Lust Has Destroyed My Life

[eTorro]

Hello everybody.

I would like to start by saying that my life and mindset have changed dramatically since entering college. After getting into a very unhealthy relationship very early on in college (not sinful, but just very unwise and unhealthy), God has (thankfully) delivered me out of the lonely, desperate mindset that I used to have. When I first came to college, I did not relapse for over 3 weeks (I believe the change in environment did help a lot). It has been a month since my first relapse here, and things are looking very bleak. I did pretty well after my first relapse and only gave in once or twice more before going on another good streak.

That ended about a week ago when I gave in, and several days later, I gave into a binge, where I relapsed about ten times in total. Since I came here, my faith has increased tremendously, and God has brought me out of one of the worst periods of my entire life so far. Yet, lust remains such a problem in my life. Yet on an off day, lust can do its work and tempt me to the point of tremendous difficulty, which is how I relapsed right before my binge. I even postponed giving in for one tremendously difficult night, before giving in the next day after doing a lot.

Lust has truly destroyed my life. It has destroyed my ability to connect more meaningfully to other people, it has ruined my ability to experience true joy in God, and it is responsible for nearly all of the difficulties in my life in the past four years. When looking back and seeing what lust has done to me, it is clear that it held me back from achieving all I could have in the interests I had. Without sharing too many details, I would like to say that College is a very critical time for me.

The amount of work and effort I put into certain pursuits in College could determine whether I receive my dream career and lifestyle, or whether I am forced to settle for a career I do not want and/or live a life with much more financial and personal stress. Lust has made it tremendously difficult to pursue the interests that would help me greatly in achieving a stable future, and if it continues, will make my life so much worse than it could be. I would like prayer about this. The potential difference in my future life is tremendous depending on whether I do worthwhile pursuits in college.

How can I experience freedom from this one tremendous weakness in me? Virtually no other aspect of worldliness/sins of the flesh appeal to me except lust. Drugs and Alcohol do not tempt me in the slightest, and I can very easily reject these without any thought, yet lust has brought me to my knees in defeat repeatedly, after many, many years and many, many tries.

To further illustrate this, one of my female friends here directly offered me alcohol whenever I went, directly saying I could go to her room to get a drink anytime I wanted. I told her no thanks and was not even remotely tempted in the slightest. And this is with an offer that I could get alcohol anytime I wanted, very, very conveniently. If any alcoholic or person who struggles with alcohol use in college received that offer, it would be nearly irresistible. It does not even tempt me. Yet, that same night, I thought about what would be the case if the offer was not for alcohol, but for sex. I knew the truth.

Had the offer been for sex, or kissing, or physical intimacy in any sense, it would have been an offer that would be so tremendously difficult to turn down. My body started shaking when I thought that she might make an offer like that. My body started shaking out of excitement. Why am I like this? Why does every single other aspect of worldliness (drugs/alcohol) literally disgust me and I do not struggle with these sins at all, yet even the slightest temptation of lust will destroy me in terms of willpower? I would like prayer, I am truly at an extremely important point in my life.

What I do right now in terms of what I pursue could determine if I get the career I want and the life I want in the future. And right now, it looks as if lust has a good chance to take it all from me and force me into a life of mediocrity. God bless.

Edited September 19 by eTorro

[Sugarcoat]

I think you’re overblowing how much the lust has negatively affected other aspects of life.

 

sometimes, paradoxically, judging something so hard, feeling shame around it could make it even more difficult to resist than if you developed a more balanced attitude 

Edited September 19 by Sugarcoat

[something_else]

If you jerked off a few times a week without judging yourself for it your lust would probably be much more manageable.

Lust is a normal emotion, it’s only a problem when you start to repress it and form hefty negative beliefs around it.

[Rishabh R]

What your age @eTorro ?

[Tenebroso]

I don't believe there is a right answer to dealing with lust. For some people it seems to never be a problem, they indulge without guilt and are able to live full lives.

