Manuel's Journal - Spiritual Wok / Emotional Healing / Financial Freedom & more

[manuel bon]

⚫ Journaling again

 

I'm not feeling great right now; today I didn't do much, after many days of work and study I got extremely exhausted, and I am kind of feeling sick. But I just need to rest.

I am keeping up with the meditation practice, and I'm happy I managed to do it also today that was more difficult than the other days. I stopped doing the Gateway Experience, unfortunately. It takes a lot, but I should still do it whenever I can.

[manuel bon]

🟡 Investment overview 

 

In the last few days, the company's stock is going down. I am not feeling great about it, but I know it's part of the process and I don't have to discourage myself.

[manuel bon]

🔘 Surroundings Observation

The whole sky is gray. In this, I see groups of small light clouds moving fast. In the grayness of the sky and clouds, I don't see any specific shapes, the wind carrying them away makes them change and more distant,

Today is cold and rainy, usually I don't like this weather, but now that I sit and observe it, I see something more in it: I see calm uncertainty, I see change in the stillness.

I hear cars passing by, which remember me of the fast paced world, running to chase something that is never found.

I see the light drops of water, that fall fast from the sky; they're tiny, almost impossible to see, but if you focus, you can perceive the movement.

In this moment of stillness I remember how difficult it is in this world to just stop.

But now, I did stop. And I'm grateful for these little moments.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: Illumination

The moment you are illuminated, the whole of existence is illuminated. If you are dark, then the whole of existence is dark. It all depends on you

There are a thousand and one fallacies about meditation prevalent all around the world. Meditation is very simple: it is nothing but consciousness. It is not chanting, it is not using a mantra or a rosary. These are hypnotic methods. They can give you a certain kind of rest-nothing is wrong with that rest. If one is just trying to relax, it is perfectly good. Any hypnotic method can be helpful, but if one wants to know the truth, then it is not enough.

Meditation simply means transforming your unconsciousness into consciousness. Normally only one-tenth of our mind is conscious, and nine-tenths is unconscious. Just a small part of our mind, a thin layer, has light; otherwise the whole house is in darkness. And the challenge is to grow that small light so much that the whole house is flooded with light, so that not even a nook or corner is left in darkness.

Then the whole house is full of light, then life is a miracle, it has the quality of magic. Then it is no longer ordinary- everything becomes extraordinary. The mundane is transformed into the sacred, and the small things of life start having such tremendous significance that one could not have ever imagined it.
Ordinary stones look as beautiful as diamonds; the whole of existence becomes illuminated. The moment you are illuminated, the whole of existence is illuminated. If you are dark, then the whole of existence is dark. It all depends on you.

Edited November 19 by manuel bon

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter One: What is happiness?

 

In today's fast-paced world, we seek instant hits of happiness through our technologies, and we are constantly chasing happiness as if it is something external to find when it is already inside of us: "[...] we are hard-wired for it at a deep level". With meditation and mindfulness, we can choose to be happy and be free. 

Everyone can meditate, there is no prerequisite, and it doesn't matter if your mind is more or less busy than others. "Meditation [...] is a way to connect with our essence and to become who we truly are. Mindfulness is how to bring awareness into every situation".

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter Two: Hard-Wired to be Happy

 

Our natural state of being, our essence is free, is to be happy, but since we get too caught up in our thoughts and feelings, we are not able to be the way our true nature is. We can then learn to simply observe our mind so that we can be aware of the "clouds passing by", but remain the free and still blue sky.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter Three: Stress in the 21st century

 

Our society is based on doing, not on being. We constantly want to achieve something, and when we do, we move on to the next thing. We are scared of losing what we have and what we love, we have attachments to things that are not forever. Our food is filled with chemicals that make us eat the whole package, and want more and new food.

The more technology evolves, the more our stress level rises. We are working in and for a society where we constantly want to achieve something, likes, a certain status, or other. Meditation can help us tap into our inner-wired happiness, instead of looking for it outside.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: Amateurs and Experts

All great discoveries are made by amateurs.

 

It always happens that when you start new work, you are very creative, you are deeply involved, your whole being is in it. Then by and by, as you become acquainted with the territory, rather than being inventive and creative you start being repetitive. This is natural because the more skilled you become in any work, the more repetitive you become. Skill is repetitive.

