Women are my only and only distraction from Enlightment

[Ajax]

5 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

We cannot know the objective truth.

No matter how many times I've woken up to my nature as God, I will always be limited and unaware of what I'm unaware of as long as I am Emerald.

In fact, in my last Ayahuasca experience, I kept affirming "I am choosing to be limited" as I was cutting myself off from the infinite knowledge as God was showing me the burdens of the infinite on the shoulders of the finite.

That is what it means to embrace one's humanity. It means accepting the handicaps and limitations of your ability to know and exercising faith, which has always been difficult for me as my issues have always been about lacking trust in what is outside of myself.

As a human being, we can NEVER know anything beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I've tried and tried and spun my wheels in daily constant contemplation since early childhood.

And that's I cannot know what's true and what's illusion whether I'm deciding to seek enlightenment or choosing to surrender to my humanity.

I could always be dead wrong. And I've gone around and around in this contemplating over the years.

But I am choosing to exercise faith in my experiences of God and my experiences in general despite and because of my limitations. And I have decided to trust that my realizations of God are real... and to trust what it has shown me and to use it as a navigational tool.

And along with this, I am choosing to surrender to and trust my own internal compass.

But of course, everything I've ever experienced and known could be and likely is an illusion. But that is not for me to know.

Nonsense... You were simply unwilling to confront. Confront can be defined as what you put there, that stretches time ( motion and change of particles and the reaction pulled in by an action) and results in existence you can(amount you are willing to...) face.

That is a very technical definition so here is a more simple one, which is more useful and workable. Confront is the ability to fully and comfortably face without having to flinch, avoid, react or do anything but be there...

Another way of saying it is being in a location without having to do anything but be there. Truth is an abscence of all falseness... So to confront is to "Be without" "then you can truly communicate (again... Truth is an abscence of... Which is duplicating another idea WITHOUT interference)

So your post reveals that you confronted to a limited degree, but you didn't fully confront... And then foolishly concluded that you can't confront or know.

You have massive resistance... As you admitted. Definition of resistance? "Holding close in an effort to avoid what you consider you are not willing to experience, what you consider you don't like, what you consider you are not willing to admire. Resistance is an effort to confront by force(a thinkingness). (Truth and force don't mix... When you try to force it, it changes it's appearance not itself basic characteristics.) The result is a forced confront which is resistance.

Anything that increases your willingness to experience,to like or admire increases confront.

Here are some indicators of resistance:

Randomities - anything that happens not under the control of you... Assigning source to anyone,anything but you.. this includes shame, blame and regret.

Confusions- anytime you have a situation where you don't have an immediate solution for something. You don't you... You claim we can't know, but we can create solution use them and know the work... Part of the game of life is to solve problems and if you are confused, you have something to solve or a problem, just because someone considers one can't know, doesn't mean the are unable to know a great amount of things they assume they can't.

Justifications- anytime you open mouth to explain anything... Explaining away the most obvious wrongness... Humans number one fear is to fully confront they were wrong... They will say... "Oh, I didn't know" "or it was an accident, or I didn't mean to.. "  or say... I am wrong... But...." "It only happened because.... Or some other denial or excuse to explain or cover up being wrong.

Excuses- giving "reasons" instead of knowing... People insist on having a reason for something... And it is almost always wrong... If you don't know the exact reason which solves the problem and gives the solution it's a false reason, this an excuse.

Traps- Everytime things happen to you, that you do not realize it is going to happen to you...( Often  manifestations of the above)

Insanities- every time you look for knowingness through looking at the past...( Oh, this will spark something in a lot of people).

Fear is a state of imperception and unwillingness to look, know, confront, perceive, communicate... and yes you have a massive degree of fears, doubts and resistance that you are holding on for dear life....

It's not that no one wants to know truth... They simply have too many things they are unwilling to let go of...

PS - emerald I dont usually bother to comment on posts, as I generally allow others to believe as they choose but I  like and respect you, I hope this isn't too harsh.

 

 

And to get back of topic, that's the issue... You can say it's money, women, or your dream car... Those are just "reasons" and if you actually knew the reason you would not have a problem but know the solution instantly...

