Why does trauma happen instantly? / Why does healing take time?

[Marcel]

I have been perplexed by this for some time now. Why is there such a disparity?

Trauma can happen instantly. Being it a death of a family member or even suicide of someone close to you that can happen seemingly happen out of nowhere at any given time. 

Additionally. Let’s not forget the myriad of possible life experiences that can be traumatising and downright horrific. 

And on the other hand healing, accepting, forgiving and moving on can take months, years and sometimes even decades. 

Why is that?

[KingCrimson]

We have to be careful what we mean by "trauma".

If we use the classic psychoanalytic definition, a trauma is not something you are aware of - that's the whole point of it. Something in your past was so painful that it got shut away and closed off where you can't reach it - in your subconscious. So the idea is that, even though you are not consciously aware of the trauma, it is still affecting your behaviour subconsciously. This is exactly what happens with PTSD.

If something painful happens to you, but you have a conscious memory of it, it is technically not a trauma, "just" a painful event or memory.

The reason why a death of a family member, or a suicide, or whatever else along those lines is so painful, is that you were attached to someone or something (your loved one, your pet, a dream about the future, an idea about yourself...) and the attachement gets violently broken in an instant. Think about all the things your mother means to you and the source of comfort she might still be, if you have a good relationship. When she dies, all of the attachement you have built up your entire life has to be let go of. And this takes time. Considering that we often spend years and decades getting attached to people or things, you could actually argue that the grieving process, for most people, is quite "fast". It doesn't take 30 years to get over a 30 year relationship that ended. But it still takes quite a bit of time. There are people who get stuck in the grieving process for years and years and can't manage to move on, but that is more of an exception. Most people are eventually able to let go and move on with their lives.

If you want to get a deeper understanding of trauma, I can recommend the work of Gabor Mate, who has a lot of content available on YouTube as well as some great books. You could also go back to Freud's original works on dreams and trauma, if you want to know how the concept was first conceived. Freud is well worth reading in my opinion, even though there are many flaws with his conception of reality and the psyche - he was a staunch atheist and reductionistic materialist. Still, some of his psychological insights have been right on the money, and he has laid a lot of groundwork for later thinkers.

 

Edited September 8 by KingCrimson

[Marcel]

9 hours ago, KingCrimson said:

If something painful happens to you, but you have a conscious memory of it, it is technically not a trauma, "just" a painful event or memory.

Fair enough. I didn’t think about that distinction while writing. 

I appreciate your post. It still doesn’t quite  answer my question though. Why something is painful is more then clear to me. 

( My mom has mental illness and tried to get me to take her life. Not assist with suicide. Literally take her life and triggered me endlessly, on purpose,  with things she, even in her confused state, knew would get me in a frenzy. Was very close to a violent outburst multiple times. A Phase that lasted a couple of years. I understand pain.)

Different example. I remember listening to an interview of a ww2 veteran who had to kill a solider of the opposing force when he was 16 and was never able to forgive himself till his death. 

Pain can happen instantly. And maybe even linger for a lifetime in some cases. Influencing your behaviour and emotions subconsciously. 

Why isn’t healing instant? 
Or is it even possible to heal instantly?

Because, from my own experience. Healing can absolutely take years.

With stuff resurfacing over and over every time I think certain things are „fixed“

 

Im familiar with Gabor Mate.
Great suggestion.
 

 

 

Edited September 9 by Marcel

[Ishanga]

48 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I have been perplexed by this for some time now. Why is there such a disparity?

Trauma can happen instantly. Being it a death of a family member or even suicide of someone close to you that can happen seemingly happen out of nowhere at any given time. 

Additionally. Let’s not forget the myriad of possible life experiences that can be traumatising and downright horrific. 

And on the other hand healing, accepting, forgiving and moving on can take months, years and sometimes even decades. 

Why is that?

I've read somewhere in a few places that our Mind remembers more intensely the negative experiences/situations that we go thru much more than the positive ones, this is a survival mechanism so that You can remember what is dangerous or unhealthy to live another day more effectively.

  It takes a Highly Aware/Conscious person to overcome this, hence why one of the first teachings is to Live Now Absolutely, that does not mean forget the past, you use the past to become Wise, not wounded, so trauma is the way of becoming Wounded, its very egoic as well, the ego luvs to play victim, not saying that is what is happening in all cases but allot of the Trauma that is happening for ppl is first unconscious to them, and/or second they cling to it as it gives them a sense of Intensity in their lives, meaning (I went thru this so look at me),  Ego plays its games in complex ways, Consciousness cures it all!

[Marcel]

1 minute ago, Ishanga said:

this is a survival mechanism so that You can remember what is dangerous or unhealthy to live another day more effectively.

Agreed. We’re on the same page. 

