Advice about dating&pickup !

[eliasvelez]

Hello

Im thinking about changing my dating strategy. The last year I did a bit of pickup which peaked this february where I was doing it more intensily. in that month I had dates with around 8-9 girls and had sex with 2. after that, i stopped completely. I talked with some people about it and came to the conclusion that I want it to be more naturally and not put that much effort into it. So that I dont walk around with the goal(I had always a goal, for example: today im gonna approach 3 girls) of approaching anymore (because its kinda unatural and takes emotional energy) but just approach when it feels naturally and just from my lifestyle. The thing is, at the moment it kinda doesnt work and im asking myself why. I would say im attractive, i have decent social skills, I met a lot of people the last months, the past 2 years I had a sales job where I approached around 300-600 people daily(and was pretty good at it. I stopped it because I think old school sales where you try to convince someone to buy something is against my values and is a performance job whitch reinforces toxic patterns). Even if my pickup-time was fun and I did it with integrity… Im hesitant to go down that road again… I talked with someone who has a lot of experience in this field and this person also meant that my conclusion was right, after having done pickup fore some time and after having some success, one should leave pickup because you start to loose your capacity for being a normal person with girls and see girls more and more as sexual opportunities instead of letting go and be open to whatewher happens with the human in front if you. i should just being myself, pursue my other goals (creative stuff, spirituality, traveling a lot, life-purpose, dancing, and so on… and ask girls out who i meet…(for some reason, everytime I meet someone kinda attractive, I have an most of the time an excuse for not going further with things.) pickup seem superficial and i dont know if it is sustainable after some point (I can approach decent, I had good dates, I can be direct) I can do all that in the frame of doing pickup but when im just living my life without bothering about pickup(almost everyone I meet that was for some time into pickup btw, didnt really seemed fulfilled) , everything in dating gets kinda more difficult when you just life your normal life and dont invest in pickup and its. But I don't want to do pickup anymore, I dont want to go about my life and have always pickup in the back of my mind, I feel like pickup is just an endless hamsterwheel/addiction and I wantet to stop doing it before I would reinforce the toxic aspects that arise from that approach to dating, I just want to be myself and take dating opportunities when they naturally arise, I want to trancend pickup and I thought after some time that would happen, that I would come to a point where I just am and everything can happen (friendship, dating, sex, relationship… you know, like most normal people) … because in the end its VERY simple… ->hello…nice conversation…youre fun, lets meet for coffe…  oh“honest compliment“….kissing… and so on…<-it pretty simple and im kinda frustratet that it this big deal for me but at the moment im questoning myself and am mabey im to lazy, mabey I should do pickup again, or mabey look where I should put more effort. Or mabey, I really just need more time and just need to find someone i really click with idk
 

I hope you can make some sense of what I said and have mabey some advice for me😅? (im btw 23) 

What i am missing?

Edited September 13 by eliasvelez

[Princess Arabia]

Too much mind here. Relax and go where the flow takes you. It's just all useless thoughts. 

[NoSelfSelf]

You are not missing anything ,you figured out that pick up is a phony activity and that you are ready to learn real game.

[manuel bon]

On 9/15/2024 at 1:14 AM, Princess Arabia said:

Too much mind here. Relax and go where the flow takes you. It's just all useless thoughts. 

I agree

[eliasvelez]

6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You are not missing anything ,you figured out that pick up is a phony activity and that you are ready to learn real game.

So you mean I should just see where it goes and just contuine with my life, trying to work on voulnerability, authenticity and honesty.. instead on focusing on approaching again? Because at the moment the struggle is kinda not being really shure what I want and not taking the chances that are given to me… I 

[NoSelfSelf]

32 minutes ago, eliasvelez said:

So you mean I should just see where it goes and just contuine with my life, trying to work on voulnerability, authenticity and honesty.. instead on focusing on approaching again? Because at the moment the struggle is kinda not being really shure what I want and not taking the chances that are given to me… I 

Like you said you live your life then when you see a woman you approach.

You should be working on so much more, there is so much to you that you dont even know, because nobody showed you and you havent came across authentic game, only how to be somebody else...

