Women do not Love men, they Love you as a provider. Do you agree?

[Emerald]

45 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Exactly. That's why men are so critical of women because they see these qualities in themselves in the opposite way and think all or most women do the same with men. They refuse to see how a woman is justified in being concerned with how her family is going to be taken care of if she falls for a broke man. They themselves don't even respect women that does this. They level up while with the one that accepted them broke, then leave her for the one that wouldn't after they get their shit together. 

Yes. Any accusation of objectification and hypergamy is a confession... since men are commonly objectifying and hypergamous regarding women's looks. 

It's just that the men who don't realize they're being objectifying will project onto women their own tendency to view women as merely the sum of their parts... and they will believe that women see them as nothing more than the sum of their parts.

But of course, going for a guy who isn't mature and doesn't have his life together will be terrible for child-rearing.

And a man not making enough money to be stable, means the woman would be needing to sacrifice the quality of life of her children to choose that guy.

And of course, if he has no job, that's typically a red flag that she will need to carry so much more weight to make things go.

I always think about this cartoon character to be a PSA as to why it's important for a woman to consider factors like money, job, work ethic, etc. when looking for a partner...

 

[Princess Arabia]

7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Yes. Any accusation of objectification and hypergamy is a confession... since men are commonly objectifying and hypergamous regarding women's looks. 

It's just that the men who don't realize they're being objectifying will project onto women their own tendency to view women as merely the sum of their parts... and they will believe that women see them as nothing more than the sum of their parts.

But of course, going for a guy who isn't mature and doesn't have his life together will be terrible for child-rearing.

And a man not making enough money to be stable, means the woman would be needing to sacrifice the quality of life of her children to choose that guy.

And of course, if he has no job, that's typically a red flag that she will need to carry so much more weight to make things go.

I always think about this cartoon character to be a PSA as to why it's important for a woman to consider factors like money, job, work ethic, etc. when looking for a partner...

 

Lol. Funny video.

[Buck Edwards]

23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I always think about this cartoon character to be a PSA as to why it's important for a woman to consider factors like money, job, work ethic, etc. when looking for a partner...

I never understood why a woman who has a genuine concern for the upbringing of her children and family is considered some sort of gold digger or insecure or loving the man for wrong reasons or even incapable of loving men. It's a simple concern yet it's a very legitimate concern every woman should have, why should she be shamed for it. Is it the projection some men's own insecurities producing this cognitive dissonance in them? 

 

Edited September 10 by Buck Edwards

[Princess Arabia]

This thread and the other one by Aion are so similar, not even sure which one I'm commenting on at times. Same kind of post. I guess it's men's provider concerns week. 

Edited September 10 by Princess Arabia

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

This thread and the other one by Aion are so similar, not even sure which one I'm commenting on at times. Same kind of post. I guess it's men's provider concerns week. 

Same happened to me. Confusing. 

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

I never understood why a woman who has a genuine concern for the upbringing of her children and family is considered some sort of gold digger or insecure or loving the man for wrong reasons or even incapable of loving men. It's a simple concern yet it's a very legitimate concern every woman should have, why should she be shamed for it. Is it the projection of a man's own insecurities producing this cognitive dissonance in him? 

 

But men can want women just for sex, no problem and even boast about that. Not sure if it's better to be concerned about your well being or to be a horny dog, hmmm, not sure lol

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

But men can want women just for sex, no problem and even boast about that. Not sure if it's better to be concerned about your well being or to be a horny dog, hmmm, not sure lol

That's the hypocrisy I always think about. 

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Buck Edwards said:

That's the hypocrisy I always think about. 