It’s still fascinating to me why healing and integrating experiences like that can take so damn long and be such a difficult process.

Surely nature could have made it more efficient then that. Because if you genuinely are in constant survival situations.

Wouldn’t it be way better to process stuff quickly and efficiently?

High consciousness well and good. But why on earth does that take such a high level of development and not come with the base programming? 

That’s what’s confusing me.

[Ishanga]

2 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Agreed. We’re on the same page. 

It’s still fascinating to me why healing and integrating experiences like that can take so damn long and be such a difficult process.

Surely nature could have made it more efficient then that. Because if you genuinely are in constant survival situations.

Wouldn’t it be way better to process stuff quickly and efficiently?

High consciousness well and good. But why on earth does that take such a high level of development and not come with the base programming? 

That’s what’s confusing me.

My Nephew (Sisters son) died by Suicide at age 25 back in 06', it devastated the family, My Mom, Both my Sisters and such, and it took a long time for them to recover to a point that they can (not move on) but not be super depressed and traumatized by it, and I remember saying to myself they will get thru it eventually why not faster? So I know that wonder as well. 

I think it is dependant on many factors, the way someone is within themselves, their beliefs and ideologies about things, and our society conditions us in many ways too, my point is that my Sister is much much better now, for the first few years it was rough, but thru some of her own actions (she started a Memorial Walk for Suicide survivors, and a dragon boat team of my nephews friends and family for 10yrs after his death) to deal with it and go thru it, obviously she is not over it but deals with it differently now.. 

I think it is base programing and still within us strongly because in many ways we are not that much more developed or evolved than we were thousands of years ago, in many ways we are still Savages, just look at the world!

[Princess Arabia]

This is why on the existential level. The brain doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's being imagined. Every time a memory is being remembered, the body reacts to it as if it's happening NOW. Every time one tells that traumatic story they are actually re-living it in the mind, but everything is mental so it's the same as experiencing it in the NOW (physically). If something happens in real life that triggers that traumatic experience once again, the body is literally re-living that trauma. The brain takes snapshots and stores images of circumstances and situations that had an emotional charge to it. The more intense of an emotion that came with the experience, the more that image gets ingrained. So every time an event happens and one gets triggered, it's the brain snapshot image that gets remembered and then the body reacts in the present as if the event is happening in the moment.

This is why we can squirm and quiver at a horror movie and the likes, even though we know it's a movie; the body is reacting because the brain, which doesn't know it's just a movie, sends a signal through receptors to the body's fight or flight response system and the body reacts.

So the reason why it can take so long to heal is because the body keeps reliving the traumatic experience over and over and over again through, memories, re-telling of the traumatic story, feelings of victimization, unable to forgive, thought patterns and through the use of the imagination. Doing the opposite of this list can significantly reduce the time one takes to heal in addition to certain advanced therapies, like maybe EFT.

Existentially, time doesn't exist and all of this trauma is stored in the subconscious where time literally isn't a thing. So, that trauma doesn't really need time to heal, but because the mind sees time in a linear fashion, the conscious mind that is, it will take for one to go directly to the subconscious for a faster healing to take place. 

 

Edited September 9 by Princess Arabia

[Marcel]

17 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

but everything is mental so it's the same as experiencing it in the NOW (physically)

I have heard of that, but never connected the dots like that before, especially in combination with the subconscious mind.

That makes so much sense and explains a ton of my bodily reactions to certain circumstances or why I get triggered by mere words out of the blue sometimes. 

Thank you very much. Your post gave me an entirely new and useful perspective.

 

[Princess Arabia]

11 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I have heard of that, but never connected the dots like that before, especially in combination with the subconscious mind.

That makes so much sense and explains a ton of my bodily reactions to certain circumstances or why I get triggered by mere words out of the blue sometimes. 

Thank you very much. Your post gave me an entirely new and useful perspective.

 

You're welcome. Glad to help.

[Marcel]

7 hours ago, Ishanga said:

in many ways we are still Savages, just look at the world!

That’s exactly what I’m wrestling with.

Why, out of all the possibilities in the universe, is the world like this and not different?

[Joshe]

No pressure, no diamonds. 

The negative sticks because it’s the driver. Nothing is as good of a motivator as fear and pain. What does reality seem to be up to? Evolving, growing, expanding. Fear is the driver. You weather your way to the top and your reward is the opposite of negative. It’s nature’s in-built mechanism to force your cooperation in serving its purpose of evolution. 

That’s my theory.

Edited September 9 by Joshe

[Buck Edwards]

58 minutes ago, Joshe said:

No pressure, no diamonds. 

The negative sticks because it’s the driver. Nothing is as good of a motivator as fear and pain. What does reality seem to be up to? Evolving, growing, expanding. Fear is the driver. You weather your way to the top and your reward is the opposite of negative. It’s nature’s in-built mechanism to force your cooperation in serving its purpose of evolution. 

