How much time does it take to fall in love with someone?

[Clarence]

@soos_mite_ah Thank you for your feedback. It's really good to hear that. I thought that the usual way was to fall in love right after meeting… so I thought that it wasn't normal or usual to be in a relationship with someone you are not in love with.

That's still something hard and weird for me to conceptualize, but if I'm not the only one not loving my partner straight away, I already feel better.

34 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Falling in love is a more gradual process of things slowly warming up. It isn't a light switch lol. 

I thought it was a light switch… because it felt like this the times I fell in love - once it pretty much happened at first sight, and the second time, less than a month after meeting. This love lasted both time for years, though they were not people I could have a relationship with.

But when actually dating, I still don't know how it would happen for me, as falling in love in those cases never happened… So my approach was to think that if it wasn't happening quickly, that it would never happen. But now I can start changing my perspective and be more open to the possibility of the love coming in later.

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Clarence said:

@soos_mite_ah Thank you for your feedback. It's really good to hear that. I thought that the usual way was to fall in love right after meeting… so I thought that it wasn't normal or usual to be in a relationship with someone you are not in love with.

That's still something hard and weird for me to conceptualize, but if I'm not the only one not loving my partner straight away, I already feel better.

I thought it was a light switch… because it felt like this the times I fell in love - once it pretty much happened at first sight, and the second time, less than a month after meeting. This love lasted both time for years, though they were not people I could have a relationship with.

But when actually dating, I still don't know how it would happen for me, as falling in love in those cases never happened… So my approach was to think that if it wasn't happening quickly, that it would never happen. But now I can start changing my perspective and be more open to the possibility of the love coming in later.

Yes, true love sometimes aren't the ones that start right away, they're the ones that develop overtime, especially for women or the feminine. The ones that happen right away is usually lust that's why you didn't see yourself having a relationship with them. Not always, but in most cases.

[Clarence]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes, true love sometimes aren't the ones that start right away, they're the ones that develop overtime, especially for women or the feminine. The ones that happen right away is usually lust that's why you didn't see yourself having a relationship with them. Not always, but in most cases.

No no, it was a deep, unconditional form of love I had for them, but they were already in a relationship (a first no) and only interested in women (a second no). There was just no chance of having a relationship with them. But to this day, I still feel a love I can't explain.

I don't feel it that much now for the one I haven't seen for about six years, but I still feel a form of deep respect. And for the other one, my love is still pretty strong, and pure, in the sense that no matter what he does, how he is or how he acts, it doesn't change the love I have for him. I've recently stopped seeing him, but I still feel the love if I think about him. I've been loving him this way for 4.5 years.

Neither of them were lust for me*. For the first one especially, I didn't even feel sexual attraction. It took me a very long time to see it as a form of romantic love. Maybe still, it wasn't romantic. He was the most beautiful man I had ever met and I just loved him for that.

This happened to me more than once or twice. It's easier to love by accident, in a sense. It's much harder when dating, because there are so much plans around it and an intention right from the start.

* Or… it wasn't lust in a sexual way, but lust in an emotional way, as I craved a deep emotional bond and connection with them. I wanted to know them on a very deep level, and I wished them to know me and love me the same way. Though, it was impossible, so I had to accept that.

My desire now is to feel that deep, unconditional form of love with someone who will feel it too.

[Ajax]

On 9/10/2024 at 6:30 AM, Clarence said:

really don't think you can genuinely love someone romantically by forcing it, by "putting it there", as you say. I've tried. It doesn't work.

That is an idea beyond SD Turquoise, and I can understand your Pov. You are right,.. You, yourself can't.  

 

On 9/10/2024 at 6:30 AM, Clarence said:

I can't decide to be sexually attracted by a person if I am not. But maybe you're different.

I most certainly am. lol 

 

On 9/10/2024 at 6:30 AM, Clarence said:

I'm not really looking for a definition of "falling in love" here. I just use this term because everyone understands it, to mean a love which is romantic and, most of the time, includes a sexual attraction.

Your understanding is proportional to the amount of complete, thorough, and accurate definitions you have. 

 

I can suggest one thing, though I doubt you will do it... which is fine. You can call the ability to admire as a divine particle. For example, if I feel a little out of it, I do this exercise. 

1. Make a list of all the people you have a close association with.

2. Right 25 things you can admire about the person. 

3. Find 3 people and tell them 3 of these things. 

4. Repeat step three for at least a week. 

 

I for one will do the same process to the excess of 100 people or more a day, if I am in a particular funk. 

For me, it's effortless to make a conscious decision to be attracted to them. The ability to practice pure admiration, on people and things around me is one of the keys. Believe it or not, you choose. 

LOVE

Edited September 11 by Ajax

[Atb210201]

Falling in love is never obvious to the ones falling in love

It just happens suddenly

You never know and never could know if you will fall in love

Somehow out of the blue you find yourself being in love with someone for no reason at all

Because love doesn't follow reason

You can't put your finger on it

You just are in love and it's not by your will anymore

Edited September 11 by Atb210201

[Clarence]

15 hours ago, Ajax said:

On 10/09/2024 at 2:30 PM, Clarence said:

I can't decide to be sexually attracted by a person if I am not. But maybe you're different.

I most certainly am. lol 

I can suggest one thing, though I doubt you will do it... which is fine. You can call the ability to admire as a divine particle. For example, if I feel a little out of it, I do this exercise. 

1. Make a list of all the people you have a close association with.

2. Right 25 things you can admire about the person. 

3. Find 3 people and tell them 3 of these things. 

4. Repeat step three for at least a week. 

 

I for one will do the same process to the excess of 100 people or more a day, if I am in a particular funk. 

For me, it's effortless to make a conscious decision to be attracted to them. The ability to practice pure admiration, on people and things around me is one of the keys. Believe it or not, you choose. 

LOVE

I don't see the value in learning how to develop romantic feelings and sexual attraction for just anyone or everyone on this planet. I find it very weird and inappropriate.

Developing unconditionnal love though for all humans has value, but in my opinion, not the attraction you describe.

Beside, in my dating experiences, it wouldn't have done any good to "force" any romantic feelings. I think that the feelings didn't come because they weren't meant to. I knew deep down that the relationship with them was not right because we didn't match on too many levels.

I think I just didn't dare to express how I was feeling towards them and the relationship. I thought that, if I had magically fallen in love, I wouldn't have had to deal with breaking up, seperating or causing hurt. But that wasn't mature. Forcing myself to fall in love wouldn't have been mature. I really don't think it is healthy to just provoke these things if they are not there. If the feelings don't manifest, there are more than likely reasons that they don't.
 

15 hours ago, Atb210201 said:

Falling in love is never obvious to the ones falling in love

It just happens suddenly

You never know and never could know if you will fall in love

Somehow out of the blue you find yourself being in love with someone for no reason at all

Because love doesn't follow reason

Thank you for your response. I think it can happen gradually as well, but it can for sure happen suddenly.

[Rishabh R]

@Clarence love is necessary , it's important but love is not enough- Mark Manson.

Edited September 12 by Rishabh R

[PurpleTree]

smh i thought this woman who started working there recently was hot

the twinkle in her eyes i liked

only talked to her a few times

but today she told me i remind her of her best friend 😂

friend zone