Leo , on exploring other's perspective ?

[Rishabh R]

Is exploring other's perspectives and questioning one's perspective like for example - Is it true that she hurted me ? a key for healing from anger due to past traumas , rejections , hurtful actions of others ? 

[El Zapato]

One thing that I've learned is valid, is that what we feel can be as real as anything.  Our feelings can deceive us though but that requires a deeper look to discern.  But if you feel it, you might as well own it, even if it is a projection of someone else's.  Agonizing reappraisal is always in order.

[Rishabh R]

@El Zapato Even tough I didn't fully understand what you said but I think you are pointing to feeling through one's negative emotions , right ?

[El Zapato]

@Rishabh R yes basically, I suspect when anyone has a feeling of rejection (hurt), nothing can be any more real.  I'll give you a concrete example.  My ex-wife accused me of abuse, I concluded that despite me not being an abusive personality by nature, quite the opposite, she fully believed it.  So, I had no choice but to accept her feelings. But, on the other hand, she had a history of leaving disaster in her wake, broken relationships, attempted suicide, narcissism, and a host of other weirdness (I should emphasize her tendency toward paranoia).  I never fully integrated my acceptance of her viewpoint UNTIL my daughter came to me with feelings of the same experiences with her mother.  What I then realized was that 'it' wasn't me, it was her.  Of course, I played my part in it, but she has an enraging personality and I fell into her game due to my own very real weaknesses. So, it is in a way walking a tightrope (A psychologist would call it 'walking on eggshells, which is part of the ploy that women love to use to justify their inability to accept what is really real).  But we as individuals/people have to navigate the landmines of human emotions to eventually 'actualize' our experiences.  Life is not easy for us humans, sometimes painful, sometimes blissful, Though far from easy for me, we have to make it work and most essential is moving forward in a way that makes us happy.  I haven't done it yet and will likely go to my grave without that as an accomplishment.

[Rishabh R]

@El Zapato Sorry, I feel bad for you . The situations I have faced is nothing compared to what you have faced in your life. You are way stronger than me . Even tough I am strong too. 

[El Zapato]

2 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

@El Zapato Sorry, I feel bad for you . The situations I have faced is nothing compared to what you have faced in your life. You are way stronger than me . Even tough I am strong too. 

Actually, that strikes me as funny because my ex always used to say that to me.  Hardly, am I stronger, more like acclimated to disaster...  It's only life.  We live or we die and it is not much in-between. Feelings are one area where the term 'relative' is valid.

[Rishabh R]

@El Zapato  Haha. So yeah , what I have gone through in college is nothing compared to the real world , right ?

[El Zapato]

Just now, Rishabh R said:

@El Zapato  Haha. So yeah , what I have gone through in college is nothing compared to the real world , right ?

I hesitate to answer that question, but I will say, it can always get worse.  If you feel a level of control over your life, you are doing good.  

[Rishabh R]

@El Zapato Yeah I feel that I have some control over my life but not everything as there would always be external circumstances which one cannot control, people who wouldn't like you etc.  What I have been doing lately is accepting what I cannot control.