Truth is an abscence of.... The more your viewpoint has an abscence of unwanted problems and effects, the more truth you will know.

LOVE

Edited September 8 by Ajax

[RendHeaven]

23 hours ago, Lila9 said:

To conclude:
Men are annoying because of the way they view us. Patriarchy is trash. Misogyny is sickness.

Bye. 

Ah, classic Lila9

[Emerald]

24 minutes ago, Ajax said:

Nonsense... You were simply unwilling to confront. Confront can be defined as what you put there, that stretches time ( motion and change of particles and the reaction pulled in by an action) and results in existence you can(amount you are willing to...) face.

That is a very technical definition so here is a more simple one, which is more useful and workable. Confront is the ability to fully and comfortably face without having to flinch, avoid, react or do anything but be there...

Another way of saying it is being in a location without having to do anything but be there. Truth is an abscence of all falseness... So to confront is to "Be without" "then you can truly communicate (again... Truth is an abscence of... Which is duplicating another idea WITHOUT interference)

So your post reveals that you confronted to a limited degree, but you didn't fully confront... And then foolishly concluded that you can't confront or know.

You have massive resistance... As you admitted. Definition of resistance? "Holding close in an effort to avoid what you consider you are not willing to experience, what you consider you don't like, what you consider you are not willing to admire. Resistance is an effort to confront by force(a thinkingness). (Truth and force don't mix... When you try to force it, it changes it's appearance not itself basic characteristics.) The result is a forced confront which is resistance.

Anything that increases your willingness to experience,to like or admire increases confront.

Here are some indicators of resistance:

Randomities - anything that happens not under the control of you... Assigning source to anyone,anything but you.. this includes shame, blame and regret.

Confusions- anytime you have a situation where you don't have an immediate solution for something. You don't you... You claim we can't know, but we can create solution use them and know the work... Part of the game of life is to solve problems and if you are confused, you have something to solve or a problem, just because someone considers one can't know, doesn't mean the are unable to know a great amount of things they assume they can't.

Justifications- anytime you open mouth to explain anything... Explaining away the most obvious wrongness... Humans number one fear is to fully confront they were wrong... They will say... "Oh, I didn't know" "or it was an accident, or I didn't mean to.. "  or say... I am wrong... But...." "It only happened because.... Or some other denial or excuse to explain or cover up being wrong.

Excuses- giving "reasons" instead of knowing... People insist on having a reason for something... And it is almost always wrong... If you don't know the exact reason which solves the problem and gives the solution it's a false reason, this an excuse.

Traps- Everytime things happen to you, that you do not realize it is going to happen to you...( Often  manifestations of the above)

Insanities- every time you look for knowingness through looking at the past...( Oh, this will spark something in a lot of people).

Fear is a state of imperception and unwillingness to look, know, confront, perceive, communicate... and yes you have a massive degree of fears, doubts and resistance that you are holding on for dear life....

It's not that no one wants to know truth... They simply have too many things they are unwilling to let go of...

PS - emerald I dont usually bother to comment on posts, as I generally allow others to believe as they choose but I  like and respect you, I hope this isn't too harsh.

And to get back of topic, that's the issue... You can say it's money, women, or your dream car... Those are just "reasons" and if you actually knew the reason you would not have a problem but know the solution instantly...

Truth is an abscence of.... The more your viewpoint has an abscence of unwanted problems and effects, the more truth you will know.

LOVE

From the perspective of those on this forum or people who see seeking enlightenment as the one true path, I'm sure that my decision to surrender to and embrace my human limitations and to live the story will seem resistant and deluded.

But J have been shown that enlightenment isn't the only game that God plays with itself. And I choose to exercise faith in these experiences and their feeling of rightness over what some people in the world of Maya believe about enlightenment and truth. 

What it showed me is that it is just as happy to be a Buddha as it is happy to be a sea urchin. And any incarnation comes with limits and handicaps. And it is through these limits and handicaps that meaning and beauty are possible.

It is only because a story has a beginning and an end that you can have happiness and joy. And it is only in separation that relationship is possible.

