pain similar to the rejection I felt from my wife. The pain of the perceived rejection( that wasn’t even real) is what caused me to shut down and suppress my sexuality in the first place. I was not aware of my own psychological mechanism that was causing this. 

I finally recognized this cycle: I created an unmet expectation, felt hurt, and projected blame onto my wife, even though the pain originated from within. I had shut down my sexual energy for years, becoming celibate and turning inward, thinking I had transcended sex. But this experience taught me I needed to confront and master it, or it would destroy my marriage.

This external trigger reignited my sexual energy, starting in the root chakra, and my mind began fantasizing about her. But when the imagined scenarios didn’t happen, anxiety and pain took over. I projected my frustration onto her, repeating the same destructive patterns I had with my wife. I realized that misuse of sexual energy was harming me, and could potentially damage any relationship.

One night, I consciously redirected this energy back into myself, turning it into self-love and confidence. I didn’t need anyone else to satisfy me; I could generate ecstasy within. This experience was a breakthrough in understanding kundalini energy. I stood in front of the mirror, after generating thoughts and fantasies about her and when the urge was there, I raised it up to the pit of my stomach where I would feel the anxiety. I turned this into a feeling of confidence, using the energy to generate feeling good, sexy, and satisfied, to really give myself permission to love myself and heal from the inside. When I raised it up to my heart, my heart fully opened and created a state of ecstasy unlike anything I’ve felt before. My heart was giving and giving only. I did not need to seek anything from anyone because I was generating this from within myself, changing the thoughts and feelings to something else, to use that energy to realise I was the one generating it. I began to feel real genuine unconditional love towards everyone and everything. 

This newfound confidence shifted my personality, freeing me from needing attention from my wife. The sexual energy flowed naturally, and my wife became more attracted to me. Others in my social circle noticed it too. It was intoxicating. I understood what it meant to carry a different, flowing energy—one that made women feel safe because it wasn’t about taking, but giving. It was pure, potent, and primordial.

This realization deepened my love for the girl, but it was also what allowed me to help her in her healing journey. Our group came together, meditated, and focused on her recovery, which was miraculously quick. My relationship with my wife also transformed. Our intimacy grew more profound, as I accepted and expressed my sexuality without shame or guilt.

But when I shared my experience with my wife, she felt I had emotionally cheated on her. She left, and I found her in a hotel, struggling with feelings of abandonment. That night, we had a breakthrough. She let go of her resistance because she thought there was nothing left to loose that I was anlready lost to annother woman.  and for the first time, we experienced a connection that freed us both from sexual suppression. She had been experiencing physical pain during sex, but after that night, it disappeared entirely. She realised herself that she had been severely sexually suppressed due to her upbringing with a refrigerator mother and lack of affection that she found alien and uncomfortable to be even hugged. Because of the profundity of that experience she began to open up and let go, to surrender herself to what was happening. 

Over the next few weeks, our intimacy intensified. My wife, who was never spiritual or open to psychedelics, started to awaken. One night, while I was playing music, she dropped to her knees and cried. She said, “For the first time, I can see who you really are,” describing a glowing light around me. She felt intoxicated by my energy and began having out-of-body experiences. This marked the beginning of her own spiritual journey.

She has since started self-inquiry and is planning to attend a mushroom ceremony. But this experience taught us both about the power of sexual energy. She called it “borrowed freedom,” as if my energy gave her a glimpse of what life could be like. She appreciated that I never pressured her to follow my path, and because of that, she felt loved unconditionally. She had a phrase going around in her head that she was reluctant to tell me because it was so cliche… “ I feel like I’m awakening”. In those states she found herself in she had more clarity than at any time in the past. 

Sexual energy is immensely powerful. It must be mastered, not suppressed. If it’s not, it can turn into manipulation or worse. Gurus and monks often face this when they suppress their energy instead of mastering it. Sexual energy is not something to be feared or shamed. It’s the essence of the masculine and feminine forces, the wave that creates life’s infinite complexity. It’s beautiful, and I will never be ashamed of it again.

[Tenebroso]

8 hours ago, Adrian colby said:

@AION I’m sorry if this feels long-winded, but your post struck a deep chord within me. I’ve nearly destroyed my marriage multiple times due to misunderstandings about sexual energy. I created expectations for my wife, and when things didn’t go as I hoped, I projected frustration onto her, blaming her for a lack of affection or love. In reality, I was sabotaging my marriage by blaming instead of loving.

I caught myself doing this twice, but it kept happening, which meant something was missing. Eventually, I realized the issue stemmed from a lack of mastery over sexual energy. I was externalizing it instead of transmuting it into self-love, which would allow me to become more giving rather than seeking satisfaction outside myself.

