Thinking Out Loud... / Guidance Is Appreciated

[lost_polymath]

I seek guidance in the way a student wanders through a forest looking for a old wise person (who looks homeless) to provide some clarity.

I currently work as a sales person in a engineering company. It's my first sales job in which I am enjoying learning the art of selling and my colleagues are cool.

In the past 6 months I've started taking my actualisation journey more seriously through action rather than mentally masterbating to personal development content as I've been doing since age 19:

- I understand my limits of what I can and can't do, as I tried doing multiple things with accountability on all of these things and it burnt me out very quickly.

- I'm a lot clearer on my values.

- I've been involved in mutiple entrepreneurship activities which has truly pushed me to my limits.

I have finally gained clarity on how I want to be spending my limited days as a human having learnt about how my survival has shaped me, my mind plays tricks on me, spiral dynamics, 9 stages of ego development, self-love and becoming a sage. I also did shamanic breathing and it put me in a different state of mind that made me do sorts of things in that state. Really opened my eyes. 

I'm very determined to master my survival as a person who is in stage orange. To give some context, I romantisicied tech startups for a long time because of the associated lifestyle and status that comes with it but I realise now that I truly couldn't care less about tech. They're useful tools but I don't spend my time looking at the latest tech in my free time despite my technical background. I did it simply because my family depend on me as the "head" of the home since I'm the oldest kid who is meant to be the role model (yeah I was parentified as a child)

All I want to do is spend my days doing actualisation work, expressing my findings through music, film and novels as well as business for the greater good whilst travelling and experiencing different cultures (before raising a family gets involved). I now have a better understanding of what I'm geninuely passionate about:

-Social entrepeneurship (physical health, infrastructure, energy, poverty, mental health, etc) driven by my interest in systems thinking (control systems, cybernetics, ecology) and actualisation fuelled by my skills in business, leadership, speaking and writing. There's so many problems where I believe my business and social skills would benefit from my focus on them.

-Personal Website/Blog, Music, Fictional Films and Novels driven by my interest in actualisation (philosophy, spirituality and psychology), deep yet relatable conversations with people (and connecting with them), growing interest in cinematography and music (hip-hop, jazz).

My mind has boiled it down to those two things. These are my plan As. I don't know how to move forward. Each day, my passion burns deeply for these things. I have no dobut in my ability to do well in these two areas because one of the few things I have going for me is my inquistiveness and my resillience. 

However, I know it would take a very long time (10 years minimal for each of these two areas which I would be OK with if I was already quite well off) before I could even begin to master my survival if I were to focus on these things. With the sales job (aka Plan B), I've got a pretty decent plan I know I can execute on to basically x2/3 my income in the next 4-5 years through the sales route. However, I know that the passion for sales is simply a result of me enjoying being rewarded for being personable and having EQ (something I've been noted for since I was a very young child)

My mind is only capable of focusing on two things at once. Anything more, I can't do.

Does anyone have any thoughts to this dilemma? I don't know how to focus my time. Master my survival through one of these two passions, or just be comfortable in Plan B whilst working on Plan A in the background whilst risking falling into the trap of living the life of a 9-5er till retirement age whilst life responsibilities pile up (e.g. partner, family, mortgage, car etc)?

I want to make a decision and not look back. Full steam ahead.

I call it a dilemma but I'm grateful to have the clarity that I have now that I didn't six months ago.

 

I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts @Leo Gura given you had to go through a kind of similar thing yourself and you made your choice, but was there anything you wish you had done different?

Edited September 12 by lost_polymath

[WonderSeeker]

Thanks for sharing your story. Surprised nobody's commented yet.

Personally I used to be torn between 3 different areas I wanted to pursue: spirituality, science, and politics.

After committing to the one (science) what happened to the others then? Well for spirituality it became more of a lifestyle move. Nonetheless practicing it has contributed to my understanding and practice of science, so there's still value there.

As for politics, that became more like watching the news now and then and phoning my buddy who's a conservative to have honest debates and talk politics. More of a hobby at this point.

I think when you're considering what you want "to do" in terms of what you go all in on, just ask yourself "What gets me more excited: music/films/novels or entrepreneur (consulting services such as physical trainer)? One of these will resonate more and you know it. Just check and make sure cultural conditioning isn't kicking in and saying (weLL, cAN I rEaLLy hAvE tHAt?). Nah, just get clear on what you want.

