when does approaching a woman for casual sex make her feel objectified?

[Hardkill]

I know there's nothing wrong with wanting casual sex with a woman, but when does trying to get just casual sex with her make her feel objectified?

[aurum]

Usually when it's devoid of making a deeper connection beyond just sex.

Casual sex is inherently somewhat objectifying. You're not really connecting with the person, that's why it's called 'casual'. 

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Usually when it's devoid of making a deeper connection beyond just sex.

Casual sex is inherently somewhat objectifying. You're not really connecting with the person, that's why it's called 'casual'. 

Then, why are some women okay with being seduced into just having casual sex?

[aurum]

37 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Then, why are some women okay with being seduced into just having casual sex?

Depends.

Could be that she’s just in the mood and not looking for something serious. Could be that even though it’s casual, you built enough of a connection that she at least doesn’t feel like she’s just being used. Could also be that she is hoping it will turn into something more serious in the future.

[Buck Edwards]

Because we want to be honored for more than just sex. It's how you view us. If you want us just for sex, it can signify in our minds that we are mere sex objects to you. To be used and replaced by another girl. How would you like it if I said I like your money not you exactly? Wouldn't you feel like a money bag? It's the same way. We don't want to feel that we're needed or valued or wanted only for sex. We want to be valued for much more like beauty, intellect, sensibility, emotional, vulnerability, etc etc etc. 

[Hardkill]

1 minute ago, aurum said:

Depends.

Could be that she’s just in the mood and not looking for something serious. Could be that even though it’s casual, you built enough of a connection that she at least doesn’t feel like she’s just being used. Could also be that she is hoping it will turn into something more serious in the future.

So, even when it comes to casual sex I have to build enough of an emotional connection with her to not make feel her like I just wanted to use her body as an object for sex.

[Hardkill]

2 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Because we want to be honored for more than just sex. It's how you view us. If you want us just for sex, it can signify in our minds that we are mere sex objects to you. To be used and replaced by another girl. How would you like it if I said I like your money not you exactly? Wouldn't you feel like a money bag? It's the same way. We don't want to feel that we're needed or valued or wanted only for sex. We want to be valued for much more like beauty, intellect, sensibility, emotional, vulnerability, etc etc etc. 

Yeah, but then why you feel like certain women sometimes enjoy having a one night stand or having a fuck buddy without feeling objectified?

[Buck Edwards]

5 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Yeah, but then why you feel like certain women sometimes enjoy having a one night stand or having a fuck buddy without feeling objectified?

Not all women feel that way. But in my experience with my friends, most women feel objectified. It's how our brains are wired. There will obviously be exceptions. 

[Lyubov]

Probably if they aren’t into you. What I noticed with women is you get away with everything and it’s laid out pretty clear on a silver platter if they want casual sex from you, and if they don’t they will make rules about how you can’t objectify them. I would just focus on building yourself up and not worry about the minutia like this unless you’re autistic or really poorly socialized and are constantly offended people with out of pocket comments. 

[Buck Edwards]

12 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Yeah, but then why you feel like certain women sometimes enjoy having a one night stand or having a fuck buddy without feeling objectified?

You also have to consider that enjoying one night stands is not yet easy for us. We get slut shamed for that and a lot of women fear being labeled that. 

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

So, even when it comes to casual sex I have to build enough of an emotional connection with her to not make feel her like I just wanted to use her body as an object for sex.

That’s usually helpful, yes. 

But then of course she’ll probably also have higher expectations for that relationship if you do that. 

I had a ONS once where the woman deliberately stopped me from getting to know her more. She knew there was no hope of something in the future between us and didn’t want to get attached.

[Hardkill]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

That’s usually helpful, yes. 

But then of course she’ll probably also have higher expectations for that relationship if you do that. 

I had a ONS once where the woman deliberately stopped me from getting to know her more. She knew there was no hope of something in the future between us and didn’t want to get attached.

So, how did you make her feel less objectified or how did she make herself feel like her body wasn't just used as sex object?

[aurum]

13 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

So, how did you make her feel less objectified or how did she make herself feel like her body wasn't just used as sex object?

Well, she probably did feel that way to some degree. It wasn’t like we formed a deep emotional bond.

But also, the incident I mentioned was already about 15-30mins after I first approached her. We had spent some time chatting where I wasn’t being too pushy or aggressive. I think she saw that I was at least willing to get to know her. 

[DianaFr]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I know there's nothing wrong with wanting casual sex with a woman, but when does trying to get just casual sex with her make her feel objectified?

I think it comes down to clear communication. There are women who agree to casual sex even though they want something more - they will feel objectified and hurt no matter what you do because you don't have what they want but they hope you do (or feel offended you dared to offer them something other than their desire). Clarity is important here. Other than that care is always a great thing to let a woman feel good. And humor. I once had a phase in my life after a break up when I was into casual dating just to have fun and experiment. I met men who were not looking for a long term partner either. I never felt objectified because, first, we were laughing a lot, and, second, they made sure I felt comfortable and was safe. Even if it's 'just sex', it's never just that. It's still an interaction that involves conversations, making plans, going to places, maybe inviting somebody into your home, then making sure they get back safely etc. 

[Beans]

Yes.

[Salvijus]

Technically, the moment you're lustful, you've objectified. 

But the thing is people objectify themselves all the time. And will even feel complimented by it sometimes. 

A person will not like being lusted upon(objectified) if they are not attracted to you. 

[Lila9]

Imagine how bad it feels to be viewed by women as a ATM. You might be intelligent, interesting person, someone very deep and worthy of love but all the woman in front of you is able to see is a money machine.

If you complain, she says: ”you should be flattered, you are rich, look how many women would want to be around you!”

But inside, you are emotionally starving and feel empty and used. 

 

 

[aurum]

2 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

Imagine how bad it feels to be viewed by women as a ATM. You might be intelligent, interesting person, someone very deep and worthy of love but all the woman in front of you is able to see is a money machine.

If you complain, she says: ”you should be flattered, you are rich, look how many women would want to be around you!”

But inside, you are emotionally starving and feel empty and used. 

 

 

That’s a good analogy.

[Salvijus]

Unless you see in someone the perfect glory of God unconditionally, you have objectified them. You have based their value on their body, status or whatever else rather than the truth. When you look at it like that, you realize we all guilty of doing it constantly to one another. 

[aurum]

11 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Unless you see in someone the perfect glory of God unconditionally, you have objectified them. You have based their value on their body, status or whatever else rather than the truth. When you look at it like that, you realize we all guilty of doing it constantly to one another. 

Sure, but that's not really the issue though.

People are not asking to be seen as the perfect glory of God. They just don't want to be taken advantage of.