If one has to feel 'enough' within in order to have a relationship what is the point?

[Javfly33]

If one has to 'love oneself' or 'be the source' or 'feel grounded in your own love' to have a romantic relationship with a woman...then what is the point of having it in the first place?

I ask this because, in my view, the whole point of why I seek a relationship with a woman is precisely because I start to feel love and joy when receiving his attention and 'validation', is precisely because just looking at the wall by myself I don´t feel love or joy or connection, the reason I seek relationship with women.

But dating culture says I should feel within already 'complete', In order to have a healthy long lasting relationship.

But the thing is, if within I already have 'that', then I don´t see any point in having a relationship with a woman at all. It just becomes another person like a friend, your mom or even your dog. What is the point? No point at all of course. 

I guess still can be an interesting thing to have, like yeah, you can have experiences like going out dinner, travelling, etc... but if she is not going to provide me those sweet loving feelings (because lets remember, in order to have a relationship with her, I already have to have those 'feelings' within, if not I will be needy), then what is the point? 

 

@NoSelfSelf would like your thoughts on this!

Edited September 3, 2024 by Javfly33

[mr_engineer]

 

[aurum]

Self-Love is a meta perspective.

People who love themselves would generally honor their romantic needs in relationships. 

[Salvijus]

Love is stronger when you share it with someone. 

But you can't love if you're needy. 

 

[Yimpa]

Welcome back!

[NoSelfSelf]

First mistake i see is that you are asking the queastion outside "the source" asking about it,so everything you do from outside its just being in the weaker position of not loving yourself, so you will for example value the time with her so much,you will value her pussy over your dick,you will offer your attention withouth her not doing anything for it giving it all for free,loving her in a way where her needs and wants come first,no boundaries of saying no etc.

So if you not loving yourself you will fail(by giving in all her demands)and be in the weak position in dating.So when you hear i want a guy to take me on 5 dates,buy me gifts etc. You think you must do it to earn her attention,time...

If you become "the source" then things are on your terms basically and at that point you are in relationship with yourself so she is basically acompany you through how you live your life and how you organize things within yourself. 

Yeah at that point you dont care about them so they start to care about you,you dont need them they need you, but there will always be that unique person you enjoy spenting time and have experiences with but the minute it stops you are not devestated.. 

So i cant explain you its like you dont need them ,you dont even want them but its like you see that women you curious about her and you make it happen (desiring without desire its hard to explain if you not in "the source") where now you in a position where you not throwing your dick at her like every guy wanting to fuck but her recognizing you have game(the source) and wants to fuck you which is very different situation.

This is not easy to comprehend when you emotional/feminine.

[Schizophonia]

@Javfly33

I will write a very serious topic on this, probably at the end of the week.

Think of it this way:

Your nervous system is deeply adaptive and organized on the principle of "games", that is to say the compulsive confrontation with a problem (life drive) and his resolution (death drive).

https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095829728

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beyond_the_Pleasure_Principle

The idea is that women are too afraid of anything that symbolically represents death (being literally killed, being amputated, being humiliated etc, in other words losing the game), what we will call in Freudo-Lacanian psychoanalysis "castration anxiety", so women will remain in loops of stress, adaptability and eventually access the death drive (win the game) by using as a proxy a man who will dominate them.

Normally, unless there is trauma or something like that, men, because of the structure of their nervous system, choose to overcome castration anxiety.
That is to say, you do not rely on someone else's power, but on your ability to twist the world so that it sends you a low-stress signal.
You no longer rely on being directed, but you will take this wallet and go to a massage parlor (even if you risk being scammed or laughed at because of your ugly face), you will dance (even if you risk being humiliated because you can't dance), you will flirt (even if you risk being taken for an idiot) etcetc...

Exceeding neediness is the denial of the need to seduce to overcome castration anxiety; Hanging around a girl while appearing nice is a feminine strategy.
Girls expect you to be attached to her, but in a dominant way, like they are an object. You want to use her to fuck her, make jokes, cook, show her stuff etc etc, in other words use her as a mirror of your reality control (the death drive).

Women, children -> loves someone as a protector, authority figure.

Mature man -> Naturally tends towards a low stress state (death drive) the world naturally becomes an enemy that must be conquered/arranged/maintained to return to comfort.
Loves someone for their ability to be respectful, even submissive.
So you're not going to interact with a girl as a submissive, because your goal is the opposite, both for you and the woman.

[NoSelfSelf]

3 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@Javfly33

I will write a very serious topic on this, probably at the end of the week.

Think of it this way:

Your nervous system is deeply adaptive and organized on the principle of "games", that is to say the compulsive confrontation with a problem (life drive) and his resolution (death drive).

https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095829728

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beyond_the_Pleasure_Principle

The idea is that women are too afraid of anything that symbolically represents death (being literally killed, being amputated, being humiliated etc, in other words losing the game), what we will call in Freudo-Lacanian psychoanalysis "castration anxiety", so women will remain in loops of stress, adaptability and eventually access the death drive (win the game) by using as a proxy a man who will dominate them.