So all great discoveries are made by amateurs, because a skilled person has too much at stake. If something new happens, what will happen to the old skill? The person has learned for years and now has become an expert. So experts never discover anything; they never go beyond the limit of their expertise. On the one hand, they become more and more skillful, and on the other hand they become more and more dull and the work seems to be a drag. Now there is nothing new that can be a thrill to them-they already know what is going to happen, they know what they are going to do; there is no surprise in it.

So here is the lesson: it is good to attain a skill, but it is not good to settle with it forever. Whenever the feeling arises in you that now something is looking stale, change it. Invent something. add something new, delete something old. Again be free from the pattern that means be free from the skill-again become an amateur. It needs courage and guts to become an amateur again, but that's how life becomes beautiful.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter Four: Meditation and Mindfulness

 

Nowadays we tend to blend the concept of meditation with the one of mindfulness, but in reality, meditation is when we sit down and use specific techniques to train our mind, while mindfulness is the awareness that we use to bring back our attention to the exercise, and this can be applied to the everyday life.

Meditation then is not about emptying our minds, but about being aware of its thoughts and not getting caught up in them; it's about leaning to observe what happens in our mind, and applying that to our day to day life means feeling our feelings and emotions but not getting attached ad carried away from them.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: An Echoing Place

The world is an echoing place. If we throw anger, anger comes back; if we give love, love comes back.

 

Love should not be demanding; otherwise it loses wings, it cannot fly. It becomes rooted in the earth, becomes very earthly. Then it is lust and it brings great misery and great suffering. Love should not be conditional, one should not expect anything out of it. It should be for its own sake-not for any reward, not for any result. If there is some motive in it, again, your love cannot become the sky. It is confined to the motive; the motive becomes its definition, its boundary. Unmotivated love has no boundary: it is pure elation, exuberance, it is the fragrance of the heart.

And just because there is no desire for any result, it does not mean that results do not happen. They do, they happen a thousandfold because whatever we give to the world comes back, it rebounds. The world is an echoing place. If we throw anger, anger comes back; if we give love, love comes back. But that is a natural phenomenon; one need not think about it. One can trust-it happens on its own. This is the law of karma: whatever you sow, you reap; whatever you give, you receive. So there is no need to think about it, it is automatic. Hate, and you will be hated. Love, and you will be loved.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter Five: Getting started

 

Position: Meditation should be done sitting with a straight back, the specific position doesn't matter, as soon as the spine is straight.

Eyes open or closed: In general, people meditate with closed eyes, but to some extent, it's better to do it with open eyes: like this, you don't get as sleepy, and you don't associate meditation with a dark image. With open eyes, you get used to meditate seeing something around you,  this means that you're training your awareness and you can more easily learn to be more mindful in day-to-day life.

Timing and frequency: you can start with a 10-minute alarm (with a gentle sound), and slowly build it up to 30 minutes. Once or twice a day is fine, when you get more experienced you can do it multiple times per day.

Method: 

1. Observe your body, focus on the touch - the contact with the seat, floor, clothes, etc.
2. Body Scan: from toes to head, and then back to the toes - focus on each small part of the body, slowly moving upwards/downwards like a scanner.

Try to meditate without judging and labeling thoughts, feelings, etc. Don't question whether you're meditating or not, just observe what you are feeling.

[manuel bon]

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #1 (dose day)

 

So, yesterday I decided to start microdosing magic truffles, which are legally available in the Netherlands. I bought the Golden Teacher truffles. I bought 15 grams, so I can take 1 gram every second day for a month.

Yesterday I woke up with some negative thoughts. I was not feeling great. But then I remembered a passage of a book that I am reading, which says that I can choose to be happy. And I understood that the kind of sadness and bad feeling that I was having was not because of something that happened, but just random thoughts that were happening in my brain. I decided then to think of positive things and nice things that happened the day before, the things I am grateful for. And I spontaneously and immediately started having great feelings of happiness in my chest. It has never happened so much that I would feel so much after just changing my thoughts. I was really surprised.

Before going to buy the truffles, I ate a smoothie with frozen berries. And it was good, a little bit cold. And that made me feel a little bit weird in my stomach. But that's fine. At 3 I had to start working, so before that, I went to buy the truffles. And around 2.50 I ingested the first gram of the microdose. I was working from 3 to 8 and the experience was really nice. I didn't have any strong effects, but I could feel it. The colors were the same, maybe slightly more vivid. But somehow I was enjoying them more, I was enjoying my surroundings way more. And just looking at people that usually I don't particularly like or dislike, both physically and personally, I could see something more, some kind of different spark. I was happy the whole time I was working. And yesterday was not a really laborious day. And everybody had a positive energy, so that really helped me keep my positive energy. After this, after work, then I went to do some groceries with my girlfriend. And after when we came home we discussed pharmaceutical companies. And we were not agreeing on the topic. And it was really not nice, the conversation. I lost the kind of mindfulness that I was keeping more or less through the whole day. And after this discussion, I didn't manage to get back this awareness and mindfulness. Overall it was a good day. 