I'm so over it. That's why when they start to shame strippers and hookers, and calling women sluts and whores I'm like blah, blah, blah, looking in the mirror I see. I've seen men who will fuck anything that walks trying to shame women. It's pathetic the shit they get away with then they cry and moan and bitch when they can't get women. Duh, aren't we sluts and whores and easy for sleeping with you, maybe stop viewing women like that for doing the same thing you're doing and maybe it'll be different. Women are wising up, that's all,

[Buck Edwards]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'm so over it. That's why when they start to shame strippers and hookers, and calling women sluts and whores I'm like blah, blah, blah, looking in the mirror I see. I've seen men who will fuck anything that walks trying to shame women. It's pathetic the shit they get away with then they cry and moan and bitch when they can't get women. Duh, aren't we sluts and whores and easy for sleeping with you, maybe stop viewing women like that for doing the same thing you're doing and maybe it'll be different. Women are wising up, that's all,

+100

[Emerald]

39 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

I never understood why a woman who has a genuine concern for the upbringing of her children and family is considered some sort of gold digger or insecure or loving the man for wrong reasons or even incapable of loving men. It's a simple concern yet it's a very legitimate concern every woman should have, why should she be shamed for it. Is it the projection some men's own insecurities producing this cognitive dissonance in them? 

I think a lot of comes from guys who haven't experienced a longterm relationship with a woman, and don't consider the practicalities of how things like a partner's work ethic, job, temperament, ethical code, etc. are the MOST important factors for how sustainable a relationship is... and just not realizing how vulnerable and stressed it leaves a woman and her children if her partner has deficits in these areas of life.

Often times, before someone experiences a relationship and they lack the knowledge of how a real relationship works, there are focuses more towards intangible things like sexual feelings and physical attractions. And I notice that this is especially common in young inexperienced men who are drawn to women mostly out of a desire for sexual experience.

And from that point of view, any considerations of things beyond pure physical/sexual attraction might be viewed as cold insincere gold-digging because they just don't realize how much of a dampener of peace, health, and happiness it can be to end up with an unsupportive partner. And they may not even be thinking of things beyond the physical attractions and read raw sexual desire as more sincere than the more complex considerations that mature women go through when selecting a long term partner.

And often, the type of guy who sees these kinds of relationship considerations as gold-digging will often be hyper-focused on his own agenda and vulnerabilities (like the fears of a woman not genuinely wanting him but wanting his money). And because he is hyper-tuned into his vulnerability, he may not be able/willing to exercise empathy towards why a woman might take these things into consideration.

[Lyubov]

Women get different things from different men. You have more than one need no? Women explore different desires in a relationship. Money may take the forefront oftentimes. Passion does too. Attraction due to strong character. Any number of reasons. Provider is just one. Many guys provide a ton and get taken advantage of. You are looking at it narrowly. 

[Lyubov]

28 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I think a lot of comes from guys who haven't experienced a longterm relationship with a woman, and don't consider the practicalities of how things like a partner's work ethic, job, temperament, ethical code, etc. are the MOST important factors for how sustainable a relationship is... and just not realizing how vulnerable and stressed it leaves a woman and her children if her partner has deficits in these areas of life.

Often times, before someone experiences a relationship and they lack the knowledge of how a real relationship works, there are focuses more towards intangible things like sexual feelings and physical attractions. And I notice that this is especially common in young inexperienced men who are drawn to women mostly out of a desire for sexual experience.

And from that point of view, any considerations of things beyond pure physical/sexual attraction might be viewed as cold insincere gold-digging because they just don't realize how much of a dampener of peace, health, and happiness it can be to end up with an unsupportive partner. And they may not even be thinking of things beyond the physical attractions and read raw sexual desire as more sincere than the more complex considerations that mature women go through when selecting a long term partner.

And often, the type of guy who sees these kinds of relationship considerations as gold-digging will often be hyper-focused on his own agenda and vulnerabilities (like the fears of a woman not genuinely wanting him but wanting his money). And because he is hyper-tuned into his vulnerability, he may not be able/willing to exercise empathy towards why a woman might take these things into consideration.