And my path is a feminine path of embracing limitation and contraction rather than the masculine path of expansion. Though my experiences of expansion and awakening have served to enrich my Earthly experience, transcendence is not actually what I want. I came here to play the game and live the story.

So, if you lay out the option to be Emerald or to be God, I'm definitely going to pick Emerald every time as it is as clear to me as it is possible for a human to have clarity that this is the function of this lifetime.

To give some context as to why this is integral to my path, I have dealt since I was very small with a God complex that originally stemmed from a lack of trust and feelings of unsafety. And it's come from a traumatized 3 year old aspect of myself. And at that age, it isn't so clear that you aren't the center of the universe. So, I have this part of my that feels it must be perfect and do all the scary things alone.

And it has created this lonely anxious God dynamic that hums underneath all of my experiences. 

And it has given me this life-long burden of feeling like I have to know perfectly but also paired with a genuine curiosity that's pretty insatiable. And it has led me to constant expansion into more and more insights. 

But because I cannot know Truth in the absolute, it has left me ever expanding and expanding and expanding and spreading myself thin trying to know. This is even true, having gone through ego dissolution and many awakenings. You can be it, but you cannot know it.

And in my journeys, I have experienced infinite knowledge twice... and it is completely overwhelming. It showed this to me to help me remember that my path doesn't have to do with expansion of knowledge but rather to do with contraction of knowledge.

And I can tell you, infinite knowing is a real crown of thorns. And I'm not Christian, but God had shared with me that it is only the Christ that had to bear the burdens of the infinite as a finite being and that I don't have to do it because no one has to do that anymore. And that's a good thing too, because it is like hell in ways that I struggle to communicate and understand.

And it has even taught me how to wear the crown and then pass the crown and appreciate other people more, and to disappear into being a side character in the story to diffuse the weight of the crown. And it was such a joy to conceptualize of myself as a background extra in the story of someone else's life.

So, as God it has picked Emerald to incarnate this overwhelmed part of itself into to relieve that part from the burdens of the infinite. But Emerald can't help herself and keeps going back into knowledge expansion mode and sneaking back into the cookie jar of knowledge. So, there is a learning curve to contraction and the letting go of the need to know.

But in my Ayahuasca experiences, God has worked with me to heal my knowledge-seeking obsession and show me the value of embracing ordinariness, limitations, and contraction and to be able to surrender and to exercise faith in lieu of knowledge... which is what my neuroses have disallowed me from. And this constant truth-seeking has put a cap on my ability to show up in life fully as myself as it is like I am always in protection mode.

So, over the past couple of years my path has been about embracing the path of contraction and limitation... and grounding deeply into the human experience and allowing myself to be ordinary and imperfect.

And a huge part of that has been about recognizing and accepting the limits to my ability to know... whilst also exercising faith in my own experiences of God consciousness and exercising faith in my own inner compass of my intuitions and insights.

And a big learning curve is in being able to put trust and faith in my own subjective experiences and perspectives, despite recognizing that they are limited and that I cannot know and do not know the absolute objective truth and never will.

I know that my path doesn't fit your idea of a spiritual path, and you may see it as deluded.

But keep in mind that both truth and illusion are part of the Truth.

And both expansion and contraction are part of Expansion.

And both the finite and the infinite are part of the Infinite.

There is not two... but one. And the contraction path is just the other side of the coin to the expansion path. And it is clear to me that I open up and expand when I allow myself contract... and contract when I try to expand.

[Nemra]

7 hours ago, Davino said:

Then you don't love Truth 

You love the truth that you can bear 

Well, you can't know if you can bear something if you aren't aware of it.

I bet there are many things that you won't be able to bear in real life.

You can't know if you love some truth if you aren't aware of it yet, even if you say you love truth.

[Leo Gura]

@Emerald Much wisdom has grown in You. Like a tree bearing ripe fruit.

Edited September 8 by Leo Gura

[Applegarden8]

Don't judge your situation. Accept where you are in life. There is no standard to compare. Your life is unique, yet you can make yourself more competent. Just do some general spiritual practice daily and go meet some women, if you really want to, just recognize it. You can't prevent suffering from happening in your life, but you still can get better at releasing it and not even accumulating it at times.