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: Retrospective Wisdom

The other is never responsible. Just watch. If you become wise in the moment, there will be no problem. But everybody becomes wise when the moment is gone. Retrospective wisdom is worthless.

When you have done everything and fought and nagged and bitched and then you become wise and see that there was no point in it, it is too late. It is meaningless you have already done the harm. This wisdom is just pseudo-wisdom. It gives you a feeling "as if you have understood. That is a trick of the ego. This wisdom is not going to help. When you are doing something, at that very moment, simultaneously, the awareness should arise, and you should see that what you are doing is useless.

If you can see it when it is there, then you cannot do it. One can never go against one's awareness, and if one goes against it, that awareness is not awareness. Something else is being mistaken for it.

So remember, the other is never responsible for anything. The problem is something boiling within you. And of course the one you love is closest. You cannot throw it on some stranger passing on the road, so the closest person becomes the place where you go on throwing and pouring your nonsense. But that has to be avoided because love is very fragile. If you do it too much, if you overdo it, love can disappear.

[manuel bon]

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #2 (no dose)

Yesterday was the second day of the microdosing month, I didn't dose. And the day was pretty interesting.

I woke up, I practiced, and I went to work. After work I came home, I had dinner, and then I went to a house party. Somebody invited me to go there, but I didn't know anyone, except for my girlfriend who came with me, and my roommate and his girlfriend. And then we went to dance in the night.

I was surprised that throughout the day I could maintain a body awareness, a mental awareness that I'm trying to achieve throughout the day in general. I want to always be mindful. This is also one of the goals of the microdosing. Actually, later I will write a goal, a list of goals that I want to learn, of things that I want to learn with microdosing, or thanks to microdosing. And mindfulness is one of them for sure. And yeah, I managed to keep this awareness, I kept my mindfulness on my body, on my mind. Not 24 hours fully, not the whole day, but still it was a really good job. Today I will microdose, and I will write about it, either in the evening or tomorrow.

[manuel bon]

🟠🔵⚫ Microdosing Goals

Here is the list of things I want to practice, achieve, and push myself to do.

1. Body and Mind Awareness (Mindfulness): Develop a deeper connection with my body and thoughts, staying present throughout the day.
2. Teal Swan’s Self-Love Course: Commit to doing the course and applying the teachings daily.
3. Restart Meditation: Rebuild my meditation practice, even starting with just 10 minutes daily, and gradually extend the sessions.
4. Daily Stretching/Yoga: Incorporate a stretching or yoga routine to enhance physical flexibility, wellness, and mental relaxation.
5. Journaling for Reflection: Write daily reflections about my microdosing experience, emotions, and things in general.
6. Emotional Awareness and Expression: Reconnect with my emotions, practice self-compassion, and find ways to release or express emotions healthily.
7. Focus and Productivity: Improve concentration and productivity in my personal and professional tasks.
8. Gratitude Practice: Cultivate gratitude by listing things I'm thankful for each day.
9. Improve Social Interactions: Going out more, socializing and meeting new people.
10. Creativity Exploration: Explore new ideas, hobbies, or projects.

This microdosing month is just the beginning of personal growth.

[manuel bon]

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #3 (dose day)

Yesterday was the second dozing day, and it was not really great.

I woke up, I practiced, and then I had lunch, and I ate a lot. I ate a lot of food, and I started watching a series, and I kept watching for two hours, that series. It didn't make me feel good at all, because when I watch too much screen, my eyes feel weird, my head feels a little bit spaced out, and I feel almost as if I am in a movie or something.

So then I decided to go for a walk. It was a two hours long walk, and I managed to meditate on a bench. And after that, I had dinner with my roommate, with my girlfriend, and it was really fun and nice. Overall, I managed to be aware and mindful throughout the day. Not a lot as the day before, but sometimes I manage to remember to be mindful, especially during the walk. While watching the movie, not at all, but in some moments of the day, yes, so that is fine.

