[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[blackchair]

In my 20' i flunk 2 colleges, engeering and psychology, and reached coral, now in my 30' im going to teology college and couldnt be more happier even though there is 0% of employment with it...you are just a kid take your time, listen to Leo....

[something_else]

20 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Yeah, but you were probably able to pass the classes, even if you realized engineering was not right for you. My issues is that I'm not even able to pass CALCULUS ONE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Why am I so below average? Less than a thousand SAT score, 2.6 community college G.P.A., and now that I've failed so many courses, my University G.P.A. is currently 1.7. Why is this happening to me of all people?

In retro spect, I could've passed Calculus One on my third attempt during the summer session if I had gone to the professors office hours. Why didn't I do that? I was well aware that this was my last shot! What was I thinking?

I got a D in calculus in my first year of university. Anything pure maths did not compute in my brain at all. Now I’m working as a programmer making good money and none of my grades really mattered.

It’s not an easy class. You’re also surrounded by people who are incredibly smart, like, top 1% in the world kind of smart. Not being able to compete with them in their chosen field is nothing to be ashamed of. You’re being too hard on yourself.

Now you know this field isn’t for you, you can spend your time finding the one that is right.

Honestly my BIGGEST regret from university is not that I didn’t get better grades, but that I didn’t take advantage of such a great opportunity to be social, have fun, and build up a network.

[Jacob Morres]

@Ramanujan exactly something like this...

To me it's like saying like someone that is trying to gain muscle and lose weight, but then they don't have a consistent workout routine and calorie deficit and then they're like at the end of the year theyre like why have I still have lost no weight lol 

Imo it's just a routine error rather than an inherent capability error (esp since he excelled in calc 1 adjacent level classes) but I digress 

 

 

 

Edited September 7 by Jacob Morres

[Davino]

@Husseinisdoingfine Hope you are taking care of yourself brother

I have you in my mind and in my heart

Better times will come, all storms end and the sun will shine again

 

[Keryo Koffa]

@Husseinisdoingfine Your desperation shows how visceral your situation is. You should use that intuition to change your life, not end it. There are reasons, why it got this way, ever deeper layers of reasons you're unaware of. It wasn't meant to be, your conscious/subconscious, whatever part of you actively worked against it, you're being guided to something better. Your limiting beliefs prevent you from seeing the potential outside the bubble you're currently stuck in. If you persist and let yourself change, what you'll gain will be greater than the entire life you'd lead otherwise.

[Yali]

Don't do it. 

This decision is not only about yourself, but also about all the loved ones who have invested into your wellbeing.

You are young and have your entire life ahead of you. But I understand that when you're in the thick of it, these rational thoughts don't really hold value.

FYI, there are people who have reached the pinnacle of academia and they're suicidal.

Life is HARD no matter what, and this is just an obstacle you're going to have to overcome.

https://web.mit.edu/fnl/volume/271/king.html

Edited September 7 by Yali

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Just an update, I have not gotten rid of my rope. I have classes on the campus on Tuesday, so if I make the decision to end my life, it will probably end up on the UMBC Student News website. 

https://umbc.edu/news-home/

https://retriever.umbc.edu/

Edited September 8 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I'm really genuinely scared and perplexed about where does my life go from here, I thought Physics was going to be my Life Purpose, now Sociology?

I'm not dropping out of college because I and my family are too invested in me getting a degree. But I need to achieve success outside of academia, so concretely what do I do? Should I take classes of a softer major, but in the meantime I could invest in and work on another Life Purpose? Maybe I can teach myself programming and launch an online business, and escape wage slavery that way. 

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine Please destroy your rope right now.

Do not hesitate.

Trust that your life will get better after you change major/career.

Edited September 8 by Leo Gura

[Ayham]

@Husseinisdoingfine 
 

You are still hoping to solve this problem by comitting suicide, I understand, but be aware you are not in a good state of mind right now, don't make important decisions in a bad state of mind.

Do you want to talk privately?

You literally have a lot of potential from seeing and knowing your previous posts, don't waste it brother.

It will be alright, trust.

Edited September 8 by Ayham

[Husseinisdoingfine]

In Sociology class, we were taught how people could be institutionalized. The example used was the Shawshank Redemption, at the end of the movie, one of the characters that was imprisoned for decades at the time, Brooks, hung himself because he was institutionalized at the prison.

I feel the same way. Even though I was struggling for as long as I could remember, doing mathematics problems because a teacher told me to do so is pretty much all that I know. If I would work on a Life Purpose that doesn't involve academia, I'm so used to being graded and tested, I don't know how I could start with such a Life Purpose. 

[Ayham]

 

6 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

In Sociology class, we were taught how people could be institutionalized. The example used was the Shawshank Redemption, at the end of the movie, one of the characters that was imprisoned for decades at the time, Brooks, hung himself because he was institutionalized at the prison.

I feel the same way. Even though I was struggling for as long as I could remember, doing mathematics problems because a teacher told me to do so is pretty much all that I know. If I would work on a Life Purpose that doesn't involve academia, I'm so used to being graded and tested, I don't know how I could start with such a Life Purpose. 

