[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

This is a frustrating situation that I'm in, but here we go. 

So the University I attend is part of the University System of Maryland. This matters because in this system, there is a policy in which a student must not be allowed to repeat a course more than three times. 

The first time I took Calculus I, I dropped it (counts as first attempt) because there were too many classes on my schedule and I was overwhelmed. The second time, I accidentally missed my final exam and scored and F in the class. The third time just happened, and I scored a D. It was a reduced 6-week summer session. I should have visited the office hours of the professor, as well as the supplemental instruction, but didn't because I thought my knowledge from the previous attempt would transfer over. 

I needed at least a C grade in order to qualify for Calculus II and Physics II. I earned a B in Physics I, but because my grade in Calculus I is a D, I no longer am eligible to earn a Physics degree at this University as I have failed to earn the requirement. 

I filled out a petition requesting that my major be changed to Sociology, for which I'm very unhappy about. Sociology is not a profitable degree, its practically on the same tier as Gender studies. I chose it because its my other passion, part from Physics. 

Because Sociology is not a degree which can earn me a good job out of college, I feel very hopeless and distressed. I also feel very inferior, how was I not able to pass Calculus I for fucks sake, what is wrong with me. That's a freshman throwaway class!

I don't understand this about myself, but anything that involved Calculations, I simply cannot do. I remember I had to do take a mandatory Computer Science class, for which I scored a D in. We had to solve binary problems, converting 1's and 0's into numbers, and vice versa. I rehearsed this numerous times the day before, but on the day of the test I simply looked looked at the paper and I couldn't remember what I had just rehearsed the day before at all. 

On my second attempt of Calculus I, I had failed every single weekly quiz, how does that happen? Not one quiz did I score an A grade on. Even in my mandatory chemistry class, I scored a D because the highest grade I got on any exam was a C, despite going to office hours and studying for each test two weeks in advance. Because in chemistry, there are calculations required to balance the different electrons and such. On my final exam day, I just walked out the room with half the test blank because I looked at the page, and I couldn't remember anything! I had studied, studied a lot, but the individual calculations I couldn't remember, despite practicing the week before. 

My original plan to ensure my survival of working for SpaceEx or something like that just flew out the window, and the only forceable solution for my situation is suicide. Even if I do complete this degree in Sociology, what am I supposed to do with it?

I have already bought a rope, for which I have tied into a slipknot, and saved into my backpack. I printed out a note, explaining my justifications and reasonings. I as well have a location and a plan. I will simply go to the stairwell of the on campus apartments, and hang myself from the metal beams comprising the staircase railings. The advice on how to hang myself comes from this website: *Edit: link deleted, but it was a suicide website which provided explicit instructions on how to commit suicide*

Edit | tldr: My university has a policy preventing students from re-taking a course more than three times. I failed to pass calculus I with a grade of C or better on my third attempt, meaning I'm ineligible for a Physics degree as Calculus I is mandatory. I switched my major to my other passion, Sociology, but Sociology is not a profitable major. With my career plans in the toilet, I have decided that my only option is suicide.

Edited September 6 by Husseinisdoingfine

[JosephKnecht]

Universities are huge bureaucratic systems these days.

Use your time in college to find your passions and what you want to do in life. 

In 20 years, nobody will care about your college degree, so don't worry too much about it. 

@Husseinisdoingfine Live up to your username.  

Edited September 6 by JosephKnecht

[UpperMaster]

I just failed my first year of university. It sucks really. I relate a lot to your experiences taking tests, studying for tests and not doing as well in the exam. I've had that happened to me so many times I am so fed up with myself. 

I can't give you advice on how to find success in your life because I don't really have much achievement myself.

Whenever I feel down, I really think about the ideas talked about here on actualized, I see how much potential it can have in changing my life and the whole world. I recognise how many people can't even try to get towards truth. I recognise this and I sit in gratitude, gratitude that I have a chance to go through this journey of truth seeking. 

It's really hard for me to write this cuz bro I can imagine there are probably other parts of your life that have led you to make this decision. I don't want to seem invalidating, or say any of this your dealing with is easy.

That said Sociology isn't a bad choice. I hear a lot of people shitting on the humanities, sure it won't get you a degree that will lead to an immediate salary but it teaches you to think well. Sociology is also easier than physics so I can imagine you'll have more time to develop a skill that will earn you money, even find some good quality friends and social life (which in my opinion makes a difference). 

I really hope and pray that you chose to continue your life and create a great life for yourself despite the challenges. 

Edited September 6 by UpperMaster

[Husseinisdoingfine]

38 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

 

@Husseinisdoingfine Live up to your username.  

If I could change my username, I would have my handle be: Husseinisindeepsuffering or Husseinisaloser

[KingCrimson]

@Husseinisdoingfine
Please seek professional help immediately and don't do anything stupid.

 

Call 988 - the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Or, Text HOME to 741741 if you prefer texting over calling.

 

Failing an exam or dropping out of university are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. In hindsight, they can even be seen as valuable or necessary experiences. Of course, you are unable to see this at this point as you are extremely emotionally involved in the situation right now. And it sounds like your issue might even be fixed yet. In any case and however it turns out, you can and will find a way forward. This is not worth throwing your life away over.

Edited September 6 by KingCrimson
grammar

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQr70rfwQg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7KoM8jHgRc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seQazi6RX7E

 

[Raze]

You’d be worse off doing years of physics if you hate math. 

You can transfer out of sociology later or learn a trade for profit and do sociology as a passion.

[Lila9]

I think that you are overreacting to this. Maybe because you are very young and lack perspective.

