My real name is Reena Gerlach

[Buck Edwards]

Note to Reena 

 

Point 8 from the panic pdf matters a lot. Calming myself down right during a panic attack. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 4 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Another problem is temptation and impulsivity.

There are different aspects to temptation and impulsivity. 

 

Edited October 4 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

There's too much negativity on this forum sometimes and I should just stay away from it. The thing is my feelings are never stable so being firm is difficult for me. 

[Buck Edwards]

Wake up early in the morning and focus on what makes me feel better, not what makes me feel bad. This is my own operation and my own deliberation. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Today I have booked an appointment with my therapist. So I'm a bit anxious. 

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

A little nervous right now. Today is October 5. 

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

the only way is removing totally all the identifications of you until absolutely nothing remains. I thought that was impossible, the environment in my family was twisted and rotten in a level very difficult to understand. You have to do a real change, as Leo said, you have to change your genes with your will.

 

In short, the only way for you is the real liberation. Imagine that your energetic structure is a knot of energetic beams tangled over each other. They must be liberated, open to the limitless. This is not a simple work, but from what appears from your text, you are qualified for it.

 

 

Edited October 5 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

Panic rules pdf. 

Thought record sheet 

Automatic thoughts sheet 

Unhelpful thinking habits 

Grief process cycle. 

 

Edited October 5 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

I want to be joyful with my husband. 

Past two days have been very productive for me.

I had backache for last 5 days so I couldn't resume my exercise although I still attended zumba class. 

I'm on a positive track at least for 2 days. 

[Buck Edwards]

I want to deeply please my husband. I want to be his perfect wife. I want to do everything in the world that makes him happy. Today we were together and we laughed together so hard, I'm laughing uncontrollably until my tummy hurt. He has a way of making me laugh. He made chicken noises and I burst out in laughter. He is the kindest person I have known and I'm deeply grateful for him. I am so in love with him. I wanted to manifest a wonderful husband for me for months and months. We dated for 3 years and found each other and married each other, it's so beautiful and amazing. 

[Buck Edwards]

Woke up. 

Need to start work. 

[Buck Edwards]

I like this video. It's very motivating. Especially Leo's part in it. It will be my early morning video. I think I'll start my morning with this video and some self expression. 

The opening lines are really good. You should welcome challenges. 

Somehow all these masculine videos are highly motivating. 

[Buck Edwards]

I want to be peaceful in the moment. There are so many things that can make up my morning routine. 

First thing is motivation. Get a grip on your life. 

Some asmr. Just to induce a peaceful state. 

Self awareness exercise. This is a must. 

I have to ask myself certain questions. Like life related questions. What's my purpose today blah blah blah.... 

I'm still not good with my goals. 

The feeling of threat can really block my growth and the feeling of freedom really skyrockets my growth. 

This is an important understanding. It connects to my childhood trauma. I used to go into freeze mode whenever I was threatened or yelled at. My emotions are very subtle. They don't appear that suddenly but subtly here and there. Understanding that there will always be a solution to everything in the world. Why? Because there's light. Spiritual light. There's something out there. That's transcendental. The antidote to everything that's negative. Evil only exists because of negativity. But once positivity settles in, then that negativity just evaporates. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Yesterday my therapist discussed about how I always lived in fight flight mode throughout my childhood. Once I crossed an emotion from level 0 to level 7, that's when I entered fight flight mode. In this mode the limbic system of the brain takes over and we react and respond from a state of fear, disgust, repulsion or trigger. That's what I did in adulthood because that's how I got trained throughout childhood. He made an important point. My whole childhood was survival. Physical survival and emotional survival. So I always responded that way. 

Anytime we're thinking from an emotional state we are making a mistake, because it's purely geared toward survival. 

Edited October 6 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

My therapist also encourages me to journal privately like this. So that helps to deal with childhood trauma. An example. 

[Buck Edwards]

I had promised myself, not much interaction.

[Buck Edwards]

I'm still scrolling through the forum early in the morning which I need to minimize as much as possible. 

Stay true to my work. 

[Buck Edwards]

One question I want to ask myself is - how I want to energize my mornings?