I have a ton of insecurities and I don't know how to get rid of them

[Buck Edwards]

I feel insecure about how the other person perceives me. I care too much if I feel I might be offending someone especially a loved one. I feel insecure presenting myself to people in a crowd. I feel people will mock me in some way or mock my intelligence. 

Deep buried insecurities but I don't know what to do about them. 

[Yimpa]

This thread could be of service to you. 

Enjoy!

[Princess Arabia]

You don't have any insecurities. What is actually happening is you have identified with the thoughts that are arising. You believed them to be true and now they are having a party in your mind. The first one you attended to, then the second, then the third and so on and they invited their friends and now they won't leave because they are being fed. You have given them power. Thoughts have no power over you unless you have given them an emotional response.

Notice how you feel insecure because of a particular thought that arose within your awareness. I mean literally notice it next time. Notice it's just a thought that you believe to be true, You have the power to affect people's behavior towards you by how you see those people and the thoughts you have about them. You are creating this dynamic with the mind and you can undo this using the mind; but you have to step outside and start to observe yourself and see yourself reacting the way you react and notice how you're just reacting to a thought. The first thought you don't have control over but you do have control over how you react to the second one in that train and the ones that come right after. After a while, when you stop reacting in ways unfavorable to the outcome you desire, they will lose momentum and you'll start to notice they don't have control over your state of being anymore or at best will lessen and not have the traction to cause a stir within you as much.

Edited September 5 by Princess Arabia

[shree]

My approach would be to identify exactly where those insecurities come from.

Often, people with insecurities didn’t grow up in a truly healthy household, even if, on the surface, their family seemed fine to an outside observer.

Is it possible that your needs weren’t fully met as a child or that you didn’t receive enough affirmation? If you had, you’d naturally have an internal sense of self-worth.

I was very insecure for most of my life and had to learn the hard way. Once I identified my specific issues, I educated myself on each of them, reading books and researching. I also did every single practice the books recommended. Today, I barely recognize the person I was a few years ago, and certainly not from 10 years ago.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW8yzTUFcts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbqI50bJqwk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_WRSAxrTSg

[Judy2]

the "good news" is that everybody feels that way, to some extent.

[Hojo]

Im pretty sure the answer is to do things that get you embarrassed and hot but keep your head empty. stop apologize for saying something if you are. Let what you say hang if there is a reaction you dont like or no reaction at all.

Edited September 7 by Hojo

[Keryo Koffa]

It's calcified faulty beliefs collected over your life when you felt shame.

The importance you assign is disproportional and doesn't serve you.

But overcoming it takes some integration, faith, and awareness work.

[Joshe]

You have worth just because.

These questions might be useful for identifying what the issue is:

• Do you wish you were different than what you are?
• Are you holding yourself to unreasonable standards?
• Do you have values that you know you could live up to but aren't? 
• Do you want something impossible from reality? 

I noticed on the IQ thread you said you had the lowest IQ of everyone and I wondered if that bothered you. 

In my teenage years, I had a friend who was a solid 9 out of 10 in looks, and I'd rate myself a 6-7. Whenever we'd go looking for girls, they'd flock to him, ignoring me completely. If he chose their prettier friends, the remaining girls were visibly disappointed to be stuck with me as the only other option. I did okay on my own, but if he were there, no chance. I remember being horny as hell and listening to my friend bang a hottie in the next room while her disappointed friend refused to even make eye contact with me on the couch.😂 This did not feel good... at all, and it was common. 

To be honest, I never overcame this painful feeling, and if it happened today, I'd probably still feel a sting. lol, so I'm not sure how to get over it, but I guess we just have to have compassion for ourselves.

This is a good reminder/reason that whatever gifts we do have, we should not flaunt them. Humility has utility. 

This video might not be perfectly relevant to you but I like his thought process on why all humans have inherent worth. 
 

 

[Lyubov]

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[ted73104]

One way to resolve this would be to get into a crowd, try to behave naturally, and see if someone mocks you. If someone mocks you or looks at you with a weird expression, consciously feel into that pain. As you accept your current condition more, you'll be able to direct your energy more into how to change.

