How to handle the desire of a deep relationship while cant find any

[Asia P]

(General question)

If there's a pearson who is tired of superficial situationships, and for a period of time they can't find anything deep and serious, but only just sex and fun, how they can deal with the need of a more loving and profound partner who can commit. (There's no way of lower the standars, they really want a certain level of tie)

[Schizophonia]

What do you mean by deep and serious, could you gives more details ? 🤔

[NoSelfSelf]

Well usually the ones with game are looking for more than a pretty face, what are the standards a man you want holds? Can you live up to it, that is the real queastion?

[Sugarcoat]

I think there’s different components to this

What you attract: 

I believe we attract people on somewhat our own “level” . So for example I like to use the example of a woman with low self esteem to illustrate this. We all have heard of some woman that keeps attracting “bad” men over and over. This is no coincidence. She attracts them in many cases because she herself has low self esteem etc, so they compliment her. So if you want to attract high quality partners you have to be high quality. And that you become by working on yourself, becoming secure in yourself, healing yourself etc

 

what you are attracted to: 

it’s like a double edge sword. If you are like the woman in the example, not only will you ~attract~ “bad” men, but you will also ~be attracted to~ them. I belive we are attracted to people on somewhat or own level, or women might be attracted to men “above” them too. So if you become secure in yourself. If you evolve yourself and heal yourself, who you are attracted to will evolve too. The more high quality you become the more high quality who you’re attracted to become. You will not as easily recognize a high quality partner if you aren’t one yourself 

finding people: 

Ofc if you are home alone all the time no matter how high quality you are it’s gonna be harder to find someone so one has to go on a little search in most cases. I myself have tried dating app in the past but didn’t like it because it’s very looks based and it’s hard to know someone’s personality through swiping. And I didn’t find anyone I considered high quality the short time I was there. But it could work in some cases. You could find someone through social circle. In the club and bar at night (here I don’t find what I consider high quality either but in some cases it could work but I think it’s rare) you could also find people on this forum, or other Internet forums for people close to you with your interests. Or in irl activities etc. 

this is just my little take on this, but hey why would you listen to me when I have no irl experience hehe 😁😁just my own theories and observations

Edited September 14 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

I think there’s different components to this

What you attract: 

I believe we attract people on somewhat our own “level” . So for example I like to use the example of a woman with low self esteem to illustrate this. We all have heard of some woman that keeps attracting “bad” men over and over. This is no coincidence. She attracts them in many cases because she herself has low self esteem etc, so they compliment her. So if you want to attract high quality partners you have to be high quality. And that you become by working on yourself, becoming secure in yourself, healing yourself etc

 

what you are attracted to: 

it’s like a double edge sword. If you are like the woman in the example, not only will you ~attract~ “bad” men, but you will also ~be attracted to~ them. I belive we are attracted to people on somewhat or own level, or women might be attracted to men “above” them too. So if you become secure in yourself. If you evolve yourself and heal yourself, who you are attracted to will evolve too. The more high quality you become the more high quality who you’re attracted to become. You will not as easily recognize a high quality partner if you aren’t one yourself 

finding people: 

Ofc if you are home alone all the time no matter how high quality you are it’s gonna be harder to find someone so one has to go on a little search in most cases. I myself have tried dating app in the past but didn’t like it because it’s very looks based and it’s hard to know someone’s personality through swiping. And I didn’t find anyone I considered high quality the short time I was there. But it could work in some cases. You could find someone through social circle. In the club and bar at night (here I don’t find what I consider high quality either but in some cases it could work but I think it’s rare) you could also find people on this forum, or other Internet forums for people close to you with your interests. Or in irl activities etc. 

this is just my little take on this, but hey why would you listen to me when I have no irl experience hehe 😁😁just my own theories and observations

That's only the beggining after what you said has established then game begins :)...

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

That's only the beggining after what you said has established then game begins :)...

You mean that is only the first step, finding someone, then the game begins between the two ? 

Edited September 14 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean that is only the first step, finding someone, then the game begins ? 

Yes, but level of someones game will determine how things will go, based on their understanding of themselves/dating then last women and million other things.

Edit:but like you said you will attract initialy by how deep your game is, so its a start but not how it will pan out.

Edited September 14 by NoSelfSelf

[Sugarcoat]

15 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Yes, but level of someones game will determine how things will go, based on their understanding of themselves/dating then last women and million other things.

