Losing Compassion for others

[Shodburrito]

I know this may sound weird but I noticed that I am losing compassion for others the more I become succesful.

I used to struggle with many problems in life, depression, dsyfunctional habits, no socialization skills, no drive, etc. Just think of pretty much any negative quality and I had it. I used to want others to help me, and I used to have a lot of compassion in this time for others because of this suffering. 

Now I have had a lot of material success in my life. In addition, I have developed my perspective on life so much I rarely ever suffer. I now see my old problems as almost entiely my fault, and through my efforts and thousands of hours of dedication, I have solved them.

Looking out at others, I tried to help them and give them practical and effective life advice that transformed my life. But, most people just don't care and continue to live in their same bullshit. I could hand them a button that would solve all their problems and these idiots out here wouldn't press it. Since I have taken a profound level of responsibility for my life, I believe that others should have this level of responsibility too. If they want their problems solved, they have to put in the work. But guess what, everyone is too lazy to make any meaningful change no matter how much I guide them. They blame everyone and everything else for their problems except themselves.

So guess what, I don't care. I am done giving a f*ck about 99% of people. I will be kind and respectful to you when I meet you, but if you show no level of personal responsibility or drive to better your life, you're nothing to me. I am SICK and TIRED of the victim mentalities infecting our society. The fact of reality is that most of your problems are not only easily solvable, but they are probably your fault they exist. I'm talking about basic shit, like getting in shape at a bare-minimum level, learning to be half responsible at manging your finances, developing basic emotional regulation skills. I'm not even talking about achieving anything significant here, I'm talking about the bare minimum, 95%+ of people can't even do the BARE MINIMUM.

It's embarassing. Helping these people is a waste of my time. They are helpless. I am tired of the media, society, and the cultural zeitgeist acting like systemic problems are somehow my fault or any group of people's fault. No, it's the individuals fault. Everyone has a sob story, but guess what, for every sob story about how your shitty life isn't your fault, there's 10 other people who went through worse shit and are now 10x more succesful than you.

Because of this I have now become cynical. I see how success is not luck based. Lazy, unmotivated people with victim mentalities argue that success is luck. Bullshit. How the hell are you going to claim that when you can't even get in shape or clean your damn room? How do you expect to be succesful if you can't even handle the bare minimum? These are the same people that have no clear vision for their dreams, don't research how to be succesful in that area, and then cry about how life's too hard when they fail the first time.

So, I don't care. The world deserves the amount of suffering that exists. Most people are selfish, nasty, and entitled anyways. The world deserves to rot until people can fix their own shit. I don't care if that sounds mean, it's just my perspective.

TLDR: People are helpless. It's not my job to help others, it's the individual's responsibility. Most people are too lazy to even do the bare minimum in life, and everyone is a victim of their own sob stories. Success is almost never luck based. The world deserves ths suffering that exists because most people are selfish, nasty, and entitled anyways.

Edited September 12, 2024 by Shodburrito

[Shodburrito]

Addendum:

I used to care more about social programs like free college, universal healthcare, UBI, etc. Now I just see how selfish people will take advantage of these things and it will be more of a detriment to society at its current level of development. People just don't deserve these things. They need to develop to a bare minimum level of decency before getting handouts. The last thing society needs is handouts, we need massive personal responsbility. 

I think victim mentalities are the single biggest crisis in the world today, and possibly throughout all of civilization's history.

Edited September 12, 2024 by Shodburrito

[Joshe]

@Shodburrito I went through similar feelings. I wanted others to come along with me in my development but they weren’t interested and it bothered me deeply, and even more so because I thought they needed my advice to end their suffering and to solve their problems, but no one cared about solving the problems. They just wanted instant gratification and not to have to think too much. 

Why did that anger me and fill me with resentment and cynicism? 

