The ego is like a symphonic orchestra

[Adilbek]

In the normal perception or level of consciousness we think of ourselves or our personalities as this one single thing. We don't even do that. We just think it's us, it's the way that we are as a person. After taking psychedelics I realized that my ego is like a symphonic orchestra of thoughts, patterns, actions, emotions, interwoven all together. They are just a collection of learned micro behaviors that I adopted for one reason or another. When I was on a heavy dose of mushrooms I was freaking out because I felt like I was "losing myself". To cope with that I witnessed how my freaked out ego threw out a phrase that was supposed to remind me that I am actually the ego. By that point it was futile but I distinctly witnessed that attempt to bring me back into the ego identification. That specific micro behavior was like a part of the symphony of my ego. I realized that my whole fucking ego is a collection of similar patterns that are supposed to fire at specific moments.