My real name is Reena Gerlach

[Buck Edwards]

My family has assigned me a new therapist. I canceled the older one as he was too chatty and didn't really get to the root of my problems.

 

[Buck Edwards]

I shouldn't bother myself with too much thoughts. But I should also take my life seriously. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Looks like I have transcended a lot of stuff in my life. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I don't even talk to my family members sometimes. 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I noticed that I do a lot of "getting away from things."

 

[Buck Edwards]

I feel like sometimes I can even speak to mountains. Because it's better than spending time with people. I'm naturally introverted and avoidant. I don't purposely go out and seek company. I live by my own self and on my own terms. I get to eat and I have a roof over my head. 

 

Whenever I complain about petty stuff I don't realize how petty they Really are. Imagine if I suffered the most in the world working in a sweatshop and coming home tired and having 10 kids at home. Just thinking how pathetic my life would have been. So am I not lucky that life has given me so much yet I go through life like a drunk ass. 

I should be grateful. The things that I complain are just minor in the long shot. 

People tend to provoke me a lot although I like to spend time among people especially strangers. 

I see more value in a practical life than in an online persona. 

 

I don't know. Maybe I need sunshine. Maybe I need a new therapist. 

 

Maybe I need mountains. Why are people so hostile to each other? I will never understand. Isn't life already bad enough on its own?

 

So much of my life was spent in loneliness, depression and misery.

Then I'm clouded with thoughts and fears about my future? Where is it in this modern world? I feel lost sometimes. 

Lonely. Lonely.. Drunken loneliness. Yet I feel peaceful within. I feel best to cut off bonds when people don't really care to understand me. 

So much life in despair. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

As a BPD, I have an escapist mentality. 

[Buck Edwards]

I figured that if I keep myself busy with stuff, I will not have to worry about what people think about me. 

 

Another escapism. 

 

Edited October 22 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

What do I get annoyed by? 

Loud honking horns 

Bad smell 

Mean vibes

Lack of simplicity 

 

[Buck Edwards]

These days I increasingly feel dehydrated. 

[Buck Edwards]

I decided to go out for a walk and I'm immediately feeling dehydrated. 

[Buck Edwards]

I think I slept well but still had nightmares. And I don't remember the content. 

[Buck Edwards]

I was binge watching horror movies. It's Halloween week and I really want to enjoy this entire week. 

These horror movies are low budget but nice, better than Netflix. 

I also got a bottle of coke. I went outside I felt good. 

After watching these movies, the lesson I learned is life is too busy, life is too good when you have your family with you, no matter how bad your family can be but other people out there are extremely hostile and toxic. It's better to spend time with family. 

Now I seek comfort within Myself. I still have that itch to think too much about others. 

[Buck Edwards]

I woke up again and I feel better. I don't think I slept well. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Real supernatural events. 

The haunting in Connecticut 

The haunting in Georgia 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Some therapists are so dumb they don't even know the difference between PTSD and CPTSD. 

[Buck Edwards]

I'm a lucky human being. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Everything is a part of life. 

[Buck Edwards]

I have become an expert at understanding people's psychology these days. I can just tell. 

[Buck Edwards]

Sometimes I wanna pose like that. Just for my own fun.