I told myself it was because I cared about them and it hurt me to see them suffer… and that was true, but later I found another reason:

I was all alone on the path. No one would come into my beautiful world and be with me there. I was heart-broken and couldn’t admit it. I wasn’t willing to live in their shitty worlds and they didn’t want anything to do with mine and so that’s just the way it was. But trust me, you should keep on your radar that you will some day need to surrender these resentments. If you want to be healthy, there is no other way. You will have to forgive them and yourself. You might not be ready now, but just keep it in your mind that one day, this will need to be done. 

I remember the day I saw what an asshole I had been my whole life. I never cried so hard in my life and I literally felt a stream of shit beaming out of my chest. Years of resentment I guess. It felt really good.
 

 

Edited September 12, 2024 by Joshe

[Letho]

Sociology.

[Keryo Koffa]

 The world is retarded, I stopped wasting time & fixed my problems.

 Just be like me & take responsibility, people's levels of bs are insane.

 Maybe but resentment is also self-generated and does not serve you.

 Sociology

 You had 1st world opportunities & awareness, others work hard & fail.

 That's some real growth, now you need to integrate the shadow aspect

[Nilsi]

Acquisition and domination are what losers think success means. 

Real success is being able to give freely without feeling any loss in it.

[Joshe]

@Keryo Koffa you didn't have to do much work here 😂

[Keryo Koffa]

12 minutes ago, Joshe said:

@Keryo Koffa you didn't have to do much work here 😂

I like quick, to the point answers 😁

[Joshe]

Just now, Keryo Koffa said:

I like quick, to the point answers 😁

haha, I can tell! 

[Fadl]

You lose comppassion because you hate yourself.. are you ugly or stupid??

[Shodburrito]

@Fadl Where did I say I hate myself? Lol I am neither. I don’t get your point… if you even had one 

[Shodburrito]

@Nilsi Where did I say acquisition or domination is what I wanted out of life? I have profound levels of satisfaction and peace that goes beyond surface level happiness. I am trying to give. I’m trying to give the most life changing advice I could give. How could I be more giving than that? What better gift could I give? But if others don’t want to receive it, why bother? 

Edited September 13, 2024 by Shodburrito

[Shodburrito]

@Joshe yea… I resonated with that. Most people just weigh me down. Im constantly lifting others up in life while no one is there to lift me up. Not that I need others to lift me up but I feel like I’m always reaching down to others to feel connection. I have to socialize about stupid shit I don’t honestly care about. I care about creating profound change in the world and bettering my life and I can’t talk to others about what I truly care about. I feel like I’m so much smarter and wiser than everyone else, because I honestly am. That’s not coming from a place of arrogance. I don’t relate to other people, I operate from a whole different level. I don’t feel like I was born for this world.
 

All I want to do is help other people but no one seems to want help so I am developing apathy towards others. Someone I know recently called me a douchebag and said other people she knows said the same. I swear I’m not, I just treat myself with a profound level of respect, and I believe everyone else should treat themselves the same way. When I talk about my life and what I do, other people think I’m making shit up or they think I’m just boasting. I swear I’m not, I’m just being honest. My normal life is crazy to other people. So guess what, I just end up not talking about anything in my life. So then I just try to help people and talk about how to better their life but they just think I’m a know it all. People want to complain about their problems but then get fucking angry when I try to give them advice. So then I blow them off when they don’t take my advice because I don’t associate myself with lazy unmotivated people. 
 

I have a lot of friends, but to be honest, I don’t really relate to them at a deep level. You made me realize that I am faking who I am 90% of the time. I don’t give a fuck about their bs, all I want to do is help them evolve, but they dont care about that. Fuck it, maybe I don’t even care about other people, maybe I just want other people to evolve so I can relate and connect to someone on my level.  Maybe I’m just selfish. I don’t know.

[Princess Arabia]

I actually read somewhere awhile back that not having compassion for others is not a bad thing and is actually a positive trait. Something about the self lacking in something and making up for it by showing compassion. Same for empathy. Forgot where I read it; some article or another. 