I think what makes you thinking of that so persistent is all the guilts of you accumulate of feeling guilty for who you are and you can certainly feel guilty for the rest of your life when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

Let's say you either got in relationship it or didn't get into relationship. You will feel guilty about the opposite you didn't choose at times.

You can have desire for a woman and yet desire for the truth. If you practice some form of meditation or something you are on that path anyway. What is there to feel guilty of? Reflect and see that it's nonsense. Go and enjoy your life. If some shit will happen, just use it as a fuel to transform yourself. Maybe you will have a beautiful family. Who knows.

People are so afraid to take new births and enjoy their unfulfilled desires because we don't know how to live properly.

Edited September 8 by Applegarden8

[Brittany]

11 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

@Brittany Ok, fair enough.

I think I have complete clarity now. I am officially stopping seeking for life. I´ll just stick to 15 minute sadhana in the morning and just live life.

Clearly if while Im alive I can not Realize (Total Enlighment), death will do it for me when time comes.

Your thoughts are often what will manifest.

So if you have thoughts like "I will never become enlightened", that is what you are speaking into existence. And because of these thoughts, you will begin to make choices that reflect "I will never become enlightened". And it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Repeating over and over again "I will never become enlightened in this lifetime" will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

But there is often moments of "grace" and "glimpses" that happen...sometimes where a family member dies, you get an injury, a divorce, lose your job, deal with old age etc. that can produce so much disorientation to the psyche that it will break you open into surrender.

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, but were they married/kids before or after their enlightenments?

I didn't pay enough attention to remember and some I just googled. haha

But I feel like there is no correlation.

Marriage/kids will make enlightenment harder and you will become more distracted. But this is the same with things like being in extreme poverty, having a chronic illness that medication cannot fully numb, PTSD/trauma/mental illness, living in a war zone, being oppressed by authority figures, etc.

I think the "well, I am a parent, so I can't be enlightened" argument is an excuse people use because they don't have a FIRE for truth.

If you have a FIRE for truth, nothing is going to stop you. Nothing can stand in the way of the fire, when it is there.

I just think we need to push back against "Well, I am in a romantic relationship and have kids so I can't become enlightened", because I think it's a cop out and excuse for people who don't care about truth.

And....there are plenty of people who are single and who are very unconscious. So what is their excuse? haha Many people who are single, don't care about the truth either. 

So I think realization is more about the FIRE for truth...than if you are single, married/partnered, have kids/etc.. If you have the FIRE, then your relationship status doesn't really matter.

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Much wisdom has grown in You. Like a tree bearing ripe fruit.

Leo spreading much love around the forum.

Namaste 😊

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, Brittany said:

I think the "well, I am a parent, so I can't be enlightened" argument is an excuse

I have not seen anyone making that claim.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Emerald I've read through and deeply appreciate your answers, they're rare insights on this forum.

Some think we have a "100% self-dissolution solipsist expansion policy" and dismiss all else as delusion.

And any outliers, including puporing, get the backlash's broadside, esp. from those who struggle to transcend.

I'm fairly interested to hear more about the dynamics of the contraction polarity, and how it mixes with expansion. 

[Brittany]

51 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I have not seen anyone making that claim.

I may have oversimplified. haha

I just see a trend of people throwing the towel in because they want to experience a romantic relationship (and the fruits of one). And they don't need to do that.

[Leo Gura]

Most guys here would love to find a girlfriend but struggle to make it happen.

And the journey to develop that skillset is very time-consuming, distracting, and unspiritual. That's what this whole thread is about.

Edited September 8 by Leo Gura

[Davino]

7 hours ago, LambdaDelta said:

Quite well so far. Guess I'm like that monk Leo mentioned 

Surely, I can see how that life could work quite well for me also.

Maybe even better for many things. I just wanna give an honest shot to making a relationship a work. I feel it can be a very meaningful endeavour and way of life.

[Davino]

2 hours ago, Nemra said:

Well, you can't know if you can bear something if you aren't aware of it.

I bet there are many things that you won't be able to bear in real life.

