Why does trauma happen instantly? / Why does healing take time?

[Marcel]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Very deep insight, your whole comment, but I also don't think it really matters as far as the OP's question of the length of time it takes

I’m actually very happy about the thread extending into this topic as well.

I have gathered insights from this thread that I didn’t even knew I needed.

So. Feel free to extend it even further.

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, gettoefl said:

Wake up and expect each day is your very last, that a sniper has placed an x on your skull

10 hours ago, gettoefl said:

 

I don't fear death specially, but I fear disease and misery. Who doesn't fear that shit? Anyway, when it comes, just let's be patient, nothing last for ever 

Edited September 10 by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

10 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

I don't fear death specially, but I fear disease and misery. Who doesn't fear that shit? Anyway, when it comes, just let's be patient, nothing last for ever 

For me awake is being willing and able to check out at any moment, to have no ties and concerns, to be happy to pull the plug when life goes to irredeemable shit

This life is a random screenplay and I will shut the production down at some point of my own choosing

Sorry y'all

Edited September 10 by gettoefl

[Schizophonia]

Because there are strong secondary benefits.

Edited September 10 by Schizophonia

[Breakingthewall]

16 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

For me awake is being willing and able to check out at any moment, to have no ties and concerns, to be happy to pull the plug when life goes to irredeemable shit

This life is a random screenplay and I will shut the production down at some point of my own choosing

Sorry y'all

10 hours ago, gettoefl said:

 

It depends, maybe you feel that it's your duty to suffer all the process, like people use to do nowadays, years in the hospital, paralysis, etc. but well, if you have to go through that adventure, it is done. A meditative exercise 

[Javfly33]

27 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

This life is a random screenplay and I will shut the production down at some point of my own choosing

Sorry y'all

maybe like this?

 

[gettoefl]

11 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

It depends, maybe you feel that it's your duty to suffer all the process, like people use to do nowadays, years in the hospital, paralysis, etc. but well, if you have to go through that adventure, it is done. A meditative exercise 

I did the meditation on the front end, fuck that shi bro, you be jesus then, be my guest, when things break down imma out

Edited September 10 by gettoefl

[gettoefl]

6 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

maybe like this?

 

yea or physician assisted is just as fine for me

[Javfly33]

2 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

physician assisted is just as fine for me

you mean assisted suicide?

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, Javfly33 said:

you mean assisted suicide?

yes

[Javfly33]

1 minute ago, gettoefl said:

yes

I think there is a big chance you will reincarnate if you do that. If you want to guaranteed shut it for good you should to leave by your own means (by pure consciousness/energy dissolution), so nothing is left of you as a being. 

[Marcel]

5 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

but I fear disease and misery. Who doesn't fear that shit? Anyway, when it comes, just let's be patient, nothing last for ever 

I have the long standing theory that no one actually fears death, severe sickness or even horrific torture. 

I believe there is one and only one fear that everything boils down to.

The fear of ( possible ) unbearable pain. Be it physically, emotionally or spiritually.

And most of the time it’s just the thought about that scares the living hell out of us. 

[Breakingthewall]

9 hours ago, Marcel said:

I have the long standing theory that no one actually fears death, severe sickness or even horrific torture. 

I believe there is one and only one fear that everything boils down to.

The fear of ( possible ) unbearable pain. Be it physically, emotionally or spiritually.

And most of the time it’s just the thought about that scares the living hell out of us. 

It's not just fear, is that human life is positive in certain conditions, in others it is negative. If it's negative but you're hoping it will turn positive, you move on, but if it doesn't, there's no point. If you have unbearable chronic pain, Alzheimer's, 80 years old and are paralyzed, and you have no one, the party can be extremely negative, and the perspectives are quite black

[Marcel]

7 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you have unbearable chronic pain, Alzheimer's, 80 years old and are paralyzed, and you have no one, the party can be extremely negative, and the perspectives are quite black

That’s exactly my point.

Fear of possible and unbearable continuous pain with no end in sight. 

Pain is humanity’s ultimate fear.

For example. Why is the concept of hell incredibly scary for some people? Possible Pain! 
 

Edited September 11 by Marcel

[Atb210201]

Who says healing takes time?