I know this is a painful method, but this is how I solved this problem for myself.

[Atb210201]

On 05/09/2024 at 2:57 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I feel insecure about how the other person perceives me. I care too much if I feel I might be offending someone especially a loved one. I feel insecure presenting myself to people in a crowd. I feel people will mock me in some way or mock my intelligence. 

Deep buried insecurities but I don't know what to do about them. 

If you want to get rid of what you think is your insecurities just don't want to get rid of them and let them be there so what?

[Brandon Nankivell]

Suggestion: Write a pros and cons list of what your insecurities do for you, then decide whether you want to keep them or let them go (there's no right or wrong). Sincerity when doing this task is essential for a meaningful outcome.

[Buck Edwards]

Thank you guys so far. 

[Chadders]

@Buck Edwards We’re all inadequate at something. We all have insecurities. It’s what makes you human

How you deal with it is by allowing yourself to feel however you feel in any given moment giving the emotion space to emerge. We suppress emotions that we see as a threat so letting them out tells the body and mind there’s nothing to be afraid of

An insight I had on mushrooms was that you’re never afraid of a situation you’re only afraid of a feeling so just feel as deeply as you can. Get better at opening up in those tough situations. Get better at feeling into your body

You'll get there 

[Basman]

The natural state of a child is complete confidence, therefor we can assume that insecurity is the result of certain experiences with the world. In my personal experience, insecurity tends to lead to one shutting of from for example socializing, limiting your exposure (and maintaining your insecurity).

Therefor we need more experience with our problem area to overcome our insecurities. People who are highly experienced in something tend to be confident, therefor we can assume that experience is key to solving insecurity.

The general strategy that works for me:

• Learn to understand your insecurities. Why are you insecure? What are you afraid of exactly? etc. Journaling, therapy and reading up on your kind of neurosis are all good methods for doing this kind of personal archeology.
• Learn the principles that equip you to better handle your problem area. Read self-help, watch videos on the topic, etc. When you have an understanding of how for example socialization works theoretically then you will feel more at peace and less to the devices of your inexperienced mind when you are out there.
• Expose yourself to more experience. This is the most important step and the most emotionally taxing. Go out, socialize, volunteer, whatever excites you. There will be a pain period in the start where it is really challenging and you will feel really bad but you just need to continue exposing yourself. You'll be surprised how fast you'll get over your insecurities. You'll reach a point where the excitement of progress overrules any fear.

Its worth pushing through the pain period because progress will make you happy and fulfilled, unlike how comfort can. It will give a zest for life, like you can do anything.

[Salvijus]

 

[Buck Edwards]

6 hours ago, Basman said:

The natural state of a child is complete confidence, therefor we can assume that insecurity is the result of certain experiences with the world. In my personal experience, insecurity tends to lead to one shutting of from for example socializing, limiting your exposure (and maintaining your insecurity).

Therefor we need more experience with our problem area to overcome our insecurities. People who are highly experienced in something tend to be confident, therefor we can assume that experience is key to solving insecurity.

The general strategy that works for me:

• Learn to understand your insecurities. Why are you insecure? What are you afraid of exactly? etc. Journaling, therapy and reading up on your kind of neurosis are all good methods for doing this kind of personal archeology.
• Learn the principles that equip you to better handle your problem area. Read self-help, watch videos on the topic, etc. When you have an understanding of how for example socialization works theoretically then you will feel more at peace and less to the devices of your inexperienced mind when you are out there.
• Expose yourself to more experience. This is the most important step and the most emotionally taxing. Go out, socialize, volunteer, whatever excites you. There will be a pain period in the start where it is really challenging and you will feel really bad but you just need to continue exposing yourself. You'll be surprised how fast you'll get over your insecurities. You'll reach a point where the excitement of progress overrules any fear.

Its worth pushing through the pain period because progress will make you happy and fulfilled, unlike how comfort can. It will give a zest for life, like you can do anything.

Yes you're right. A lot of my insecurities revolve around people and Socializing. Even being on this forum makes me regularly insecure.