How to be non reactive ?

[Rishabh R]

I have developed immense hatred against girls of my batch whom when I first talk to they call me brother and reject me by giving bad reactions while when some other guys of my class talk to them , they get attracted to them and start dating them. I am suffering  as even in the past in my highschool a girl whom I used to talk to rejected me by saying to study as these things are futile and after some time she started flirting with other guy. I have been on antidepressants since then and suffer when I see couples cuddling in my college campus. How to develop non reactivity ? Even tough I have made some progress by talking to many girls , flirting with some and realising that I can get a girlfriend.

[Sugarcoat]

Why do you think they reject you?

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat As they call me brother. But your perspective is also interesting.

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat As they call me brother. But your perspective is also interesting.

I meant what do you think the reason is for them rejecting you? 
 

I don’t know 

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat  because they don't want me.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat  because they don't want me.

Yea but why? I was thinking your response to it would give a clue to what your problem might be but with that vague answer I’m not getting anywhere😂

[NoSelfSelf]

By becoming a man easy to say hard to do...

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat You are pointing me to interesting questions which answers I myself don't know or am struggling to know while thinking right now 😂. Maybe for the fact that I am not a player like them who behave narcisistically with other guys if they see them talking to their girlfriends haha,😂

Edited September 16 by Rishabh R

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat You are pointing me to interesting questions which answers I myself don't know or am struggling to know while thinking right now 😂. Maybe for the fact that I am not a player like them who behave narcicistically with other guys if they see them talking to their girlfriends haha,😂

It’s ok if you don’t know the real reason I was just wondering what you yourself thought the reason was 

so you tend to feel inferior and have low self esteem around those guys you consider “players”? 

[Rishabh R]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

It’s ok if you don’t know the real reason I was just wondering what you yourself thought the reason was 

so you tend to feel inferior and have low self esteem around those guys you consider “players”? 

No but when I see them with their girlfriends , I feel inferior .

[UnbornTao]

That is a pretty deep study that requires changing the context of your experience. 

Start by trying to experience things for themselves. 

[Rishabh R]

5 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

By becoming a man easy to say hard to do...

Yeah and Is this mindset correct that my goal is not to have a girlfriend but practice vulnerability?

[Rishabh R]

@UnbornTao sorry I didn't understand ?

[NoSelfSelf]

Just now, Rishabh R said:

Yeah and Is this mindset correct that my goal is not to have a girlfriend but practice vulnerability?

You dont even know what you need to be doing ,so you are like saling in the ocean looking for bits of answers on the forum, it wont work like you think...imagine as yourself like a skyscraper now imagine how many things you need and you talking about carpets while you need strong foundstion to built the skyscraper you are trying to built on mud vs strong concrete...

[Rishabh R]

@NoSelfSelf why you are so rude all the time huh? 

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

No but when I see them with their girlfriends , I feel inferior .

You seem too focused on the women. So if they respond well to you , you feel good, if they respond bad to you, you feel bad. I’d say the best you can do is to try to focus more on yourself, how you can improve yourself, in a way that feels authentic and aligned. When you are doing things for yourself you’ll feel good and when you feel secure in yourself others reactions won’t move you as much . Be wary of how you might deceive yourself , it has to be authentic can’t fake that confidence 

 

my silly psychoanalysis attempt 😂😂

Edited September 16 by Sugarcoat

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat yeah maybe it's an internal/inner game problem as women's reactions are like up and down cycle. Maybe I could consider your analysis as Carl Jung's analysis as he was also in psychoanalysis 😂.

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat yeah maybe it's an internal/inner game problem as women's reactions are like up and down cycle. Maybe I could consider your analysis as Carl Jung's analysis as he was also in psychoanalysis 😂.

At the end of the day you can’t control how others respond to you, and women dont owe you anything that’s the cold truth. Sometimes just reminding yourself of the cold truth can be good, your anger is not helping you it’s doing nothing. So if you’re gonna be affected by what women think your internal world will go up and down all the time because as you say women’s reactions are like up and down cycle. 
 

Don’t compare me to Jung poor guy 😂

Edited September 16 by Sugarcoat

[Rishabh R]

@Sugarcoat Ok. But your psychoanalysis is perfect in this case that's why I compared you to Jung 😃.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Rishabh R said:

@Sugarcoat Ok. But your psychoanalysis is perfect in this case that's why I compared you to Jung 😃.

Thanks 😂🙏🏻 I hope it could help