All Dates should be LIKE THIS ?

[Javfly33]

Yesterday I had an improvised date and I realized I´ve been doing dates in a terrible manner.

Influenced by toxic dating coaches and pickup culture I´ve always been inside my head during the dates, trying to sort out how to 'lead' the interaction or escalate it. This would produce anxiety and tension within myself and disconnection to the woman.

Yesterday I had an incredible date because it was perfect flow, 0 inside my head, I was completely relaxed within myself and vibing with the girl.

I think it was because she was a 5-6, I think I was a bit above her league (just physically wise, not in other aspects), this produced a sort of automatic confidence-value within myself.

So basically I wonder...how to feel like this / have dates like this with 8 and 9s? Because obviously one can improve their physical appearance but only until one point.

So at one point I´m probably a 9 will always be above my league because I´ll never get to a 9 physically wise. I wonder how guys can go on dates with 8s 9s (and they are not on that level themselves) and also feel confident and value within themselves. 

[Sugarcoat]

You put looks on pedestal. 
 

do you feel automatically more attracted to her if she’s physically hotter? Maybe you can’t deal with the intense attraction you’re feeling when she’s more hot physically. Some insecurity could block you from feeling confident in your attraction to her and owning it 

im speaking from my own experience of having in my past this crush whom I pedestalized (because of his personality) and couldn’t feel comfortable in my very intense attraction to him due to insecurity in myself. So it was like it was too strong attraction to deal with, maybe you can relate idk 

Edited September 16 by Sugarcoat

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat Everyone puts their crush on pedestral including me.  @Javfly33  The thing which is helpful is realizing that nobody is above you no matter what it seems.

[Schizophonia]

@Javfly33

On the contrary, I have the impression that it is easier to get along with an 8/9 out of 10, probably because they have fewer "energy blockages". 

If you see what i mean.

[Javfly33]

44 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You put looks on pedestal. 
 

I am aware of that, definetely. 

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with the intense attraction you’re feeling when she’s more hot physically. Some insecurity could block you from feeling confident in your attraction to her and owning it 

Yes, that´s probably is.

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do you feel automatically more attracted to her if she’s physically hotter?

It depends, by attraction you mean sexual-sensual-instant desire attraction ? If that is the case (thats how I understand the word) Of course because 'attraction' is purely that, raw physical attributes. Men use physical appearance as the measurement for that.

 

To fall in love/infatuate myself with a woman, or want to have a long relationship, then other reasons take importance if not more, but 'attraction' comes 100% only from physical appearance for me. 

 

First women I got obsessed/fall in love she was a 6.5, so of course looks are not everything, but that´s because the relationship had gone much deeper than sex. In fact with this girl I did not think of sex with her until 6-7months into the relationship. 

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im speaking from my own experience of having in my past this crush whom I pedestalized (because of his personality) and couldn’t feel comfortable in my very intense attraction to him due to insecurity in myself. So it was like it was too strong attraction to deal with, maybe you can relate idk 

Yeap, totally. 

12 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat Everyone puts their crush on pedestral including me.  @Javfly33  The thing which is helpful is realizing that nobody is above you no matter what it seems.

Yeah, although better said that done because looks impact very deep in the psyche and mechanism of the mind.

The whole reason why want to date women and not men is because of Looks lmao. 

Edited September 16 by Javfly33

[Javfly33]

5 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@Javfly33

 

If you see what i mean.

I definetely not. I feel 8/9 are bratty and bitchy as hell, at least thats how it is in my country

Edited September 16 by Javfly33

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I definetely not. I feel 8/9 are bratty and bitchy as hell, at least thats how it is in my country

In my world mean girls basically don't exist, and for some reasons very sexy girls tend to be even gentler.

It's you who remember me this persona of "ugly girls are more nice and submissive because they are desperate, and very pretty girls are unbearable because they have a huge ego".

[Javfly33]

15 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

In my world mean girls basically don't exist, and for some reasons very sexy girls tend to be even gentler.

It's you who remember me this persona of "ugly girls are more nice and submissive because they are desperate, and very pretty girls are unbearable because they have a huge ego".

Ok Mr dating God... whatever you say. 

[Schizophonia]

58 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Ok Mr dating God... whatever you say. 

?

 

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I am aware of that, definetely.

it can be hard to unwire this. Us women fall into this trap too

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2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

It depends, by attraction you mean sexual-sensual-instant desire attraction ? If that is the case (thats how I understand the word) Of course because 'attraction' is purely that, raw physical attributes. Men use physical appearance as the measurement for that.

 

To fall in love/infatuate myself with a woman, or want to have a long relationship, then other reasons take importance if not more, but 'attraction' comes 100% only from physical appearance for me. 

 

First women I got obsessed/fall in love she was a 6.5, so of course looks are not everything, but that´s because the relationship had gone much deeper than sex. In fact with this girl I did not think of sex with her until 6-7months into the relationship.

 

I just meant attraction in general, both instant but also when youre getting to know a woman´s personality. 

 But in regards to the "instant" attraction, yea I guessed too its very looks based for most men. And the hotter the more of this "instant" attraction is felt. I don't know what the cause of it is, if its mainly biological or more because of society, and how much of it can be "worked on" and "rewired" or not.

its not a problem per say, but it connects to this point about looks being put on pedestal, so it could be contributing to your issue. 

by attraction I also meant your attraction to a woman as youre getting to know her, as youre dating. Here I wondered, lets say you like both her personality and looks, is looks still the main factor, if so it could be contributing to the issue since it also ties into this point about "pedestalization". But you said to fall in love with a woman other factors take importance if not more, so here the answer is no, looks no longer play the most important role. But Im guessing when youre really early in dating a woman and you don't know her much, looks take the first place in your attraction to her and its pedestalized so thats contributing to your issue 

as a woman, maybe im unique, but Im not really capable of getting attracted to a guy because of his looks, it doesn't happen, it did happen in younger years but as I got older it stopped, so I believe it can be "rewired" to a certain degree. But its maybe different for men and for women.

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2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

Yeah, although better said that done because looks impact very deep in the psyche and mechanism of the mind.

 

 

it might be able to be "rewired"

Edited September 16 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

@Rishabh R i havent experienced it yet but im sure its possible to have a crush without putting them on a pedestal

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

@Javfly33

On the contrary, I have the impression that it is easier to get along with an 8/9 out of 10, probably because they have fewer "energy blockages". 

If you see what i mean.

lmao what. What does fewer energy blockages have to do with looks, what u mean

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat Now I am confused but I appreciate your openmindedness.

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat Now I am confused but I appreciate your openmindedness.

I think its simple what I wrote

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat ok .

[Schizophonia]

10 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

lmao what. What does fewer energy blockages have to do with looks, what u mean

I mean that people who thinks they are not very attractive are more susceptible to be shyer because of learned helplessness, from experience ; Men as women. 

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I mean that people who thinks they are not very attractive are more susceptible to be shyer because of learned helplessness, from experience ; Men as women. 

ok i see your point, but I don't think its so common

Edited September 16 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I mean that people who thinks they are not very attractive are more susceptible to be shyer because of learned helplessness, from experience ; Men as women. 

Not really the case woman who are phisicaly attractive is more prone to lower self esteem because of constantly maintaing it,being looked at etc.

 

[Schizophonia]

5 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Not really the case woman who are phisicaly attractive is more prone to lower self esteem because of constantly maintaing it,being looked at etc.

 

I've seen everything. 

[NoSelfSelf]

6 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I've seen everything. 

Lol