I didn't do stretching or almost any of the other goals I wrote, but that's fine. I don't understand why I keep feeling bad or falling again into this habit of watching a lot, and I cannot stop. I stopped smoking weed, but this summer I started drinking again. I don't do it a lot, but lately, I have been doing it more frequently, and I am not happy about that at all. So I feel a little bit down for that. Apart from all of this, I decided that today I will dose again, because tomorrow I have a medical screening I have to go through, and it is better not to microdose on that day. 

I also decided to fast for 24 hours. I have never done this before, so let's see how it goes.

Edited Sunday at 10:20 AM by manuel bon

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: Gratitude

Feel as grateful to existence as possible for small things, not only for great things... just for sheer breathing. We don't have any claim on existence, so whatever is given is a gift.

Grow more and more in gratitude and thankfulness; let it become your very style. Be grateful to everybody. If one understands gratitude, then one is grateful for things that have been done positively. And one even feels grateful for things that could have been done but were not done. You feel grateful that somebody helped you-this is just the beginning. Then you start feeling grateful that somebody has not harmed you he could have; it was kind of him not to.

Once you understand the feeling of gratitude and allow it to sink deeply within you, you will start feeling grateful for everything. And the more grateful you are, the less complaining, grumbling. Once complaining disappears, misery disappears. It exists with complaints. It is hooked with complaints and with the complaining mind. Misery is impossible with gratefulness. This is one of the most important secrets to learn.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten

summary - Chapter Six: Building the Habit

To get great results, the best way is to practice meditation every day, as said previously. Starting 10 minutes a day, and then building it up is a good way. There will be moments where it's difficult to keep the practice, in moments of sadness, sickness, stress, and more. But we have to understand that when we are in these situations, we want to take a break, and meditation is precisely that. It helps you take a break, relax in the moment and feel whatever you feel, without judgment or other comments.

It's also good to build a mindfulness habit. The way to start is: to choose a couple of things that you do daily, that will act as mindfulness triggers (e.g. washing your hands, taking the stairs, washing the dishes, or anything else). The next step is: to be mindful of many more moments throughout the day, every time you remember it. The last step is to become mindful of the "easy" stressful moments, and to build awareness for the harder and more stressful moments in life.

It's good and healthy to learn to eat mindfully, and also wake up and go to sleep mindfully.

[manuel bon]

🟤 Quote by Osho: Laughter

Why wait for reasons to laugh? Life as it is should be reason enough to laugh. It is so absurd, it is so ridiculous. It is so beautiful, so wonderful! It is all sorts of things together. It is a great cosmic joke.

Laughter is the easiest thing in the world if you allow it, but it has become hard. People laugh very rarely, and even when they laugh it is not true. People laugh as if they are obliging somebody, as if they are fulfilling a certain duty. Laughter is fun. You are not obliging anybody!

You should not laugh to make somebody else happy because if you are not happy, you cannot make anybody else happy. You should simply laugh of your own accord, without waiting for reasons to laugh. If you start looking into things, you will not be able to stop laughing. Everything is simply perfect for laughter-nothing is lacking-but we won't allow it. We are very miserly: miserly about laughter, about love, about life. Once you know that miserliness can be dropped, you move into a different dimension. Laughter is the real religion. Everything else is just metaphysics.

[manuel bon]

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #4 & #5 (dose and no-dose)

 

I decided to microdose also on Sunday, so I did two dosing days in a row, and then I didn't take any dose yesterday, and also today I will not, but I will tomorrow.

On Sunday was not so great, and neither did yesterday. Especially yesterday I didn't manage to keep any mindful awareness. Yesterday I managed only in the evening before going to sleep, which is still better than nothing in my opinion, but overall I could have done more during the day. On Sunday I was not feeling so good. I also got into some kind of an argument with my girlfriend, which was not too bad, but for sure it didn't make me feel good. 

I was not feeling great these days. I am a little bit tired of having to practice guitar daily. It's kind of stressful and hard, and I feel like I am not living my life in general. I could live more, I could live better. But, I don't know, maybe I am trying to work on it, maybe not. I am not so sure, honestly. But it's fine. Today I will try to be more mindful, and... I will try to do more stretching, and work on myself a little bit more.

I have to keep up with the gratitude journal. I always think I have to do it in the evening, but actually that's just an excuse. I can do it at any time in the day. So I can just keep it up. Even only one thing is good enough.

Yesterday I was obsessed with the investments. I feel like I am really back compared to other people. Compared to where people are economically, and where I would like to be. I really don't like this social system based on money. I would like to create an independent life. I would like to have enough money to not care about it. But it feels difficult. Anyways, I will try not to get addicted by investing, and I hope everything will be fine in my life in general.