[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[kray]

5 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Is watching the radical open mindedness video a good fit for what I'm dealing with right now?

Go for it. I actually dropped out of college, and you know what? I still make good money working as a software developer. Point is you got a lot of options in this day and age. Now throw that rope away 🙂

Edited September 6 by kray

[Husseinisdoingfine]

The feeling of jealousy is so overwhelming for me, I can't seem to handle it and I'm being driven to madness. 

How is it that my friends are able to attend BEAUTIFUL campuses, that are far more prestigious than I will ever be able to enter. I'm very insecure about how ugly my school's (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) campus is. I mean, JUST LOOK at theres, isn’t it perfect?

Pretty campuses, with raging social party scenes and rich social lives, Universities that are much more prestigious and difficult to enter. My friend who attends University of Michigan, I bet you she got more than a thousand on her SAT. She's majoring in Biomedical Engineering, I bet you she was able to pass Calculus I with a C or higher. I bet you she's also going to graduate on time, and when she does, immediately enter a high-paying job thanks to her internships.  MEANWHILE I'm going to graduate late with a Sociology degree that I don't know what to do with career wise. People around me where genuinely surprised that I was at my age and still taking Calculus I. 

I'm behind and inferior to people who not only attend fancy colleges, but people who attend my college. 

Edited September 6 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Information Update, I mentioned in the OP that I used a suicide website. On that website, I've been complaining about this problem since October of 2023.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-plan-to-kill-myself-this-weekend-but-im-worried-about-the-pain.150955/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-suicidal-due-to-academic-competition.138142/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-want-to-ctb-because-i-feel-inferior-to-my-peers-do-i-have-a-low-iq.136921/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-really-insecure-about-missing-out-on-the-college-experience.136792/

[kray]

2 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

The feeling of jealousy is so overwhelming for me, I can't seem to handle it and I'm being driven to madness. 

How is it that my friends are able to attend BEAUTIFUL campuses, that are far more prestigious than I will ever be able to enter. I'm very insecure about how ugly my school's (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) campus is. I mean, just look at there's: 

Pretty campuses, with raging social party scenes and rich social lives, Universities that are much more prestigious and difficult to enter. My friend who attends University of Michigan, I bet you she got more than a thousand on her SAT. She's majoring in Biomedical Engineering, I bet you she was able to pass Calculus I with a C or higher. I bet you she's also going to graduate on time, and when she does, immediately enter a high-paying job thanks to her internships.  MEANWHILE I'm going to graduate late with a Sociology degree that I don't know what to do with career wise. People around me where genuinely surprised that I was at my age and still taking Calculus I. 

I'm behind and inferior to people who not only attend fancy colleges, but people who attend my college. 

From the outside world it doesn’t matter. I know Harvard grads who work in coffee shops (not that that’s a bad thing). Stop comparing with your friends and focus on your life. Trust me, life is a fun crazy adventure bro, especially after school, you will look back and laugh at just how small things were. If your friends judge you for not meeting certain standards in any case, then just know they are not friends. At the end of the day, friends are there to support one another, and if your friends are real, they will give you the same respect they give themselves.

[integration journey]

@Husseinisdoingfine watch these too. Life changing stuff 

[Javfly33]

48 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

The feeling of jealousy is so overwhelming for me, I can't seem to handle it and I'm being driven to madness. 

How is it that my friends are able to attend BEAUTIFUL campuses, that are far more prestigious than I will ever be able to enter. I'm very insecure about how ugly my school's (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) campus is.

is this your university?

 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

3 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

No, that’s University of Maryland at College Park.

 

I go to University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC).

[Paradoxed]

UMBC is a great school with a nice campus. 

Edited September 6 by Paradoxed

[Reciprocality]

Have you identified precisely why you failed the calculus course? You say that you do poorly on calculations, there can be several reasons for this and if your mind naturally thinks holistically it is more prone to gain insight into things without relying on step-by-step computations and simply develop syntactical immunity (failing to think a thing indirectly via a symbol or system that is not that thing).

When it comes to oscilating between remembering and failing to remember what you studied the day before this is very likely due to other things occupying your mind subconsciously, which I would imagine being a far more prevalent problem for people who have the kind of meta-cognisant and antagonistic perspective on how society operates that people on actualised have.

It is very possible that the life-situation you are in and the ongoing search for the implication or deeper meaning of things you perceive makes remembering indirect systems, symbols and structures nearly impossible, simply because your mind subconsciously direct your attention to the former kind of thing due to how much more truth and growth it knows rests inside it than the latter.

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I understand, but don't dismiss the ones that got fucked up mentally because they weren't ready. The End. ❤️

Thats not how psychedelics work. 

The fact that you are ready or not have little to do with the trip, if a bad trip happens it doesn't matter how ready you were before. If not ask Leo that he had a terrible mushrooms trip and he was pretty experienced by that time with psychedelics and was 'ready' (according to your definition).