[eliasvelez]

27 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Like you said you live your life then when you see a woman you approach.

You should be working on so much more, there is so much to you that you dont even know, because nobody showed you and you havent came across authentic game, only how to be somebody else...

Thanks for your answer. I think I talked to people who do authentic game and that is why i stopped walking around with the intention of picking up and am trying to just be open, without expectations and am more sincere and im trying with that. The problem I faced was that pickup gave like a frame whitch kinda made everything more easy( im someone who can make a systematic goal , for example today I approach 10 girls, and follow trought it. Now life is more complicatet and dynamic…more voulnerability and authenticity makes it more difficult because the rejection and everything else is much more personal and I just dont have the balls to ask someone I have a sincere connection with out or to own my desires…At the moment im working with somatic experience, to be more in touch with myself and act out from that place and am meditating more so my actions can be more independetn of my toughts and feelings… im also trying to be very honest in my friendships(practise with them) and gave up a comfortable sales job because I want to go away from performance based stuff. Im going regulary to meditations retreats, want to do regular Circling meetings, I do dancing and have a always clearer life purpose… so what do you mean with I should work on more? I would love to have some inputs on that:))

Edited September 16 by eliasvelez

[NoSelfSelf]

47 minutes ago, eliasvelez said:

Thanks for your answer. I think I talked to people who do authentic game and that is why i stopped walking around with the intention of picking up and am trying to just be open, without expectations and am more sincere and im trying with that. The problem I faced was that pickup gave like a frame whitch kinda made everything more easy( im someone who can make a systematic goal , for example today I approach 10 girls, and follow trought it. Now life is more complicatet and dynamic…more voulnerability and authenticity makes it more difficult because the rejection and everything else is much more personal and I just dont have the balls to ask someone I have a sincere connection with out or to own my desires…At the moment im working with somatic experience, to be more in touch with myself and act out from that place and am meditating more so my actions can be more independetn of my toughts and feelings… im also trying to be very honest in my friendships(practise with them) and gave up a comfortable sales job because I want to go away from performance based stuff. Im going regulary to meditations retreats, want to do regular Circling meetings, I do dancing and have a always clearer life purpose… so what do you mean with I should work on more? I would love to have some inputs on that:))

Aloot your rules,codes,principles,standards,your mouthpiece,your structure,your program,your world,switching from your reactive state to be rooted in yourself,different sides of you,your marketing team,your mindsets,your board of directors,your square i mean i can go and on...

Edited September 16 by NoSelfSelf

[Sugarcoat]

it seems youre stepping into an approach that is more, lets say, advanced. So it can be scary because you might fear not getting the results you want as you got them in pickup. But that's okay because this is new territory for you it's normal to be a little doubtful and perhaps scared. Youre being true to yourself which is good, and this new approach feels more authentic and aligned to you, so its a step in the right direction and youre doing good.  

[eliasvelez]

3 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Aloot your rules,codes,principles,standards,your mouthpiece,your structure,your program,your world,switching from your reactive state to be rooted in yourself,different sides of you,your marketing team,your mindsets,your board of directors,your square i mean i can go and on...

Im not shure what you mean with „aloot“.. but I think I understand what you mean… its about knowing thyself and be rooted in thyself… the striving is…everything I do, I do not because of programming and conditioning but because it is coming from my truth 

[eliasvelez]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

it seems youre stepping into an approach that is more, lets say, advanced. So it can be scary because you might fear not getting the results you want as you got them in pickup. But that's okay because this is new territory for you it's normal to be a little doubtful and perhaps scared. Youre being true to yourself which is good, and this new approach feels more authentic and aligned to you, so its a step in the right direction and youre doing good.  

Thanks for your answer

[NoSelfSelf]

7 hours ago, eliasvelez said:

Im not shure what you mean with „aloot“.. but I think I understand what you mean… its about knowing thyself and be rooted in thyself… the striving is…everything I do, I do not because of programming and conditioning but because it is coming from my truth 

Dude there is so much game is infinite but do what you wanna do..