In May, I had an astral experience involving a friend during a plant medicine ceremony. It was extremely sexual but I brushed it off. Soon after, I had a vivid dream where she was drowning in an endless ocean. The next day, I found out she had suffered a stroke and needed heart surgery due to a hole in her heart. This shook me, and I realized I had feelings for her—despite never considering her that way before.

At the time, my heart was opening as I worked on unconditional love. This revelation confused me, as I was happily married. But the deep, palpable love we were all experiencing in our ‘soul’ group became more intense towards each other ( we bonded at a ayahuasca ceremony and have been close group of friend ever since but the live got so strong we feel closer than friends) the girl ignited a dormant sexual energy in me. I realized I had suppressed this energy, thinking I was beyond sex or intimacy.

To support her, I needed to love her unconditionally, but my mind began creating fantasies, projecting future scenarios of intimacy. She didn’t need this, and it served no purpose except to feed my own urges. I felt despair when these fantasies didn’t materialize, experiencing an emotional pain similar to the rejection I felt from my wife. The pain of the perceived rejection( that wasn’t even real) is what caused me to shut down and suppress my sexuality in the first place. I was not aware of my own psychological mechanism that was causing this. 

I finally recognized this cycle: I created an unmet expectation, felt hurt, and projected blame onto my wife, even though the pain originated from within. I had shut down my sexual energy for years, becoming celibate and turning inward, thinking I had transcended sex. But this experience taught me I needed to confront and master it, or it would destroy my marriage.

This external trigger reignited my sexual energy, starting in the root chakra, and my mind began fantasizing about her. But when the imagined scenarios didn’t happen, anxiety and pain took over. I projected my frustration onto her, repeating the same destructive patterns I had with my wife. I realized that misuse of sexual energy was harming me, and could potentially damage any relationship.

One night, I consciously redirected this energy back into myself, turning it into self-love and confidence. I didn’t need anyone else to satisfy me; I could generate ecstasy within. This experience was a breakthrough in understanding kundalini energy. I stood in front of the mirror, after generating thoughts and fantasies about her and when the urge was there, I raised it up to the pit of my stomach where I would feel the anxiety. I turned this into a feeling of confidence, using the energy to generate feeling good, sexy, and satisfied, to really give myself permission to love myself and heal from the inside. When I raised it up to my heart, my heart fully opened and created a state of ecstasy unlike anything I’ve felt before. My heart was giving and giving only. I did not need to seek anything from anyone because I was generating this from within myself, changing the thoughts and feelings to something else, to use that energy to realise I was the one generating it. I began to feel real genuine unconditional love towards everyone and everything. 

This newfound confidence shifted my personality, freeing me from needing attention from my wife. The sexual energy flowed naturally, and my wife became more attracted to me. Others in my social circle noticed it too. It was intoxicating. I understood what it meant to carry a different, flowing energy—one that made women feel safe because it wasn’t about taking, but giving. It was pure, potent, and primordial.

This realization deepened my love for the girl, but it was also what allowed me to help her in her healing journey. Our group came together, meditated, and focused on her recovery, which was miraculously quick. My relationship with my wife also transformed. Our intimacy grew more profound, as I accepted and expressed my sexuality without shame or guilt.

But when I shared my experience with my wife, she felt I had emotionally cheated on her. She left, and I found her in a hotel, struggling with feelings of abandonment. That night, we had a breakthrough. She let go of her resistance because she thought there was nothing left to loose that I was anlready lost to annother woman.  and for the first time, we experienced a connection that freed us both from sexual suppression. She had been experiencing physical pain during sex, but after that night, it disappeared entirely. She realised herself that she had been severely sexually suppressed due to her upbringing with a refrigerator mother and lack of affection that she found alien and uncomfortable to be even hugged. Because of the profundity of that experience she began to open up and let go, to surrender herself to what was happening. 

Over the next few weeks, our intimacy intensified. My wife, who was never spiritual or open to psychedelics, started to awaken. One night, while I was playing music, she dropped to her knees and cried. She said, “For the first time, I can see who you really are,” describing a glowing light around me. She felt intoxicated by my energy and began having out-of-body experiences. This marked the beginning of her own spiritual journey.

She has since started self-inquiry and is planning to attend a mushroom ceremony. But this experience taught us both about the power of sexual energy. She called it “borrowed freedom,” as if my energy gave her a glimpse of what life could be like. She appreciated that I never pressured her to follow my path, and because of that, she felt loved unconditionally. She had a phrase going around in her head that she was reluctant to tell me because it was so cliche… “ I feel like I’m awakening”. In those states she found herself in she had more clarity than at any time in the past. 

Sexual energy is immensely powerful. It must be mastered, not suppressed. If it’s not, it can turn into manipulation or worse. Gurus and monks often face this when they suppress their energy instead of mastering it. Sexual energy is not something to be feared or shamed. It’s the essence of the masculine and feminine forces, the wave that creates life’s infinite complexity. It’s beautiful, and I will never be ashamed of it again.