It can be done in just a moment if you want

In a blink of an eye

Do not make time for your healing and don't limit it

You can be healed whenever you want it's just that simple and straight to the point 

Edited September 11 by Atb210201

[Ajax]

On 9/8/2024 at 0:14 PM, Marcel said:

I have been perplexed by this for some time now. Why is there such a disparity?

Trauma can happen instantly. Being it a death of a family member or even suicide of someone close to you that can happen seemingly happen out of nowhere at any given time. 

Additionally. Let’s not forget the myriad of possible life experiences that can be traumatising and downright horrific. 

And on the other hand healing, accepting, forgiving and moving on can take months, years and sometimes even decades. 

Why is that?

Survival is reaching for pleasure and withdrawing from pain.  People have a tendency to hold on to something (like a bad memory/experience) to prevent anything like that happening again. So if an experience reminds me of something they are holding on to, they will withdraw from it, because the other half of survival is withdrawing from pain. 

However, depending on what is going on in your life, especially if you are active, productive and involved and participating in life, the experience you were previously holding on to, is less harmful to you because your attention units are on other things. 

You could say the definition of insanity as attention stuck in the past. 

The handling is being able to redirect your attention units toward the present and your purpose. (Where to go/do and how to effectively get there.) 

After all, who is putting the attention units in the past? It's me, I am responsible... it doesn't matter what happened to me, I am the one that is recreating the events, I am the one that is creating the current suffering at the time, because it is my own inability to redistribute my attention units. It's me I am responsible.

Since you are responsible, for what is currently happening to you..(never mind the past), you must handle that part. The definition of responsibility is the ability to be source of what you did and the willingness to admit cause. Or in other words, admitting and acknowledging and owning the things you yourself did. 

You don't have to admit to another person, unless you are willing to go that far. But you do need to face up to then things you did to create the situation. Make a list of things you did to put yourself there. Be willing to admit what you did wrong... even write down, where it happened, when it happened, how it happened and what exactly happen. Try to be as accurate as you can. (don't write why, as that will likely be a justification, denial or excuse) 

It doesn't matter what someone did to you, your are the one that is currently stuck... you know inside, there were things that you did that were wrong too... remove those things by taking responsibility for them and you will be able to free yourself easier from attention stuck in the past... 

 

Why do people have trouble moving on? Because there are some vital things about the situation, they didn't take responsibility for. Beyond that there are denials, justifications and excuses... 

[Jodistrict]

A simple experiment is to go into your past and recall a painful experience.  You will retrieve a memory and you will be able to still feel pain.  Ask yourself, why are you still feeling pain when the past no longer exists.  The memory may be yours alone and nobody else in the world even remembers it.  So you tell yourself, well since this is past and irrelevant, I will forget it.   But then the next day retrieve the memory and see if the pain disappears.  It doesn’t.   You just can’t wish it away.  So what is the solution.  What is the therapy?  I have read all the books and the theories and in my opinion none of these “experts” have the true answer.

[Hojo]

Trauma causes dissasosiation. You aren't the same person after trauma. People try to get back by doing something you don't get back by doing anything. Its like adding ingredients to a hamburger when you want just a bun and patty.

To go back you take things off not add more 

Edited September 12 by Hojo

[Marcel]

6 hours ago, Ajax said:

Why do people have trouble moving on? Because there are some vital things about the situation, they didn't take responsibility for. Beyond that there are denials, justifications and excuses... 

Agreed. I’ve long started practicing „Absolute Accountability“  as I like to call it. 

Everything is my „fault“ to some degree or another. Not in a toxic way. Not in a blaming way. In a conscious way. 

For example. No matter what happened in the past, my emotional state and integrating the inherent lessons from whatever was experienced is 100% my responsibility. 

I was deeply stuck in victim mentality and learned helplessness for quite some time, still crawling my way out of it.

But overall I can confidently say that I have developed agency and a sense of urgency again to get things done and be productive.

Interestingly. I’ve never connected „Reaching for pleasure and withdrawing from pain“ with survival before fully. I’ve heard the saying multiple times before , but for some reason it never quite  clicked that this literally is survival.

Thank you for your post. 
It was very helpful. 

Edited September 12 by Marcel

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, Jodistrict said:

  I have read all the books and the theories and in my opinion none of these “experts” have the true answer.

Because it wasn't really there to begin with. It has to be eliminated with the same process that put it there to begin with. The mind, which is also an illusion, but we live in a world of imagination and illusion so that's the process.