I literally saw a self improvement thread on another forum of a guy starting at 24 and fixing all of his life within 2 years and being far ahead, you aren't wasted and you still have a lot of chances, as long as there is time, there is a chance.

I am also from a very academically focused family, got into gifted schools and all, sucked at them, I don't know anything besides studying and this self actualization stuff, I still have time and so do you.

Follow your heart, sign up at a course in something you like, you can continue your major on the side if you can, you can drop out, switch, I know it is scary, but it is only because you have so much expectations on you, if you had no family or friends, if you were alone in this, it would be much easier.

But this is your life, imagine yourself at age 80, it would be cool as fuck to say how you fucked up everyone's standard exepctations, did what you love, and got success that way.

And you have the work ethic, I can tell, since you care so much about your grades, that means you have a sense of responsiblity, it is just the field that you aren't suited for, once you find your field, you will be able to work hard enough to make it work.

if all your close people died today, what would you do in terms of your next steps? (besides being sad of them dying)

Edited September 8 by Ayham

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Another problem I'm facing is frustration.

I'm already four years into college. My first setback was being late to deciding my major, which would become Physics. My second setback is that my credit hours didn't transfer from the previous institution. Now I'm going to change majors again? A third setback? Is my degree going to take me eight years?

I'm so done with this stupid colleges. It has frustrated and disappointed. I study so hard for these math tests, only to get at best a C, usually F's back. I'm disappointed when the college I wanted to go to didn't accept me. 

I wanted to go to another University, but instead I go to this one. Now I'm frustrated.

I want to pass my examinations, I study for them but I can't remember the material I HAD JUST REVIEWED. This makes me frustrated.

I was hoping to graduate on time, now I'm already on my fourth year and switching majors. I want to be done already and I'm so frustrated.

What the actual FU*K!  I am so angry, and now I have to practically reset my progress by changing majors. I want to get a job and move out of my parents already. Though realistically that's not happening, as how valuable is a Sociology degree, this of course being the main driver behind my suicidality. 

My friends are already moving out and getting girlfriends/boyfriends. They're moving on with their lives. But me?

Frustration is the number one emotion I have so far, the most dominant emotion. I feel as if my life is ramming a square peg in a round hole.

[Davino]

Have you talked with a real life friend about your struggle?

Have you opened up with your parents?

Is there any university psychological support you could contact?

24 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

If I would work on a Life Purpose that doesn't involve academia, I'm so used to being graded and tested, I don't know how I could start with such a Life Purpose. 

Your value is not determined by a mark given from a rigged system.

The how doesn't matter, life is what matters, your life, YOU MATTER

AND NOBODY GONNA TELL YOU SHIT ABOUT YOUR REAL VALUE

IT DOES NOT MATTER THE LIMITS YOU WILL ENCOUNTER TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS

IT MATTERS THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR YOURSELF EVERYDAY, FOR YOUR DREAMS, FOR WHAT IS VALUABLE TO YOU AND ONLY TO YOU

Breathe

Edited September 8 by Davino

[Ayham]

2 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Another problem I'm facing is frustration.

I'm already four years into college. My first setback was being late to deciding my major, which would become Physics. My second setback is that my credit hours didn't transfer from the previous institution. Now I'm going to change majors again? A third setback? Is my degree going to take me eight years?

I'm so done with this stupid colleges. It has frustrated and disappointed. I study so hard for these math tests, only to get at best a C, usually F's back. I'm disappointed when the college I wanted to go to didn't accept me. 

I wanted to go to another University, but instead I go to this one. Now I'm frustrated.

I want to pass my examinations, I study for them but I can't remember the material I HAD JUST REVIEWED. This makes me frustrated.

I was hoping to graduate on time, now I'm already on my fourth year and switching majors. I want to be done already and I'm so frustrated.

What the actual FU*K!  I am so angry, and now I have to practically reset my progress by changing majors. I want to get a job and move out of my parents already. Though realistically that's not happening, as how valuable is a Sociology degree, this of course being the main driver behind my suicidality. 

My friends are already moving out and getting girlfriends/boyfriends. They're moving on with their lives. But me?

Frustration is the number one emotion I have so far, the most dominant emotion. I feel as if my life is ramming a square peg in a round hole.

This is frustrating, I understand, extremely frustrating too, in Iraq 12th grade is like this, people repeat many years in it, it is very competitive.

 

Have you tried seeing material on learning how to learn, how to correctly study? that would help if you decide to continue college.

Listen man, there is probably something, something you have been into since you were young, what is it? figure out something related to it, a job, or a college major related to it, or something far you also like and can connect with it, and while at it, work on making your life purpose work on the side, using the expertise you gain.

Think of men that inspire you, how would they behave in this situation?

Try to be positive, I know it is hard, I know it sounds fluffy and repititive, I know you don't feel like you want to get better, you just want to end it.

But try, see the positive side, all hardship makes you stronger and molds your character, you get epic character development, experiences, and stories to tell after you make it.

Be thankful for it.