[Princess Arabia]

11 hours ago, Shodburrito said:

@Joshe yea… I resonated with that. Most people just weigh me down. Im constantly lifting others up in life while no one is there to lift me up. Not that I need others to lift me up but I feel like I’m always reaching down to others to feel connection. I have to socialize about stupid shit I don’t honestly care about. I care about creating profound change in the world and bettering my life and I can’t talk to others about what I truly care about. I feel like I’m so much smarter and wiser than everyone else, because I honestly am. That’s not coming from a place of arrogance. I don’t relate to other people, I operate from a whole different level. I don’t feel like I was born for this world.
 

All I want to do is help other people but no one seems to want help so I am developing apathy towards others. Someone I know recently called me a douchebag and said other people she knows said the same. I swear I’m not, I just treat myself with a profound level of respect, and I believe everyone else should treat themselves the same way. When I talk about my life and what I do, other people think I’m making shit up or they think I’m just boasting. I swear I’m not, I’m just being honest. My normal life is crazy to other people. So guess what, I just end up not talking about anything in my life. So then I just try to help people and talk about how to better their life but they just think I’m a know it all. People want to complain about their problems but then get fucking angry when I try to give them advice. So then I blow them off when they don’t take my advice because I don’t associate myself with lazy unmotivated people. 
 

I have a lot of friends, but to be honest, I don’t really relate to them at a deep level. You made me realize that I am faking who I am 90% of the time. I don’t give a fuck about their bs, all I want to do is help them evolve, but they don't care about that. Fuck it, maybe I don’t even care about other people, maybe I just want other people to evolve so I can relate and connect to someone on my level.  Maybe I’m just selfish. I don’t know.

What I've learnt about people is that they usually have to learn for themselves. They learn by trial and error. We can't really lift another person up just by talking to them alone and no matter how much advice we give them, it just goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes even when they ask for it, they don't do as suggested. They come back with excuses as to why it won't work.

 

[Ishanga]

It is true that I would say at the very least 50% of the population is extremely lazy, and unmotivated and will live a life of basic to severe suffering. In Today's world this is mostly because we have made it so ppl are addicted to most everything that touches them, especially technology, phones, social media.  I'm out and about on my job on a daily basis, in malls, city street, residence places and parks, all I see is ppl staring down on their phones, completely blind to the nice sunny day with trees and green grass, a nice breeze and pleasant looking places surrounding them, no its just what is coming up on their phones, its nuts really!

If you want to be a Spiritual Leader, or Teacher of any sort of Self Help, Motivational stuff to ppl in need of it, You have to come into it with a Sense of internal Bliss, and Devotion, devotion means being "Devoid of Self", their is no "YOU" in the equation of helping others change or transform, so You become SelfLess, Sadhguru is the best example I can think of, he's completely Devoted to helping others transform.  Rocky is also a good example of something that can help ppl change or become motivated to do something in their lives, it worked in some ways, but social media and phone tech is destroying it all.. 

IMO this is part of a grand plan of sorts, they want us to be like mindless slaves, while a very small few benefit greatly because of it, just look at the income disparity and see, 10% of the top wealthiest own like 80% of the stuff or wealth in the world, its complete broken our economic system, education system, medical system and the way we experience ourselves and how ppl consider the meaning of being Human, its all messed up big time...

[gettoefl]

This is savior complex

Give to others then forget about it

Why what others do should matter to you!

You give and you did your best and can now be happy

Having expectations and judgements is your attempt to rape others with your apparent brilliance

Yet they are non-consenting to your control and manipulation and naturally so

Right now, all you are seeking is validation and appreciation

Nobody wants to be saved on the terms you are offering

Go back to compassion -

Giving because you are blessed and blessed because you are giving

Edited September 13, 2024 by gettoefl

[foofoobunny]

16 hours ago, Shodburrito said:

@Nilsi I am trying to give. I’m trying to give the most life changing advice I could give. How could I be more giving than that? What better gift could I give? But if others don’t want to receive it, why bother? 

I don't think you are losing compassion, but connection to others. 