Thanks for sharing. This could be it's own post especially bolded. As a guy who has always struggled with women, it's very striking to read this. I have always wondered what the guys who seem to attract women everywhere they go have, that I don't have. I seem to be invisible at best or even repulsive.

[Adrian colby]

8 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

Thanks for sharing. This could be it's own post especially bolded. As a guy who has always struggled with women, it's very striking to read this. I have always wondered what the guys who seem to attract women everywhere they go have, that I don't have. I seem to be invisible at best or even repulsive.

What I whittle all that above, down to is, confidence and self love. When it is healed within you, it radiates and becomes attractive. If you focus on something external like ‘attracting women’ you are drawing away your focus on being ok within yourself, by yourself, for yourself as a totality without anything else. You can generate that feeling at any time.( managing sexual energy efficiently, not suppressing it)  You can use the interactions you have with people to monitor and identify the points at which your focus is externalising instead of watching what your own mind is doing. When you are setting up a possible relationship or interaction with a woman, watch what you do, how she reacts and how you feel and react to her reactions. As I laid out the process of ‘projection and blame’ in an interaction that doesn’t result in an expected outcome, you can see how it turns into feelings of inadequacy and self loathing ( this sabotages any future relationships or potential if it becomes a repeated habit or hardwired into the belief of your personality that this is who you are!)

for example. I want sex, I want to be desired by this beautiful woman in front of me. She’s friendly, alluring and somewhat interested testing the waters to see if I’m fit for an experience. I drop out of my confidence for a second and she picks up on that because I’ve put too much importance on the outcome of this interaction being positive to satisfy my urges and the fantasies I’m now playing through my head can be read all over my body and energy as an expectation grasping at her( seeking and pulling energy away from her, taking,) . She pulls away from the interaction just a bit and I react to that feeling a rejection, feeling hurt that she is not providing me with what I want. Frustration turns to resistance and clenching/pain and I shut down my heart and project anger at her mistaking her for being the cause of the pain when it is really me.… and then the negative thoughts flood in: why won’t she desire me, why won’t she love me or give me attention or affection. Then the projection, blame and criticising thoughts flood in:  she must be cold, heartless, abused in the past, a difficult woman with unrealistic expectations, high maintenance, a bad person!. I eventually set off an air of desperation that reduces me to a snivelling, pleading and juvenile little boy with no confidence or integrity. To her that is pathetic and so unattractive and repulsive. to me, I’ve placed myself into a victim mentality that automatically pushes her away which is the exact opposite of what I want to experience yet I’m oblivious to the fact that none of this was her doing. It was all my own lack of self awareness, separation and sabotage caused by fear, grasping, attachment, self defence when there really was no threat. If I maintain this trajectory I will probably end up as a woman hating and emotionally shut off recluse who is lonely and depressed. I venture into toxic masculinity by rejecting everything that is feminine including the parts of myself that are feminine( my emotion, intuition, expression and ability to accept and receive love)
 