That’s my theory.

Agree with this. 

[Buck Edwards]

10 hours ago, Marcel said:

I have been perplexed by this for some time now. Why is there such a disparity?

Trauma can happen instantly. Being it a death of a family member or even suicide of someone close to you that can happen seemingly happen out of nowhere at any given time. 

Additionally. Let’s not forget the myriad of possible life experiences that can be traumatising and downright horrific. 

And on the other hand healing, accepting, forgiving and moving on can take months, years and sometimes even decades. 

Why is that?

This is my favorite source on trauma healing. Hope it helps. It's the Patrick Teahan channel. 

 

Edited September 9 by Buck Edwards

[Ishanga]

8 hours ago, Marcel said:

That’s exactly what I’m wrestling with.

Why, out of all the possibilities in the universe, is the world like this and not different?

Well on an Absolute Level, we are a manifestation of a certain Potential, that has Duality, Material Existence, certain laws of Physics and such in play, as Humans, we have the most Potential out of any life form on this planet and in the known Universe (so far anyways), so we are playing this game of having strong instincts and identification's towards Survival/Accumulation process, more procreation, more security, more comfort/convenience, etc... but we can Live and Experience Life way beyond this...so we have to seek it and go thru this Potentiality game of sorts..

On a Existential Level, we are still very Egoic in Identity and living basically at the Survival Level of Awareness, even though we are not living like cave men, we still have the same Awareness level and mindset as they did, we just accumulate other things, like fame, money, sex, cars, houses, power, shit like that, which means nothing in the end..

[PurpleTree]

16 hours ago, Ishanga said:

I've read somewhere in a few places that our Mind remembers more intensely the negative experiences/situations that we go thru much more than the positive ones, this is a survival mechanism so that You can remember what is dangerous or unhealthy to live another day more effectively.

yea came to say this too

[Ishanga]

8 hours ago, Joshe said:

No pressure, no diamonds. 

The negative sticks because it’s the driver. Nothing is as good of a motivator as fear and pain. What does reality seem to be up to? Evolving, growing, expanding. Fear is the driver. You weather your way to the top and your reward is the opposite of negative. It’s nature’s in-built mechanism to force your cooperation in serving its purpose of evolution. 

That’s my theory.

This will only work up to a certain point on the survival level only, and for sure this is what is happening today, ppl are living via the fight or flight response system, which is fear based, but over all one will never reach their potential as a Human living with fear as the motivating force, its very low level Consciousness imo..

[Javfly33]

trauma is a just a type of karmic memory too sticky or glued up to you. 

Healing is imaginary and part of the wheel. The only way is to distance yourself from the memory or either burn absolutely everything to ashes from the first karmic imprint, but that is only for hardcore bramacharis. 

[Marcel]

3 hours ago, Ishanga said:

On a Existential Level, we are still very Egoic in Identity and living basically at the Survival Level of Awareness, even though we are not living like cave men, we still have the same Awareness level and mindset as they did, we just accumulate other things, like fame, money, sex, cars, houses, power, shit like that, which means nothing in the end..

Absolutely. As the human species at large we’re basically still living in the Middle Ages mentally. 

In a way it’s easier then ever to improve in all sorts of ways and at the same time the amount of distractions and traps one can fall into have grown with it at the same pace. 

[Marcel]

11 hours ago, Joshe said:

It’s nature’s in-built mechanism to force your cooperation in serving its purpose of evolution. 

There’s some truth to that.

I don’t agree entirely though. I think the real mechanism is love. That’s all there is. 

Negativity. Fear and Pain are a corruption of love. Still love. But in a lesser form. 

Out of my own experience I can tell you. I evolved a whole lot more as a human being when I was in a state of authentic love rather then negativity/ fear / pain. 

[Ishanga]

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Absolutely. As the human species at large we’re basically still living in the Middle Ages mentally. 

In a way it’s easier then ever to improve in all sorts of ways and at the same time the amount of distractions and traps one can fall into have grown with it at the same pace. 

Yes, and just imagine if/when AI kicks in, takes 1000's of jobs away and things like Basic Income Supplements kick in, ppl may have tons of time on their hands, what are they going to do sit on their phones or Virtual Reality machines all day and live like that? 

This is why the Raising of Human Consciousness is the most important thing to happen on a World Wide basis, when that happens, when the majority or even half the population is much more Conscious of Reality and what it means to be Human, things will Transform.. Things are actually so much easier today than ever, food availability is more secure than ever, it is just that its not profitable to feed everyone, but we can easily do it. and fix all the problems we have today,  but Ego identity and low Consciousness makes that almost impossible..