I've been through this before myself. I can say that it was eye opening to me. A lot of it comes from beliefs about love and relationships that need to mature, and it's not just for men but women too. We have these ideals about love , we commodify it, we believe we need another person in order to have value when we don't, we can take on a very narrow perspective especially when in love because we see this person as sort of the fix for our addiction. The wider implications are relationships are always changing, love is not a commodity so this person isn't actually giving us anything just mirroring back what we have created, and that lastly and most importantly we don't need another person to be whole and should be prioritizing our own path. So all of this can really contradict and create a conundrum where we have to actively prioritize what is true and what benefits us the best and most in the most honest and authentic way and often times this can come at the expense of our ideal laced relationship which was filled with all sorts of intense passionate highs from sex and travel and really all the amazing stuff that is relating to people. Many people have a natural appreciation for relating. So the life lesson of sorts is to expand and really start to see the bigger picture, which doesn't seem to ever end. I know this exact topic intimately. my 3 year relationship ended exactly over this and many of the things you wrote here were a dynamic which my ex and I struggled with. I have heard her side quite well and have explored mine also so to me I feel very comfortable with my understanding on this. Basically I see this as an opportunity to approach love and relationships from a different angle and drop a lot of the ideals often times placed on them. I'm not sure the next time I will have a girlfriend. I definitely know I don't want one that prioritizes me as an ATM. 

[gambler]

9 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Reverse "male" and "female" across the post, and you'll find the exact same content all over the net.

Sounds like feminism to me 

[Leo Gura]

Masculinism 

[Xonas Pitfall]

Quote

Men on the other hand can actually get infatuated in an unriddled, irrational, insane way to a femenine figure.

 I got infatuated 3 times in my life with 3 women, not because of what they were proving to me (basically nothing) but because a mixture of IQ, spiritual affinity and beautiful body just created in me a feeling of Love and Admiration that just felt like 'I love Life because such a being can exist, the mere fact that she exists is fucking amazing'.

But it seems women NEVER can have that feeling to a man. And that crushes the man.

 

This is just an assumption, but a lot of times, people who become overly obsessed in terms of love toward someone often hold very strong values around relationships or possibly have anxious attachment or other attachment issues. Over-obsession can result from this, or there may simply be a negative pattern where the relationship slowly consumes their life and becomes their main and only source of happiness. You even mentioned it yourself - it feels like infatuation, and it’s probably very addictive and overwhelming.

The issue with this is that, over time, people can neglect or diminish other aspects of themselves as the relationship progresses. So, even if at the start you seemed like "relationship material," as you start feeling this obsession, you become more imbalanced. This imbalance can make even slight indications of unreciprocated feelings or obsession seem extremely hurtful, especially since you've placed yourself in such a vulnerable state where much of your happiness depends on them. You may also begin to hyper-fixate—what if they don’t feel the same?

People with these tendencies also tend to be attracted to those who seem more independent, avoidant, or self-sufficient in the relationship. The more attached you become, the more you feel the polarity between your own emotional investment and their independence, which makes it more painful for you. Please be mindful of this pattern and check whether you possess any of these traits. If so, you may find yourself repeating the same cycle in all your relationships, constantly chasing that "high" of infatuation and hoping someone will reciprocate. While it's fine to desire reciprocity, it’s crucial to seek it from the right people.

Again, this is not a gender issue. In fact, I believe women often struggle with this more than men due to social conditioning to be agreeable, anxious-attachment prone, and neurotic. As a result, many women may report experiencing this same trend: “All I see is women being infatuated, while the men are the selfish assholes who don’t care about us and just want to use us for sex.” But this is not about gender - it’s the classic dynamic of dependent vs. independent, anxious vs. avoidant, borderline vs. narcissist. It’s a one-sided relationship where one person is far more emotionally invested than the other. 

You need to learn how to recognize when someone reciprocates your feelings and deal with rejection. If you don’t like the types of people you’re attracting, either "increase" your value or expose yourself to more people, dating is a numbers game, just like many things in life.

As for the feeling you mentioned of "loving them simply for being them, loving just their presence and existence", you need to understand where that feeling comes from. You’ll see that everything is just values stacked on each other. You said it yourself in the post even:

Quote

but because a mixture of IQ, spiritual affinity and beautiful body just created in me a feeling of Love and Admiration that just felt like 'I love Life because such a being can exist, the mere fact that she exists is fucking amazing'.

