How much time does it take to fall in love with someone?

[Clarence]

What I'm looking forward to the most in a relationship, is the romantic connection. But how do you know when you have given it enough time for the feelings to arise?

The last person I dated, I fondly liked. I loved his mind, his personality, he liked me a lot too, but I didn't fall in love and didn't feel sexually attracted. Though, I would have loved the relationship to work out. We went on dates for about two months.

I'm a bit scared to date again now, because it feels uncomfortable to be in situations like this. I genuinely don't know when to put an end to dating. I don't know how to know if it is a matter of time before falling in love, or if the feelings will never come for the person.

It's very tricky when you'd like it to happen, when you like the person, but it doesn't happen. And it's even worse if the person is in love already or really into you.

Have you ever dealt with situations like this? I wonder how quickly you know if you will or won't fall in love, and how long it generally takes for you for such feelings to really manifest.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIHE4hiS9a4

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byB0TQt1IdE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bQ1kWcEecI

 

[Clarence]

@Raze Thanks for the videos. I listened to most of the first one and some of the two others, but I don't find them answering my questions.

[Princess Arabia]

11 hours ago, Clarence said:

I'm a bit scared to date again now, because it feels uncomfortable to be in situations like this.

No answers to your question will satisfy that inquiring mind. What i've quoted here from your post is more relevant. Try to work on that fear. Try to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Life isn't about to make you comfortable in every endeavor. Learn to face your fears. You have anxiety, I can tell, no need to ask. These kinds of fears are what's fueling it. It loves these kinds of fears. The one's that cannot be prevented ahead of time. Who knows, no one. I could be facetious and say the same amount of time it takes you to fall in love, is the same amount of time it will take to fall out.

Learn to take chances and be open to the unknown. That's what life's about. If you knew every step of the way, hour by hour, minute by minute, every second what was in store for you for the rest of your life detail by detail and exactly what will happen, how boring that will be you'd want to kill yourself or still get anxious and can't wait for the good parts, still suffering from anxiety. We fear the unknown and we fear the known. We fear everything. Overcome that, relax and try to see in the mind's eye what you would like to experience and not worry about things you don't. What we fear, we create because fear is a very intense emotion and we create from being focused and attentive to where we place our energy. 

Edited September 9 by Princess Arabia

[Ajax]

Nothing exists unless you put it there. I am talking about awareness, thought, and activity. If something is not in your sphere of perception, you are not being with that thing... you are not being present with it. You are not there (I am talking about awareness, thought and activity,)

Love is simply the urge to share the same space with someone or something. Love occurs at zero time, and if you are not constantly putting it there, it ceases to exist. Imagine if the sun stopped shining for a few moments...The life on this planet would cease to exist.

Again, love occurs at zero time... or before time... it takes no time to love something, just the intention(idea) to love for no reason at all and the removal of extraneous and counter intention. 

It is a mistake to think that love simply happens, no... you put it there and it only exists to the extent that you put it there and keep putting it there. The good feelings is a result of you putting it there, not the other way around. You have it backwards. 

What is a relationship? It is simply the pureness of the connection between particles. If the connection is not pure... there is some "dirt" some interference that you are putting, there or not putting there... or there is someone or something putting a barrier between you too. 

You could say a manifestation of strength is to love purely without any excuse to do otherwise. That is what makes a person, great, mighty and good. 

[manuel bon]

Almost a year ago I met a girl. I really liked her vibe, way of thinking, and the way she looks. We started dating, and at the beginning there was a lot of petty drama that I didn't like at all (some BS involving our friends); I felt really annoyed by those stupid things and I thought that I should let her go, I didn't want to have drama. But I decided to give our situation a go, and see through all of that. After some weeks all that drama ended, and while time was passing, I kept doubting if I should stay with her or leave her, but something was telling me that I should stay with her, and I did. Maybe I just wanted to be in a relationship, I don't know. But the fact is that was a great decision. I am realizing now that the more I am with her the more I like her, and the person I am with her. I see how our relationship grows towards a great direction. Now I'm glad I didn't break up at the beginning.