They don't accept what you give, so you start to resent them for not validating your wisdom/ your ideas/ your experiences etc.

Somebody else pointed it out in a similar fashion.

To have compassion would mean you would be able to see that there are reasons that hold others in their positions in life, even if that reason was ignorance or some other kind of weakness.

Edited September 13, 2024 by foofoobunny

[Joshe]

@Shodburrito

I don't think you're faking who you are. I think you just haven't fully discovered and understood yourself and your values yet. You do care about other people AND you want them to evolve so you can co-create with them. That's a virtue, not a vice. 

Obviously though, there are issues with integration. If your goal is to reconcile them, I would look to gain deeper insight into myself. Something is causing the inner chaos. You can only solve it by looking inward, not outward, which I suspect you already know. 

If you're interested, here are some thoughts:

Realize your inherent nature, which you did not choose. You just lucked up. You did not earn these with hard work. 
- Headstrong
- Intelligent 
- Disciplined, deliberate, a whip to those who shirk 
- High standards. Set the bar high and get over it.
- Driven by competence 
- Problem solver
- Visionary 

Probably helpful ideas:
- Realize others did not receive your gifts. They literally cannot help it. They don't know any better. Literally. They do not have the ability to direct themselves the way that you do. From your POV, it's easy. To them, it's the hardest thing.
    - There's a trap here you must avoid. They are weak but this is not to be used to slander them or look down on them. Do not call them weak out of anger. Imagine how unfortunate it would be if you lacked the gifts you were born with. I think this is the most profitable thread for you to pull on.

- Many people wish they had the ability to operate the way you do, but it just isn't in them. This means you should make an effort to be humble when you're around them because it's easy to offend. For example, my vocabulary is shit but it's bigger than most around me. I have to intentionally dumb down my words so they don't think I'm trying to be smart, which would offend.  Don't broadcast your intelligence or your gifts. They can already see them, even though they act like they don't. They might come to you in their darkest hour because they know you're the one with the answers and the strength. Let that be the only recognition you need. 

- Yes, you do care about people. A big heart is not a weakness. You want what's best for them AND you want connection, but these two can conflict because most days, you're probably in results mode and fuck the feelings, let's go. You don't want to be bogged down by bullshit but it's the cost you have to pay if you want a social life. You might have to learn to let loose.

- The quality of people matter. Distinguish between acquaintance and friend. Be selective about who gets your attention. I found a few buddies who could put up with my thinking for long enough that I could get some good conversations out of them. Don't invest too much time in people you don't value. 

- Lastly, your ego, like all egos, wants recognition. From time to time, try to catch that and make a mental note to check it next time. Over time, the ego's desire for recognition diminishes. 

I hope these ideas might help or lead you to other lines of contemplation that could be profitable. 

Edited September 13, 2024 by Joshe

[El Zapato]

On 9/12/2024 at 9:33 AM, Lila9 said:

I understand that if you accomplish something in your life and achieve success despite the hardships you’ve faced, it can be easy to get annoyed by those who constantly complain about their lives but remain passive.  
You might think that if you managed to succeed, then everyone can or should do the same.  

However, I don’t think this attitude is valuable. In my opinion, it’s narrow and short-sighted. It’s true that there are people who are passive, don’t work hard, and play the ultimate victim by blaming everything for their failures. But there are also people who work hard and still don’t find success, or people who work hard but aren’t as intelligent, lucky, or privileged as you.  
There are many factors involved, both external and internal. External factors are often beyond an individual’s control, and many times we don’t know the reasons someone is where they are.  

Toxic "stage orange" dogmatism assumes that if you’re poor, it’s your fault, and if you’re rich, it’s because of your hard work. But that’s false and not so black and white. This dogma ignores factors like nepotism, and discrimination based on gender, ethnicity, culture, age, socialization etc.

 

It is not only not valuable, it is not valid.  The realities are much deeper than a superficial perspective can cover in a fashion adequate to take that road.