So, that feeling of "loving them for who they are" is just the result of multiple layers of value (whether it’s their looks, personality, life views, experiences, or humor) stacking up until you reach a threshold where you tolerate most of what they do, or simply feel happy thinking about being around them. Do you think you’d get this feeling if they didn’t have that combination? Probably not. They are already exhibiting massive value by hitting all those key points, and you start admiring them and how they operate. Do you think they, "as they naturally are," had all of these categories perfected? No, not at all. They had to stop being whatever they were "naturally" and go against themselves to become better. I’m sure most people can impress someone if they feel solid in all three of the categories you mentioned. You, yourself, included. You just have to be in front of the right women. Ask yourself: when I say I want to be valued for who I am, what is the "me" that I want to be valued for? What traits or aspects of yourself would you want others to see and be attracted to? Once you have a rough idea, you’ll want to try and expose yourself to those types of women. If you don’t know who they are, then you either need to ask others what they value about you or gain more social experience to see what patterns emerge with the people who like you, and be careful (!) not just the people you like. You need to recognize what aspects of you captivate others to begin healing from this. Getting stuck in a negative mindset will only hurt you in the long run, please try to fix it. ❤

[gettoefl]

11 hours ago, BlueOak said:

I'll repeat what I said in the last one.

If you are a provider, and they love that, they are loving that part of you. If that's all they love its a shallow relationship with not much relating or love going on.

I gave two examples to filter this:

• Think of cheap, or better free, but sentimental and purposeful gifts you can give to her regarding your relationship, and see how she reacts when you give them to her. 
• Ask her to pay half on the first date, it's not a perfect filter as people can object for different reasons. but it helps. That first date is all about getting to know each other, often on a surface compatibility level, which can quite honestly be as simple as agreeing (or disagreeing) on a location or activity to tell you something about her.

Visual beauty is nice. Spiritual people are often interesting but until you are in close proximity, getting hot under your collar when she's standing 5 feet away, I don't call those things romantic attraction. This is why I detest dating apps honestly and much prefer the idea of speed dating in person. Dating apps can give you cerebral compatibility, but it's meaningless without that biochemical reaction going on.

 

she spends couple hundred bucks and good number of hours getting ready not to mention all the tik-toks scrolling for tips n tricks

and that's just to choose her shoes

you are probably wearing the same clothes you work your 80 hour a week job in

i had better be a man

Edited September 10 by gettoefl

[AION]

6 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This thread and the other one by Aion are so similar, not even sure which one I'm commenting on at times. Same kind of post. I guess it's men's provider concerns week. 

Because he stole my thread title by replacing provider with life style :

I guess he just wanted to steal some cloud or something because he could have just posted the OP in my thread. It is confusing for me too right now to have a duplicate. 
 

[Schizophonia]

14 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

You wouldn't understand. You're a "male" and all men are shameless pigs without emotions who only care about looks!
Well, at least you're not a woman, "females" are manipulative psychopaths, who only care to extract money out of you! 
"Sincerest apologies, it appears my neural net's coherence is being overrun by increasingly repetitive forum content 😁"

I manifest OP's post to show to myself that there is still a part of me tempted to tell stories in the hope of winning by being the victim.

There is evidence to the contrary everywhere, it is a matter of becoming aware of the benefits a priori of delving into one's persona.

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, AION said:

Because he stole my thread title by replacing provider with life style :

I guess he just wanted to steal some cloud or something because he could have just posted the OP in my thread. It is confusing for me too right now to have a duplicate. 
 

Ok, but let's practice showing some love and keep the judgements and criticisms out of it and try to work with it as it's not that big of a deal. Perfect target practice. You're doing fine, just highlighting a point which is also based on your post and some of the comments that I made in it.

[BlueOak]

5 hours ago, gettoefl said:

she spends couple hundred bucks and good number of hours getting ready not to mention all the tik-toks scrolling for tips n tricks

and that's just to choose her shoes

you are probably wearing the same clothes you work your 80 hour a week job in

i had better be a man

Women put the time in. So do men.

The hours I put in lifting weights, running and learning my trade. The blood sweat and tears of building my self up to be the man she wants, physically, mentally, financially, socially etc, and going through all the hoops I went through to get my life, mind and body straight. Yada Yada. No men talk about this because that's just how it is. Only when someone comes and tells me I had it easy do I bring it up.

And BTW, none of that surface-level preparation you just said is what I look for in a woman, it's the lifetime she put into being who she is. Honestly, I think you are too far into the materialism and 'image above all' of the 20's, like most people now with that answer.

Edited September 10 by BlueOak