My advice is not to overthink if you're in love or not, that feeling doesn't just happen. It grows inside of both of you with time, the more you get to know each other. True love is not the excitement you feel at the beginning. Let yourself feel, don't be in a rush to love, and if after some time you understand that person is not for you then you can let them go. Sometimes you understand it immediately, other times after years. But again, don't be in a rush, enjoy whatever you have❤️

[Clarence]

17 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

No answers to your question will satisfy that inquiring mind. What i've quoted here from your post is more relevant. Try to work on that fear. Try to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Life isn't about to make you comfortable in every endeavor. Learn to face your fears. You have anxiety, I can tell, no need to ask. These kinds of fears are what's fueling it. It loves these kinds of fears. The one's that cannot be prevented ahead of time. Who knows, no one. I could be facetious and say the same amount of time it takes you to fall in love, is the same amount of time it will take to fall out.

Learn to take chances and be open to the unknown. That's what life's about. If you knew every step of the way, hour by hour, minute by minute, every second what was in store for you for the rest of your life detail by detail and exactly what will happen, how boring that will be you'd want to kill yourself or still get anxious and can't wait for the good parts, still suffering from anxiety. We fear the unknown and we fear the known. We fear everything. Overcome that, relax and try to see in the mind's eye what you would like to experience and not worry about things you don't. What we fear, we create because fear is a very intense emotion and we create from being focused and attentive to where we place our energy. 

Thank you, @Princess Arabia. Your answer is sweet to read.

I feel like you're very on point too. Though I had wished that some people would have shared a similar experience to mine, not to feel like I am the only one in this situation.

That's correct, I have so much fears and anxiety. It likely plays a big role in the difficulties I have in dating. But honestly, I don't seem to be able to reduce my anxiety, or I haven't found a practice or therapy so far that works for me.

[Clarence]

15 hours ago, Ajax said:

Nothing exists unless you put it there. I am talking about awareness, thought, and activity. If something is not in your sphere of perception, you are not being with that thing... you are not being present with it. You are not there (I am talking about awareness, thought and activity,)

Love is simply the urge to share the same space with someone or something. Love occurs at zero time, and if you are not constantly putting it there, it ceases to exist. Imagine if the sun stopped shining for a few moments...The life on this planet would cease to exist.

Again, love occurs at zero time... or before time... it takes no time to love something, just the intention(idea) to love for no reason at all and the removal of extraneous and counter intention. 

It is a mistake to think that love simply happens, no... you put it there and it only exists to the extent that you put it there and keep putting it there. The good feelings is a result of you putting it there, not the other way around. You have it backwards. 

What is a relationship? It is simply the pureness of the connection between particles. If the connection is not pure... there is some "dirt" some interference that you are putting, there or not putting there... or there is someone or something putting a barrier between you too. 

You could say a manifestation of strength is to love purely without any excuse to do otherwise. That is what makes a person, great, mighty and good. 

I really don't think you can genuinely love someone romantically by forcing it, by "putting it there", as you say. I've tried. It doesn't work.

I've never romantically loved someone out of a conscious decision. It just happens if it's meant to, whether I consciously want it or not. In the same way, I can't decide to be sexually attracted by a person if I am not. But maybe you're different.

I'm not really looking for a definition of "falling in love" here. I just use this term because everyone understands it, to mean a love which is romantic and, most of the time, includes a sexual attraction.

[Clarence]

5 hours ago, manuel bon said:

Almost a year ago I met a girl. I really liked her vibe, way of thinking, and the way she looks. We started dating, and at the beginning there was a lot of petty drama that I didn't like at all (some BS involving our friends); I felt really annoyed by those stupid things and I thought that I should let her go, I didn't want to have drama. But I decided to give our situation a go, and see through all of that. After some weeks all that drama ended, and while time was passing, I kept doubting if I should stay with her or leave her, but something was telling me that I should stay with her, and I did. Maybe I just wanted to be in a relationship, I don't know. But the fact is that was a great decision. I am realizing now that the more I am with her the more I like her, and the person I am with her. I see how our relationship grows towards a great direction. Now I'm glad I didn't break up at the beginning.

My advice is not to overthink if you're in love or not, that feeling doesn't just happen. It grows inside of both of you with time, the more you get to know each other. True love is not the excitement you feel at the beginning. Let yourself feel, don't be in a rush to love, and if after some time you understand that person is not for you then you can let them go. Sometimes you understand it immediately, other times after years. But again, don't be in a rush, enjoy whatever you have❤️

Thank your for your sharing, it's very helpful.

I've been in situations where the people I was with had more feelings than I had, so I felt pressure right from the start not to hurt them and desiring to 'match' their feelings.

But it's a beautiful story you share. I wish it will happen to me too at some point. It's a great exemple of giving it a chance even if the feelings don't arise quickly or if there are doubts questioning the relationship for quite some time.

