Self Destructive Father Issues - looking for serious advice.

[yetineti]

Hello Friends

My father has been deemed ‘unfit for work.’ He needs a doctor’s note to be able to work again. He will not get that note. He is in his upper 50s working a labor intensive job and has not been taking numerous meds for 5+ years, ranging from diabetes insulin to blood pressure to depression meds.

I don’t even know how he’s alive. He has had an A1C so high it doesn’t register in the device. He’s essentially had a poisonous amount of sugar in his blood for years.

Now he will loose his job. There’s much more to it. A lot happened.. he wasn’t always like this.

I feel like I have failed. I know I haven’t. He won’t except help. I am trying to get a hold of my sister now. She’s thirty something and I’m in my early twenties.

I feel I should call a wellness check. That’s why I want to talk to my sister. I don’t want what to do. He’s been suicidal before. 
 

That’s all. A know it’s not much of an explanation but I just wanted to type something out here. Appreciate you guys. Actualized has kept me alive through some tough years growing up, figuring things out. Lots of good people here.

Edited September 9 by yetineti

[yetineti]

Trying to keep calm and not upset him. 

Feel free to ask questions. 
 

This feels like a sort of turning point for me. Can’t fully explain it yet. Dad was a big motivator into pursuing enlightenment and such. 

I’ve known how this would play out. 

I couldn’t have stopped it.

But we’re left to wonder.

[Joshe]

I feel your pain. I’ve been through the same thing with a couple of family members, and one of them even died due to neglect/refusal to take care of themselves. It’s is so saddening to watch it all go down and the hopeless feeling you feel when everything you try fails. And it’s like you said, you can see these things coming, but you can’t force them to stop drinking soda and to take their meds or to stop engaging in negative thinking. You can’t force them to not be apathetic or depressed. If he’s depressed, thats better than him being apathetic. If he’s not already apathetic, try your best to not to let him reach that stage. I hope the situation improves. 


 

 

[Raze]

He can try getting a clerical job 

[yetineti]

@Joshe Thank you friend. He’s not quite to that point. But I think he might be more than he alludes to and I don’t know how to work with him. Trying to make sure I don’t feel guilt if something happens to him. Something happening to him seems more and more likely.

[Joshe]

7 minutes ago, yetineti said:

@Joshe Thank you friend. He’s not quite to that point. But I think he might be more than he alludes to and I don’t know how to work with him. Trying to make sure I don’t feel guilt if something happens to him. Something happening to him seems more and more likely.

It’s so easy to feel like there’s more we could have done, but this is truly a self-deception. You’re doing the best you can… we all are, including your dad. I think in these situations, subconsciously, we often use guilt to mask the pain. You have such a big heart, you are afraid you can’t handle the pain, so you use guilt as a distraction. That could be going on. 

I’m open to discussing strategy if you want. If so, feel free to msg me or leave it here in the open if you prefer and I’ll check back tomorrow. Take care 

[UnbornTao]

Does he like pets? What about adopting a dog for him?

Maybe help him introduce new and interesting hobbies into his life in order to add variety to it. You could suggest cooking a meal together, learning to play the guitar, among many other activities, to open new avenues for communication and deal with this dilemma down the road.

This could help guide him towards a more positive life direction, to start with. In a sense, it'd be adopting an indirect strategy rather than a direct one.

Edited September 9 by UnbornTao

[Joshe]

15 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Does he like pets? What about adopting a dog for him?

That's a great idea! They say having a dog adds years to your life. Older people sometimes don't know what to do and a dog or cat can keep them busy and definitely make them happier. A newborn puppy is the best. 

[UnbornTao]

54 minutes ago, Joshe said:

That's a great idea! They say having a dog adds years to your life. Older people sometimes don't know what to do and a dog or cat can keep them busy and definitely make them happier. A newborn puppy is the best. 

Definitely. 

[yetineti]

This was too much for the forum. My bad guys. 
 

Everything will work out.
 

I should’ve known I wouldn’t want to take the time to explain why everything everyone suggests won’t work. And I don’t then want to get caught in a loop of rationale where I sound like he is hopeless.

It’s like I’ve been studying a map for years and now I’m traveling it. I’m prepared as ever. But I’ve never been here.

I must let it all go. The worry, the wonder; it is dying.

Edited September 10 by yetineti

[Joshe]

@yetineti I have a mom about as stubborn as you can get. Once, she couldn't stand up and was faint. I took her to the hospital. She had a mountain dew stuffed between her legs while sitting in the wheelchair. Turns out, she was about to go into a diabetic coma because her sugar was 550. I know stubborn, but I was never very effective at dealing with it. 

Good luck with everything. 

[Atb210201]

On 09/09/2024 at 4:08 AM, yetineti said:

Hello Friends

My father has been deemed ‘unfit for work.’ He needs a doctor’s note to be able to work again. He will not get that note. He is in his upper 50s working a labor intensive job and has not been taking numerous meds for 5+ years, ranging from diabetes insulin to blood pressure to depression meds.

I don’t even know how he’s alive. He has had an A1C so high it doesn’t register in the device. He’s essentially had a poisonous amount of sugar in his blood for years.

Now he will loose his job. There’s much more to it. A lot happened.. he wasn’t always like this.

I feel like I have failed. I know I haven’t. He won’t except help. I am trying to get a hold of my sister now. She’s thirty something and I’m in my early twenties.

I feel I should call a wellness check. That’s why I want to talk to my sister. I don’t want what to do. He’s been suicidal before. 
 

That’s all. A know it’s not much of an explanation but I just wanted to type something out here. Appreciate you guys. Actualized has kept me alive through some tough years growing up, figuring things out. Lots of good people here.

Have deep trust in God

And do whatever you wish having that trust in God