Psychedelics are precisely the most useful when one is quite desperate and profoundly depressed. The time that most helped me psychedelics was when I was at my absolute worst in my life. When truly you have nothing to lose you open up to the psychedelic like no one else. 

Edited September 6 by Javfly33

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine A better video for you to watch is the one called The Power Of Letting Go.

You just need to let go of your old expectations and career plans. Those were a fantasy. You will let go of that fantasy and then live in a more grounded and genuine way.

Somewhere along the way you got suckered into this fantasy of academia as some ultimate goal and good. It's like you're in a religion -- the religion of academia. It's time for that fantasy to die. You don't need it. There is an infinite universe beyond academia.

- - - - -

But you need to make a change at this point to your attitude and life. Do not just sweep this issue under the rug and keep doing the same old thing but harder. You need to change or you will end up dead.

We here are confident you can find a good life outside academia.

Edited September 6 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Thats not how psychedelics work. 

The fact that you are ready or not have little to do with the trip, if a bad trip happens it doesn't matter how ready you were before. If not ask Leo that he had a terrible mushrooms trip and he was pretty experienced by that time with psychedelics and was 'ready' (according to your definition).

Psychedelics are precisely the most useful when one is quite desperate and profoundly depressed. The time that most helped me psychedelics was when I was at my absolute worst in my life. When truly you have nothing to lose you open up to the psychedelic like no one else. 

Ok, I won't get into this debate; but I've seen where people have gotten fucked up over it due to unresolved emotions coming up and they were not screened properly or weren't under the necessary care or taken the necessary precautions. All I'm saying is recommending it off the bat to someone who you know nothing about and is thinking about killing themself is, to me, just not the right approach.

[Reciprocality]

@Husseinisdoingfine If you both have 1. a higher-order perspective thus judgement on the situations you are in and 2. a highly developed conscience for validity or truth and 3. your perspective on things are substantially different from your peers in measurable ways then how could you not be more occupied with testing the validity of your perspectives upon perception of relevant situations than distinctly identifying symbolic methods of expressing rules, structures and principles, aren't peers the very substance of your sociological interest?

[Davino]

@Husseinisdoingfine

This one is rough, direct and loving. A perfect fit for this situation.

Edited September 6 by Davino

[Jacob Morres]

I didnt see mention of the strategy or techniques you're using - what is your stack right now? 

I know some people suggested a career switch, which can be viable, but at the same time mastery in studying & taking exams is doable

You need a good deep work/rest routine, good meditation practices to perform during exams, using practice tests to your advantage, working with other smart people, using tactics likee active recall & space repetition, using 80/20 rule on what to study, maximizing time spent in flow, using motivation tactics, keeping your mood and energy high etc. 

Also some strategies differ if you are nuerodivergent like depression, adhd, dyslexia etc. But it's 80% the same 

Edited September 7 by Jacob Morres

[Willie]

Step outside of yourself, @Husseinisdoingfine. You aren’t thinking clearly because of your ego. Everything seems highly consequential and seems to jeopardize your survival when you have your blinders on. You have so many options available.

[Oppositionless]

I don't know if you'll read this because this thread is already quite long but, just a few hours ago I was complaining that I wanted to kill myself because I can't cold approach. My situation is quite like yours, how you took calc 1 three times, I went out every week for months , and continue to go out, but... nothing, not a single approach. I even punched myself in the face as hard as I could to motivate myself to do it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's very difficult when you have an ideal for yourself and you don't live up to it. But life goes on, and maybe everything isn't in vain. I dunno. I would think so. There's probably no real sense in killing ourselves. There are still things to be happy about.

[Princess Arabia]

40 minutes ago, Davino said:

@Husseinisdoingfine

This one is rough, direct and loving. A perfect fit for this situation.

He's done such a great service to humanity with most of his videos especially ones like these. Can't take that away from him and he will reap so many benefits 10x fold just from this service alone. It's a pity his health issues are so predominantly affecting him so or he would be unstoppable in this regard.

Edited September 6 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

7 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

I don't know if you'll read this because this thread is already quite long but, just a few hours ago I was complaining that I wanted to kill myself because I can't cold approach. My situation is quite like yours, how you took calc 1 three times, I went out every week for months , and continue to go out, but... nothing, not a single approach. I even punched myself in the face as hard as I could to motivate myself to do it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's very difficult when you have an ideal for yourself and you don't live up to it. But life goes on, and maybe everything isn't in vain. I dunno. I would think so. There's probably no real sense in killing ourselves. There are still things to be happy about.

Don't go out to intentionally approach. Just start approaching and saying hi on a whim when going to the grocery store or getting gas or something of that nature. Don't put pressure on yourself and start to open up and see everyone as an extension of yourself who are also having their own challenges in life. You never know whose day you might brighten just from saying hi and giving them a smile without expecting anything in return - might be your own. Much love. 

[integration journey]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

He's done such a great service to humanity with most of his videos especially ones like these. Can't take that away from him and he will reap so many benefits 10x fold just from this service alone. It's a pity his health issues are so predominantly affecting him so or he would be unstoppable in this regard.

Beautifully said.