Edit:but like you said you will attract initialy by how deep your game is, so its a start but not how it will pan out.

I’d say I agree, I only wrote about the first part, finding someone in first place which is only the first step ofc

Edited September 14 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

7 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’d say I agree, I only wrote about the first part, finding someone in first place which is only the first step ofc

I see i think topic starter doesnt have problem with that ,she wants a player but player never let himself catch fully 🤷 thats how i saw it...

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I see i think topic starter doesnt have problem with that ,she wants a player but player never let himself catch fully 🤷 thats how i saw it...

I saw it that she mostly had problem with finding people who want something serious , so the people she finds are those who only want something superficial. That was what my response was based on.  But maybe I was a bit wrong. But you mean that those same people could want something serious based on how she is, how they are attracted to her.

Edited September 14 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

10 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I saw it that she mostly had problem with finding people who want something serious , so the people she finds are those who only want something superficial. That was what my response was based on.  But maybe I was a bit wrong. But you mean that those same people could want something serious based on how she is, how they are attracted to her.

Same people will want her based on her game, where she shows him why she is different from everybody else and how much she meets his standards,its the same but one who has more value wins in simplistic terms..but if she only looks for her needs/standards etc. to be met then that guy can find those everywhere...

Edited September 14 by NoSelfSelf

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Same people will want her based on her game, where she shows him why she is different from everybody else and how much she meets his standards,its the same but one who has more value wins in simplistic terms..but if she only looks for her needs/standards etc. to be met then that guy can find those everywhere...

I think I understand what you mean and id agree for the most part. So in simple terms the same guy wanting something superficial could want something deeper based on her value to him, which is based on her own “game”

 

it’s an interesting topic indeed

[NoSelfSelf]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I think I understand what you mean and id agree for the most part. So in simple terms the same guy wanting something superficial could want something deeper based on her value to him, which is based on her own “game”

 

it’s an interesting topic indeed

Yes the way she meets his expectations,reality,qualities plus the uniqueness he is not used to, which will then start to change his reality so he doesnt see her as just another girl...

Indeed its a deep topic which is crucial to understand if you not letting it all to fate ,which you never know what it is...

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Yes the way she meets his expectations,reality,qualities plus the uniqueness he is not used to, which will then start to change his reality so he doesnt see her as just another girl...

Indeed its a deep topic which is crucial to understand if you not letting it all to fate ,which you never know what it is...

Agree although in some cases some guys only want superficial because of themselves regardless of the girl , I think

yea it’s deep

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Agree although in some cases some guys only want superficial because of themselves regardless of the girl , I think

yea it’s deep

 

 

Well i never think from perspective of another guy or a woman, but how it works everyone has their own prefrence until they get with someone who can engage their emotions and things in them, which changes the whole game of how things go,like for example woman will think i love a tall muscular guy ,but then think why this short chubby guy is always on my mind so game shifts.. but its topic for another day...

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

Well i never think from perspective of another guy or a woman, but how it works everyone has their own prefrence until they get with someone who can engage their emotions and things in them, which changes the whole game of how things go,like for example woman will think i love a tall muscular guy ,but then think why this short chubby guy is always on my mind so game shifts.. but its topic for another day...

Yea for sure attraction can work like that

[UnbornTao]

I guess one of the first components is finding someone who is aligned with your top values, whom you deem as trustworthy, and who is willing to engage in such an undertaking. Of course, you also need to communicate your intent to do so.

Besides that, it is up to you to start creating it. Once you have gotten across your desire to the other person, figure out together what deepening the relationship would entail. For example, setting common pursuits and goals and encouraging each other in those is a positive step. A commitment to honesty is another essential aspect.

Edited September 14 by UnbornTao

[LoseYourvelf]

Just gotta hold out hope and have a legitimately passionate/involved/nerdy grip on the other side of ur life that isnt that

[Schizophonia]

I come back here.

It's very simple : it's because you're not "deep and serious".

In your value system it's good to be like that, but that's not who you energetically are, you are what you love to do and people that you attract.

 

[Schizophonia]

You're making things too complicated with your game stories lol.

We have fun with people who are more or less like us and after a while we end up climbing on each other.
If you can't have companions it's because 1) you are not very attractive 2) the principal, you are not mature and above all you don't know what you like and therefore what to exchange with others.

Edited September 14 by Schizophonia