[manuel bon]

45 minutes ago, Clarence said:

Thank your for your sharing, it's very helpful.

I've been in situations where the people I was with had more feelings than I had, so I felt pressure right from the start not to hurt them and desiring to 'match' their feelings.

But it's a beautiful story you share. I wish it will happen to me too at some point. It's a great exemple of giving it a chance even if the feelings don't arise quickly or if there are doubts questioning the relationship for quite some time.

I understand you really, I also felt that my girlfriend loved me more than I love her. But you have to remember that you shouldn't put this pressure on yourself, whatever you feel is okay. I understand that you don't want to hurt them, but you hurt in the moment that you lie. You don't need to say: "I love you" when it's not true, but you can still be honest about the feelings you have, even if they are not the same as theirs. Of course if you see that you don't have positive emotions in the long run then it's better to let them go

[Schizophonia]

It works differently for everybody.

[Buck Edwards]

@Clarence hi Clarence. It's completely understandable to feel a bit hesitant after a relationship that didn't quite work out. Falling in love is a complex process, and it's not always something we can control. The timing can vary greatly for each person.

I've definitely been in situations where I've felt a strong connection to someone but didn't experience romantic feelings. It's important to remember that a strong friendship or emotional bond can be incredibly valuable in itself.

When it comes to knowing when to end a relationship, it's often about listening to your gut. If you're consistently feeling uncomfortable or unsatisfied, it might be a sign that it's time to move on.

Trusting your instincts is key. If you're finding yourself constantly wondering if feelings will develop, it might be a sign that they're not likely to. It's okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, even if it means ending a relationship that seemed promising on paper.

Remember, every relationship is different. What works for one person might not work for another. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and with your partner. Open communication can help clarify feelings and expectations.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Clarence said:

That's correct, I have so much fears and anxiety. It likely plays a big role in the difficulties I have in dating. But honestly, I don't seem to be able to reduce my anxiety, or I haven't found a practice or therapy so far that works for me.

You can look into this as a supplement. It helps with anxiety and stress. Just do some research to see if it's right for you in addition to cutting down on sugar and processed foods. Quit drinking soda if you do. Especially if it's everyday.

 

Edited September 10 by Princess Arabia

[Keryo Koffa]

@Princess Arabia And if that doesn't work,

There's plenty of more

straightforward supplements!

[Clarence]

@manuel bon Thank you.

I remember my first boyfriend who would tell me every day "I love you", and I would just smile and stay silent. He said it was ok if I didn't have the same feelings, but that was still awful to hear those words.

Maybe I was not good enough at setting boundaries. It would have been better if I had asked him to stop saying that altogether, especially so early into the relationship.

5 hours ago, manuel bon said:

Of course if you see that you don't have positive emotions in the long run then it's better to let them go

Indeed, but that's so hard to do if they will feel hurt and let down. But I guess I have to learn that it is an unescapable part of human relationships, something I have to get used to...

 

4 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

It works differently for everybody.

Of course, it also works differently from one relationship to the next.

 

@Buck Edwards Thanks for the good advice. It's very well expressed. Learning to listen, trust and act upon one's instinct, intuition and feelings is maybe what I'm missing the most. Though it's a very difficult skill to acquire.

I've gotten into the habit of softening my speech or adapting my actions in order of not hurting others; I nearly always put other's wellbeing before mine because I've been hurt a lot my whole life and I know how bad it feels.

Now I am really afraid of being the reason others suffer (when breaking up with someone who likes me, for exemple). I can see that it is not healthy, but it is extremely hard to get used to that. It plays in my mind for so long after I hurt someone.

 

@Princess Arabia Have you tried it personally? I'd be interested to hear your experience with it if you have.

Edited September 10 by Clarence

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Clarence said:

@manuel bon Thank you.

I remember my first boyfriend who would tell me every day "I love you", and I would just smile and stay silent. He said it was ok if I didn't have the same feelings, but that was still awful to hear those words.

Maybe I was not good enough at setting boundaries. It would have been better if I had asked him to stop saying that altogether, especially so early into the relationship.

Indeed, but that's so hard to do if they will feel hurt and let down. But I guess I have to learn that it is an unescapable part of human relationships, something I have to get used to...

 

Of course, it also works differently from one relationship to the next.

 

@Buck Edwards Thanks for the good advice. It's very well expressed. Learning to listen, trust and act upon one's instinct, intuition and feelings is maybe what I'm missing the most. Though it's a very difficult skill to acquire.