Normally, unless there is trauma or something like that, men, because of the structure of their nervous system, choose to overcome castration anxiety.
That is to say, you do not rely on someone else's power, but on your ability to twist the world so that it sends you a low-stress signal.
You no longer rely on being directed, but you will take this wallet and go to a massage parlor (even if you risk being scammed or laughed at because of your ugly face), you will dance (even if you risk being humiliated because you can't dance), you will flirt (even if you risk being taken for an idiot) etcetc...

Exceeding neediness is the denial of the need to seduce to overcome castration anxiety; Hanging around a girl while appearing nice is a feminine strategy.
Girls expect you to be attached to her, but in a dominant way, like they are an object. You want to use her to fuck her, make jokes, cook, show her stuff etc etc, in other words use her as a mirror of your reality control (the death drive).

Women, children -> loves someone as a protector, authority figure.

Mature man -> Naturally tends towards a low stress state (death drive) the world naturally becomes an enemy that must be conquered/arranged/maintained to return to comfort.
Loves someone for their ability to be respectful, even submissive.
So you're not going to interact with a girl as a submissive, because your goal is the opposite, both for you and the woman.

I would be shocked if anyone comprehands this, its probably as alien when i explain my stuff 🧠

[Schizophonia]

18 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Yeah at that point you dont care about them so they start to care about you,you dont need them they need you, but there will always be that unique person you enjoy spenting time and have experiences with but the minute it stops you are not devestated.. 

 

You need to play this when you have an oedipal failure, because getting attached would betray your feminine or even homosexual tendencies.

 

[mr_engineer]

@Javfly33 Ignore all of the power-talk. It's coming from jaded individuals who have not met loving feminine women. 

This whole issue of 'having needs is a problem' is pure nonsense. It's another ideological trap that dating-coaches came up with, bringing in a 'spiritual' angle to it, so that they would have more courses to sell on 'how to not be needy' and 'how to overcome your attachment using the power of meditation' or other crap like that. 

Bottom-line, there are loving individuals in this world. Pure souls. And, there are individuals who are unaware of these pure souls, because of which they only understand the transactional style of relationship. Associate with the pure souls, cut out the other people. 

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I would be shocked if anyone comprehands this, its probably as alien when i explain my stuff 🧠

I wrote it quickly and it's confusing, that's why i want to do a very clear topic 

I'm both lazy and perfectionist so It will take several days.

[NoSelfSelf]

5 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You need to play this when you have an oedipal failure, because getting attached would betray your feminine or even homosexual tendencies.

 

You need to write a book and explain those terms.

[Sugarcoat]

@Schizophonia do you really understand yourself what you write? 

[NoSelfSelf]

5 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

@Javfly33 Ignore all of the power-talk. It's coming from jaded individuals who have not met loving feminine women. 

This whole issue of 'having needs is a problem' is pure nonsense. It's another ideological trap that dating-coaches came up with, bringing in a 'spiritual' angle to it, so that they would have more courses to sell on 'how to not be needy' and 'how to overcome your attachment using the power of meditation' or other crap like that. 

Bottom-line, there are loving individuals in this world. Pure souls. And, there are individuals who are unaware of these pure souls, because of which they only understand the transactional style of relationship. Associate with the pure souls, cut out the other people. 

You pray on those pure souls because you have zero game simple as that.

[mr_engineer]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You pray on those pure souls because you have zero game simple as that.

Blah blah blah personal attacks

[NoSelfSelf]

1 minute ago, mr_engineer said:

Blah blah blah personal attacks

I dont care about you personally you making it, im saying to avoid working on yourself and being a man just go for a loving one,travel the planet for submissive one that will accept you as you are... a weak individual.

[Schizophonia]

12 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

@Schizophonia do you really understand yourself what you write? 

Not at all, i'm doing all this just to bewitch this big Swedish rabbit, to convince her to let me one day put my head in her chest and breath "BRRRROOOOUUUuuuuuuuu " 

 

Jokes asides, i just drop some Freud and Jung here and there, especially Freud here.

Edited September 3, 2024 by Schizophonia

[mr_engineer]

4 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I dont care about you personally you making it, im saying to avoid working on yourself and being a man just go for a loving one,travel the planet for submissive one that will accept you as you are... a weak individual.

So, this whole scheme to criminalize 'needy behavior' really is bullshit. Because what you're saying, to justify this narrative, is that going for a loving individual is a coping-mechanism for internal issues. I mean, come on. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

Not at all, i'm doing all this just to bewitch this big Swedish rabbit, to convince her to let me one day put my head in her chest and breath "BRRRROOOOUUUuuuuuuuu " put away his pendulum*

 

 

Jokes asides, i just drop some Freud and Jung here and there, especially Freud here.

The fact I had to google terms to understand this even lol I give up 

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

The fact I had to google terms to understand this even lol I give up 

Ahah

It doesn't matter