[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[Buck Edwards]

2 hours ago, Harsh Bagdia said:

- read books, took notes, consumed other creators content, took baby steps
- went to a 10 day naturopathy healing center, got rid of withdrawls & depression
- enrolled in local commerce college just to have a degree
- started supporting my father in our traditional family business.. I was super-lucky to have this time of exploration without having to worrying about career/finances
- joined other skill based classes in local which made me social, functional and intellectual again
- I discovered my passion for philosophy & psychology.. even enrolled in distance learning psychology degree (didn't continue it after 2nd year as I got way better knowledge through YT and other self-study means)
- got to know about god/awakening/spirituality which blew my mind again.. but this time out of curiosity rather than suffering
- I din't care about anything else other than this
- It was like I contemplated on this for most of my waking time..kind of like Self-Enquiring 4 hours daily for years
- Did Vipassana, Inner engineering and other Yoga programs by Sadhguru, tried mushrooms and ayahuasca
- and finally understood what God, Leo, other teachers were trying to communicate with me
- It's that - 'It is what I say it is' or 'I am what I say I am' or rather 'what I choose I am'
- Not what God says, but what I say
- And that was my moment of realization 

From Monk-mode to Work-mode 

- Then what? A field of infinite possibilities opened up for me
- I immediately moved out (my parents tried their best emotional blackmail to stop me lol), took a content writing job as writing was a skill I trained to a degree (my cover letter was so good, they didn't even bother asking about my credentials)
- Gained experience, confidence and marketing knowledge
- Shifted back to my hometown, this time out of genuine desire to support my father and grow our family business.
- tried bunch of different stuff too like stock trading, teaching, writing..did Life Purpose course again
- Have been having best relationship with parents since then.. not because I listened to them and came back to join our edible-oil trading biz (that I left again as my father found my ideas way too radical) but because I've got the backbone of self-respect and genuine love for my parents. Their manipulations seem like child's naughtiness to me. And I can clearly see their love for me in certain actions. We love spending time with each other. but coming back to our work discussion,
- only a few months back finally finalizing to make my career in copywriting and marketing
- did a few online courses and have been pursuing freelancing since then
- I can't put into words the level of clarity that I have now. My mind works like a flowing river when I intend and focus it like that.


Now why did I share my history in such detail and how does it relate to your situation? how you might benefit from this?

I will like to mention a few key points that will help you sort things up:

1. Getting into a state of happiness first, before trying to figure it all out

Note that it took me far too much time to figure it all out. Heck, many people still haven't figured it out. 

See what you're saying is that - I will only be happy when I have certainty about my future.

And we are saying that - 

• don't worry about it so much as of now, take a chill pill
• do what needs to be done like confronting your parents and let them know that you don't want to continue engineering or whatever your take is
• have patience, do the right things - like getting any basic job that pays the bills, explore your interests, etc etc..
• hey and even leo's new course is also coming, aren't you excited for it?? If I were at your place I would postpone dying until then 😄 (hey sorry didnt mean to joke about it..i could never know your pain and I wish you fast healing)

once you have the right state of mind, right careers will appear in front of you like a shining diamond. You wouldn't be able to miss them even if you try. You will just know that this is the thing for me and I will achieve the highest possible success in this.


2. Making your parents proud vs making yourself proud

• Please don't even think of taking your life away (now don't say it is automatic.. we do have the ability to direct our thoughts.. please steer your car to make a U turn)
• I can't even imagine the suffering my parents would go through if I ever did suicide. It kills me to imagine that
• Dude, you need to first experience what being a parent is like. Only then you will be able to appreciate their love for you. Forget dying, you will wish you could serve them for all your life
• I am getting a taste of this just by becoming a dog-parent. Being a parent is like nurturing an extension of yourself
• So what if they weren't able to nurture you the way you wanted? They did the best they could
• They didn't have the level of information distribution as we have in this age. But that doesn't mean they should be punished for being ignorant. Yes you don't want to punish them, but they will surely experience it as punishment

One good idea I will like to share with you that I have as my aim is - how about forgiving them for whatever shit, and becoming parent to your parents? I will make myself proud when I am able to fully do that. In doing that, I don't care if they get ashamed of me.. (honestly I do care, but not more than making myself proud)


3. Unlocking your genius
 

• I am cent percent sure that there is a talent within you that is waiting to be honed, waiting to be appreciated
• I am not saying this to cheer you up or anything, I am saying this with having a deep understanding of how life operates
• The fact that you were considering taking your life says that you have so much repressed energy that is seeking expression
• Also the fact of changing careers shows you are wise as Leo mentioned. You like to think far ahead and can't pursue something which you don't see blossoming into something great..
• This is good however don't discount the process by which this discovery/unlocking of genius happens. For you to find your niche/field of expertise or whatever you want to call it, it is necessary for you to go through this frustrating phase of dissatisfaction with current career choice..
• You see, there's a flow here.. from discontentment to contentment..
• So according to me, this current event is a call for you to seek your calling
• As Leo said in his videos, make finding your life purpose, your life purpose!

How did you train your writing? 

[Leo Gura]

31 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I see.

Can I play devil's advocate a bit? If I was in his place I would probably say something like: "but I don't have an opportunity to do that. My parents will kick me out if I leave college and I will have to get some minimum wage job at mcdonalds and might get stuck doing that for a long time because it will be so mentally taxing and exhausting."

How about I talk to him rather than your hypotheticals.