this is a stark contrast to what I realised as the opposite. Sexual energy is just that. A powerful force or motion that wells up inside me. It can be triggered by another persons interaction with me or I can trigger it myself with my own thoughts and fantasies about a person or even further… beautiful thoughts and affirmations about myself!( be aware that this is not narcissistic. It has nothing to do with being better or contrasting yourself to others. It is about allowing yourself to love yourself again and heal from all those negative self beliefs that limit your potential as a creator) . It’s all just an induction to get it going, get it moving but it is completely up to me and my responsibility how I manage master and direct that energy in the most efficient way so as not to suppress, block or cause resistance( stuck energy, stagnation, festering or potential illness that manifests as possible inflammation somewhere in the body) If I go into the interaction with this woman having already come into a state of self fulfilment, confidence and contentment, I am already giving off a strong confident, calm, sensual and balanced energy that feels safe and protective to her( that is what women describe as masculine, nothing to do with your appearance of how you confront to the social construct associated with the term ‘man’) . My behaviour is flirtatious and playfully seductive but respectful. This is another being ( or the same being as myself that I have and open heart and unconditional love for) they do not need to do or be anything but what they are and they are loved for it, as it is in that moment. I do not have any doubts creeping in like guilt, shame, potential regrets or anxiety/worry so there is no pulling back or fear that would cause my behaviour to become unpredictable  and therefor as a confident and self assured person I create a space of safety for her to be in that energy so she can fully surrender to it and enjoy it. I create no thoughts or expectations because I’m already in an ecstatic state so there is no attachment or importance on how this interaction goes. We could just talk all night, kiss, get intimate or just dance. The moment and the experience of all those little things are equally enjoyed and let go with gratitude. I am at peace no matter what and she sees that as strength and integrity. That is attractive, sexy and desirable. I don’t care what people think of me so I become unique and authentically my best version of me. Something rare and desired by others. Something beautiful and comfortable to be around. If this is the way I am consistently every time she is with me then it could turn into a relationship ( I am fit for beautiful experiences with no expectation) If not and it’s just a once off interaction, it is not about sex anymore but a genuine and loving connection with that other person ( or the universe loving  itself/not coercing itself for personal satisfaction) then it’s ok, it’s unconditional. If she stays or walks away, it cannot hurt me. I’m already in love with life, myself and the experience of the moment.  Feeling and enjoying the beauty of that other person and knowing that they are feeling desired themselves because I’m already satisfied and giving, not taking or seeking anything in them. I don’t feel lack if she doesn’t reciprocate. Giving off that energy is deeply attractive to others but you have to be careful that the other person is not also placing importance or expectation on you. ( needing to be needed or a one sided seeking of codependency, this romantic notion of ‘can’t’ live without you and can’t stand on your own two feet is a damaging conditioning set by our culture) A truly loving connection with someone means they too are at peace with themselves. You have to really be at peace with yourself and completely unconditionally loving towards someone in your life who is struggling with this. Even if it means letting them be as they are for the rest of your life going nowhere.( that is if you want to take responsibility for initiating to saving of a relationship or marriage by working on yourself first and ‘being’ the space they need to heal. They may or may not get there but a shift will happen in them when they feel safe. A shift will happen when they are in and around your energy and start to heal themselves) it does take a lot of vigilance and mental strength and discipline to get yourself there but that is part of your own growth and journey. I’m here to say it is possible., raising one’s consciousness and opening one’s heart into unconditional love usually results in you having no interest in the act of sex for satisfaction but rather deep and meaningful loving connections that may or may not include the act of sex. I don’t ever rule it out because it is beautiful and powerful if it is don’t in balance. If all you want to be getting is hollow promiscuous sex then the people you will attract are individuals who have little self worth or self-esteem. This, while exiting in the beginning, starts to eat at your soul because they are literally sucking your energy. I have nothing against having many sexual interactions with women, it’s beautiful and amazing and so are they but for this shift in consciousness I’ve experienced, it is about the connection and oneness, not the sex. It is something much deeper and more profound that I’ve awakened in me. It’s also a point that I’m not seeking to or concerned about attracting women, that is a sideffect of changing my own state of mind to which the reality starts to align and harmonise with or should I say, my person or ego starts to harmonise with reality making everything more beautiful. 
 

the only thing I wish is that I could put that in a nutshell but we all know what happens when we try to cram reality into extreme limitation. 
😁🫂

[Buck Edwards]

16 minutes ago, Adrian colby said:

for example. I want sex, I want to be desired by this beautiful woman in front of me. She’s friendly, alluring and somewhat interested testing the waters to see if I’m fit for an experience. I drop out of my confidence for a second and she picks up on that because I’ve put too much importance on the outcome of this interaction being positive to satisfy my urges and the fantasies I’m now playing through my head can be read all over my body and energy as an expectation grasping at her( seeking and pulling energy away from her, taking,) . She pulls away from the interaction just a bit and I react to that feeling a rejection, feeling hurt that she is not providing me with what I want. Frustration turns to resistance and clenching/pain and I shut down my heart and project anger at her mistaking her for being the cause of the pain when it is really me.… and then the negative thoughts flood in: why won’t she desire me, why won’t she love me or give me attention or affection. Then the projection, blame and criticising thoughts flood in:  she must be cold, heartless, abused in the past, a difficult woman with unrealistic expectations, high maintenance, a bad person!. I eventually set off an air of desperation that reduces me to a snivelling, pleading and juvenile little boy with no confidence or integrity. To her that is pathetic and so unattractive and repulsive. to me, I’ve placed myself into a victim mentality that automatically pushes her away which is the exact opposite of what I want to experience yet I’m oblivious to the fact that none of this was her doing. It was all my own lack of self awareness, separation and sabotage caused by fear, grasping, attachment, self defence when there really was no threat. If I maintain this trajectory I will probably end up as a woman hating and emotionally shut off recluse who is lonely and depressed. I venture into toxic masculinity by rejecting everything that is feminine including the parts of myself that are feminine( my emotion, intuition, express

This is a good explanation thanks. 

[Butters]

You gotta let go of needing sex, thats when you really see the power of your sexual energy. So basically the entire sensual act of sex but without sex, and your whole life becomes sex. 

Don't mistake this for 'bliss' or reducing ego, you can still be a horndog just leave out the sex and orgasms. 

But if you stop touching your weener and completely let go of the need for anything relational then you can simply live moment to moment. There's nothing special about that. 

It's 'non neediness' level 1000 basically. 

Edited September 23 by Butters