Why I Stopped Chasing Enlightenment and Started Transforming My Life

[Zen LaCroix]

A few years ago I was going through some emotional pain and started getting into meditation through the meditation book “The Mind Illuminated”. I was also around stage Orange and Green in Spiral Dynamics. At the time meditation really helped me since I was going through a lot of a pain. Eventually after a few weeks I got over the pain and was still meditation for many months after that daily as a habit. I had the goal of spiritual enlightenment. I’m not really sure why that was my goal. I think it was because I was tired of emotional pain.

After I started this meditation practice I started bing watching spiritual content, buddhist content and Actualized.org stuff. I was really inhaling Actualized.org content. Sometimes I would watch a video where Leo would say don’t take my word for it and I would actually get thrown off since I never even questioned the validity of what Leo said. And this goes for his videos, his blog and even the comments in the forum. I put him on a pedestal. I also put Owen Cook a self-help/ dating guru on a pedestal as well and believed everything he said. Not only that I felt like I had to follow bhuddist principles after reading and watching so much content on it. I was following a bhuddist meditation guide “The Mind Illuminated” so I felt like I had to take on the principles of the religion

The truth about what was happening was this. I fell for the trap of spiritual bypassing. My life really wasn’t that good but I meditated a lot. I wasn’t a sad person but I wasn’t a happy person either. I had financial trouble. My dating life was practically non-existent and I had few friends and poor social skills. My life wasn’t progressing in any way besides my concentration and mindfulness which was getting sharper each month. That itself felt good. I ignored my crappy life and had the goal of spiritual enlightenment.

I was using meditation to ignore other parts of my life and because of that it kept bugging me like a thorn in my side. I could have meditated while also improving my life but I didn’t and eventually I lost the desire for spiritual enlightenment and stopped meditating. I was spending a few years in New Zealand surrounded by a lot of Stage Green people. Eventually I had to face the fact that I have certain desires in life. I need to get my life back together. I need to fix my dating life and get a career going. I went back to Stage Orange and I no longer even resonated with Stage Green stuff anymore.

Eventually when I would go back to consuming content from gurus like Owen Cook, Leo Gura and even celebrities, I no longer pedestalized them. Even now I look at these same gurus content now with some skepticism and I could see myself disagreeing with some of the things they say in their videos whereas in the past that would have never happened. I’ve started meditation again with the book “The Mind Illuminated” as a guide but I no longer feel like I have to follow an type of buddhist  way of life or even subscribe to that philosophy at all. And I can now see the shadow side of buddhism. I’m now using meditation to keep me emotional centered when I have to face my fears and put myself in situations that would normally be emotionally painful. I’m prioritizing personal transformation over spirituality. And I’m using spirituality to help make the transformation of me as a person as well as my life easier

Edited September 15, 2024 by Zen LaCroix

[Ishanga]

You have to start from where You are at right now, this is slightly different for each of us as our individual Karmic Makeup is unique, so don't even think about Enlightenment if You still have stress responses, react to things, are a slave to outside situations, needs or desires, first deal with all of that basic stuff, set up a stable base of Emotional Wellbeing and general level of Awareness of Now is all that exists, Accept all that is as it is, once that is in place, Peace and Ease are Your baseline level of Experience, then go forward from there and see what Possibilities come up..

Edited September 16, 2024 by Ishanga

[Jodistrict]

Transformation is part of any spiritual path.   The “chasing enlightenment” seems to be a modern thing.  In Ashtanga 8 limb yoga, samadhi is only one of the 8 limbs.

The Yoga Sutras talks about transformation which Pantanjali calles “parinama”. 

Transformation (parinama) is produced by a sequence of steps (krama).  YS 3.15

A “krama” is a step or a single action.   You transform yourself by taking one step at a time.

Have a consistent practice over a long period of time, practice consistently without gaps, and with enthusiasm and an attitude of service YS 1.14.   This unleashes the full potential of the mind. YS 3.4

 

[Brittany]

The spiritual path will look different for a person who views it like a scientist/explorer vs. a person who views it as therapy.

For the former, you just want to understand how reality works, for everyone.

For the latter, you are in personal pain and suffering and you want it to stop, for yourself.

The latter often leads to spiritual bypassing.

That is great you found a way of living that is working much better for you.