Think about it, does it make sense to take your own life because of some institute's decision? Does that really make sense to you?

Because for me, it doesn't.

I would do my best to change their decision, write many letters for sure, and if it's impossible, maybe I would accept studying sociology, because no matter how solid our plans are, nothing guarantees that they will be fulfilled, and maybe that's a good thing.

Maybe life is trying to lead you to a more suitable place for you, not what your ego wants but what your soul needs. You might be better off with sociology. 

Maybe you can change universities. There are other options- a new university, new energy.

Life is precious, even if things don't always go the way you plan or want.

Just because of some whim that might sound ridiculous to you in a few years, it's not worth it.

You can't just want to take your life because of every whim.

Edited September 6 by Lila9

[Salvijus]

I think it's a bit cringe. Life was never about university even. 

Edited September 6 by Salvijus

[Clarence]

@Husseinisdoingfine Take a break; try to think about something else. Let a few days or weeks pass. You are overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, which prevents you from seeing clearly. Maybe this failure is meant to guide you towards something better.

Many times, when we fail at something, we later realize that it was not all that bad or that it was actually good. We might be glad at some point that things happened the way they did.

There are many other paths you could take. Right now, you could even take a break from studying for a year to redirect your life, and either choose to start the same major again in another university, or find another field of interest which you will end up loving as much.

There are many possibilities waiting for you. You're just not in a headspace to see them right now… which is why taking a break, distracting yourself, doing something you usually like doing, spending time with a friend, or just going through the suffering you are going through, are currently some of your best options.

If you think deeply enough, you might even realize that you could regret killing yourself. You are at the beginning of your life. This failure is an opportunity for growth and reflection. Life is hard. It is painful, but you will recover. You must learn to navigate life, as it will go in many unexpected directions. One of your job is to become flexible and imaginative enough to adapt and create new plans after each turn…

[Epikur]

I am often lazy but part of me wants to be a braniac. When I see people who are much more fitted to do that stuff part of me is happy for them and me because there is somebody who can and wants to do the difficult job. It is good for me because I don't have to do it. 

Btw. in couple years we might have the AI world. University degrees might not mean much then. The reason one wants that is mostly because of outer reasons anyway. Most things are not really the things we really want.

[Sincerity]

Grades and school really is your bane man. I'm not mocking. I'm serious.

You're making the same thread every now and then. You're in a loop. Break out! I know it's easy to say, but really notice that you're dealing with the same thing ALL THE TIME. You're in a literal eternal hell of repetition. As soon as you REALLY confront and banish that monster (which is quite a bit of consciousness work) you'll finally find a bit of peace.

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine You are taking university way too seriously. It's really not important as you tell yourself it is.

All this situation means is that you are not cut out for that kind of high academic work. That's okay. The problem here is that you keep trying to succeed in a field that you are not naturally well-suited for. You need to sit down, accept that, and find a new field that isn't heavy on math and hard science. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. You will be much happier once you switch careers. You are too attached to that one career field.

Do not kill yourself over this issue.

I switched my major from out of enginnering after years of study because I realized engineering was a bad fit for my personality. Imagine if I killed myself instead. That would be silly.

Throw away your rope right now.

You will never need it. Just sit down and accept the pain that engineering is now right for you. There's no shame in that. There are much better fields than engineering.

Throw away your rope.

Switching to a career that suits you better does not make you a loser, it makes you wise.

Happiness awaits you once you just accept that you don't need any of this engineering stuff or academics to be happy and successful. Academia is an illusion. Certainly not worth killing yourself over.

Edited September 6 by Leo Gura

[Rishabh R]

@Husseinisdoingfine I was in this condition only once in my university due to a threat that I recieved from a senior but otherwise I have enjoyed and am enjoying my studies. In my 12th grade I decided to pursue biological sciences instead of math and all which was against my parents desire for me and my decision proved to be a blessing for me. It could be you also @Husseinisdoingfine as you can move forward.

[Keryo Koffa]

If you fail, just find a fun job while trying the next academy or gaining practical experience.

You're killing yourself over spilled milk, what would you tell a friend wanting to kill herself over a broken phone?

Besides, have you even tried psychedelics yet?

[AION]

The whole thing with life is that you need to find “games” that you are good at. And play with the toys (talents) you are dealt with. God has a plan for you if you stop your resistance. It’s will is good, acceptable and perfect. 

Edited September 6 by AION

[Schizophonia]

You think that because you are a passive sissy and base your self-esteem on what is presented to you by default and distances you a little from marginality.

Even if you had succeeded, you would still be depressed, because you were not made to keep up ; Men enjoy and even become attractive by venture, even if it is risky.

Tonight sign up for a group activite, or any concrete thing.

Hop hop.

[Schizophonia]

8 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Besides, have you even tried psychedelics yet?

Psychedelics are useless.

[Princess Arabia]

29 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Besides, have you even tried psychedelics yet?

This is not, and I repeat, not for people who suffer from serious mental issues. Stop pushing this on those who threaten what he has threatened. Maybe an ayahuasca ceremony or mindfulness meditation or something like that but psychedelics might not be a good idea in his frame of mind.

[ArcticGong]

@Husseinisdoingfine

School adversity seems to make people very depressed so you’re definitely not alone. This is evident from many Asian countries were student go ahead and do the thing your thinking of doing. However, you seem to live in America which is a land of many many opportunities so there is definitely room to make a transition to another field. Life is beautiful, but it takes practice to see this while pre-occupied with survival. Hope you get better, take care.