Am I being too picky when choosing a gf?

[SageMind]

I feel that sometimes I am being too picky when choosing someone to date, but I feel like I can't lower my standards because for me there's no middle ground, if I date someone who I am not enough atracted to I feel that I am lying to her. But at the same time following this thinking makes finding someone way too hard and I need to gain experience to be prepared when Im ready to have a wife.

[Sugarcoat]

Hard to say if your standards are too high if we don’t know what they are or how you are

[Buck Edwards]

It's not a matter of standards. It's a matter of ethics. You should date only if you are serious. If not, then communicate your intentions honestly to the girl instead of lying by omission. Lying hurts everyone. If you are looking for a perfect wife for the future, a girl (a supposed or potential gf) is also looking for a perfect husband for herself. 

So in your case, the best solution is to be as honest as possible so nobody ends up feeling betrayed or "false hope" or hurt in any way. When we lie, people end up with betrayal or relationship trauma and that's bad karma. 

Honest communication about what you want in her and letting her know if you're genuinely into her or not. Heartbreak hurts everyone. Nobody deserves their feelings to be played with just because someone needs "relationship experience." 

You can always have casual sex but that's not a serious committed relationship and she should be intimated beforehand about it. 

Hope this helps. 

Edited September 17 by Buck Edwards

[manuel bon]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

It's not a matter of standards. It's a matter of ethics. You should date only if you are serious. If not, then communicate your intentions honestly to the girl instead of lying by omission. Lying hurts everyone. If you are looking for a perfect wife for the future, a girl (a supposed or potential gf) is also looking for a perfect husband for herself. 

So in your case, the best solution is to be as honest as possible so nobody ends up feeling betrayed or "false hope" or hurt in any way. When we lie, people end up with betrayal or relationship trauma and that's bad karma. 

Honest communication about what you want in her and letting her know if you're genuinely into her or not. Heartbreak hurts everyone. Nobody deserves their feelings to be played with just because someone needs "relationship experience." 

You can always have casual sex but that's not a serious committed relationship and she should be intimated beforehand about it. 

Hope this helps. 

I fully agree with everything you say.

 

Also,@SageMind I can tell you that I also thought I was super picky (and it was true), and I never found anyone. Then I understood that my behavior came from a family situation where most of people fully criticize other for how they look, and I was doing the same. I understood that beauty is present even beyond "imperfections", and now I know that there's no such thing as imperfect look. 

I told you what my experience was, but idk what you mean when you say you're picky, maybe it's different for me.

[Marcel]

5 hours ago, SageMind said:

But at the same time following this thinking makes finding someone way too hard and I need to gain experience to be prepared when Im ready to have a wife.

You should absolutely have high standards and never lower them for anyone. Especially when it comes to ( committed ) relationships.

Keep in mind. If you have high standards, then a lot of the „preparation“ isn’t necessary, because there already is a high standard.

I had / have incredibly high standards as well and sometimes doubted myself to the point I felt like giving up on relationships entirely.

But. And that’s the important part. I persisted and now I’m happily married to the women of my dreams. 

Keep your standards exactly where you feel they need to be and don’t ever lower them !

Edited September 17 by Marcel

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Marcel said:

You should absolutely have high standards and never lower them for anyone. Especially when it comes to ( committed ) relationships.

Keep in mind. If you have high standards, then a lot of the „preparation“ isn’t necessary, because there already is a high standard.

I had / have incredibly high standards as well and sometimes doubted myself to the point I felt like giving up on relationships entirely.

But. And that’s the important part. I persisted and now I’m happily married to the girl of my dreams. 

Keep your standards exactly where you feel they need to be and don’t ever lower them !

[enchanted]

15 hours ago, SageMind said:

I feel that sometimes I am being too picky when choosing someone to date, but I feel like I can't lower my standards because for me there's no middle ground, if I date someone who I am not enough atracted to I feel that I am lying to her. But at the same time following this thinking makes finding someone way too hard and I need to gain experience to be prepared when Im ready to have a wife.

Yes just pick someone and love them. 

[Emerald]

On 9/17/2024 at 2:09 AM, SageMind said:

I feel that sometimes I am being too picky when choosing someone to date, but I feel like I can't lower my standards because for me there's no middle ground, if I date someone who I am not enough atracted to I feel that I am lying to her. But at the same time following this thinking makes finding someone way too hard and I need to gain experience to be prepared when Im ready to have a wife.

You should let your feelings and intuitions guide your decision making on this.

I wouldn't give a guy a chance that I didn't have romantic feelings for because that's my inner compass showing me who I'm interested in and who I'm not.

Why should you give a girl you feel nothing for a chance?