Should I pay $4k for social skills coaching?

[Samuel Garcia]

Hey all,

I have been struggling to make friends most of my life I am at the point - I just feel I don't connect with people for various reasons. Apart from most people not interested in the inner life, I think also I expressing my authentic self and feel very stuck in depression. I have been quite depressed since I was in university a few years back, but I really want to break free from it.

I found this social skills coaching which I really resonate with and it is for 3 days intensive where I get with an expert and they practice social skills, and go out and talk to strangers pretty much all day in various situations, and get lots of feedback as well as on going support after the programme to make sure I keep taking action and growing. Maybe I am being stingy as I have always struggled with money (with my depression, and not liking any job), but do you think $4k is worth paying? For me it seems a little excessive, and I am not even sure if I will fully overcome my social anxiety and massive fear of rejection. However I do feel a strong alignment with  the teachings and videos I have watched.

I have tried doing this stuff by myself recently, but I just feel so much fear and depression go talk to people. I just feel I could do this alone without needing the $4k coaching, but I am not doing it because there is so much neurosis and judgements from this fear of rejection. I would prefer to say "I did it" rather than have to pay for this workshop but I guess I need it at this point.

Anyway, what do you think? Is $4k a bit excessive? Or should I just go for it and stop being so attached to the money? Thanks for your help!

[something_else]

Spend $4k on a backpacking trip to Asia and stay in sociable hostels instead. Way better than any coaching, I would imagine. Certainly better value for money.

The coaching is likely going to be very forced and artificial. Find ways to naturally be in sociable environments and chat to new people. The best way I found was travel and backpacking, it’s improved my social skills x100

[Samuel Garcia]

@something_else Thanks for your thoughts. I'd probably agree, although I think the focus on here would be to be less socially anxious and overcome the fear of rejection. Like starting conversations with strangers, frightens me so much. Let alone, talking to a group. So the coaching is more about growing myself.

Sure it was easier to talk to people as travellers are open to socialising. But even in hostels, I struggled to connect with people sometimes, especially party hostels I can get so socially anxious.

[Lyubov]

I would find someone who can really help you resolve your core beliefs and help you understand why you are creating depression. This is my opinion but generally speaking these social bootcamps are overpriced and not worth it at all. The suggestion above about backpacking and traveling is even better. I would really focus on "healing", social skills just naturally get better when you are in your flow and not self sabotaging. I think this is where you should focus, not on some surface level bandaid. If it was affordable I'd say go for it but $4k is so much. Save your cash and look into therapy with someone who is developed and been where you are at. I wouldn't even mind hopping on a call with you if it helps, I'm wanting to practice coaching so it could be mutually beneficial. A lot of talk therapy goes in circles, you need to get down to the core of the belief which you are creating the depression from and change it. 

Edited September 10 by Lyubov

[Keryo Koffa]

Binging actualized.org content on psychedelics is much cheaper and more effective, I speak from experience.

[Princess Arabia]

Save your money. Go do it alone or pay a friend a few hundred and do it with you or whatever. The only thing stopping you and coming between you and this, is a belief/beliefs. 

Paying $4k to get rid of a belief is quite pricey. All that coaching thing is going to accomplish is an eradication of that belief. When you start to see results those beliefs will be gone, which can still be achieved on your own.

Edited September 10 by Princess Arabia

[Leo Gura]

You will learn a lot more by finding some local wingmen who you can go out with every weekend.

Focus on finding solid wingmen.

You can spend that $4k to do a monthlong trip to a place like Vegas, Austin, or Miami. You will learn more in that month than from five $4k bootcamps.

Edited September 10 by Leo Gura

[NoSelfSelf]

Too much money for 3 days, nothing lifechanging happens in that short period of time...

[Sugarcoat]

It’s kinda weird to me that someone would be coached in social skills unless you have some condition that makes you lack in social skills like autism or something. What would you gain from the coaching? Learning a model of how to be and act then mimicking that model? Aka being fake and not letting it come naturally? You shouldn’t need to learn social skills unless you have some condition, it should come naturally imo. There can be things blocking it from coming naturally for example fear then you need to work through that fear by pushing yourself and /or with someone to support you in pushing yourself. Shouldn’t have to cost that much. Other things could be blocking the natural flow too and figuring that out helps but that you can do yourself and maybe someone can help you but it’s not the same as someone helping you in your social skills that’s the part that comes naturally after the other stuff gets resolved. And with exposure to social situations ofc. Basically my point is your brain knows how to socialize naturally it’s just there can be blockages and lack of experience in various social situations . Or you could say it learns to socialize naturally when there’s no blockages and you expose yourself to various social situations

Edited September 10 by Sugarcoat

[Applegarden8]

Since social skills have a lot to do with past trauma, I would acctually suggest talking with @Emerald

[Keryo Koffa]

@Sugarcoat They think a drill sergeant can transform them for 4k without needing to join the corps, who knows...

Edited September 10 by Keryo Koffa

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

@Sugarcoat They think a drill sergeant can transform them for 4k without needing to join the corps, who knows...

🤷🏻‍♀️

[CARDOZZO]

 

 

[CARDOZZO]

Start asking for instructions, looking deep in the eye and being friendly.

Talk to all the people from different backgrounds, age, sex, race, gender.

 

[Jacob Morres]

It could be potentially, but $4k does seem steep for this kind of service 

I'd imagine you could replicate the format for much cheaper. With good mentors/friends, meetups that target social anxiety specifically (have seen them on meetup.com), coaches that charge maybe $75-$200 hr, lower paid groups etc. 

Also while intensity for 3 days potentially can have a lot of benefit, sustained progress over weeks can also be really useful too (like maybe 10h a week in practice) 

Edited September 10 by Jacob Morres

[Schizophonia]

lol

It's a scam.

[mmKay]

Social skills coaching with an experienced coach is really valuable. No ammount of talk therapy or online coaching is as effective as infield training, but the 4k for 3 days is overpiced unless its 1 on 1 and you have cash to burn, and you are a hardcase newbie. And even then there is only so much transformation that can happen in 3 days. 

An experienced wing is even more valuable, but may be difficult to find a quality one.

Where are you based? EU, US? Living in a good city is key for developing social skills. Do you have that going for you ?

Edited September 10 by mmKay

[Peo]

3 hours ago, Samuel Garcia said:

I have been struggling to make friends most of my life I am at the point - I just feel I don't connect with people for various reasons. Apart from most people not interested in the inner life, I think also I expressing my authentic self and feel very stuck in depression. I have been quite depressed since I was in university a few years back, but I really want to break free from it.

You dont need to spend 4k on a coach. Shcool and unviersity is the best place to improve social skills. Just talk to people, getting friends is not that different from doing pick-up. Making friends is the easy part, but deepening your friendship and sustain it is the hardest part especially if you are intvorted. This is from my own personal experience as i have also struggle to make friends, since i hated being social. Although i kinda just forced my self and decided to go outside my comfort zone.

Now i have 7 best friends. 

[Keryo Koffa]

Watch this video instead, it's free, you're life coach is right here

[Jacob Morres]

46 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Watch this video instead, it's free, you're life coach is right here

Such a great video. It's so easy to convince yourself that you're really growing but really you're not. It's one of his best imo 

Edited September 10 by Jacob Morres