You can't know if you love some truth if you aren't aware of it yet, even if you say you love truth.

I agree 

It takes a quite rare beast to love truth more than sanity, confort or pain. There's some "broken" humans in the good way around here. 

I salute you

[Davino]

@Emerald Thanks for sharing. I've always wondered how highly conscious femenine Spirituality would look like. I recognise deeply the role that my humanity makes in the large scope of my living time, as a matter of fact I know that no transcendence is possible without a holistic embrace of my life as limited form. 

There's a lot to do in the embodied realms of existence, which can be tremendously divine and natural. Although I wound invite you to consider why this is an "or" "or" situation instead of an "and" "and" situation.

I've always had this crazy idea that you can do everything in life. It goes in pendulum and now maybe you are in the phase of profound presence and playing God's Game but that doesn't close the door to Infinite Awakenings, Infinite Truth, Infinite Love, Infinite Consciousness, Infinite Perfection, Infinite Self-Understanding, Infinite God...

So make me understand why it has been the case for you that playing the game has become the new spiritual meaning? And why you've decided to close the trascendental door?

[gettoefl]

@emerald do you have children or a partner might i ask if it's not too intrusive

[Someone here]

@Javfly33 sex is the most overrated thing ever . Like you just cum and experience 9 seconds of a tingly sensation. 

Now what ?!

Nothing.

But maybe you have to  burn through that sexual karma . I know it's difficult to see through sex's trap because the tingles are so good. But you gotta get over it . Like I said either hire some escorts or over-masturbate and see for yourself the futility. 

[Clarence]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

And the journey to develop that skillset is very time-consuming, distracting, and unspiritual.

Not just the journey, but also being in a relationship itself is distracting and time-consuming. It makes me question how worth it it is to have a partner, especially as there are pretty much no chance to meet someone with the same passion for psychedelics and Awakening.

I hope I'm wrong, but so far, I've not even met a single person around me who even knew about Actualized.org or 5-MeO-DMT. So I have very little hope to meet such a person some day. They would, on top of that, need to be a good match on a relationship level to be relevant.

If you can't share your deepest trips with your partner, and feel understood, and also listen to their own Awakenings… what's the point of the relationship. There is so much disappontment for me not to be able to connect on this level with a partner. That is what I desire most out of a relationship.

Everything else to me seems irrelevant, but at the same time, I'd crave to share those things with someone.

Am I wrong to be so defeatist… I don't know, but I don't think so. Even on the forum, it is so rare to read members who are positive on psychedelics, God-Realization and Alien Consciousness. How impossible it would be to meet such a person in my country to build a relationship with.

@Leo Gura I hope you could tell me to stay positive and have hope that such a person exists. It's hard to do the search if you don't believe it will ever be possible to find what you desire.

I really don't know what else I could want out of a relationship. Nothing else really matters if my partner can't understand the depth of who I am and of who they are.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Davino Transcend and include, it's both expansion, omnidirectional, the path for you to decide 😁

[Brittany]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Most guys here would love to find a girlfriend but struggle to make it happen.

And the journey to develop that skillset is very time-consuming, distracting, and unspiritual. That's what this whole thread is about.

I understand.

A man who is peaceful, blissful, is full inside, loves himself, feels one with everything around him, sees the divinity in everyone, etc. that is pursuing a girlfriend:

His journey won't feel like he is "gaining" something. He already feels complete, so there is nothing to gain.  It will just be another part of God to experience. He is dancing with divinity. She cannot make him "more" of anything. He identifies as nothing and isn't adding anything to his identity or self concept.

But a man who is neurotic, feels empty inside, doesn't like himself, is filled with judgements and comparisons, sees only separation, doesn't see the divinity in everyone, etc. that is pursuing a girlfriend:

His journey will feel like he is "gaining" or adding something to himself, increasing in some way, finally feeling complete. It won't be a dance of consciousness. But of gaining something to fill a hole. Becoming something. Something that is being added to his identity or self concept.

This forum is filled with men in the latter category. And that journey doesn't feel as good, and so dating is a terrible experience for them.

Edited September 8 by Brittany