I've gotten into the habit of softening my speech or adapting my actions in order of not hurting others; I nearly always put other's wellbeing before mine because I've been hurt a lot my whole life and I know how bad it feels.

Now I am really afraid of being the reason others suffer (when breaking up with someone who likes me, for exemple). I can see that it is not healthy, but it is extremely hard to get used to that. It plays in my mind for so long after I hurt someone.

 

@Princess Arabia Have you tried it personally? I'd be interested to hear your experience with it if you have.

Yes, not lately, but in the past i have. I've tried all I recommend. It's very soothing and makes the mind relax. It does work on the nervous system. I don't suffer from anxiety that's why I don't take it often; but I do try to take in these things as a preventative measure. I've also tried astragalus and ashwagandha as they all have other health benefits. It's just that they each target specific areas of the body in a natural way as the body knows what to do with these specific herbs made in tincture form which are plants that they extract the juice from that have medicinal purposes.

Rhodiola targets the stress hormone response which allows for less anxiety. Just make sure you're not on any medications that interacts with it's properties.

[manuel bon]

3 hours ago, Clarence said:

It would have been better if I had asked him to stop saying that altogether, especially so early into the relationship.

I don't think you should set this kind of boundaries. If your next boyfriend wants to share his love towards you, you should let him, even if you don't feel the same. Let them and yourself feel their love. Even if you're not at the same level, that's fine as soon as you're hones with them about your feelings. Their love shouldn't make you feel bad because you don't feel the same: you are not guilty for what you feel or not feel, and everything that you feel or mor feel is totally valid, remember!

[manuel bon]

4 hours ago, Clarence said:

Indeed, but that's so hard to do if they will feel hurt and let down. But I guess I have to learn that it is an unescapable part of human relationships, something I have to get used to...

Yes, it is hard, but you're not hurting them because you're doing something bad (you're not cheating f.e.). You decide to hurt them with the truth, because you know that staying longer in that relationship will cause more damage than breaking up. 

[Clarence]

9 hours ago, manuel bon said:

I don't think you should set this kind of boundaries. If your next boyfriend wants to share his love towards you, you should let him, even if you don't feel the same. Let them and yourself feel their love. Even if you're not at the same level, that's fine as soon as you're hones with them about your feelings. Their love shouldn't make you feel bad because you don't feel the same: you are not guilty for what you feel or not feel, and everything that you feel or mor feel is totally valid, remember!

Maybe, but at the same time, it's a constant reminder that I will hurt him if the love doesn't become reciprocal at some point… so as an anxious person, it was causing a disservice to both of us as more anxiety doesn't lead to more love.

I think he lacked the capacity of seeing through my eyes and feeling how that was making me feel. But that was a first experience, so I didn't know where to stand and how to really express myself…

9 hours ago, manuel bon said:

Yes, it is hard, but you're not hurting them because you're doing something bad (you're not cheating f.e.). You decide to hurt them with the truth, because you know that staying longer in that relationship will cause more damage than breaking up. 

That's completely true, though it is so so hard to put into practice…

11 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Yes, not lately, but in the past i have. I've tried all I recommend. It's very soothing and makes the mind relax. It does work on the nervous system. I don't suffer from anxiety that's why I don't take it often; but I do try to take in these things as a preventative measure. I've also tried astragalus and ashwagandha as they all have other health benefits. It's just that they each target specific areas of the body in a natural way as the body knows what to do with these specific herbs made in tincture form which are plants that they extract the juice from that have medicinal purposes.

Rhodiola targets the stress hormone response which allows for less anxiety. Just make sure you're not on any medications that interacts with it's properties.

Thanks, I'm interested to try. I don't want to take any medication because I don't want potential interactions with psychedelics, but I've read that rhodiola has a short half-life, so it seems fine to try it :).

[soos_mite_ah]

It's different for everyone since people have different paces they go through when developping feelings. I know that for my current relationship that I have been in for about 2.5 years, it took my partner about 4 months and it took me 7 months. I remember telling him when he first told me that he loved me that while I'm not quite at that point yet, I'm getting there and I do really like him.

So my general advice would be that so long as you like this person and you're seeing the feelings continue to develop over time and as you spend time with this person, that's a good sign even if you're process of falling in love is slower than others. Falling in love is a more gradual process of things slowly warming up. It isn't a light switch lol.