And once you choose, the other thing becomes a subordinate channel of development that serves the higher priority, or it becomes a hobby. And right now it seems like a big deal but it's not. Once you crack this nut your mind and life will organize accordingly.

jp

Edited September 12 by WonderSeeker

[lost_polymath]

23 hours ago, WonderSeeker said:

Thanks for sharing your story. Surprised nobody's commented yet.

Personally I used to be torn between 3 different areas I wanted to pursue: spirituality, science, and politics.

After committing to the one (science) what happened to the others then? Well for spirituality it became more of a lifestyle move. Nonetheless practicing it has contributed to my understanding and practice of science, so there's still value there.

As for politics, that became more like watching the news now and then and phoning my buddy who's a conservative to have honest debates and talk politics. More of a hobby at this point.

I think when you're considering what you want "to do" in terms of what you go all in on, just ask yourself "What gets me more excited: music/films/novels or entrepreneur (consulting services such as physical trainer)? One of these will resonate more and you know it. Just check and make sure cultural conditioning isn't kicking in and saying (weLL, cAN I rEaLLy hAvE tHAt?). Nah, just get clear on what you want.

And once you choose, the other thing becomes a subordinate channel of development that serves the higher priority, or it becomes a hobby. And right now it seems like a big deal but it's not. Once you crack this nut your mind and life will organize accordingly.

jp

Thank you for your insight. "What gets me more excited" is a tough one as I imagine endless possibilities for myself in both as they're so suited to who I am as a person. Put it this way, on my death bed in however many years time, I would feel regret if I didn't do both those things.

I will continue to contemplate whilst bearing your experience in mind. I can see a future where entrepeneurship is something I do as my "day job" whereas all my time can be dedicated to actualisation work and expressing it through art forms. I guess I'm just paranoid of falling into the trap of not focusing on that if I know how much it excites me.

The mind is one fickle thing ain' it?

[WonderSeeker]

11 hours ago, lost_polymath said:

Thank you for your insight. "What gets me more excited" is a tough one as I imagine endless possibilities for myself in both as they're so suited to who I am as a person. Put it this way, on my death bed in however many years time, I would feel regret if I didn't do both those things.

I will continue to contemplate whilst bearing your experience in mind. I can see a future where entrepeneurship is something I do as my "day job" whereas all my time can be dedicated to actualisation work and expressing it through art forms. I guess I'm just paranoid of falling into the trap of not focusing on that if I know how much it excites me.

The mind is one fickle thing ain' it?

Two things:

1) Check out your words: imagine and contemplate. These are both important tool, but also feel for your passion - like, in your body. Sensations are also important indicators to consider. What makes you more animated in the body?

2) I'd be pissed if I didn't do both science and spirituality. It is not that you can't have both. Rather, you ask Which option will I i) pursue as a career that makes me money and ii) which option is more like a pet developmental project or hobby?

Also, for this it helps to think long-term. Right now I'm using my science background to generate a stable income at a good company. But in the future I want to teach science online through my own creative style and integrate more radical spiritual tools like psychedelics. When I first got this vision I was naive about it and thought I'd have this up and running in 2 years. Well, its been 3 years and I'm just trying to get my finances in order (which will take another 5-10 years). 

How old are you? Your highest passion becomes clearer as you move through your 20s (I'm 26). I studied science at uni for 6+ years and thought many times Is this subject really still for me? In my case the answer was and is still yes, but you never know... things change. There's a good reason so many students change majors.

I only see upside to your situation even though it gets you riled up - ahhhh, which one is it?!

[lost_polymath]

@WonderSeeker Those are very good points! A passion burns deep in me for social entrepreneurship whilst the passion for actualization and expression actually burns even more intensely because I know no matter how great or shit my life becomes, I will be spending my last days at the very least doing that.

If that's the case, social entrepreneurship is the career and the actualization work is the pet development project/hobby. I'm only 23 so still very young. But this is a question I've heavily wrestled with since I was 15/16 so I'm actually very happy that I'm at this final stage where I've finally chosen the arenas I want to partake in and work on the skills I need to flourish in them whilst working on conquering my survival in stage orange.

It only took journaling for 6 years, doing a degree in engineering, lots of therapy, and 6 months of watching Leo's content to get to this point hahaha!

Speaking of which, I need to update my journal on this website with the stuff that has happened in the past few months.

Thank you very much for the help WonderSeeker, really appreciate it.