If one has to feel 'enough' within in order to have a relationship what is the point?

[QVx]

@Javfly33 I think what most people are pointing to is that you need to be less selfish in a relationship.

That require you to have more of your needs met independently from the relationship.

Anything that remains can then be enjoyed for what it is without needing it to be something more than that.

 

‘Real Love Is Capable of Being Alone’

"One can be in deep love and yet be alone. In fact, one can be alone only when one is in deep love. The depth of love creates an ocean around you, a deep ocean, and you become an island, utterly alone. Yes, the ocean goes on throwing its waves on your shore, but the more the ocean crashes with its waves on your shore, the more integrated you are, the more rooted, the more centered you are. Love has value only because it gives you aloneness. It gives you space enough to be on your own. 

"But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face.

"Hence, it looks very contradictory, paradoxical, when stated in such a way: ‘Love brings aloneness.’ You were thinking all along that love brings togetherness. I am not saying that it does not bring togetherness, but unless you are alone you cannot be together. Who is going to be together? Two persons are needed to be together, two independent persons are needed to be together. A togetherness will be rich, infinitely rich, if both the persons are utterly independent. If they are dependent on each other, it is not a togetherness – it is a slavery, it is a bondage.

"If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don't allow each other to be alone, if they don't allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness."

Osho,  The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol. 2, Talk #4

Edited September 4 by QVx

[Javfly33]

5 hours ago, QVx said:

@Javfly33 I think what most people are pointing to is that you need to be less selfish in a relationship.

That require you to have more of your needs met independently from the relationship.

Anything that remains can then be enjoyed for what it is without needing it to be something more than that.

 

‘Real Love Is Capable of Being Alone’

"One can be in deep love and yet be alone. In fact, one can be alone only when one is in deep love. The depth of love creates an ocean around you, a deep ocean, and you become an island, utterly alone. Yes, the ocean goes on throwing its waves on your shore, but the more the ocean crashes with its waves on your shore, the more integrated you are, the more rooted, the more centered you are. Love has value only because it gives you aloneness. It gives you space enough to be on your own. 

"But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face.

"Hence, it looks very contradictory, paradoxical, when stated in such a way: ‘Love brings aloneness.’ You were thinking all along that love brings togetherness. I am not saying that it does not bring togetherness, but unless you are alone you cannot be together. Who is going to be together? Two persons are needed to be together, two independent persons are needed to be together. A togetherness will be rich, infinitely rich, if both the persons are utterly independent. If they are dependent on each other, it is not a togetherness – it is a slavery, it is a bondage.

"If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don't allow each other to be alone, if they don't allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness."

Osho,  The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol. 2, Talk #4

@QVx I think you are totally right. I am aiming towards that but damn it feels weird and strange to aim towards that level of independence and love.

But I guess is the only way, the other needy way seems to never bring more than misery and disappointment. 

[Javfly33]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

They can become a different person just because they are in a different mood. It's not even about you.

Yeap, I guess you right, last time I argued with her she was on her period, what a difference of mood that was that day

Quote

Although if you put her in a bad mood, God help you.

😂

[Schizophonia]

16 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

 

Mental conditioning, so you are saying my 'feminine approach' to interacting with women is because of mental conditioning or because I haven´t fought the 'castration' anxiety? @Schizophonia

 

I will explain that.

[Atb210201]

If God is complete and whole and not needy then what is the point of creation?

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Atb210201 said:

If God is complete and whole and not needy then what is the point of creation?

God can also be incomplete and divided and needy, no problemo.

[Atb210201]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

God can also be incomplete and divided and needy, no problemo.

And that's why He's complete and unified and not needy lmao

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, Atb210201 said:

If God is complete and whole and not needy then what is the point of creation?

Creation was a mistake.

Shiva was peacefully being nothing and then shakti danced in front of him, Shiva roared because being disturbed. 

From that Roar creation happened.

So...it was a woman 😂

And isn´t a coincidence, that my only distraction and detour from my Liberation is literally women...

 

On 04/09/2024 at 4:00 PM, Schizophonia said:

I will explain that.

looking forward to it bro @Schizophonia

[Chadders]

Honestly as hard as it is sometimes you can only be yourself and be authentic with how you feel. Of course a woman will want you to be a man. To take the lead and excite her but you will not be able to do that effectively if you are fighting your own feelings. I’ve learnt that the hard way

You’re a man but it doesn’t mean you’re not also a bag of feelings. We all are. There’s a deep truth and connection in that so don’t hide that from her

[Atb210201]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

Creation was a mistake.

Shiva was peacefully being nothing and then shakti danced in front of him, Shiva roared because being disturbed. 

From that Roar creation happened.

So...it was a woman 😂

And isn´t a coincidence, that my only distraction and detour from my Liberation is literally women...

Do you really think that God is stupid and makes mistakes?

Creation wasn't a mistake it had to happen

Don't think less than infinite intelligence about God

My point was it's all love

Wanting to include another as yourself

Not out of need but out of Love for them

This is the reason behind relationships

And also the reason behind creation

If you know that your only distraction from Liberation is women then just cut them off

But if you can't as much as you try to then maybe you just shouldn't and maybe your path must involve women in it also

Edited September 5 by Atb210201

[Yimpa]

12 minutes ago, Atb210201 said:

Do you really think that God is stupid and makes mistakes?

Si. 

[Javfly33]

19 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Si. 

🤣🤣

[Schizophonia]

On 05/09/2024 at 10:05 PM, Javfly33 said:

Creation was a mistake.

Shiva was peacefully being nothing and then shakti danced in front of him, Shiva roared because being disturbed. 

From that Roar creation happened.

So...it was a woman 😂

And isn´t a coincidence, that my only distraction and detour from my Liberation is literally women...

 

looking forward to it bro @Schizophonia

I am currently travelling so it will be for Tuesday or Wednesday.

A true tutorial on what is and how to be masculine 😉

Edited September 8 by Schizophonia

[Javfly33]

On 08/09/2024 at 2:56 PM, Schizophonia said:

I am currently travelling so it will be for Tuesday or Wednesday.

A true tutorial on what is and how to be masculine 😉

lets go bro!! i wanna fuck . Get that tutorial out

[Schizophonia]

9 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

lets go bro!! i wanna fuck . Get that tutorial out

As usual I'm late lol, but I want to do something good.
Succeeding in having sex is not directly related to that though.