I think a healthy way to deal with urges, is to say to yourself at the start of each month, I am not going to masturbate or watch porn, at some point during the month, if you have a healthy libido something will trigger that urge and you can give in to it without guilt or do something to replace satisfying of that urge e.g. lifting weights, painting, meditating. As time goes by and you learn your triggers, you can make a conscious decision to avoid them but new triggers might appear.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, eTorro said:

and I do not struggle with these sins at all

That's the problem right there. Calling them sins. You were raised in a religious background (educated guess, could be wrong), and now you judge yourself, see what you do as shameful and it's because you judge yourself and others why it's backfiring and creating all these worldly situations for you. Plus living in the head. Nothing else is the cause. What you condemn in others, you have condemn in yourself and what you've forgiven in others all is forgiven in you.

Every moment is a new moment and the mind will create scenarios for itself to stay alive and for the ego to feed on. Forget all that and see yourself anew while taking care of what you need to take care of in life and not shunning responsibilities. All you're talking about is all dead matter and doesn't belong in the direct aliveness that is here and now but only in the mind that created all that in the first place.

You might see what I'm referring to here and you might not; hopefully you do, and apply it to every aspect of your life while trying to master the mind. Takes time but it's a first step. Nothing will get solved until you recognize there's nothing to solve in the first place. Drop the stories and open your eyes to the NOW and there's your freedom. You don't even have to drop the stories or even change anything but just recognize them for what they are. Eventually, these concerns, questions and thoughts won't even enter your space because the mind has been purified of these ways of thinking. 

[Leo Gura]

Dude, that's what jerking off is for.

Stop guilt-tripping yourself and enjoy sex. It's free and good for you. Don't fill your head with human garbage ideology.

The whole point of jerking off is to free your mind for serious work. Yet you choose to live like a starving dog.

Edited September 19 by Leo Gura

[eTorro]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop guilt-tripping yourself and enjoy sex.

Can jerking off be considered sex?

[Sugarcoat]

What’s worse? Zero libido or too much libido ? Hard to say . Don’t know if I’d wanna switch with you. You and me mixed together would produce the perfect libido 

Edited September 19 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

What’s my secret? Be severely disconnected from yourself and on meds😂

[Schizophonia]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Dude, that's what jerking off is for.

Stop guilt-tripping yourself and enjoy sex. It's free and good for you. Don't fill your head with human garbage ideology.

The whole point of jerking off is to free your mind for serious work. Yet you choose to live like a starving dog.

I'm more productive and creative when i avoid jerking off. 

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I'm more productive and creative when i avoid jerking off. 

It’s because the blood flow that would go into your dick when you get hard instead goes into your head allowing you to think better #cuttingedgescience

[LoseYourvelf]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

It’s because the blood flow that would go into your dick when you get hard instead goes into your head allowing you to think better #cuttingedgescience

Yeah U right men are just these things

 

[Kid A]

17 minutes ago, eTorro said:

Can jerking off be considered sex?

Definitely. If you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Sex is a physiological need and that can be met by jerking off. «Sexual intimacy» is a Love and belonging-need, which is higher on the pyramid.

[Schizophonia]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s because the blood flow that would go into your dick when you get hard instead goes into your head allowing you to think better #cuttingedgescience

Ahah good one. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, LoseYourvelf said:

Yeah U right men are just these things

 

Spot on

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, something_else said:

If you jerked off a few times a week without judging yourself for it your lust would probably be much more manageable.

Lust is a normal emotion, it’s only a problem when you start to repress it and form hefty negative beliefs around it.

Psychedelics give me a very strong feeling of lust all the time. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Kid A said:

Definitely. If you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Sex is a physiological need and that can be met by jerking off. «Sexual intimacy» is a Love and belonging-need, which is higher on the pyramid.

I’ve transcended that need, next step is transcending the need for food and shelter too, bout to be a breatharian 

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat I feel relief when I do it and then get back to work . Today I did it after waking up in the evening 😂.

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat I feel relief when I do it and then get back to work . Today I did it after waking up in the evening 😂.

Me sharing too much made a ripple effect so others start to share too much. 😂👍🏻 I hope you had a good time. If it helps you concentrate after why not. 

Edited September 19 by Sugarcoat