Listen to some Eckhart tolle maybe? that could help

[Ayham]

And for your information, even though I don't know you, I will get very sad if you actually kill yourself, because you are relatable in many ways, and you have a lot of potential, just don't waste it man.

[gambler]

@Husseinisdoingfine Man, it might be worth liberating yourself from the idea of being a university graduate and get into a trade program and make stupid bank from it. If you really want a degree, I had an American friend who did an online university? program (for an accounting degree) that is only two years in length. She also went on to get a good paying job and does well for herself. I wish I knew more about this route so I can point you to it specifically, but find this option if you don't want it to be 8 years working towards a degree.

Edited September 8 by gambler

[gambler]

@Husseinisdoingfine did you talk to your mom about your problems? go talk to her and open up.

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I'm really genuinely scared and perplexed about where does my life go from here, I thought Physics was going to be my Life Purpose, now Sociology?

I'm not dropping out of college because I and my family are too invested in me getting a degree. But I need to achieve success outside of academia, so concretely what do I do? Should I take classes of a softer major, but in the meantime I could invest in and work on another Life Purpose? Maybe I can teach myself programming and launch an online business, and escape wage slavery that way. 

You need to stop catastrophizing. Your life isn’t over just because you won’t be a physicist. Just be a sociologist and do something on the side if you need to or switch to something else after you finish your degree later on. None of that is a reason to hang your self.

Edited September 8 by Raze

[Harsh Bagdia]

57 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Another problem I'm facing is frustration.

I'm already four years into college. My first setback was being late to deciding my major, which would become Physics. My second setback is that my credit hours didn't transfer from the previous institution. Now I'm going to change majors again? A third setback? Is my degree going to take me eight years?

I'm so done with this stupid colleges. It has frustrated and disappointed. I study so hard for these math tests, only to get at best a C, usually F's back. I'm disappointed when the college I wanted to go to didn't accept me. 

I wanted to go to another University, but instead I go to this one. Now I'm frustrated.

I want to pass my examinations, I study for them but I can't remember the material I HAD JUST REVIEWED. This makes me frustrated.

I was hoping to graduate on time, now I'm already on my fourth year and switching majors. I want to be done already and I'm so frustrated.

What the actual FU*K!  I am so angry, and now I have to practically reset my progress by changing majors. I want to get a job and move out of my parents already. Though realistically that's not happening, as how valuable is a Sociology degree, this of course being the main driver behind my suicidality. 

My friends are already moving out and getting girlfriends/boyfriends. They're moving on with their lives. But me?

Frustration is the number one emotion I have so far, the most dominant emotion. I feel as if my life is ramming a square peg in a round hole.

First of all,

wow dude, hats off to your ability to express your emotions so clearly 👏🏻..I can literally FEEL your frustration radiating through my screen. 

Secondly, 

I was kinda in a similar situation as you, so I can relate to you better than most here. (I also wasn't able to get into a college I so badly desired 😞)

The feeling of being so far behind in your development compared to where you imagined yourself to be is one of the worst. 

But hey do you want to know a deep truth about you? You may already be knowing this, consider this as a reminder. 

You have extraordinarily high standards for yourself 🤩  (which is super-amazing btw, but tricky and needs to be channelized properly)

Which is why you took time to decide your majors, which is why you are changing your majors again, which is why you considering suicide..because perhaps it's too late to become what kind of person you wanted to be. (its actually not but we will come to it later)

Before you decide what next thing you want to do - may it be talking to your family member, discussing your problem on forum, analysing your career options again, do anything harmful in your powerful super-frustrated state etc etc

Are you interested in knowing my story in brief of how I went from -

• Being a 4-times college drop-out
• a family disappointment
• hardcore smoking addict
• feeling psychotic af..(to a point where I thought I will have to spend my life in a mental hospital),
• being used by my ex
• teased by friends
• feeling like a loser etc 

To

• Starting my freelance copywriting/marketing business (expecting $5k/per month by December end and $25k/per month in 3 years time)
• simultaneously working on 2 other big business ideas (vision book ™️ creation service (demo ready and testing now ) plus an absolutely radical addiction recovery app)
• Exploring song-writing and composing (made around 10 already with each having atleast 4 different versions (psstt..i am using Claude ;))
• family's favourite (without being too much successful in my career yet)
• Still living with my family & cherishing every moment (they know I am moving out soon and we are in this bitter-sweet phase of deep authentic connection🥹)
• Feeling the healthiest, free from all addictions, most sane I have ever been, living my life purpose to its fullest. 
• Healed toxic dynamics with ex, now we have love for each other, but due to different preferences we have moved on
• Friends holding me in high regards and started to make high-conscious & rich friends
• Feeling like a god walking among gods, etc

 

No I am not trying to sell you anything lol 😂 😂 😂 

Nor I am trying to prevent you from doing stupid (I fear uttering that word)

I am only interested in recognising your inherent talent, sharing it with you and motivating you to pursue it through my example. 

I will keep it super-brief - 400-500 words maybe. In the end, I will also share a career path that I think will be ridiculously awesome for you. 

If you don't reply anything along the lines of 'No, not interested' in 15-20 mins, then I will share it. 

Thanks for reading