[Nemra]

@Husseinisdoingfine, I think you got 3 options. Either you get good at calculus, etc., (I don't know whether your parents have laid a path for you or you think that they have been doing that) or in the meantime, find other ways, or tell your parents your thoughts, regardless of how they would react. In families, there will always be games, so why not start showing them the real you? I think you are afraid of them knowing a bit more about you, which is understandable. I mean, you don't have to tell them, but if only they can help you, then maybe tell the truth about your situation.

Edited September 9 by Nemra

[Something Funny]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

How about I talk to him rather than your hypotheticals.

He already asked a similar question, but didn't get an answer. 

It's a legitimate worry too have, no?

[Leo Gura]

There is nothing wrong with working a simple job. Billions of people do it and find happiness.

Many successful people started out with very basic jobs. Or even homeless.

Edited September 9 by Leo Gura

[Alex4]

Hey man, let me give you a quick rundown of my story, in case it helps.

My father always pushed me to be good at math and to pursue a career in engineering. So, I signed up for industrial engineering. The first year went terribly, and even though I thought I could eventually pass (if I put in a lot of years and effort), I would’ve ended up being a mediocre engineer.

So, I lowered the bar and switched to international trade, which still had some math but more at my level. I graduated 4 years ago and things are going great. I’m good at what I do, and I actually enjoy it. I don’t make as much as an engineer, but I’m happy.

And after working for a few years, I’ve realized that the degree you choose isn’t that important. Looking back, I would’ve studied history (because it’s my passion), and if I didn’t find anything in that field, I would’ve done a specialized master’s in something like international business, international relations, or supply chain management. 

Please do not commit suicide over this.

[Ajay0]

I would ask you to do a psychological test with a career counsellor which would pinpoint out your strengths and weaknesses, and then choose a profitable career based on the evaluation. 

This helped me a lot when I was young, though i wished I had done it earlier when I was entering college so that I could have made informed choices then.

Edited September 9 by Ajay0

[vibv]

@Husseinisdoingfine I get the sense that a lot of your perspective still comes from your parents.

Go live on your own! How's that for a trajectory?

[vibv]

13 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I'm not dropping out of college because I and my family are too invested in me getting a degree.

Stop giving a fuck what your family thinks of you. You are your own human! It will feel so liberating for you to cut that umbilical cord.

Does your family know that you're suicidal? Maybe that would change their mind...

They may not want you to drop out of college —but they DEFINITELY don't want you to kill yourself.

Edited September 9 by vibv

[Kuba Powiertowski]

@Husseinisdoingfine stop being dramatic, Brother. Listen to the wise advice from people here. Turning off your avatar, called suicide, will not end anything. Quite the opposite. You will experience frustration, anger, irritation on an incomparably larger scale. Here, as a human, you have the opportunity to work through it. And you have no way out. You will not escape from yourself anywhere. Get to work, Brother👊

[Juan]

Even if things went well for you, you succeed at what you wanted if not more, the fact that you have a suicidal tendency is more worrisome. Other stuff in life can happen (like losing your parents, you name the example), you could probably have this tendency so I would suggest to go to a good therapist and do your best in heal. 

[Javfly33]

3 hours ago, vibv said:

@Husseinisdoingfine I get the sense that a lot of your perspective still comes from your parents.

Go live on your own! How's that for a trajectory?

 

3 hours ago, vibv said:

Stop giving a fuck what your family thinks of you. You are your own human! It will feel so liberating for you to cut that umbilical cord.

Does your family know that you're suicidal? Maybe that would change their mind...

They may not want you to drop out of college —but they DEFINITELY don't want you to kill yourself.

this

[Bobby_2021]

The university system suffocated the hell out of me even though my psyche was pretty much cut out for it. I was quite happy the it closed tf down from c19. That's was like God's gift to me and I got to spend time in solitude which I so craved for.

It's not really your fault to be frank that you feel like shit. The system is designed to make you feel that way regardless of whether you wre pursuing your interests or not. 

Giving up means you are letting the corrupt system win. 

Why not live fruitfully and show them that you don't need them? 

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine Go cut up your rope.

Do it.

Your mood will improve as you start taking right action.

Edited September 9 by Leo Gura

[Husseinisdoingfine]

What should I do with my immediate living situation? Move out of my parents? With what money? Minimum wage money?

Should I drop out of college? If so, what do I do in the meantime? How will I explain this to my parents? They only accept me living with them because "at least I'm not doing nothing (going to college) ".

Edited September 9 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine You will work on figuring out your life and future.

[CARDOZZO]

51 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

What should I do with my immediate living situation? Move out of my parents? With what money? Minimum wage money?

Should I drop out of college? If so, what do I do in the meantime? How will I explain this to my parents? They only accept me living with them because "at least I'm not doing nothing (going to college) ".

Give yourself permission to disappoint your parents. 

You'll feel extreme freedom for hurting your reputation. Break it in pieces. Let it go.

Be honest with your parents, tell them the truth and your whole situation. 

Your root problem is envy and comparison to outside standards of who you should be to survive. Let it go.

 

 

Edited September 9 by CARDOZZO

[Javfly33]

52 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Move out of my parents? With what money? Minimum wage money?

why not. Find a job and live by your own, in this there can be 300% more growth than going to university. Especially if you are not going to study something you like. 

Edited September 9 by Javfly33

[Leo Gura]

You can live with your parents for a while, get a job, and even help them pay some bills. Don't move out if you don't have to. You can save good money living at home.

Edited September 9 by Leo Gura

[Davino]

Maybe you find value in this short film. I feel like they are living in your head, your parents, society, expectations...

That's the crime you have comitted towards yourself. To neglect and deny who you are to please others and fit into expectations that are not your own. You fear that more than death, isn't it crazy how you got into this situation?